by S. M. Shade
I’m lost in the sensations, so close to coming, when I hear something that fills me with horror and panic.
“Veronica?”
Bailey’s voice carries from the living room, getting closer as she adds. “Are you here? Dad’s not home and I can’t get in our apartment. I need our extra key.”
“Fuck,” I hiss, rolling off the bed as Veronica jumps off of me.
Panic controls my reaction, and I jerk on my underwear while Veronica hisses, “Window!”
Thank fuck we had it open, all I have to do is unlatch the bottom of the safety screen. It swings out, and I practically fall through it into the yard. It doesn’t even occur to me that it’s daylight, not even noon, and I’m now lying in the yard in my underwear, coated in whip cream and chocolate. It’s running down my legs. I can feel it sticking my ass cheeks together as I leap to my feet.
There’s nothing to do but make a mad dash for my apartment. I’m barely on my feet before I turn and run…right into Aiden’s kiddie pool full of water. The plastic edge scratches both my shins, and I go down hard, face first in the tepid water, and I swear the splash couldn’t have made more noise.
I scramble out of the pool, yanking my underwear up when the weight of the water makes them droop, and dart toward the street again. I just have to make it around the park without being seen.
No.
No, this isn’t happening.
An ice cream truck sits right in front of the park, and I’m being stared at by no less than ten people—adults and kids—gathered around it. This is not the treat they were expecting. The sight freezes me in place for a moment, and I realize what they’re seeing.
A man in nothing but soaking wet, white boxer briefs, with the crotch and ass stained brown. A mixture of chocolate and water runs down my legs, making it look to all the world like I just shit myself.
I can’t blame them for gawping at me. Even for Violent Circle, this is pretty bad.
There’s no explanation or apology that’s going to cover this, and I still need to get home before Bailey sees me, so I just start running again. Raucous laughter follows me around the corner of my apartment. Of course, the Frat Hell guys would have to be out there.
My temporary relief at being out of view is crushed with the realization that my house keys are in my pants pocket on Veronica’s floor. Fuck. I can’t get in. And there’s no way I can go back for my pants.
Leaning against the brick wall, I catch my breath and try to figure out what to do. How the hell did I get myself in this position? I’m not a damned teenager, but I sure feel like one at the moment.
Denton steps around the corner of the brick wall I’m ready to bang my head against, and snorts out a laugh. “Dude, I lost the rock, paper, scissors challenge so I had to be the one to come see what the hell is going on.”
With a groan, I lay my head back against the wall. “I didn’t want Bailey to see me at Veronica’s. She doesn’t know we’re seeing each other.”
“And her finding out scared you so much that you shit yourself?”
“It’s chocolate. Don’t ask.”
“Don’t need to,” he laughs, shaking his head. “Come on, we’ll cut through the back yards to my place and you can clean up.”
“Thanks.” My head is on a swivel the whole walk to his apartment while I beg the universe to let me make it there without seeing anyone else.
The universe has a shitty sense of humor.
I make it to the apartment without running into any neighbors, but Denton failed to mention they had a damn cookout going on with half the kids from the college. As soon as we step inside, no less than eight pairs of eyes are on me, and the place falls silent.
The guys playing beer pong look up from the table, and someone pauses the video game the three people on the couch are playing.
Denton grins at my glare when I shake my head. “I hate you.” The asshole wasn’t trying to help. He was bringing the show home for his friends.
Jani and Noble take a second away from trying to devour each other’s faces and both burst into laughter. “Having a bad day?” Jani asks.
“My ass cheeks are stuck together with chocolate. I’ve been better.”
“Chocolate, sure, let’s go with that,” Noble says, and everyone laughs when I flip him off. “You can use my shower. There are shorts on my dresser you can borrow. You don’t want Dent’s pants, he has crabs.” His gaze returns to my brown ass. “On second thought, keep the shorts.”
“It’s chocolate!” I insist, at the same time Denton yells, “I got rid of them months ago!”
I don’t have time to delve into the subject of Denton’s crotch critters. Bailey is home alone and wondering where I am. What the hell am I going to tell her?
Different stories run through my head as I shower, and I finally settle on something simple and hopefully believable.
Noble’s shorts are made for his young, skinny, frame, but I manage to get them on. The moose knuckle I’m now sporting is in no way attractive. It looks like sad puppy dog eyes, and the walk home is only going to be slightly less embarrassing than my sprint home with the leaky ass look.
“Ow! Look at all that sexy!” Jani hoots when I return to the living room.
The laughter follows me through the apartment, and only fades when I’ve stepped out the back door. I manage to make it home without running into anyone else, and Bailey opens the back door when I tap on it.
“Uh…those aren’t your shorts,” she says as I step inside. Veronica stands behind her, trying not to laugh. Like she wasn’t the one who doused me in chocolate and whipped cream in the first place.
“Yeah, I was at Noble’s and one of the idiots spilled beer on me. Noble loaned me his shorts. Why are you back so quick? Did something happen?” Changing the subject seems the best way to go at this point.
“The spa was closed down by the health department because a bunch of people got a rash from their hot tub. Aunt Jill offered to take me with her to eat some vegan, farm to table, artisanal, locally sourced food, but I said no thanks.”
Veronica pulls out a kitchen chair and has a seat. “You passed? You could’ve seen a man bun and handlebar mustache sporting hipster man in his natural habitat.”
They delve into a conversation, and I slip out of the room to change clothes. At least Bailey bought my excuse. This time.
I’m too old for this shit.
The phone call I got from George this morning put me in a great mood. He’s found a place and we’ll be able to move faster than I anticipated. It’s a good time to get rid of some junk and get a head start on packing up.
Bailey looks up at me from the floor where she’s sorting through DVD’s as she packs them. “Can I give these kiddie cartoons to Aiden? I don’t watch them anymore.”
“Sure, just make a stack of whatever you don’t want.”
“I’m going to miss him and Veronica.” It’s the first negative thing she’s said about the move. Up until now, she’s been excited. Now that we’re actually preparing to move, it’s probably become real to her. This is the only place she can remember living, so of course she’ll miss her childhood home, especially because it wasn’t such a bad place until the new management took over.
“You’ll still see them often. They’ll still be our friends.”
Bailey chews her lip and nods. “Becky has a boyfriend now. And since they got together, she hardly talks to me or any of her other friends. They just spend all their time together.”
It’s funny but horrifying how serious kids seem to be about middle school relationships. I’m not sure why she’s comparing moving away from our friends though, until she continues, “Amber said it was the same way with her older sister. Once they’re dating, they don’t have time for anyone else.”
“That’s not how a healthy relationship works, but you guys are a little young to worry about that stuff right now.”
“I know, but if Veronica starts dating that firefighter she likes, she might for
get about us when we aren’t right across the street.”
I freeze, my hand halfway to the box I’m packing. “What firefighter?”
Bailey shrugs, popping open a DVD case to check that the disc is inside before adding it to the box. “She met him when he came to the hotel, the day the sprinklers destroyed everything.” Clueless she’s just blown my world apart, she gets to her feet and heads out the door. “I’m going to take these DVD’s to Aiden.”
The sprinkler catastrophe was a long time ago, and she never mentioned him to me. I know we haven’t made promises to each other or anything, but the time we spent together at the hotel…I thought we were on the same page. It’s been on the tip of my tongue to start a conversation with Bailey about how she’d feel if I was in a relationship. I was just waiting for the right time.
Fuck, maybe I waited too long.
Anger and jealousy war inside me as I picture Veronica with some asshole tough guy who gets women by running into burning buildings. Fuck. No.
Not fucking happening.
Chapter Twelve
Veronica
Bailey sits at my table, eating a popsicle while Aiden looks through the DVD’s she’s just brought him.
“Mom!” he pipes up. “Can I watch Batman?”
“Don’t turn the TV up too loud,” I warn, and he rushes off. By the look on Bailey’s face, she’s got something on her mind.
“Bailey, is something wrong?”
“We’re starting to get packed. We’ll be moving soon.”
I’d give up a kidney to move into a nice house like the one she’s getting, but I understand her apprehension. She’s grown up here. “I know moving is hard, but you’ll still be close by. You can come over and hang out, play with the friends you have here.”
Her next words wound something growing inside of me that I hadn’t even let myself admit was there. “Will you and Dad still be friends if he starts dating the lady from the dollar store?”
“What lady?” Pausing, I take a deep breath. I didn’t mean to snap at her, but the words just sort of flew out.
Nonplussed, she shrugs. “Some lady that Dad met at the dollar store. They talk all night on the phone. He doesn’t think I know.”
You have no right to be jealous, I tell myself. Over and over, I let that reminder beat through my head. No right to be jealous. No right.
It doesn’t change the fact that an ache has settled in my chest, right on top of the emptiness in my middle. Swallowing hard, I think carefully before answering her. “It doesn’t matter who your Dad dates, you and I will always be friends and you’ll always be able to come and visit anytime.”
The corner of her lip tucks in. “It won’t be the same.”
I try to swallow down the sudden panic and heartache that has gripped me and sit across from her.
“Not exactly the same, I know. But that’s life, honey. The next few years are going to be full of changes for you. You’ll go to middle school, then high school, meet new friends, and experience new things. It’ll be scary, but a whole lot of fun too. And you can always come and talk to me.”
Nodding, she gets to her feet. “Thanks. I’d better get back. We’re cleaning out closets. We might have a yard sale.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
I feel a little bad as she leaves because I know she’s upset, but it was everything I could do not to burst into tears. Which is stupid. Neal and I decided from the beginning that we were just screwing around, that we wouldn’t get serious because it wouldn’t be good for the kids.
It just felt like more. Watching him teach Aiden to ride his bike, helping me by cutting the grass at Mom’s, spending hours at night cuddled together in bed, talking about anything and everything until the sky started to lighten.
Spending all that time at the hotel wasn’t a good idea. It felt too much like a relationship and made me lose the grip on what we are; two single parents helping each other out with the kids. And an occasional orgasm. So why does it feel like someone scooped out my insides and filled me with sand? That’s the best way I can describe the disappointment and sudden regret weighing me down. Heavy.
I need to talk to someone because this is crazy. Neal isn’t my boyfriend.
I grab my phone and text Emily.
Me: What are you doing tonight?
Emily: No plans. I’m off tomorrow.
Me: Me too. Want to get drunk?
Emily: Name the time and place.
Me: Let me get back to you. See if I can find a sitter.
I’m sure as hell not asking Neal. I don’t want to see him right now because there’s no way I can act like everything is okay. He has no idea I know about this other woman. Instead, I text Noble.
Me: Hey, I’m looking for a sitter tonight. Would you or Denton want to make $25 to stay with Aiden?
It doesn’t take him long to reply.
Noble: Do you mind if Jani joins me?
Me: Not at all. Seven?
Noble: I’ll be there.
Emily and I make plans to meet at my place and taxi to a bar in the next little town. I’m not looking to meet anyone else. I just want to drown my sorrows and talk to a friend who might be able to help me work out what the hell I’m feeling, but I’m still dressing to kill tonight. I need to feel beautiful. Getting passed over for the dollar store lady is hell on a girl’s self-esteem.
“Ade, I’m going to go see Emily tonight. Noble and Jani are coming to watch you. I want you to be good and go to bed when they tell you to.”
“Can we play video games?” He looks up from the table where he’s scarfing down a hot dog and mac and cheese.
“Yeah, after you finish eating, you can play.”
“Yes!”
A little over an hour later, Emily shows up and whistles. “You look great. Can’t remember the last time I saw you in a dress.”
Maybe because I don’t own a lot of dresses. I’m much more a jeans and t-shirt kind of person, but my form fitting little black dress makes my slight curves look more pronounced. My hair—that’s more often tied up in a ponytail than not—hangs around my face, straight, and sleek. A light layer of makeup hides my pale skin’s flaws and makes my eyes pop. I don’t look like me, but I think I like it. Tonight, I want to be someone else.
Noble and Jani show up right after, and Aiden instantly drags Noble over to the video games.
“Damn,” Jani says, grinning at me. “You out to get laid tonight?”
“Nope, just trying to blow off some steam.”
“Well, if it turns into an all nighter, just text me. I don’t mind staying.”
Noble gives me a strange look before asking, “Where’s Neal tonight?”
“Home, I assume.” A honk from outside saves the day. “Our taxi is here. You both have my number.” I give Aiden a quick kiss goodnight that he swats away, focused on his game.
“Thanks guys!” I call out to Noble and Jani as we’re leaving.
Emily turns to me once we’re in the taxi. “So, do you want to tell me what happened? Because I’ve never known you to want to hit the bar last minute.”
“I need a drink first.”
“Okay.”
One thing I always dread is that first moment you walk into a bar. Everyone turns to look at you and this time is no different. My forced smile probably doesn’t hide my sudden nerves as I try not to trip or do anything stupid. By the time we choose a table, everyone’s attention has wandered away again. Whew.
The place is packed, and we were lucky to get a table, even though it’s next to a table full of loud guys who are probably from the college, by the looks of them. We order drinks from the waitress, and Emily waits until we’re sipping our fruity alcohol to ask again. “So, what happened?”
“I’m an idiot,” I sigh. “I thought I could just fuck Neal with no strings attached and keep emotions out of it. But today, I found out he’s seeing someone else and…it hurts. I don’t have the right to be jealous. But I want to find the doll
ar store bitch and scratch her eyes out.”
Emily sits up and signals the waitress. “Two more Margaritas. And two shots of Jaeger.”
She shoves my drink toward me. “Drink that, because we’re going to get fucked up, then you’re going to listen to me, because I have a lot to say.”
A giggle escapes me despite my somber mood. I love how blunt she is. I knew she was the person to go to if I wanted to put things in perspective. We down our drinks, then the shots, and begin sipping our second margaritas. Warmth spreads from my stomach out, and I feel my muscles relax a bit.
“Okay,” Emily begins. “First, how do you know he’s seeing someone?”
“Bailey told me. She was worried because they’re moving soon. She doesn’t know we were more than friends—she’s only eleven—but she was worried a girlfriend in the mix would keep us all from hanging out.”
“Smart kid,” Emily murmurs. “You don’t know how long they’ve been seeing each other?”
“No, all I know is she said they talk all night on the phone.”
Emily sips her drink. “Then he may not be sleeping with her.”
“It doesn’t matter. We aren’t together. I shouldn’t care.”
“Veronica, just because you two said you wouldn’t be serious doesn’t mean you weren’t. You spent every moment together. For months. You take care of each other’s children. You go places together, eat meals together, hang out constantly at your place or his. Like it or not, even without the sex, that’s a relationship. You two can deny it until the end of always, but it’s still true.
“I understand you didn’t make any promises to each other, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t let you know he’s dating someone and give you the option to stop what you’re doing. Let me ask you something. What if it were the other way around? If you had met someone and accepted a date with him, would you have told Neal? Or would you hide it and go on fucking him?”