by K Harris
“You know what I mean Wolf, don’t look at me like that.”
“I hate to assume anything. Please elaborate,” I leaned against the wall in her foyer.
“We aren’t official or anything Wolf.”
“Bullshit, that has nothing to do with the way you reacted or what you said. You and your need to control every damn thing is the hold up for us not being official and you know it.”
“No sir, Tremaine wants me to walk around like a mindless, spineless groupie.”
“What man in their right mind would want a gotdamn groupie? That shit would be quite annoying.”
“Says the man that had that exact thing in Nashville,” she mockingly stated with her arms folded.
“You’re shitting me, right? You’re jealous of what your imagination has conjured up about Amber’s ass, seriously?”
“You want me to believe that you and the Exotic Black Barbie aren’t fucking,” her face was set in a disbelieving scowl.
“Though I can see it all over your face that you won’t believe whatever I say, but let me set the record straight, we only fucked once.” The snort she released confirmed my assumption.
“You mean to tell me that you have been in Nashville for months and only fucked her once.”
“That is exactly what I’m saying.”
“The last month since we were last together and you are saying that you didn’t backslide once. A month with no ass and you said it with a straight face.”
“Just like you have been here without this dick, what’s your point Sydni?”
“How do you figure that?”
“…” Rubbing a hand over my head and down my face, I gave Syd one last look. Turning to the door, I didn’t wait for her to say anything else. It was a long ride back and a hellish, stressful month without her, but this shit was for the birds.
Before I said something that I might regret, I just left. Arguing is not my style. Unnecessary shouting or bickering doesn’t work for me. There are ways of expressing yourself other than fussing and fighting. Accusing me of doing more than what I say, not taking my word at face value – I can’t get with that. Maybe me and Syd was nothing more than a fantasy.
Chapter Ten
Syd
There is a good chance that I overshot my shit with Wolf last night. Whereas I should have been getting my back blown out or rocking his cock, I initiated a fight. It was like my mouth was running away from any logical thought. In a way, I knew I should have let it go but my need to be right wouldn’t let up. When he walked out of my front door without a backwards glance or a word, I knew then that I had gone too far.
The next day when he attempted to reach out to me, I ignored every last one of his attempts. Wolf was truly a man who didn’t bother with using too many words. He never went into detail with his voicemails. He would just say call me back or his text messages would read, “what’s up or call me.” There was no telling what he was thinking but my thoughts were all over the place. The truth was he didn’t do anything to me specifically, it was all on me. My mind, my bullshit – when was he going to get tired of playing this bullshit game with me. Was he tired now? Was he calling to break it off with me?
This cat and mouse game had to be tiring. Although it was my dumb ass playing the game, even I was growing tired. Why couldn’t I force myself to act right? By right, I don’t mean roll over and play dead or damsel in distress, for they meant the same damn thing to me. No, I meant to let the man into the places that have been forbidden for anyone to enter besides family. Why was it so hard for me to let go and let love? Oh, I remember – I’m fucked up.
“Excuse me, Syd.” One of the managers knocked on my office door to get my attention. There was no telling how long she stood there before she knocked because I was truly in another world. “Are you alright? Do I need to call someone for you?”
“No, what can I do for you?” I cleared my throat not even recognizing the agony that was clearly heard in my tone.
“Do you need some tissues or something?” She asked in concern. I was truly confused as to why she asked that question until I touched my face. There were visible tears that I hadn’t realized betrayed me by making an appearance. Was I that numb?
“Oh shit,” I wiped at my eyes, but it was proving to be frivolous as they kept coming.
“Here you go,” a handkerchief appeared in front of me.
“Thank you,” I sniffled.
“Don’t mention it.” A deep voice responded. Snapping out of my daze, I looked up to see a familiar face, but I thought for sure my mind had to be playing tricks on me. There was no way that this ghost of Christmas’ past was actually standing inside my office. Fuck that, standing inside my establishment. If Cage got whiff of him being in Lincoln period, there will likely be smoke.
“Well, I’ll be damned.”
“Is that all you have to say to your father?”
“It’s better than what I really want to say,” I deadpanned.
“So much like your mom,” he huffed with a grunt.
“What the hell are you doing here? Better,” I sneered.
“And the other one,” he commented.
“…” I lifted a brow as to say, don’t even think about talking down on either of them.
“I didn’t come all this way to bad mouth the women who raised you.” He said but I didn’t miss the way in which he said, women. As if it were something dirty and forbidden, he had some kind of nerve. He had better be glad that both mamas went back home before he decided to pop up like popcorn.
“No matter, the question still remains.”
“I wanted to see you, is that a crime?”
“I don’t know about a crime but over the years it appeared to be quite an inconvenience though. So, excuse me if I’m not jumping up and down shouting, “Hey Daddy.” You are quite a few years late and a million dollars short on that one, sir.”
“I deserve that.”
“This I know, maybe I need to revise that question. Why now?”
“The truth is, I’m getting up there in age…”
“In other words, you want to clear your slate before you die.”
“Sydni,” he sighed.
“You’re dying, aren’t you?”
“We all must die one day, right?”
“I don’t have any organs that I’m willing to part with,” I commented.
“That’s not why I came to see you, shit.” He cursed in frustration and stopped to collect himself. “I know I’m the cause of your hatred towards me and that is my burden to carry. Just laying eyes on you and witnessing your success does my weary heart some good. I know it was none of my doing that contributed to raising you. But the past is apparently affecting your present greatly, I just pray you don’t let it rule your future as well.”
“…” I was speechless from his spiel. Where in the hell did that level of understanding come from?
“Again, I’m sorry to impose on you – I just wanted to speak.” With that, he turned to walk away without another word. I couldn’t find any smart remark to come back with. Even my hefty vocabulary of cuss words was missing in action.
The rest of the day breezed by with me not wholly participating. On autopilot, I moved about as if nothing had occurred in my office. As if I didn’t have a visitor that shook my already crumbling foundation, I went about my day. While I ignored two more days of facing the facts that I needed to get my shit together and face Wolf, I pretended to be fine. Though the only person I think that I was fooling was myself. Everyone else only gave me cursory glances as if they were waiting for me to crumble any minute now.
Even the girls couldn’t bring my spirits up as I only had enough energy to laugh on cue. Those witty, snappy comments and remarks were lost in the sea of uncertainty that I lived in. The jokes that they had an abundance of fell on deaf ears as I just existed. Existing was what I was reduced to and it wasn’t over just one man. Hell no, my uncertainty fell at the feet of my hostility towards my father. Wolf fell into being a
casualty to my insecurities. A truly ugly characteristic but it was there whether I liked it or not.
The need for a long ride on my bike was needed to clear my mind. Recalling Uncle KC always stating that, made me hop on my new toy and ride. Though it was late in the evening, I wasn’t going to let that stop me. Traffic was sparse so I didn’t have to worry about sharing the road with anyone else. For what seemed like a thirty-minute ride, turned into more of a two-hour trip to nowhere particular and back.
“Where have you been?” The smooth vibrating voice that sent chills down my spine any other time, scared the shit out of me tonight.
“The fuck,” I snapped with a start. Forgetting to turn on the porch light from the app on my phone, I waltzed my ass onto the dark porch right into danger.
Casually leaning against the large pillar on my porch, Wolf stood with one foot perched against the base. His phone was in his hands as if he just finished using it. The thought came to mind on whether he was talking to his other chick but then I scolded myself for being so damn negative. Not everyone was ‘that man,’ it would do me good to remember that.
In black sweats and gym shoes, a white t-shirt rested on the porch’s railing. ‘How the hell did I miss that when I walked up?’ A baseball cap was pulled down, slightly obscuring his eyes from my inspection. Facial expression was unmoving as he watched me survey him from head to toe.
“Where have you been?”
“…” I shrugged not from being difficult, but my mind was not functioning right.
“Don’t bullshit me,” he put his hands into his pockets with a tired sigh.
“Just a late-night ride, I can’t really recall where or for how long.” I answered now surveying my area, wondering how I missed his truck sitting across the street.
“Do you understand how dangerous that was?”
“…” Again, I just shrugged from exhaustion.
“Why isn’t your porch light on?”
“I forgot to turn it on.” The foreign sound of my voice scared me a little. This wasn’t me; I didn’t act like this. A strong hand slid my keys from my loose grip on them.
“You are going to be the death of me woman.” He grumbled lowly but I heard him all the same. Nothing… I had no comeback.
Once the door was unlocked, Wolf stepped to the side to let me pass first. Laying my jacket with my wallet and keys in the chair right inside the living room, I didn’t turn around to face him. The awkwardness of our exchange was eating me alive. There was so much to say. I wanted to apologize but couldn’t muster up the words. I wanted to continue my appraisal of his sexy ass, but I was ashamed.
Wolf must have felt my hesitation for he embraced me from behind. The feeling of being wrapped in his arms put me at ease. A breath that I didn’t know I was holding rushed out. The dreaded emotion that broke free for the first time a couple of days ago was threatening to make an appearance. Gently, we rocked from side to side in such a relaxing way.
“I’m so tired baby.” He sighed as his head rested near mine. A shiver passed through me like an electrical current from the feel of his breath against my ear.
“Yeah,” it came out as if it could have been a question or an agreeance.
“Why have you been ignoring me?”
“…” Shrugging again, there was no way that I could speak with so much emotion coursing through my brain.
“I have missed you so much. I’m going crazy without you.” The strain in his voice was my breaking point. It started with the rapid breathing; I knew the moisture wouldn’t be far behind. “I need you baby. Please, you gotta quit shutting me out.” And there it was, the point of no return.
“I’m so sorry,” I practically whined. Wolf must have heard exactly what I was afraid to show because he stopped our sway. With one hand, he gestured for me to turn towards him and I did but my eyes were trained to the ground.
“Damn Syd,” he grumbled and pulled me into the security of his chest. Wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders, I rested my head against the hard muscle over his heart. In my ear, the sound of his heartbeat was just as erratic as mine but somehow soothing. We were in sync. No words were exchanged between us as we basked in the moment of being one for a change. This is what I needed, and it was here all along. All I had to do was welcome it, but I had to be stubborn. “Come on, let’s get some rest.”
Wolf’s gentle tug of my hand was all that was needed to get me moving in that direction. Silently, we walked hand and hand until we reached the bed. He released my hand and went into the bathroom as I stripped down to my underwear. When he emerged, he had a warm washcloth for my face. Somehow, I forgot all about my appearance, no doubt I looked a hot ass mess. Stripping down to his boxer briefs, he eyed me cautiously before nodding towards the bed.
Catching his drift, I slid into the bed in nothing but panties. Once he turned the lights off and the ceiling fan on, he joined me between the covers. Without another word, he wrapped an arm around me and pulled my body impossibly close to his. Laying my head onto his chest, we quickly found our most comfortable position and basked in this huge milestone. This was what I have been missing out on. Only now did I fully realize what has been missing from my lonely existence.
Chapter Eleven
Wolf
The morning after wasn’t awkward as we both clearly had things on our minds. Surprisingly, those thoughts weren’t stifling the oxygen from the room. This time was more of a reflection on how easy it would be to remove the bullshit from the table and just exist in each other’s presence. Syd slept soundly in my arms, no fidgeting – just rest. Her soft body molded into mine like a puzzle piece, no glue required. She didn’t need any prompting as to where or how to lay as she rested her head just over my heart. A contented sigh breezed across my bare chest as she settled in nicely.
All bullshit aside, when I heard the crack in her voice, I knew something was wrong. However, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. The sight of tears coming from her eyes was my undoing. Any lecture or demand that I possibly thought about giving flew out of the window. Evidently, she felt just as defeated by this avoidance as I did. The night I walked out on her and her pointless rant, I was sure that it was the right choice. When the next morning came, I wanted to rewind the hands of time and try to talk it out again.
When she wouldn’t answer for me, I just knew that it was a done deal. Personally, I didn’t equate my need for her to stop with the hard ‘I only need a man for one thing’ notion as a game. Apparently, I was just as clueless as she was in approaching anything serious between us. Though I knew what I wanted from Syd, I was somewhat in the dark just what she felt for me. That is until her emotions were branded all over her last night.
“Good morning.” I kissed her forehead as I noticed her breathing pattern change.
“Morning,” she rasped.
“You sleep okay.” Caressing her waist, I enjoyed the feel of soft skin under my fingertips.
“Better than I have in days,” she solemnly stated. “What about you?”
“Same. Even when I felt warmness pool and dribble down my chest.” I joked and laughed when she gasped.
“Are you saying I drooled on you?” She lifted her head and wiped her mouth out of instinct.
“That is exactly what I’m saying. It’s all good baby, you had the decency to wipe it off.” I laughed as she swatted a pillow at my head. “I guess that was out of instinct or something.”
“So petty.” Syd groaned as I pulled her back down to me.
“I could get used to waking up like this.” I gave her a serious look as she had a thoughtful expression on her face.
“I could think of an even better way to start the day.”
“I can too but…” I stalled my debate over why we should talk first as she stroked me through my boxers. Last night, I was on some other type of shit as I just wanted to rest skin to skin with her. Now with her tempting my morning wood and her bare breasts against my side, I couldn’t concentrate. It damn sur
e didn’t take much persuading to assist her in pulling my briefs down as she slid her panties off.
“Gotdamn, what were you dreaming about?” I ground out as she slowly slid down my incredibly hard dick. Her pussy was so fucking wet and warm that I almost lost my shit upon contact.
“What I always dream about – this,” she emphasized by rolling her hips. “You.”
“Do that shit again, and…” I couldn’t finish that threat as she did a slow wine that had my toes curling. “Oh fuck.” Lifting my hips off the bed, I knocked her wine to a halt.
“Oh!”
“Can I get a good morning kiss?”
“No,” she whined. As I circled her clit with my thumb, the other held her still as I ground into her making her go crazy.
“No? Why not?”
“I haven’t brushed my teeth.”
“We haven’t hit the shower yet either so what’s your point?” I remarked. “Give me what I want, woman.”
“Demanding ass,” she moaned but did as I asked. Kissing Syd while being buried inside her gold mine, there was nothing like it in this world. Syd was definitely on to something. This was a better way to start the morning. If we can ever get on one accord, I will be damn sure to make this happen.
~
“You got a busy day today?”
“Somewhat, what about you?”
“Besides trying to get the parlor finished by opening night, not so much.”
“Will I…” Syd cleared her throat as if she were truly uncomfortable. “Umm, will I see you later?”
“If that is an invite, then most definitely.”
“I want to cook for you tonight.”
“You won’t get any complaints from me baby,” I remarked, and she actually blushed. Instead of making light of it, I opted for a different approach. “Do you need me to bring anything?”
“No, just yourself.”
“What time do you want me here?”
“Is seven too early?”
“Not if that is the time that you want me here,” I leaned against the counter.
“I’m serious Wolf if you have something else to do…” Syd let her statement hang as if she were giving me a way out.