I’d never really thought about it before, but five years was a long fucking time. Even if I’d previously thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life, I was coming around to the idea that maybe I didn’t need to be.
While it didn’t mean that I was ready to get serious about anyone, it did mean that I’d come to the conclusion over the last few days that I’d stop actively taking myself out of action. Winter would always come first to me, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have anyone else in my life.
With all that in mind, I waved the card at Winter. “Do you want to go get some ice cream from that lady we met at the day-care the other day?”
She smiled wide, letting me know her answer before she’d even said it. Then again, she was three and I was asking if she wanted ice cream. It was kind of a no-brainer. “Yes, Daddy. Let’s go. I love ice cream.”
Chapter 8
Tiffeny
“How did it go with your first delivery?” Julia asked a few hours after I’d gotten back from the day-care center. She’d just finished up with a client and didn’t have any more appointments for the afternoon, but she wanted to be around in case she got a walk-in.
She sat at one of the small, round tables in my shop, a cup of salted caramel ice cream in hand. It was her favorite, so I always made sure to have some in stock.
“It was really good,” I said, taking a bite of my own scoop. I usually made a point of not eating the merchandise too often, since I’d bankrupt myself and end up looking like a beach ball, but I was celebrating today. “You should have seen how excited the kids were. Their faces lit up like Christmas trees when they saw how much ice cream there was.”
“I can imagine.” She dipped her spoon into her cup and had another bite. “I’m pretty sure I light up like a Christmas tree every time we indulge like this.”
“You do, but you’re not nearly as cute,” I teased. “There’s something about seeing toddlers and kids so happy that makes my heart warm.”
“It’s called being a good person,” she said. The corners of her eyes crinkled as she smiled. “It only makes my heart warm when the kids leave.”
“That’s not true. I know you secretly love kids. You can’t hide the truth from me.”
She mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key. “Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever tell. Back to the point, you were telling me about the delivery.”
“The manager was really happy. As were all the other staff members. It was definitely a success.”
“How much did you get for it?” she asked, her brown eyes worried on mine. “Was it worth having to close up shop while you went to the center?”
A gigantic grin spread on my lips. “With this contract, I’ll be able to cover just a bit more than half of the new rent price. I think I’m going to be okay.”
“That’s great,” she exclaimed, getting up and coming over to throw her arms around my neck. She pulled me into a huge hug, coaxing me into jumping with her.
I laughed but did it. I was just so unbelievably happy, I didn’t even care about how unprofessional it was that we were hugging and jumping in the middle of my business.
Unfortunately, I only didn’t care until we separated and the bell above the door rang, signaling the arrival of a customer who would have seen us through the windows.
My cheeks flushed. I turned to face the customer, ready to apologize when I saw who it was. “Winter, Callen. Hi.”
Winter’s eyes widened as I said her name, almost like she was surprised I remembered her. “Hi, Tiffeny.”
Callen smiled, his big hand on Winter’s shoulder. “Hi, Tiffeny. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I managed to say without stuttering or embarrassing myself this time. On the other hand, they’d only been in the shop for a few seconds, so there was still plenty of time for it to happen. “How are you?”
“We’re good,” Callen said. When he looked into my eyes, I nearly fainted. Why does he have to have the prettiest eyes known to man?
“I went to school for half a day,” Winter added, thankfully distracting me from the intensity of her father’s gaze. “I saw you there today, but you were leaving when my class came out.”
“Sorry I missed you,” I said genuinely. She was a cute kid. And she liked hugs, so we had that in common. We had to be destined to be great friends. “I’ll look for you next time so I can say hi before I go, but I can’t stay too long. It’s more of a drop-off, unpack, and go situation.”
“Did you get some good news?” Callen asked, eyes traveling from mine to Julia’s and back again. “I couldn’t help but notice the jumping thing you were doing when we came in.”
“Yeah, erm…” I swallowed and glanced at Julia, who simply raised an eyebrow. “This is Julia, by the way. She’s my neighbor here. If you ever want to get your nails done, she’s your girl. Julia, Callen and Winter.”
Crap. Why did I have to be so awkward around these two?
“Hi,” Julia said, her voice squeaky. It was weird, but I had my own weirdness to deal with right then.
“Hi, Julia,” Winter said in her sweet voice. She curled her fingers in and looked down at her nails before turning her head up to her dad. “Can I get my nails done?”
“Sometime,” he said, then shot a pained smile at Julia. “How old are girls supposed to be before they start getting their nails done? Also, hi. It’s nice to meet you.”
For some reason, my usually confident friend looked slightly starstruck. Although that was probably what I looked like whenever I saw Hot Dad too. “Anytime. It doesn’t need to be more than a coat of paint. Nothing fancy or stuck on. Nice to meet you too.”
He breathed out a sigh of relief. “Just paint doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll bring her by sometime.”
It occurred to me then that a mother usually did things like painting her little daughter’s nails. I’d briefly checked for a wedding ring when I’d met Callen the other day, and he didn’t wear one, which wasn’t to say he wasn’t married or involved with someone, but it did make me wonder about Winter’s mom.
Look at you, going all inappropriate on him again. I shoved the curiosity out of my mind and pointed a finger behind me. “I’m guessing you’ve come to claim the free ice cream I promised you?”
“You don’t need to give it to us for free,” he said, moving closer. Logically, I knew he was only coming closer to me to be able to read the signs saying what flavors I had in stock, but my heart still kicked up a notch.
“Nope, you’re getting it for free,” I said. “A promise is a promise, and I owe you for acting like such a nutcase the other day.”
“You don’t owe us anything,” he said. I could tell he was trying to sound firm, but there was a definite hint of laughter in his tone. “Besides, Winter and I like nutcases. We’re nutty too. We’re paying for our ice cream.”
He liked nutcases? Why did he say that? Did he like me?
Jeez, girl. Get a grip. He does not like you. He doesn’t even know you. “Well, sorry. But fellow nutcases don’t pay here. What’s it going to be?”
“Insisting on giving away your product for free doesn’t seem to be a great business plan,” he said. Then his lips pulled into a sexy smirk and he pointed at one of the machines. “But I’m not going to complain. We’ll have two buttered pecans please.”
“Coming right up.” I smiled and grabbed two large sugar cones, filling one and then the other before whirling around to hand them over.
Callen’s eyes were on mine again. It seemed like every time I looked at him, he was already looking at me. Then again, I was about to give him an ice cream. It was perfectly reasonable that he’d be looking at me.
“There you go,” I said. “I hope you like them.”
“We will,” Winter said, then took her first lick and immediately smiled, taking a few steps back to take a seat. “This is so yummy.”
“Yeah, it is.” Callen’s tongue came out and he gave the ice cream a long, slow lick that made my
body nearly seize up. He smirked at me as he swallowed. “So, you still haven’t told us about the jumping, hugging thing. Is it just something you two do? Because you’ve made me curious about it now.”
“Tiffeny got a contract with the day-care center,” Julia said, finally finding her voice. “We were celebrating.”
“Ah.” He tapped his chin once. “That was what you were doing there the other day then. Meeting with the manager about the contract?”
“Yeah, I was. Contrary to what you might believe about me, I don’t generally go around to day-care centers to tell parents I don’t have any kids.”
“Really?” he asked. “I thought it was a pretty cool hobby.”
And he has a sense of humor too. Well, that’s just great.
I laughed. “Well, maybe it will turn into one. You never know. I’m between hobbies right now.”
“So am I. I wonder if it will be as much fun to go around to places where single people hang out and tell them I have a kid. I might give that a try.”
“Do.” I tried to keep a straight face, but a smile broke through anyway. “Let me know how that goes for you.”
“I will.” He took another bite of his ice cream. And once again, it made me want to bite him. Lick him. Do all sorts of things to him I’d never get to do, but he turned to look at Winter and beckoned to her with his finger. “Come on, sweetheart. We’d better get going.”
He lifted his half-eaten ice-cream cone and inclined his head. “Thanks for this. We’ll definitely be back, but next time, I’m paying.”
Winter waved goodbye after thanking me as well. Then the two of them left the shop. Julia and I both stared at the door in silence for a minute after they were gone.
When I looked at her to ask why she was so quiet, I found her eyes had grown so wide, they looked like they were about to bug out of her head. “Do you know who that was?”
“Uh, yeah.” I frowned. “I just introduced you, remember? Callen and Winter.”
“No, no.” She shook her head fast. “What I mean is, do you know who Callen Grimes is?”
“How do you know his last name?” My mind whirred as I tried to remember if he’d mentioned it.
“Because he’s Callen fucking Grimes,” she just about shrieked, excitement burning bright in her eyes. “Do you remember I told you about my new favorite band, the one called Kraken?”
“Yeah,” I said, my brows pinching.
“Well, he’s their lead guitarist. He’s a legend in the making, Tiff. Seriously. He’s that good. I wonder what the heck he’s doing here, though? Do you know?”
“I don’t have the faintest idea.” It made sense that he was rich and famous, though. Everything about him screamed I’m cool and awesome and I know it. “Here’s a quick question for you. Is it okay to fantasize about random strangers during a dry spell if the random stranger in question is a celebrity?”
“Yes,” Julia said without hesitating, a knowing smile on her lips as she bumped her shoulder against mine. “If that’s who you’re fantasizing about though, then it’s no wonder you’re single and in a dry spell.”
I groaned. “I know, right? But don’t worry. I’m not holding out for someone like him in real life. If I did, I’d be single forever.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that if I was you.” The knowing smile was still on her lips, making me wonder what the hell she was insinuating.
Chapter 9
Callen
“Have a good day, honey.” I hugged Winter tight, then watched as she skipped up the path and into the day-care center. She turned once she reached the door, waved, and disappeared inside without even waiting for me to wave back.
She loved it there. I felt how happy she was and how excited she was to get to the center every day. It was a totally different ballgame in the mornings now, compared to what it had been in California.
She’d dragged her feet getting dressed when we’d been there. Every morning on the way to the day-care, she’d looked sad.
The same could not be said for the way she acted now.
Seeing her thriving was fucking incredible. It gave me a sense of rightness I hadn’t felt in a long time. This was where we were meant to be, for now anyway.
It also made me feel like maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay. Like the sun was starting to rise after the longest night ever.
Ever since Alice’s death, I’d felt like I’d just been slogging through to make it to the next day. The only bright spots in the last eighteen months were times I’d spent with Winter, and now I was getting to spend quality time with her every day.
And every day, I felt like I could breathe a little easier. Every day, it felt a little more like I might just be able to carry on.
Exhaling a deep, relieved breath, I climbed into my car and set the GPS on my phone to a park Alice had always told me about. She’d spoken about the cherry blossoms and how there was a bench in the shade of a big old ash tree that used to be her thinking spot back when she’d lived here.
There were lyrics rattling around inside my head and I couldn’t think of a better place to try get them all out. With all these new, more positive things going on in my life, I felt like going to her spot was a way to feel connected to her to help me figure it all out.
When the GPS said I was only a few minutes away from the park, I stopped to grab a coffee before going the rest of the way. Once I found a parking spot, I walked up a dirt path that led to a small, but well-kept park.
There was a pond in the middle, just like Alice had described. Wildflowers grew around the edges of the park and there were plenty of trees.
I knew what I was looking for, though. It was a wooden bench with a dedication to someone on it. There was a wooden bench right next to the pond, nestled behind some rocks that gave it privacy, but it wasn’t the right one.
I kept walking across the green grass and found another bench set farther back. It was near another path, but there weren’t many other people around.
A smile curved on my lips as I sat down and pulled my notebook out of my pocket. Alice had been right. It was peaceful there, the perfect place to get some thinking done.
So I did.
I thought about Alice and how I cherished the memories I had with her, but thinking about her didn’t make me feel like I wanted to rip my heart out to try to stop the pain anymore. Tears no longer burned my throat, and rage at the universe itself no longer consumed me.
It wasn’t because I didn’t love Alice anymore. I did and I always would. It was because it felt like my heart had grown a few sizes, like it was big enough now to accommodate the grief along with other emotions now. It hadn’t happened overnight, nor had it happened only in the weeks since we’d gotten to Myrtle Beach.
It had been a long time coming. I just hadn’t had the time to process what was happening. Even if I hadn’t been the most popular guy in the band, I’d still had a lot of responsibilities. I was expected to appear on every talk show, do every interview, and visit every charity foundation for good PR. And all that was outside the responsibilities of actually being part of the band, like practice, performing, working out, and attending all the planning meetings.
Between all that and trying to take care of Winter to the best of my abilities, I hadn’t had much time to pay attention to myself. There just hadn’t been many opportunities for me to sit somewhere out in nature like I was now and just think, feel, and let the changes to what I felt wash over me.
That was the thing I was learning about grief, though. It changed as time went on. I had changed because of it as time had gone on.
I wasn’t getting over it or moving on. I was learning to make space for it and to keep living anyway. As I realized all these things, my hands automatically reached for my notebook and pen.
Before I knew it, two songs had come flowing out of me, and another was on its way. My coffee had gone cold, but I sipped it anyway as I tried to organize my thoughts around the next song.
�
�Hey, aren’t you that guy?” an unfamiliar voice asked from the direction of the path.
I lifted my head, my eyes landing on a guy around my age walking a shaggy brown dog. He snapped his fingers a few times, his head cocked as he tried to remember something. “Callum, right? From Kraken, the band? What are you doing here, man?”
He came up to me and excitedly shook my hand. I didn’t want to be rude to a fan, but I also didn’t really want it getting out that I was here. If it did, even people who’d never heard of me before would look me up, and things would snowball from there.
All I wanted was to carry on with this new life Winter and I had started here, and in it, no one knew who I was. I just got to be me.
“No, sorry. I’ve been mistaken for Callen before, but I’m not him.”
Skepticism darkened the guy’s eyes as he cocked his head again. “Are you sure? I’ve watched all their music videos like a thousand times and you sure do look a lot like him. You’re right, though. It’s Callen, not Callum.”
“I’m sure Callen wouldn’t mind,” I said with an easy smile. “The two are pretty close together. Anyway. Yes, I am sure that I’m nobody special.”
That much was true.
He let out a disappointed sounding huff but took a step away from me. “Yeah. Okay. Sure. Sorry to have bothered you. I just love that band and it would have been awesome to meet one of the members. I can’t believe they’ve broken up. I mean, the media are reporting that they’re just taking a break, but every true fan knows what that means.”
I made a sympathetic but noncommittal noise in the back of my throat. “Maybe they are just taking a break. Sorry to have disappointed you.”
He let out a dry laugh. “It’s not your fault you’re not the best guitarist of our generation, man. I’m not it either. But that Callen guy? He just might be.”
The guy took off after that, leaving me to really think about our fans for the first time since we’d told Craig to shove it. It wasn’t that I didn’t care enough about them to have considered them before. It was just that I felt like I was emerging from a thick fog and could think clearly again.
Keeping Secrets Page 6