“Ashiya, that’s not fair.”
“It doesn’t have to be fair to be the truth,” she said in a hard voice.
Her mom’s mouth snapped shut. Elizabeth’s chin lifted, and even though regret hovered in her gaze, all the excuses she’d thrown out formed a layer of defensiveness and justification Ashiya wouldn’t be able to break through. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.
The weight of her anger and the pain of holding it back made her shoulders slump. She didn’t want to deal with her mom anymore. Didn’t want to smile and network with the people outside who were suddenly interested in her because she’d inherited a fortune. Didn’t want to go upstairs with India and watch as her cousin was showered with affection from her loving husband. She was so tired of it all.
Why had she thought coming back to this would make her happy? She almost longed for the judgmental looks of The Dragons, the challenge to meet Levi’s expectations, and Brianna’s you’ve-got-this attitude. At least their reactions and emotions were real and not hidden behind fake smiles and niceties. Everything here came at a price to her sanity.
“Give my best to Uncle Grant, Byron and Elaina,” she said dryly. “I’m going home.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
RUSSELL LOOKED AROUND at the mingling people at the Robidoux estate and sighed. He was tired, had a lot of work to catch up on from being away for so long, and would likely cut the next person who asked him if Ashiya’s inheritance was really as big as everyone said.
He turned to his cousin standing next to him at the bar. “I’m going to head out.”
Isaac shook his head. “Nah, man, you can’t leave. We’ve barely been here an hour.”
An hour was long enough for him. “I’m beat and I’ve got some things to do. Me leaving doesn’t mean you have to leave. Stay. Enjoy the alcohol and the networking.”
Isaac placed a hand on his arm. “You can’t leave. You know these people. I don’t. I need you to introduce me.”
Any other day, Isaac’s pleading gaze would have squeezed at least another forty-five minutes out of Russell. Today was not the day. He couldn’t do this. Being around Ashiya and not letting on that they were together was a heavier burden than listening to everyone speculate about her newfound wealth. Tonight just reminded him of how superficial their relationship had been before, which only made him question his good sense for being with her again.
Russell gently pushed Isaac’s hand off his arm. “I’ve already introduced you to all the important people. The rest is up to you. I’m going home to catch some rest.”
“You sure? I saw Ashiya just go into the house. Are you chasing after her?” Isaac asked suspiciously.
Russell scowled and jerked back. “What? Man, whatever.” He turned and headed toward the house before Isaac could see how close he’d come to the truth.
Isaac hurried and followed him. “Nah, what’s up with that look?”
“What look?”
“The look that said you are chasing after her. What happened? I knew something was going to happen as soon as you said you were staying in the house with her.”
“Nothing happened,” Russell said between clenched teeth. “I told you I stayed in the house because it was easier, and I’m in a completely different wing than she’s in. Believe me, there’s nothing there.”
The words scratched his throat like rusty barbed wire. The truth of them hurt almost more than the idea of getting clowned by Isaac for sleeping with Ashiya again. If he’d thought anything about their relationship was different, tonight proved that nothing had changed. When he’d arrived she’d given him a polite nod and hello before getting lost in the crowd. Not once after had she acknowledged him. She’d gone back into the pattern of before. Giving no indication of what was between them. He was done playing games.
Years ago, he’d fooled himself into thinking their hidden relationship was scandalous and sexy. He’d thought he’d known a secret part of Ashiya that no one else had seen. He’d relished the idea that the cute and quirky member of the Robidoux Family who everyone underestimated was really the smart, brilliant and sexy woman sharing his bed. He’d listened to other men talk about their frustration with not being able to get close to her and silently gloated that she was his and that’s why their efforts were in vain.
Except he hadn’t been the reason. He’d just been a distraction and prop while she got the man she really wanted to come back to her side.
He didn’t know what he expected to be different this time. That she’d tell her family they were sleeping together? Out of the question. He could imagine the automatic assumptions that he was suddenly with her because of her fortune. Still, he hated being shoved back to the pretend-we-don’t-know-each-other zone.
Isaac kept rambling about all the reasons he knew Russell and Ashiya would get back together along with all the reasons Russell needed to keep away from her. Every single reason was true, but that didn’t stop his eyes from scanning the crowd for her on his way out. It didn’t stop him from wanting to ask her how it felt going from the ignored member of an influential family to the most sought-after. It didn’t stop him from wondering if she was okay.
He was a damned fool.
“Look, Isaac, I get it.” Russell said once they were in the house. “You don’t have to tell me over and over. I’m staying away from her. There is nothing going on between Ashiya and me except work. Now, will you please leave me alone about her?”
“Fine. Just know that I’m looking out for you. I don’t want to hate on her, but she fucked you up last time. I don’t want you to get caught up again.”
Russell stopped and placed a hand on Isaac’s shoulder. “I’m not going to get caught up with her again. I’m good. Seriously.”
Isaac studied him for a few tense seconds, then nodded. As much as his cousin got on his nerves with the anti-Ashiya talk, Russell knew he came from a place of love. He had been messed up after Ashiya broke his heart. Isaac just didn’t want him hurt a second time.
The sound of heels clicking on the floor in a quick clip caught both of their attention. Ashiya hurried down the hall with long, determined strides. Her face was blank, but he noticed the way her lower lip was pulled between her teeth. A sign that she was holding back her emotions. Only Isaac next to him kept him from going to her immediately to ask her if everything was okay.
Ashiya spotted him, and her chin trembled. Russell took a step forward. Isaac held him back with one hand. Ashiya hurried across the hall and threw her arms around him. Her lips lifted, and like a magnet to metal, his were drawn to hers. The kiss lasted only a few seconds, but in those moments, he knew he would never get her out of his system.
She pulled back, her eyes shiny with tears. “Take me home.”
He vaguely recognized the surprised gasp of Ashiya’s mother behind them. Isaac mumbled something about Russell being stupid. There were even interested murmurs from the guests. He didn’t care about any of that. The comments from others faded away. The only thing that mattered were the tears in Ashiya’s beautiful hazel eyes, the plea in her voice to escape. A fierce protectiveness along with happiness that she’d come to him made him tighten his hold on her.
Russell’s brushed away the tear at the corner of her eye. “Let’s go.”
* * *
“YOU READY TO tell me what happened?” Russell asked Ashiya later.
They’d arrived at his place, and she’d barely given him a chance to close the front door before she was pulling on his shirt and kissing him. Clothes were discarded throughout the house on the way to his bedroom. A small voice in the back of his head said he should ask more questions. That he shouldn’t just fall into bed with her after she’d spent the night ignoring him. That he was once again playing the fool for a woman who said she loved him, then acted completely different. He’d almost pulled away and stopped. Almost.
When the softness of her han
d wrapped around his hard dick like the warmest of gloves just as her tongue slid across his lips, he no longer cared about the reasons. He had the woman he’d wanted and craved more than he cared to admit. Ashiya was there, in his arms, in his home, and ready to fall right back into his bed.
They’d made love hard and fast. Both gripping and pulling at each other as if they’d been lost without the other. It had happened so fast, all he remembered was the softness of her skin, the oh-so-tight heat of her surrounding him, and an orgasm that drew a whimper out of him he’d be embarrassed to remember the next morning.
He lay on his back. Ashiya’s head rested on his chest. One of her legs sprawled across his thighs. The top sheet and comforter were somewhere on the floor on one side of the bed. The air circulated by his ceiling fan was cool against his sweat-soaked skin, but Ashiya’s body, hot and soft in his arms, made him ignore the chill.
“What happened?” she said referring to his question. “You mean other than the obvious awfulness of suddenly being sought after by the same people who ignored you before?” she said dryly. The warm caress of her breath on his chest as she spoke stirred something in his midsection. God, he’d missed having her here.
Russell rested one arm behind his head while the other played lazily across the smooth skin of her back. “You knew that was going to happen.”
“I did. People who would say hello right before their eyes drifted away to search for a more influential member of the family suddenly had plenty of time to talk with me. Now they want to know about Piece Together and when I plan to sell it now that I’ve inherited so much.”
“Are you going to give it up?” He couldn’t imagine her giving up the store. She’d worked so hard to make it profitable and was proud of it. The store was just as much a reflection of Ashiya as the Legacy Group, because she’d started it.
“No,” she said as if the idea were preposterous. “I know I might not be able to give it as much attention as I used to now that I’ve got the Legacy Group, but I don’t want to let it go. I can let Lindsey run it. I don’t plan to move to Hilton Head permanently. Once things are settled, I can travel between the two.”
“But it wasn’t the people questioning your ability to run a small business and a large corporation, was it?”
She sighed and ran her fingers through the hair on his chest to the cross charm he wore around his neck. He loved it when she did that. “No. It was Mom. I listened to you and did what you said.”
Russell shifted his head and looked down at her. “What’s that?”
“I told her that leaving me alone in a strange house for three days over the weekend because she and Dad were too proud to talk to each other was wrong, and it hurt me.”
“Let me guess. That didn’t go over well.”
“Nope. She told me I was being overdramatic. Like, seriously? Overdramatic?”
Her body and shoulders tensed. Russell ran his hand up and down her back until her body relaxed and she let out a breath. “What brought that conversation on?”
“She was doing her usual spiel. Telling me I should be irritated about the people suddenly wanting a piece of me and that I should take advantage of every opportunity. If that’s the case, then why keep me from my grandmother? Things blew up from there.”
“Did she have a good reason to keep you from your grandmother?”
Ashiya’s hand curled into a fist on his chest. “Pride. That’s it. Just because my grandmother accused her of being a lying gold digger who got pregnant to get a chance at my dad’s fortune. That’s the only reason.” She let out another sigh. “The thing is, Mom does love Dad. By the time she realized she loved him, he’d found out the real reason she married him.”
Russell wondered if Ashiya realized she and her mom reacted the same way in relationships. Elizabeth started a relationship on false pretenses only to realize too late that she’d fallen in love. The same with Ashiya and him. Were they no better than her parents?
“Did she ever tell your dad how she felt?” Had George stayed with Elizabeth because she loved him, only to regret his decision later?
Ashiya shook her head. “Not that I know of. Mom would never admit that. My mom and Uncle Grant kind of believe love is a weakness. Even if she did, I don’t know if he would believe her.” Her body froze, and she sat up quickly.
Russell was so startled by the loss of her body heat and the movement that he jumped up too. “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes were wide, and they stared into his, horror on her face. “That’s why you didn’t say anything.”
“Say anything about what?”
“When I said I loved you. I messed up so much before with Stephen that you don’t believe me now. That’s it. Isn’t it?”
Her words were dead-on. She slapped him with a truth he’d struggled with from the moment he’d kissed her again. The truth that, deep down, a part of him was still ashamed to know he’d gone back to her after she’d used him to get back the man she really loved. The man she’d loved for almost ten years. How could one year of a clandestine relationship with him really undo all of that? That’s why he hadn’t believed her words of love. Words she’d blurted out during an orgasm. Millions of people swore they were in love when they had sex. That didn’t mean they really were.
He shifted away and looked on the floor for the covers. “I didn’t say anything because I’m taking things slow.”
She reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Slow, because you don’t trust me. It’s okay. You can tell me the truth. I know what I did was wrong.”
The sadness in her eyes. Borderline pity and self-doubt made something inside him snap. He jerked his shoulder, and her hand dropped.
“Stop that. Stop with the sad eyes and the I’m so guilty routine. I don’t need it on top of everything else.”
“I’m not doing a routine.”
He shifted away from her in the bed. “You’ve done a routine from the moment we broke up. You were sorry. You know you messed up. You were wrong. I deserve better. You say all those words, but you still try to play me, Ashiya. You think I don’t see it? I know you well enough to know when you’re pressing my buttons. And like a dumbass, I keep falling for it. Stop that shit.”
He jumped up from the bed. She scrambled off the mattress and rushed to block him from walking out of the bedroom. “Russell, wait.”
He stepped back to avoid her touch. “What?” Anger, with him, with her, with his insecurities, all came out in that one word. If she gave him another hollow I’m so sorry, I love you, please forgive me speech, he was done. He would not become the sequel to her parents’ relationship.
“I’m—” Her words cut off when he glared at her. She dropped her hands and then crossed her arms over her breasts. She looked at the floor, the wall, his stomach, then finally met his eyes. “You’re right. I played with your emotions and wanted you to feel sorry for me.”
Her honesty was the only thing that kept him from rushing out of the room. Still, it wasn’t enough. He needed her to understand, truly understand, what he meant. “Why? Why do that to me if you claim to love me?”
“Because I don’t know any other way to love. I don’t know any other way to be with the people I care about. My parents were too busy fighting with each other to show me anything but how to use the other person. I know they love each other, but what kept them together was appearances and manipulation. Even when they both should have just let things go. Maybe that’s why I held on to the first relationship I had that felt genuine for so long. Stephen was the first person who seemed to really love me, but we did the same thing. Whenever he said he needed a break, I went along with it because I thought that would keep us together. So I dated other people, too. He’d get jealous and come running back. Just like my parents. When I met you, I didn’t think I’d care. I thought we would just be another relationship I had until Stephen was ready for t
he break to be over. Except I let my guard down. You were so genuine, loving, and open with your feelings that I just responded in kind. I was myself. Before I knew it, you were in my heart, but when you believed Stephen’s lies about me cheating with him and cut me off, I went back to what I knew instead of fighting for something new and scary.”
She took a long, shuddering breath. “I don’t know how to just be happy. How to trust the person I love will stay without a reason. Am I really enough? Just me? I wasn’t even enough for my parents to remember me when I was locked in a basement.”
His anger vanished, but frustration remained. He wanted to shake her parents for making her think she wasn’t enough. Wanted to shake Stephen for taking advantage of that. Mostly, he wanted to shake himself for contributing as well. He couldn’t do this with half of his heart. Not if he was going to ask her to do the same.
He stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Ashiya, you’re more than enough. If you haven’t noticed, I’m crazy about you. But we can’t be together like before. No more games. No more manipulation. No more hiding. Unless you’re willing to do that for me, you need to leave now.”
* * *
EVERYTHING RUSSELL ASKED for was reasonable. An emotionally stable, grown-up, and responsible relationship should be free of manipulation and games. The panic and fear swelling in her chest shouldn’t be there. The fear of trusting love to be enough made her want to put on her best running shoes and get out before her heart was broken.
The growing disappointment in Russell’s eyes as the silence stretched between them let her know walking away now meant she’d never get another chance. He was ready and willing, and all she had to do was be ready and willing as well. She had to believe they could get it right this time and toss out everything she ever believed or thought about how to make a relationship work.
Foolish Hearts Page 21