What happened?
“That man who came for me killed me; that’s what happened.” Dana held up her ruined arm. “I’m dead, and he wants me to go to the house where you came from and steal something or con the owner into letting me in.”
Several seconds passed, and the typewriter started moving again.
You should go there. You can get help.
“Oh really? Who’s gonna help me? You? The guy who lives there?”
Someone will help, it told her. This man will not help you.
“What do you know? You’re just a magic clock. Speaking of which, what are you exactly? Why did you come here?”
I needed fixing, the clock told her.
“Why did I have to fix you?” Dana stood and walked over to her dresser. She opened up her drawers and began pulling out clothes. “I bet Mike could have hired someone. Dude seems like he has plenty of money.”
It had to be you. The typewriter paused for several seconds, then spooled the paper up to make room for more text, dinging as it reset itself. You had the spark.
“I had the spark?”
You are dead now. I’m sorry.
“You’re gonna be sorry when I toss you out that window.” Dana spread out her clothes, then picked a pair of low-cut jeans and a tank top. “And why did I have to fix you? What are you exactly?”
I am a mimic, the typewriter answered. My heart was broken. I could no longer transform.
“I didn’t see a heart when I was in there. You were all busted gears. And what the fuck is a mimic?”
My heart changes to match my appearance. And mimics are creatures that mimic things.
“Gee, that explains everything.” Dana picked out a jacket to go over her tank top. “I don’t suppose you know what Daryl wants from the house?”
I don’t. And you should not help him. Help Mike.
“I’ve got my own problems.”
I will help you.
“Help me how? You’re a fucking typewriter.”
I am whatever I need to be. I can change shape when nobody’s looking.
“What about when I was inside you? I could still see you, and you grew legs or something.”
That was different, the typewriter wrote. Watch.
Dana jumped when the typewriter grew a pair of long, metallic arms with razor blades at the end. It whipped them back and forth for emphasis, then retracted them. Dana squinted but couldn’t see the seam where they had disappeared.
“How is that not transforming?” Dana asked.
Not transforming. Part of the form. Hidden when I change. The typewriter stood on a pair of metal legs. Legs were already here.
“No deal. I refuse.” Dana looked back out the window. It looked like the driver was staring into the sun. “I’m just going to do what he asks. No offense, but I want to see Alex again.”
I understand. The typewriter sat quietly for several moments, then started typing again. Take me to Mike. Use me to get in the house.
“That…would work, actually.” Dana frowned. “You would do that for me?”
I owe you. Turn around. The typewriter spat out the paper with a final ding. Dana picked it up and closed her eyes instead. She could hear the strange shifting of wood on metal and opened her eyes to see that the typewriter was now an ornate desk clock. Picking it up, she inspected the surface, looking for hidden limbs.
“Are you really in there?” Dana asked. In response, an unseen flap opened, and a cuckoo jumped out at her, announcing the top of the hour. “Okay. Well, I guess we are just waiting for Sleeping Beauty to wake up.”
The clock chimed again.
Mike watched the cyclops swing to and fro. He wasn’t entirely certain whether to laugh, but two things had occurred to him while watching her.
The first thing that he realized was that the vines had restrained Sofia in such a way that her arms had been pulled up behind her. Her breasts had pushed hard against the fabric of her blouse and, in conjunction with the tightness of the vines, had caused the fabric to split, revealing an enormous amount of cleavage.
The second was that this woman was the reason everyone was now in danger. She had lied to him, treated him like garbage, and was currently glaring at him as if this was somehow all his fault. His hands were now clenched into tight fists, and it took a couple of deep breaths before he could relax them.
“Are you going to keep staring at me or what?” Sofia asked.
“I haven’t decided yet,” he told her. “You lied to me.”
Sofia rolled her eye. “Of course I lied to you. You were only going to get in the way if you came with us.”
“And yet here you are. I don’t know if Abella or Tink are even alive, and I believe the blame lies solely on your shoulders.” Mike walked closer to her, contemplating the thick foliage that had pinned her in place. “As for getting in the way, it looks like I made it this far without your help. I’m busy trying to save your ass so that we can get out of here and stop a coven of assholes from breaking through the geas.”
“The house is under attack?” Sofia asked.
“Yes. Yes, it is. I left the others up there to deal with it so that I could come down here and find Tink so that she can show me how to turn on the house’s defenses.”
“Which is something she needs her goggles to do. Or rather, you will need her goggles.” Sofia frowned. “Years ago, Emily tried to make amends with Tink by giving her those goggles. It was after an incident involving some guy who broke in. I don’t know the full details. When the Caretaker uses them, they allow the home’s defense system to be properly activated. I thought it was a terrible idea at the time, and the fact that Tink didn’t teach you how to do that right away only proves that I was right. However, Emily and I weren’t exactly on speaking terms when this happened, so it wasn’t like she was going to listen to me anyway.”
“I’m hardly on speaking terms with you right now.” Mike was near enough that he could see she wasn’t so much tied but completely wrapped up. So many vines currently held her in place that he wasn’t sure which one to cut first. He didn’t need her face-planting on the stone beneath. “It occurred to me, on my very long walk into the forest and back, that you have been particularly nasty to me.” He chose a vine and grabbed it only to jump when it tried to curl around him. He drew his dagger and sliced through it. “Shit, that startled me!”
“Now you know why I’m stuck.” Sofia cast her gaze toward the floor.
Mike saw the hilt of her collapsible sword.
“I tried to cut myself free, but there were too many of them. My sword is sharp, but I wasn’t quick enough. The few that grabbed me lifted me up into a whole tangle of these things.”
“Right.” Mike contemplated the structure of the vines again. If he wasn’t careful, he could end up getting grabbed. He would have to cut selectively.
“I wish our positions were switched,” Sofia grumbled.
“Oh. I’m sorry. Would you like someone smarter to come along? Seriously, what’s your problem with me?” Mike selected another vine, then cut it. This vine retracted into the darkness like an elastic band, the other half dangling pitifully off Sofia.
“I wasn’t being rude,” Sofia muttered. “It’s my gift. If our positions were switched, I could have you out in a couple of minutes.”
“Your gift?”
“Do you know why a cyclops only has one eye? We gave up the other for the ability to see the future. We were tricked, and the only future we got to see was our own deaths.” Sofia let out a sigh. “However, after centuries of living with this curse, the magic has evolved, creating some interesting variations. Being able to see the deaths of others was highly uncommon but was a great moneymaker. My variation is one of the closest to what should have happened.”
“You can see the future?” Mike asked.
“Only
about thirty seconds in and not always. Something has to trigger it. My death, for one. I have seen myself die hundreds of times. Extreme emotional or physical sensations, like a bucket of ice water being dumped on me or pain. All those things.”
“All the traps that were set off.” Mike looked back at the door to the Labyrinth. “You set them all off, didn’t you?”
“I was running from the Minotaur. Tink got caught in a cage, and when he got near, I tried to lure him away.”
“How did Tink get caught in a cage?”
Sofia shook her head. “It was such a simple trap. A stone pedestal in the middle of the room had her goggles on it. She got excited and ran up only for the goggles to vanish and a cage to drop down and trap her. I haven’t heard so many swear words before.”
“And you didn’t see it coming?”
“It wasn’t my own death or pain. That is part of my issue with you.”
“What did I do?”
“Not just you. Humans. You are obsessed with future sight, magical items, and the like. The main reason I am even in that Library is that your kind wiped out my tribe so many years ago. I thought that I could get past it, but every new Caretaker eventually comes to me wanting to advance themselves, to become stronger. Emily certainly did it toward the end, and I knew you would be no different.”
“Why, because I wanted to help Tink get her goggles back?”
“I caught you fucking in my library. Not the best first impression.”
“So you’re mad at me and not Tink?” Mike cut another vine.
“Tink is a goblin. That’s different.”
“So you’re a racist, then. Racist against humans.”
“Like your kind has any room to talk. You’ve wiped out so many different creatures, magical and otherwise, and you can’t even look past the color of your own skin…hey, why did you stop cutting?” Mike had stepped back, crossing his arms.
“Honestly? Because you’re being a bitch.” Mike stared away from her, trying to ignore the rising heat in his face. “I’m sorry about what happened in the Library. If I had known someone lived there, it wouldn’t have happened. The only reason we were there was because I was trying to help someone else, and I’m not sorry for that.
“And you are right. Humans, as a whole, are giant pieces of shit. We do horrible things, and we probably always will. But you know what? Not everybody is a piece of shit. If I wanted to, I could sell this place, move far, far away, and never have to deal with its problems. But I won’t. Why? Because I actually fucking care.” Sighing, Mike sliced another vine away. “I even care about you, despite your shitty attitude.”
Sofia had gone quiet, her face turning red. Mike could hear her breathing change, a subtle shift that made him think that the vines might be squeezing her too hard. He reached behind her, then carefully slid the dagger beneath a pair of vines that were around her ribs. The moment he sliced them, Sofia’s whole body swung forward, pushing into him.
“Mmm, gah!” His face was not only buried between her breasts, but now the vines clutching her reached for him, pulling him tightly against her. He fought back, shoving hard in an attempt to free himself. He managed to push away, but the only part of Sofia he could press against was her ample chest. The vines tried to yank him off his feet, but he pulled free and stepped a good distance back from Sofia. The vines settled and wrapped once more around her.
Sofia breathed even harder now, her mouth open. Worried, he moved closer, but could tell the vines weren’t restricting her lungs.
“Are you okay?” Mike asked.
Sofia remained silent, so he repeated himself.
“It’s my breasts,” she said.
“What about them?” They were threatening to break free, her flesh overflowing through the split in her shirt.
“They’re really sensitive right now.”
Uh-oh. Mike scanned the sky, half expecting to see a Mandragora pod or something similar. He wasn’t in the mood to fuck himself silly for the next several hours. “Is the plant doing something to you?”
Sofia didn’t say, but she was squirming now.
“Hey! Is the plant doing something to you?” Seeing that she wasn’t paying attention, he grabbed her by the chin and forced her to look him in the eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Fucking human,” she muttered.
“One-eyed bitch.” He looked for somewhere else to cut but noticed that she was rocking herself in a specific pattern. He circled behind her and saw that when her body had swung forward, the only vines keeping her from hanging completely vertical had wrapped themselves between her legs, spreading out over her hips. Every time Sofia swung forward even slightly, most of her weight was concentrated on the thick leafy vegetation that had wedged itself between her legs.
He saw the problem now. Looking at where she was suspended, it occurred to him that he could try and cut that part of her free first. At the same time, she didn’t seem to be complaining, and it would be safer to cut some of the other vines.
“Hey.” Mike looked at Olivia, who was circling overhead. “This may take a bit. Can you go watch the halls and warn us if the Minotaur is coming? And keep an eye out for your sister.”
Olivia hovered in place, transforming into a fairy long enough to give him a salute, then flew away. Mike watched the fairy go, then let out a sigh. If she had been bigger, he would have put her in charge of cutting the cyclops free so he could watch the hall.
Mike sliced one of the other vines, then moved away when it reached for him. Sofia’s body shifted her weight even harder onto the offending vine, and she let out a moan.
“Okay, let me take care of this one,” he told her. He touched the edge of the blade to the vine.
“Wait.”
“Excuse me?” Mike asked. He moved to where he could see her better. Her eye was closed, and she was breathing shallowly through her mouth.
“Don’t. Not yet.” Sofia opened her eye, and he saw that it was shimmering with an inner light. Was she seeing her future? “That one needs to come later.”
“Oh boy,” Cerulea whispered in his ear. Mike startled—he had forgotten the fairy was still on his shoulder. “Can you smell that?”
Mike sniffed the air. It still smelled of smoke and stone. “Nope.”
“Cut them in a certain order,” Sofia told him. “I’ll tell you which.”
“How can you…oh, right. Future sight.” He got ready to cut one of the other vines.
“Not that one.”
Mike moved to a different one. Sofia didn’t say anything, so he pushed the knife against it.
“Nope.”
Mike thought he understood. He couldn’t wait for her to have a vision. He had to commit to an action for her to see it. He started cutting the next tendril over. It parted, and her body shifted to the left. He repeated the process, slicing through a few more vines. The process was slow—every time he cut one vine, it seemed to reveal a couple more beneath it. They were so tangled together that it was hard to tell which ones were which.
“Yes, that one,” Sofia told him, and he was about to cut the vine when he realized it was the dead piece of a vine he had already cut.
“What the fuck?” he muttered, then pulled on the vine and unwrapped Sofia. Holding the spare vegetation, he saw that her weight was now heavily concentrated on her crotch and his effort at cutting the last vine had simply rocked her back and forth. “What are you trying to get at?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Cerulea asked, then hopped off his shoulder to stand on top of Sofia’s buttocks.
“Shut up, little bug,” Sofia hissed.
“She’s trying to get off.” The fairy made a show of sniffing the air. “Her arousal. It’s like a perfume to fairies.”
“She’s trying to get off? What the hell?” He pushed Sofia so that she swung around to face him once more.
“We don’t have time for this shit.”
“Oh!” Cerulea cried out, sniffing the air again. “Oh, I get it!”
“Shut up!” Sofia wriggled, trying to dislodge the fairy, but the fairy held on to the fabric of her pants. “Shut the fuck up!”
“What’s going on?” Mike stepped back, refusing to cut another thread. “Tell me.”
Sofia looked away, and Cerulea laughed.
“She is so turned on right now.”
“By the vines? Because she’s tied up?”
“That’s only half of it!” The blue fairy hopped onto Sofia’s head. “She likes it when you’re rough with her.”
“Seriously?” He squatted so that he was eye level with the cyclops. “I thought you hated me.”
“I do!” Sofia spat, scowling at him. “Ever since I saw you fucking that dirty little goblin.”
“Bitch!” Mike shouted, his face now hot. He didn’t care if Sofia hated him, but he refused to let anyone talk that way about Tink. He was about to launch a verbal assault when Sofia’s cheeks flushed, and she let out a small moan.
“Told ya!” Cerulea hovered above Sofia when she shook her head. “She’s trying to get a rise out of you!”
“That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.” Seeing an opportunity, Mike grabbed Sofia’s chin again. This time, he pinched her chin when he swung her toward him, watching her reaction closely. “Tell me the truth, Sofia.”
Sofia looked past him, defiance on her face.
“Now!” He shook her.
Sofia gasped, her eyelid fluttering. “The vines,” she whispered. “I feel so powerless when they’re on me.”
“And?” Mike shook her again.
“I was trying to get myself off.” Sofia slumped. “I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why though? Why waste my time like this?”
Sofia fixed him with a hard stare. “Because I liked it. When you got mad at me. It made me feel even more powerless. A cyclops can see the means of their death from the day they are born, but I’m different. I can see the future constantly, and I can change it. My whole life, I’ve been changing my fate, thirty seconds at a time. When I see the future, I actually live it, it actually happens for me. I have died so many times, just running through this cave. I have experienced pain nobody should live through, and each time I change my future, it’s like remembering a faded dream.”
Radley's Labyrinth for Horny Monsters Page 25