by C R Riley
Jaxon's body trembles violently. "Don't tell me how I feel. My whole life, I have done my best to avoid feeling anything for anyone. The exception being those two idiots who decided I needed friends. I never wanted friends. Never wanted ties with anyone. Never chased after someone because they make me feel alive."
Johannah jumps up out of her seat and points one of her fingers in Jaxon's face. "And don't you dare make me feel guilty because I am being honest with you. Don't manipulate me into a relationship with you because of what you need. Of what you've never had before. This can't only be about what you need, Jaxon. This has to be about us."
Jaxon knocks his chair over when he tries to stand. "I'm not manipulating you."
"Aren't you?" Johannah spins on a dime and paces toward the window so she doesn't have to watch him. Seeing his body trembling like it is breaks her heart. Hearing his voice shake from it, is even worse.
"You are putting a ton of pressure on me, Jaxon. I feel like… like it all rests on my shoulders. Like I'm supposed to make up for all you've lost because you have been so isolated. I just don't know if I can do that. Make up for it all. Handle the pressure. Give you what you need."
Jaxon drops onto the couch and places his head in his hands as he rests his elbows on his knees. "All I need is you, Hannah."
"No, it's not, Jaxon. I can't be your everything." Johannah whirls and the sight of him defeated is more than she can take right now. "You're killing me right now, Jaxon. This. Seeing this is too much. My life was exactly how I planned it to be. I was happy with it. I love my job because it's precisely what I have always wanted.
"I had it all laid out with a well-thought-out plan. Get through the next six years; Colton will be eighteen by then. I will no longer need to be there to protect him. I will have taught him what he needs to know and be able to hand him over to someone else. At that point, I would be ready to move on with my personal life. Meet someone. Get married. Have a few kids."
Jaxon exhales and like that he gathers himself. He slips back into the mask he has gotten most comfortable with. Johannah witnesses the transformation. She doesn't even recognize the man now standing before her.
"Leave."
"Excuse me?" Johannah scowls at him.
"I said leave." Jaxon points at the door. "I don't want you here anymore. I don't need your sympathy, Johannah. So, since I don't fit into your well laid out plan. Since I didn't change your life like you did mine. Since I obviously make you feel manipulated. You need to leave, now."
"Make me." She stubbornly crosses her arms.
"Fine. I will." Jaxon strolls over to her with his cold façade still in place. He starts to reach out to grab her but knows if he does there is no way she won't affect him. "Don't make me call security on you, Johannah."
"Stop calling me that!" Johannah gets right in his face. "If you want me to leave, you are going to have to throw me out yourself. Physically put your hands on me and toss me out."
"Fine." Jaxon takes several grueling deep breaths, gathering up his strength to do just that. "If that's how it has to be, then fine."
Johannah watches as he stares at his hand, studying it carefully as it grips her arm. He closes his eyes before he guides her toward the door. His grip tightens with each forced step.
"You know what, forget it." Johannah shakes her arm free of his hold, no longer able to bear watching him struggle. "If you want me to leave, then I'll leave. But if I leave, Jaxon, I won't come back. If you don't want that, then now is the time to tell me. Because I'm just stubborn enough to walk out that door and never look back. And then both our lives will…"
"Will what, Johannah?" Jaxon grips her arm hard again. "What will our lives be? Isn't this what you want? Me out of your life, since I manipulated you."
Johannah slaps him hard across the cheek before she grabs the door handle and starts to yank it open. But Jaxon's hand is pressed against the door, preventing it from opening. "Let me leave Jaxon, you've made your point."
"Have I?" He whispers in her ear. "Hannah, I'm sorry. For everything."
Johannah bangs her head against the door. "So am I. Now please, let me go." It's a plea that he can't deny.
Jaxon backs away. His hand brushes her arm as he steps back and the heat it leaves behind stays with Johannah for days. There are no words spoken between them as she walks out the door. The only sound is the click the door makes when it closes.
Chapter Eleven
Johannah didn't return to work until Monday morning. Instead, she spent the weekend depressed and alone. Going over all that transpired in her mind multiple times. She still cannot understand why it all played out the way it did.
The day after it all went down, when she showed up to the hospital, Jaxon had already been there. Which meant he must have come by very early since she arrived before eight. He left his card with her mother. Told her he had business back in California that required his attention. He even made sure her mother knew that if she needed anything to call, and he would make sure to take care of it. Assured her nothing was too big or too small, nor would she be bothering him by calling, no matter the time.
That gesture alone had Johannah baffled. Why would he do that when she basically enlightened him there was no chance for them? She ended it without warning and had hurt him. She had hurt him in the worst way, and she knew it. He had allowed her to see all his tender, broken components. She ultimately told him he was too broken in the end. Too damaged for her to be able to accept the responsibility that was him. One of the biggest reasons he had built a world that kept him safe. And she had broken in uninvited and destroyed it in only a matter of minutes.
On Friday when her father was released, once again Jaxon had shocked her. Johannah was assisting her mother, making sure the hospital paperwork was in order. She went over it with her so her mother knew what to expect. Making sure they had filed it properly with the insurance company. That is when she realized the bill had been taken care of. Paid in full by a donation from Cristiano, Boyd & Taff Memorial Foundation. Later, she learned the donation not only covered her father's medical expenses. It also provided a healthy amount of funds. Funds that would assist the hospital in research relating to heart disease. The financial relief that donation offered her parents was huge. He was visibly scoring points with her family. And that only made her feel that much smaller.
But the biggest blow to her ego had come a few days later. It was when her brother Caleb laughed about the call he and Faith had recently received. Not only had Jaxon given Faith a raise, which he expressed she more than deserved, but also a promotion. He is also going to pay for her to obtain her real estate license and then send his top agent to help train her. Clarifying that none of it was happening because of Johannah. He evaluated talent regularly, gave promotions, and offered training based on those evaluations. This time he just happened to take a hard look at Faith after meeting her and Caleb at the hospital. Once he realized her potential, he did what he would have done eventually.
The man's generosity only confused Johannah more. This was not typical behavior that occurred after a tough break-up. But for this to be a break-up at all, that would mean Johannah believe they had been in a relationship to begin with. And since she didn't believe that, then what was his angle? Why was he doing all these gracious gestures for her family after she had treated him so badly? Was his motive to make her feel obligated to accept him? That isn't the Jaxon she'd gotten to know or read about. So then why? Why was the man messing with her mind?
It has been two weeks since everything went down. Two weeks that Johannah has walked around completely numb and in a perpetually foul mood. She has taken it out on everyone who has gotten in her way.
The knot in her stomach that settled there the night she left his hotel suite, has soured and grown. And the headache she has lived with, since crying herself to sleep that night, is still lingering. The only thing about the night that has finally gone away, besides Jaxon, is the heat from his touch. A touch she fel
t for days afterward.
And she misses it. She misses him. She misses him so much; she isn't sure she is ever not going to miss him.
There is a knock on the office door she has right outside the family living quarters. "Come in."
When the door opens, she stands out of respect. "Sit down, Agent Kohl."
"Mr. President." Johannah motions for him to take the seat in front of her desk and then waits for him to sit first. "Is there an issue with Colton's new schedule? I believe we have been making…"
"Stop talking and just listen." President Andrews interjects. "Rosetta and I are worried about you. Since your return, something has been bothering you. At first, we assumed it was your father's health. But after visiting him and your mother, I don't believe that to be the case. So, then I started asking around."
"I'm fine, sir," Johannah reassures him with a definite tone. "Just a lot of things to juggle right now. I'm sure it will all settle soon and I'll be back to my normal chirpy self."
"Agent Garris and McGraw were right. You miss him." There is a smug expression on his face. "Did you know Rosetta has a conference in California this weekend?"
"I did."
"I've decided to make it a family affair." President Andrews laughs when he sees Johannah close her eyes and then exhale. "So, I'm going to need you to travel with us. Once we get settled, you will be given the weekend off. Report back Monday morning before we leave so you can travel back with us."
"What am I supposed to do in California all weekend?" Johannah grumbles.
"Well, Agent Kohl, since we will be in the San Diego area. And Mr. Cristiano resides there. I even have it on good authority he will be there. I bet you can find something to do. Maybe fix what you broke."
"Or I could hide out in my hotel room all weekend. Do exactly what I was planning on doing here. Eat lots of pizza, gorge on ice cream, and watch every sappy movie I can find." Johannah leans back and feels a little better giving it right back to him. President or not, the man is too dang involved in her personal life.
"I suppose you could do that too." He nods his head at her stubbornness. "But wouldn't it be a shame to live out your life feeling so miserable? Wouldn't it be much more exciting to be miserable with someone, at least? I mean, a man would have to be a glutton for punishment to put up with the likes of you."
For the first time in days, Johannah senses a smile trying to breakthrough. "I can't believe the people would elect a man like you to run this country. Don't you have some war to prevent or some bill that needs vetoing?"
"Right now, the rest of the world is doing just fine." He stands and rests his hands on her desk, staring directly down at her, making her feel very small. "Johannah, sometimes we don't understand why God leads people into our lives when he does. Or why he puts us in a place, we never thought achievable. All I know is that when he does, you don't question why, you accept it and go with it. Pray that he gives you the wisdom needed to get through. And I am also aware, how miserable one becomes when he fights his will. Been there, done that, and have the scars and battle wounds to prove it. In the end, God's way is so much easier when we just let him guide us. He can even use a very powerful man, with a big ego and a very pushy wife to help along the way." With that, he gives her a wink and turns to leave. "Plane leaves in two hours. Be packed and ready to depart with us, Agent Kohl."
Chapter Twelve
Jaxon has been doing his best to move on since Johannah stumbled in and then out of his life. Going back to a life of solitude hasn't been easy. Therefore, he has thrown himself into his work like never before. Rarely making it home at night or on the weekends. Sleeping only when he couldn't keep his eyes open, and then only doing it long enough to rejuvenate.
Last week, he watched the President address the nation with his family by his side. In the background, he spotted her standing guard. She was so hard to miss, especially now that he had taken notice of her.
He knew how the woman standing guard smelled after a shower because it was the last scent of hers he had taken in. Knew how soft her skin felt when he touched it with his fingertips. Remembered what her voice sounded like when she laughed. What her face looked like when she really smiled. How her eyes twinkled when the moonlight caught them just right.
And yet, there was still so much he didn't know about her he wanted to. He wanted to know her like no other man before him ever had. He wanted to experience the good, the bad, and the ugly with her. Wanted to see her at her highest highs and her lowest lows. Be there for her when she needed him most. Support her when no one else could. Most of all, he wanted to see her, touch her, hold her… kiss her.
Boy, did he desperately want to kiss her.
Were her lips as soft as they appeared? Was she as sweet tasting as he imagined? Would kissing her be as pleasurable as he envisioned?
Maybe Hannah had been right. He had manipulated her into spending time with him. Which meant in the long run, he was no better than his father. His father was the best manipulator he knew. Used his fame and fortune to get women to trust him, then once he was done with them, he left them confused.
So, to make up for his behavior, Jaxon had done the only thing he could think of to confirm that wasn't true. He went to visit her mother before he left. Did it early enough to ensure he didn't run into Hannah. Met her father and even got to speak with him briefly before he had to go. He didn't want to just disappear, leaving her to answer a ton of questions about him. So, he tried to make it easier on her by telling them he had business that needed his attention. That way hopefully his absence seemed necessary, instead of odd.
Then once Jaxon got home, he had Seth look into the Kohl's financials. While they weren't hurting for money, the bills her father had acquired and would continue to acquire would certainly make matters more difficult. That's why he instructed Seth to make a donation to the hospital. Make sure all of Timothy Kohl's medical expenses were covered, both current and future.
A few days later, after a long night of going over some of his real estate adventures, he recalled that her older brother's wife worked in his office out of Baltimore. So, he contacted the office and did a complete audit of his employees. Discovered Faith Kohl was not being used to her full potential, so he rectified that. Gave her a well-earned raise and promoted her. That way, once she obtained her real estate license, she could really shine. Then he talked to his top agent and persuaded her to agree to train and mentor Faith once she had that license.
And yes, all of that had been done because of Johannah ultimately. But in all honestly, it wasn't at all out of character for his company to donate money to a hospital. Or even for him to audit his offices and promote employees. He just hoped Hannah didn't assume he was aiming to buy her affection. Hoped she saw it for what it truly was. Maybe not for what it truly was, because it probably was done in hopes to grab her attention. Let her know he was still thinking about her and that he cared.
Jaxon's desk phone buzzes before Seth's voice fills the room. "Mr. Cristiano, I am heading out for the weekend. Is there anything else you need before I go?"
Jaxon taps his headset. "No, Seth. I think I'm going to head home myself this weekend. Martin threatened to bring Lucille with him if I spent one more night in the office. Have a wonderful weekend, and I'll talk to you Monday. I promise to do my best to leave you alone. Give your wife my best and tell her thank you for letting me overwork you these past few weeks."
"Lizzy has been studying hard for med school and is always happy when I seem just as busy and not ignored. She just finished up a rotation, so she has a break this weekend. Meaning should you call, I may pretend my phone died."
Seth has only been married a few years. To a lovely woman that he met by accident when she literally ran into him in a parking lot. It was love at first sight for both. Six months after that they got married, right before she entered medical school. The hours Seth puts in have never been a problem since they both stay busy. But when downtime comes, they hide out and shove the wor
ld aside, so they can focus on each other for a change.
"Good to know. I promise not to call no matter what." Jaxon tells him with a forced laugh he hopes sounds more authentic.
"Before I leave, I just want to let you know that Jasper, the manager of Torrey Pines Cristiano Resort, called. He wanted me to know that they are going to be on high alert all weekend. It seems the First Lady's husband decided to make this a family retreat. Accordingly, security has been upgraded, and the USSS showed up an hour ago to secure the building. Fortunately, the hotel was mostly prepared. I guess when the actual President joins his family, it needs to be even more secure. He knows how you like to oversee events like this and wanted to give you a heads up."
Jaxon would usually show up to ensure everything went better than expected. This time, however, he is going to let his top security guys handle it, and trust his manager to do his job. If it's a family trip, then he can't chance the possibility of running into Johannah. Seeing her so close like that would be so much harder than seeing her on television.
"Thank you. I'll call and check in before I leave." Which he does an hour later and is satisfied to hear it is all running smoothly. After establishing they don't need his supervision, Jaxon packs up and heads home.
Martin is happily waiting for him downstairs with his wife in tow. That coerces a genuine smile out of Jaxon. Knowing someone cares about him like these two do makes life a little better.
"I thought we'd all go out and have a nice dinner," Lucille states as he approaches. "It's been so long since we have done that."
"I suppose I could be talked into doing just that. Any place, in particular, you had in mind?" Jaxon asks the older woman before slipping into the car.