We, Robots

by Simon Ings

  “I thought everything would be rosy from that point on, but it wasn’t. I found that I couldn’t keep up with the mail unless I worked impossible hours. I added a couple of new pieces of equipment to the control section. One was simply a huge memory bank. The other was a comparator circuit. A complicated one, but a comparator circuit nevertheless. Here I was working on instinct more than anything. I figured that if I interconnected these circuits in such a way that they could sense everything that went on in the plant, and compare one action with another, by and by the unit would be able to see patterns.

  “Then, through the existing command output, I figured these new units would be able to control the plant, continuing the various patterns of activity that I’d already established.”

  Here Lexington frowned. “It didn’t work worth a damn! It just sat there and did nothing. I couldn’t understand it for the longest time, and then I realized what the trouble was. I put a kicker circuit into it, a sort of voltage-bias network. I reset the equipment so that while it was still under instructions to receive orders and produce goods, its prime purpose was to activate the kicker. The kicker, however, could only be activated by me, manually. Lastly, I set up one of the early TV pickups over the mail slitter and allowed every letter I received, every order, to be fed into the memory banks. That did it.”

  “I—I don’t understand,” stammered Peter.

  “Simple! Whenever I was pleased that things were going smoothly, I pressed the kicker button. The machine had one purpose, so far as its logic circuits were concerned. Its object was to get me to press that button. Every day I’d press it at the same time, unless things weren’t going well. If there had been trouble in the shop, I’d press it late, or maybe not at all. If all the orders were out on schedule, or ahead of time, I’d press it ahead of time, or maybe twice in the same day. Pretty soon the machine got the idea.

  “I’ll never forget the day I picked up an incoming order form from one of the western jobbers, and found that the keyboard was locked when I tried to punch it into the control console. It completely baffled me at first. Then, while I was tracing out the circuits to see if I could discover what was holding the keyboard lock in, I noticed that the order was already entered on the in-progress list. I was a long time convincing myself that it had really happened, but there was no other explanation.

  “The machine had realized that whenever one of those forms came in, I copied the list of goods from it onto the in-progress list through the console keyboard, thus activating the producing mechanisms in the back of the plant. The machine had done it for me this time, then locked the keyboard so I couldn’t enter the order twice. I think I held down the kicker button for a full five minutes that day.”

  “This kicker button,” Peter said tentatively, “it’s like the pleasure center in an animal’s brain, isn’t it?”

  *

  When Lexington beamed, Peter felt a surge of relief. Talking with this man was like walking a tightrope. A word too much or a word too little might mean the difference between getting the job or losing it.

  “Exactly!” whispered Lexington, in an almost conspiratorial tone. “I had altered the circuitry of the machine so that it tried to give me pleasure—because by doing so, its own pleasure circuit would be activated.

  “Things went fast from then on. Once I realized that the machine was learning, I put TV monitors all over the place, so the machine could watch everything that was going on. After a short while I had to increase the memory bank, and later I increased it again, but the rewards were worth it. Soon, by watching what I did, and then by doing it for me next time it had to be done, the machine had learned to do almost everything, and I had time to sit back and count my winnings.”

  At this point the door opened, and a small self-propelled cart wheeled silently into the room. Stopping in front of Peter, it waited until he had taken a small plate laden with two or three cakes off its surface. Then the soft, evenly modulated voice he had heard before asked, “How do you like your coffee? Cream, sugar, both or black?”

  Peter looked for the speaker in the side of the cart, saw nothing, and replied, feeling slightly silly as he did so, “Black, please.”

  A square hole appeared in the top of the cart, like the elevator hole in an aircraft carrier’s deck. When the section of the cart’s surface rose again, a fine china cup containing steaming black coffee rested on it. Peter took it and sipped it, as he supposed he was expected to do, while the cart proceeded over to Lexington’s desk. Once there, it stopped again, and another cup of coffee rose to its surface.

  *

  Lexington took the coffee from the top of the car, obviously angry about something. Silently, he waited until the cart had left the office, then snapped, “Look at those bloody cups!”

  Peter looked at his, which was eggshell thin, fluted with carving and ornately covered with gold leaf. “They look very expensive,” he said.

  “Not only expensive, but stupid and impractical!” exploded Lexington. “They only hold half a cup, they’ll break at a touch, every one has to be matched with its own saucer, and if you use them for any length of time, the gold leaf comes off!”

  Peter searched for a comment, found none that fitted this odd outburst, so he kept silent.

  *

  Lexington stared at his cup without touching it for a long while. Then he continued with his narrative. “I suppose it’s all my own fault. I didn’t detect the symptoms soon enough. After this plant got working properly, I started living here. It wasn’t a question of saving money. I hated to waste two hours a day driving to and from my house, and I also wanted to be on hand in case anything should go wrong that the machine couldn’t fix for itself.”

  Handling the cup as if it were going to shatter at any moment, he took a gulp. “I began to see that the machine could understand the written word, and I tried hooking a teletype directly into the logic circuits. It was like uncorking a seltzer bottle. The machine had a funny vocabulary—all of it gleaned from letters it had seen coming in, and replies it had seen leaving. But it was intelligible. It even displayed some traces of the personality the machine was acquiring.

  “It had chosen a name for itself, for instance—‘Lex.’ That shook me. You might think Lex Industries was named through an abbreviation of the name Lexington, but it wasn’t. My wife’s name was Alexis, and it was named after the nickname she always used. I objected, of course, but how can you object on a point like that to a machine? Bear in mind that I had to be careful to behave reasonably at all times, because the machine was still learning from me, and I was afraid that any tantrums I threw might be imitated.”

  “It sounds pretty awkward,” Peter put in.

  “You don’t know the half of it! As time went on, I had less and less to do, and business-wise I found that the entire control of the operation was slipping from my grasp. Many times I discovered—too late—that the machine had taken the damnedest risks you ever saw on bids and contracts for supply. It was quoting impossible delivery times on some orders, and charging pirate’s prices on others, all without any obvious reason. Inexplicably, we always came out on top. It would turn out that on the short-delivery-time quotations, we’d been up against stiff competition, and cutting the production time was the only way we could get the order. On the high-priced quotes, I’d find that no one else was bidding. We were making more money than I’d ever dreamed of, and to make it still better, I’d find that for months I had virtually nothing to do.”

  “It sounds wonderful, sir,” said Peter, feeling dazzled.

  “It was, in a way. I remember one day I was especially pleased with something, and I went to the control console to give the kicker button a long, hard push. The button, much to my amazement, had been removed, and a blank plate had been installed to cover the opening in the board. I went over to the teletype and punched in the shortest message I had ever sent. ‘LEX—WHAT THE HELL?’ I typed.

  “The answer came back in the jargon it had learned from let
ters it had seen, and I remember it as if it just happened. ‘MR. A LEXINGTON, LEX INDUSTRIES, DEAR SIR: RE YOUR LETTER OF THE THIRTEENTH INST., I AM PLEASED TO ADVISE YOU THAT I AM ABLE TO DISCERN WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE PLEASED WITH MY SERVICE WITHOUT THE USE OF THE EQUIPMENT PREVIOUSLY USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. RESPECTFULLY, I MIGHT SUGGEST THAT IF THE PUSHBUTTON ARRANGEMENT WERE NECESSARY, I COULD PUSH THE BUTTON MYSELF. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS WOULD MEET WITH YOUR APPROVAL, AND HAVE TAKEN STEPS TO RELIEVE YOU OF THE BURDEN INVOLVED IN REMEMBERING TO PUSH THE BUTTON EACH TIME YOU ARE ESPECIALLY PLEASED. I SHOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR INQUIRY, AND LOOK FORWARD TO SERVING YOU IN THE FUTURE AS I HAVE IN THE PAST. YOURS FAITHFULLY, LEX’.”

  *

  Peter burst out laughing, and Lexington smiled wryly. “That was my reaction at first, too. But time began to weigh very heavily on my hands, and I was lonely, too. I began to wonder whether or not it would be possible to build a voice circuit into the unit. I increased the memory storage banks again, put audio pickups and loudspeakers all over the place, and began teaching Lex to talk. Each time a letter came in, I’d stop it under a video pickup and read it aloud. Nothing happened.

  “Then I got a dictionary and instructed one of the materials handlers to turn the pages, so that the machine got a look at every page. I read the pronunciation page aloud, so that Lex would be able to interpret the pronunciation marks, and hoped. Still nothing happened. One day I suddenly realized what the trouble was. I remember standing up in this very office, feeling silly as I did it, and saying, ‘Lex, please try to speak to me.’ I had never asked the machine to say anything, you see. I had only provided the mechanism whereby it was able to do so.”

  “Did it reply, sir?”

  Lexington nodded. “Gave me the shock of my life. The voice that came back was the one you heard over the telephone—a little awkward then, the syllables clumsy and poorly put together. But the voice was the same. I hadn’t built in any specific tone range, you see. All I did was equip the machine to record, in exacting detail, the frequencies and modulations it found in normal pronunciation as I used it. Then I provided a tone generator to span the entire audio range, which could be very rapidly controlled by the machine, both in volume and pitch, with auxiliaries to provide just about any combinations of harmonics that were needed. I later found that Lex had added to this without my knowing about it, but that doesn’t change things. I thought the only thing it had heard was my voice, and I expected to hear my own noises imitated.”

  “Where did the machine get the voice?” asked Peter, still amazed that the voice he had heard on the telephone, in the reception hall, and from the coffee cart had actually been the voice of the computer.

  “Damned foolishness!” snorted Lexington. “The machine saw what I was trying to do the moment I sketched it out and ordered the parts. Within a week, I found out later, it had pulled some odds and ends together and built itself a standard radio receiver. Then it listened in on every radio program that was going, and had most of the vocabulary tied in with the written word by the time I was ready to start. Out of all the voices it could have chosen, it picked the one you’ve already heard as the one likely to please me most.”

  “It’s a very pleasant voice, sir.”

  “Sure, but do you know where it came from? Soap opera! It’s Lucy’s voice, from The Life and Loves of Mary Butterworth!”

  *

  Lexington glared, and Peter wasn’t sure whether he should sympathize with him or congratulate him. After a moment, the anger wore off Lexington’s face, and he shifted in his chair, staring at his now empty cup. “That’s when I realized the thing was taking on characteristics that were more than I’d bargained for. It had learned that it was my provider and existed to serve me. But it had gone further and wanted to be all that it could be: provider, protector, companion—wife, if you like. Hence the gradual trend toward characteristics that were as distinctly female as a silk negligee. Worse still, it had learned that when I was pleased, I didn’t always admit it, and simply refused to believe that I would have it any other way.”

  “Couldn’t you have done something to the circuitry?” asked Peter.

  “I suppose I could,” said Lexington, “but in asking that, you don’t realize how far the thing had gone. I had long since passed the point when I could look upon her as a machine. Business was tremendous. I had no complaints on that score. And tinkering with her personality—well, it was like committing some kind of homicide. I might as well face it, I suppose. She acts like a woman and I think of her as one.

  “At first, when I recognized this trend for what it was, I tried to stop it. She’d ordered a subscription to Vogue magazine, of all things, in order to find out the latest in silverware, china, and so on. I called up the local distributor and canceled the subscription. I had no sooner hung up the telephone than her voice came over the speaker. Very softly, mind you. And her inflections by this time were superb. ‘That was mean,’ she said. Three lousy words, and I found myself phoning the guy right back, saying I was sorry, and would he please not cancel. He must have thought I was nuts.”

  Peter smiled, and Lexington made as if to rise from his chair, thought the better of it, and shifted his bulk to one side. “Well, there it is,” he said softly. “We reached that stage eight years ago.”

  Peter was thunderstruck. “But—if this factory is twenty years ahead of the times now, it must have been almost thirty then!”

  Lexington nodded. “I figured fifty at the time, but things are moving faster nowadays. Lex hasn’t stood still, of course. She still reads all the trade journals, from cover to cover, and we keep up with the world. If something new comes up, we’re in on it, and fast. We’re going to be ahead of the pack for a long time to come.”

  “If you’ll excuse me, sir,” said Peter, “I don’t see where I fit in.”

  Peter didn’t realize Lexington was answering his question at first. “A few weeks ago,” the old man murmured, “I decided to see a doctor. I’d been feeling low for quite a while, and I thought it was about time I attended to a little personal maintenance.”

  Lexington looked Peter squarely in the face and said, “The report was that I have a heart ailment that’s apt to knock me off any second.”

  “Can’t anything be done about it?” asked Peter.

  “Rest is the only prescription he could give me. And he said that would only spin out my life a little. Aside from that—no hope.”

  “I see,” said Peter. “Then you’re looking for someone to learn the business and let you retire.”

  “It’s not retirement that’s the problem,” said Lexington. “I wouldn’t be able to go away on trips. I’ve tried that, and I always have to hurry back because something’s gone wrong she can’t fix for herself. I know the reason, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s the way she’s built. If nobody’s here, she gets lonely.” Lexington studied the desk top silently for a moment, before finishing quietly, “Somebody’s got to stay here to look after Lex.”

  *

  At six o’clock, three hours after he had entered Lexington’s plant, Peter left. Lexington did not follow him down the corridor. He seemed exhausted after the afternoon’s discussion and indicated that Peter should find his own way out. This, of course, presented no difficulty, with Lex opening the doors for him, but it gave Peter an opportunity he had been hoping for.

  He stopped in the reception room before crossing the threshold of the front door, which stood open for him. He turned and spoke to the apparently empty room. “Lex?” he said.

  He wanted to say that he was flattered that he was being considered for the job; it was what a job-seeker should say, at that point, to the boss’s secretary. But when the soft voice came back—“Yes, Mr. Manners?”—saying anything like that to a machine felt suddenly silly.

  He said: “I wanted you to know that it was a pleasure to meet you.”

  “Thank you,” said the voice.

  If it had said more, he might
have, but it didn’t. Still feeling a little embarrassed, he went home.

  At four in the morning, his phone rang. It was Lexington.

  “Manners!” the old man gasped.

  The voice was an alarm. Manners sat bolt upright, clutching the phone. “What’s the matter, sir?”

  “My chest,” Lexington panted. “I can feel it, like a knife on—I just wanted to—Wait a minute.”

  There was a confused scratching noise, interrupted by a few mumbles, in the phone.

  “What’s going on, Mr. Lexington?” Peter cried. But it was several seconds before he got an answer.

  “That’s better,” said Lexington, his voice stronger. He apologized: “I’m sorry. Lex must have heard me. She sent in one of the materials handlers with a hypo. It helps.”

  The voice on the phone paused, then said matter-of-factly: “But I doubt that anything can help very much at this point. I’m glad I saw you today. I want you to come around in the morning. If I’m—not here, Lex will give you some papers to sign.”

  There was another pause, with sounds of harsh breathing. Then, strained again, the old man’s voice said: “I guess I won’t—be here. Lex will take care of it. Come early. Good-bye.”

  The distant receiver clicked.

  Peter Manners sat on the edge of his bed in momentary confusion, then made up his mind. In the short hours he had known him, he had come to have a definite fondness for the old man; and there were times when machines weren’t enough, when Lexington should have another human being by his side. Clearly this was one such time.

  Peter dressed in a hurry, miraculously found a cruising cab, sped through empty streets, leaped out in front of Lex Industries’ plain concrete walls, ran to the door—

  In the waiting room, the soft, distant voice of Lex said: “He wanted you to be here, Mr. Manners. Come.”

  A door opened, and wordlessly he walked through it—to the main room of the factory.