by S. M. Shade
They both burst into laughter at her “queen of the nursing home” costume, and a smile breaks across her face.
She thumps the walker forward again and hobbles into the room. Saggy hose hangs just under her knees where her ratty robe ends. Her gray wig has a few stray pink curlers attached that bob as she walks. Dark framed glasses hang around her neck on a chain, and her comically big handbag rests at her waist. Yeah, there’s a bottle of Schnapps in that bag. She had me stop at the liquor store on the way back.
“I love it!” Neal laughs, hugging her. I can hear the relief in his voice that she didn’t wear something revealing. There’s no way I’m giving away what’s under that robe. I don’t want to miss his face when he sees.
She’s not going to do it now though. “I’m ready when you whipper snappers are,” she says in a frail voice.
“See,” I laugh, grabbing Neal’s arm on the way to the car. “This will be fun.”
Violent Circle has lost its mind.
When we pull in, Neal bursts out laughing.
There’s a giant bounce house set up in the middle of the basketball court. That isn’t all. There’s a climbing wall, a massive inflatable waterslide that ends in a pool a few feet deep, and I shit you not, a mechanical bull, surrounded by an inflatable wall. All set up side by side around the playground.
Throngs of people—of adults—are clambering over the equipment, hooting and hollering as they race down the slide or get tossed off the bull. This isn’t a party. It’s a kiddie carnival.
“What the hell?” Neal says as we get out of the car.
“Isn’t it great?” Denton exclaims. He’s wearing a giant hot dog costume. “Kenny got a job at the party store, so he got to borrow all this stuff for free!”
“I thought you said no kids,” I point out.
Denton looks around. “Do you see any kids? We let them play on it until a half hour ago. Now it’s our turn. Keg is beside the laundry room.” He turns his focus to Holly. “And who is this?”
“This is my mom, Holly. Mom, this is Denton.”
Denton cracks up. “I love your costume.”
“And I love yours. Nothing better than a big weiner.”
Denton laughs and gestures for her to follow him. “I already like you better than your son. Can I get you a drink?”
Holly digs in her big handbag and pulls out a fifth of schnapps. “I could use a glass and some ice, if you don’t mind.”
Despite his reluctance to bring her along, Neal’s lips tilt up, and he looks at me. “We’re going to be carrying her home.”
Holly holds her own though, and we only see her here and there as she bounces around the party, making friends out of whoever she talks to. Neal relaxes a bit, and as we both down the drinks, the night really starts to get fun.
“Hey!” Noble yells, pointing to the waterslide. “Come on!”
“I’ll get electrocuted!” I shout back.
Holly heads up the slide, and everyone cheers. Even Neal grins at her, waiting on her to splash down into the pool. She stands at the top of the slide and soaks in the hoots and cheers of the crowd.
I know what she’s about to do before she does it.
Neal is going to shit.
“Check me out, boys!” she shouts and throws open the robe to reveal the best part of her costume. The flesh colored body suit with fake boobs that hang almost to her knees is just as funny the second time I see it, especially when the boobs swing, revealing the mini afro of dark black hair glued to the crotch.
Everyone loses it, laughing, pointing, and there is more than one person recording on their phone when she seat drops onto the slide. She splashes into the pool at the bottom. Neal and Noble rush to help her out of the water, since the costume has now become a weight.
“Jesus, Mom,” Neal laughs. “I can’t take you anywhere.”
Jani approaches, still laughing. “Holly, we can walk down to my apartment if you want to borrow some clothes. You look about my size.”
“That would be lovely,” Holly agrees. She grabs the boobs that are now hanging well past her knees, rings them out, and tosses one over each shoulder. “I’m ready. This has been the best party.”
“Just wait until the strippers show up,” Jani jokes, and they head toward her apartment.
Neal chugs his beer. ‘You don’t really think she hired strippers, do you?”
“Nah, it’s not a bachelorette party.”
Neither Neal nor I want to get wet, but we do take a turn in the bounce house, and on the mechanical bull. Holly waves at us from across the park, now dressed in jeans and T-shirt, and I give her a thumbs up.
It’s well after midnight and the party shows no sign of breaking up. I feel a little sorry for the residents who have kids because there’s little chance anyone is sleeping through this. If there’s one thing Violent Circle knows how to do, it’s throw a party.
I’m having a fantastic time, though the alcohol is starting to hit me hard. “Jani! I’m going to use your bathroom!” I call to her, and she nods.
“I’m coming with,” Holly tells me. “Schnapps goes right through me.”
Noble and a few other guys are hanging out in Jani’s living room, playing a drinking game, but they pay us no mind as we take turns in her bathroom. Just as I’m joining everyone in the living room, there’s a knock on the door.
“It’s cops!” Noble calls.
“Oh shit, Jani really did hire strippers,” I announce.
Noble rolls his eyes. “Of course she did.”
“Open up! We need to talk!” one of them shouts.
Noble chuckles and yells back. “There are three of you! Talk to each other!”
Laughing, I open the door, and Holly’s face lights up. She grins at me before approaching them. “Hel-lo officers, wow, I have broken so many laws tonight. Just whip those handcuffs out now.”
The older guy—he’s maybe thirty-five—keeps a stern expression and steps back as she runs her hand down his chest. “Ma’am, we’ve had a noise complaint. It’s clear you’re having some kind of celebration tonight, but it’s time to wrap it up.”
These guys are good. But they aren’t dancing.
My vision wavers a bit as I pull out my phone and turn on some music. “Okay, let’s see it! Shake it, guys! I got dollars!”
Holly and I both start dancing, but she’s rubbing all over the older guy, so I focus on one of the younger ones. I’m sure Neal wouldn’t mind if I had a quick dance with him, right?
“Ma’am!” he stutters, when I sidle up against him. “You need to step back.”
“What? No touching? Do I need to pay extra for that?” I reach out to stroke his bicep, and he catches my wrist. At the same time, the older guy spins Holly around and cuffs her hands behind her back.
“Whew, that’s what I’m talking about,” she says.
The young officer repeats the action with me. Cold metal circles my wrists, and I giggle. “Don’t put anything in my back socket. That’s reserved for my boyfriend.”
One of them snorts out a laugh.
I never realized just how out of touch with reality alcohol can render a person until we’re being lead out to two waiting police cars. Maybe it’s the cool night air sobering me a bit or the jaws dropping all around us as we’re tucked into the back of the police car.
“Veronica,” Holly whispers, her eyes wide.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t think they’re strippers.”
The street light shines through the window illuminating her face, and our gazes meet for a second before we both crack up. “We’re in so much trouble,” I giggle.
“Charles will never let me hear the end of this.”
“Neal is going to kill me.”
Neal, Noble, and a ton of others are trying to talk the cops into letting us go, explaining the mistake, but it does no good. A few seconds later, we’re on our way to jail.
Chapter Seventeen
Neal
Ten minute
s. Veronica and mom were away from me for ten minutes and they got themselves arrested.
“This is my fault!” Jani exclaims as the squad cars drive away. “I was just teasing about strippers.”
“What did they do?” I ask Noble.
“They thought the cops were strippers, so they tried to dance with them.”
“That’s all?” I ask skeptically.
“Your mother may have grabbed one of the officer’s ass, but, I swear, Veronica only felt his bicep.”
There’s some general laughter, and I can’t blame them. If it were anyone else this would be funny as hell.
“Is anyone sober?” I ask, and Mitch steps forward.
“Yeah, I can’t drink. Doc’s got me on some pills that can’t be mixed with alcohol or they fry your liver.”
“He’s got that little Lamisil monster living in his shoe,” someone shouts, and he turns to flip them off. “I can drive you down to the jail.”
“If you can take me home, I’d appreciate it. Dad can run to the jail with me.”
“I’m sure once you explain, everything will be fine,” Darla speaks up, peeking out from under her big sun hat.
“I’m coming with you!” Jani exclaims. “I can tell them I’m the one who said I ordered strippers.”
“I’ll stay with the kids,” Noble laughs, joining us.
We all climb into Mitch’s car, and he drops us off at my house. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less than tell Dad where his wife is at this moment, but there’s no help for it.
Dad and Bailey both look up when we enter. They’re sitting on the couch, Bailey with her guitar on her lap. Aiden plays with his new toy hippo on the floor.
“What’s wrong?” Dad says.
“Uh, let’s talk upstairs.”
Bailey casts a worried look at me, and I give her a reassuring smile. “Everything’s fine. No one is hurt.”
She doesn’t quite look like she believes me, but she nods.
Noble sits on the floor with Aiden, keeping him occupied.
Dad and Jani follow me upstairs. There wasn’t much point explaining things away from the kids when his voice booms through the house. “Arrested! Your mother was arrested? For what?”
“Feeling up a cop she thought was a stripper,” Jani blurts when I hesitate. “It was totally my fault. I’m going to explain everything to them.”
Dad rubs his face and coughs out a laugh. “For fuck’s sake, Holly,” he mumbles. “Okay, let’s go get them.”
I hope it’s that easy. If we can’t convince them it was all a terrible mistake, they’ll probably keep them until they go in front of a judge tomorrow.
Fortunately, the two officers on duty at the station know me pretty well. I’ve helped them get Barney, our resident alcoholic, back into his apartment a time or two and they generally stop to chat when they pass by.
“Officer Green,” I greet him, approaching the desk. He takes one look at my plug costume and his chest shakes with laughter.
“Are you missing an outlet, there, Neal?”
“There’s been a misunderstanding.”
“That’s what I hear.” Chuckling, he gets to his feet.
Jani rushes up to him. “It was my fault. I told her there were strippers coming and when the officers showed up, Veronica and Holly thought they were strippers in costume. They didn’t mean to…manhandle the officers.”
Officer Green laughs and wipes his eyes. Waving to us, he says, “Come on back.”
It’s a tiny station with two holding cells, usually reserved for the few drunk and disorderly offenders that are picked up. Anyone who is a true threat is sent to the bigger annex run by the staties.
Mom sits back on the bench, her ankles crossed like she’s lounging at home, and laughs at something Veronica says.
“They aren’t exactly remorseful,” Officer Green snorts.
Veronica struggles to her feet in her outlet costume. “We apologized to all three officers. And explained what happened.”
“You can’t charge us with public intox,” Holly insists. “We were inside. You dragged us out into public.”
Officer Green turns to me and Dad, shaking his head. “Are you sure you want them back?”
“Somebody’s got to make breakfast,” Dad replies, relaxing now that he sees they aren’t going to keep them.
“Are you pressing charges?” I ask.
Officer Green opens the cell door. “No, you all gave me a new story to tell. Get their asses out of here.”
“Thank you.” I shake his hand as Mom and Veronica step out into the hall.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Dad asks.
Mom flips her hair back and lays a hand on her stomach. “I’m starving. Is the Breakfast Hut still open?”
Veronica cracks up laughing, and I hook an arm around her neck, pulling her against me. “What’s this I hear about you feeling up his bicep?”
“Me?” she scoffs, grinning. “Do I look like I’d do something so immature?”
As we make our way out of the station, one of the officers that brought them in walks past and nods to us. He’s barely out of earshot before mom announces, “Firm ass on that one. They must make them run a lot.”
When we get to the parking lot, I call Noble, who assures me the kids are fine. Mom and Veronica are still going on about breakfast, and Noble mentions the kids are hungry. Fuck it. “Have them put their shoes on. We’re going to go to the Breakfast Hut. Do you want to go?”
“No thanks. I want to get back to the party.” He tells the kids, and I can hear them cheer.
What the hell, it’s summer. One late night won’t hurt them.
We pick them up, and Dad drives since he’s the only one who hasn’t been drinking. It’s a tight squeeze in his car, so I pull Veronica onto my lap. We’re both a lot more comfortable since we ran inside to change out of our costumes.
We drop Noble and Jani off and a few minutes later, we’re all seated around a table in the twenty-four hour restaurant. At least it’s not near three a.m. yet, when the drunks pour in from the local bars.
Everyone is pretty much sobering up, especially after we dig into the food. Bailey and Aiden giggle and draw on the kid’s placemats with crayons in between bites of pancakes. Mom and Dad laugh and chat with Veronica, while she fills Dad in on their night’s adventure. Maybe I’m getting old, but this is more my idea of fun.
Gathered together, enjoying each other. This is family, and that now includes Veronica and Aiden, whether we ever seal the deal with a marriage or not. By the time we’re finished eating, Aiden is asleep with his head in Bailey’s lap, and Bailey’s eyes are drooping as well.
Veronica reaches to wake Aiden as we get ready to leave, but I stop her. “I’ve got him,” I tell her, scooping him up and carrying him to the car. He doesn’t stir as he’s strapped into his booster seat.
That’s one of those memories I love from being a kid. Being asleep in the back seat of the car and waking up in my bed. It was like teleporting. Aiden’s warm weight in my arms as I carry him upstairs and tuck him into his bed reminds me of doing the same with Bailey. I always wanted a son as well, and now I have one.
One look at Veronica’s face when she comes in from work, and I know she’s had a bad day. The kids are playing in the backyard when I take a seat beside her on the couch.
“They’re selling the hotel. And the next people plan to staff it with friends and family. I have a month to find a new job.”
I wrap my arm around her. “I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t your favorite place, but you’ve been with them for a long time.”
“Yeah, I’m not pissed at the owners. They have every right to sell, and they’re giving me three month’s severance pay, but I hate to start over somewhere new.”
Seizing my opportunity, I remind her. “You enjoyed filling in for Margo when she first went on maternity leave. She’s decided to be a stay at home mom, and my temporary employee couldn’t sell snow cones in
hell. Come and work with me.”
She scoffs, dropping a quick kiss on my jaw. “You mean come and work for you. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“You promised to marry me after one year.”
“I did.” She grins up at me.
“So, then you’ll just be working for our family business, not as your boyfriend’s employee. If you need another incentive to be my wife.” I run my palm down my bare chest. “I mean, you’re already getting all this.”
Her fingers pick at the seam of her jeans as she thinks about it. “Do you know why I wanted to wait a year?”
“In case I don’t age well?”
She laughs and rubs a finger over the stubble on my cheek, where a bit of gray is starting to mix in. “I had a few accounts go to collection, medical bills from Aiden’s birth and childhood that I was still paying on. They tanked my credit. After all you’ve done to get your finances straight, I wasn’t going to let mine drag you down.” She lays a finger over my lips when I start to argue. “But, with this severance, I’ll have them covered.”
“Does that mean…”
“If you still want to get the government involved, I’d love to be your wife.”
From bad news to the best fucking news in the world.
I practically dive on top of her, pinning her under me on the couch, and kiss her giggling mouth. “It’s about damn time. Are you going to work with me?”
“Anything but doing windows,” she laughs.
The back door slams shut and Aiden’s voice rings out. “Gross! They’re kissing!”
Laughing, we sit up, and Veronica gives me a small nod. “That’s what people do when they’re going to get married,” I tell him.
Bailey squeals and leaps onto the sofa next to Veronica. “Really?”
“If you’ll be my maid of honor.” Bailey hugs her with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face.
Aiden hasn’t said anything yet. He stands in front of us, looking uncertain.
“What do you think, A?” I ask.
He chews his lip and asks, “Do I have to wear a tie?”