by Flynn Eire
“I remember when you were sweet and innocent like that. It was like being around sugar,” Artur purred as he rubbed his hand over Philo’s arm. I choked on my sangria, Gilroy taking pity on me and slapping me on the back. “Wrong pipe or are you not used to having alcohol?”
“Something like that.” I took a hunk of bread being passed around, happy for anything to distract me. Then my phone vibrated again and I shot an annoyed glance at Verge, but he looked busy too. I pulled it out and saw it was from Philo.
Personally, I love the curls. They make you look angelic and sinful all at once.
My heart raced as I looked up at him but he was talking to Xana. I had to look back at my phone just to make sure I wasn’t fabricating it, that the text was real.
It was. It said it was from him. I took a deep breath and texted him back.
Thanks. I love & hate that shirt on you. The color is perfect.
Then I took a lot of salad, fond of the dressing they used. I asked Gilroy about the trip for him so far, how he was doing. He smiled, seeming younger and happier too. This place seemed to work miracles for everyone… Everyone else. For me it was the wedge that came between Philo and me.
Or maybe that really was my own idiocy?
That was what I was thinking in between forkfuls of salad and my phone vibrated again.
Vague. So you love the color. Why do you hate it?
I took a deep breath and jumped. He flirted with me about the hair, I could easily flirt about this.
Because the most stunning physique shouldn’t be covered up with a shirt, especially a long-sleeved one. It’s a crime that everyone isn’t staring in awe at how gorgeous you are, at every muscle, and every dip of your body.
I hesitated to hit send but then I finally did, downing the rest of my sangria and filling right back up. Next ravioli was passed around, and I took a lot of it, loving it more than probably any other pasta. I glanced up when I heard a cough, my eyes going wide when I realized it was Philo and he was staring at his phone.
Oh god.
He assured Artur he was fine and slipped his phone in his pocket. I felt my heart sink into my stomach when mine didn’t vibrate shortly after. Guess that answered if I’d gone too far or not. I listened to Gilroy and Xana talk about how good it was to unload about what had been going on, working hard in a different way, and taking long walks together where there wasn’t worry, only peace.
Hell, I wanted their vacation. Mine had been full of tension, confusion, and no one to unload on besides Matteo pressuring me to spill which led to more tension.
Just thinking about it made me lose my appetite, but apparently not my thirst for sangria. Always a winning combination. I did gobble up three pieces of the tiramisu, not caring about the glances it got me or the comments I was sure Artur was whispering in Philo’s ear.
Actually, that was the reason for the third piece.
I was never happier for a dinner to end than that one in my adult life. My childhood one was my mother’s wake, without comparison, but my adult one was that meal. Artur said his goodbyes to Glenna and the rest of Philo’s family, but Philo was talking to other people he knew from the area who were leaving.
So I thought I was totally trashed when I saw Artur heading for the front door. I decided it was best to tuck myself in, and forget the whole night, especially if he was leaving.
But then he didn’t, ducking down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. I hurried after him, pissed off that he would be such a douche and pulling whatever he was about to when Glenna and the whole Sutton clan had invited him into their home. He slipped into Philo’s room, and without thinking as to why he might do that, I followed right after him.
“Darling, I’m not—” he started, but stopped when he saw it was me. “Oh, hello again, Norris. What can I do for you?”
“You can explain why you’re sneaking around the family’s rooms when you told Glenna you were going home! I can’t believe she trusts you. What are you up to?” I accused, really into my rant and totally on my high horse of virtue.
Until I realized his shirt was open and he’d been working on unbuttoning his pants.
“Glenna doesn’t need to know everything that her son does, does she?” Artur chuckled as he slid off his shirt. “I assure you that a certain Sutton has no problem with me being here and I’m not stealing the silver. Very adorable of you to come charging in here to make sure Philo’s virtue is safe, since that ship has long sailed, or I wasn’t trying to steal the furniture, though it is remarkable.”
“Right, sorry. Jumped to the wrong conclusion, great sangria, should come with a warning label,” I mumbled before racing to the door.
“I’ll let Perfecta know you think that. It’s her recipe,” he called after me.
Awesome. Wasn’t that just the final nail in my coffin of humiliation?
I was just about to my own room when someone grabbed my arm. “There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
“Why?” I rasped, not able to meet Philo’s eyes.
“What do you mean why? The texts perhaps? Or the fact you stopped eating and only drank sangria. What’s up with that? Or three desserts? Why did you eat three desserts like you got dumped?”
I looked up at him then with disbelief my eyes. “I don’t know, Philo, you didn’t text me back after almost choking on the text I sent.”
“Yes, I did.” He pulled out his phone with his free hand but I yanked my arm away.
“Whatever. There’s a naked man in your room. He says he’s waiting for you and you’re expecting him so the three desserts seems pretty damn justified after all considering we share a wall.”
“What?” he hissed, glancing at his door. I took advantage of his distraction and opened my own, trying to escape from the humiliation, but he was faster, snagging me around the waist as if I weighed nothing and headed to his room. “Oh no, I got you to flirt with me. Really flirt with me and I could have kissed Artur because apparently you can get jealous, and you realized that while there’s an unfortunate entanglement between our families, it’s in the past and doesn’t mean anything between us.”
When he put it like that, it actually made sense. And I had been really jealous to see Artur getting Philo’s attention and hear their sordid history.
I didn’t get to say anything, because he yanked open the door. “Artur, tell him I didn’t invite you to my room and to get naked. On the contrary, I said we couldn’t hook up like normal because I was involved with someone.”
“No, you said you thought you might be,” Artur corrected from Philo’s bed.
“Fine,” Philo ground out. “But I did tell you it was complicated and I wanted to be involved with him.”
“You did,” Artur sighed, waving at me. “I assume from the way you’re holding him against his will and the fact he looks as if a litter of puppies has been run over and none of the boys at the dance asked him to go steady that this is the one? Really, Philo? You’re sniffing after the kid who’s so green to all of this he’s clearly a virgin and probably can’t even say sex much less give you some anytime soon.”
“That’s at least the third time you’ve been a condescending dick to me,” I snarled, breaking Philo’s hold and getting my feet under me. “Three strikes you’re out, douchebag.” My fangs came out, and I flinched, never having had them come out in anger like that.
Unfortunately, Artur saw that and threw his head back, laughing at me. Kinda took the thunder out of my anger. “Oh child. You might be a warrior if you pass all your tests, but for now, you’re just a child. And if you’re not even sure how many insults I’ve given you tonight, then you’re not even a smart one.”
“Enough, Art,” Philo ground out. “Just stop this. I said no. I’m sorry you’re pissed because you assumed things would be like normal but they’re not. Have the self-respect not to be petty and childish to throw digs at Norris who’s too nice and polite to shoot back. Put away the claws, get dressed, and show yourself out.”
“Don’t. I’ve said that many times, Art. Don’t wait for me.” And with that, Philo grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the room. Once we were back in front of my room, I tried to get away from him but he simply tightened his grip. “Oh no, I have a feeling we’re not done with undoing your hurt feelings. Do you believe I didn’t want Artur there?”
“Yes,” I admitted in a whisper as I hurried after him. That didn’t mean I still wasn’t mortified by everything that happened that night. Man, he was fast when he was on a mission.
And that mission was to find his mother to my surprise.
“Tell Norris why Artur got an invitation here tonight,” Philo demanded, pulling me up next to him.
She raised an eyebrow, glancing between us. “Why would he not? He’s a family friend, one you have known a long time.”
“I already know the answer, Philo,” I hissed, slapping his arm. “Stop embarrassing me even more. Perfecta already told me and Verge.”
“Told you what?” they both asked me.
“Nothing, it’s nothing,” I answered, trying to pull my hand away. When he wouldn’t let go, I sighed and finally focused on Glenna. “I don’t get it, I thought you liked me. You seemed happy at the idea of me with Philo.”
“I was, but then you rejected my son.”
“I needed a moment to think.”
“You had it,” she stated firmly, crossing her arms over her chest and staring me down, letting me know that I’d crossed a line with her.
“Yeah, okay, fine, so bring in his ex-boyfriend, his first love, and rub it in my face that you want them to mate and join your families. Thanks. Love it here. Such a healing place for all.” Finally I got my hand free and I realized it was because Philo was so shocked at what I’d said, he’d let go. Looking at Glenna I saw the same expression but she recovered first.
“No, no, Norris, that is not what happened. I knew Artur would fawn all over Philo and it would be the kick in the pants you needed to tell him you no longer wanted space.”
“What?” I gasped, almost falling over in my own surprise.
“Who told you our families wanted us to mate?” Philo whispered and then rolled his eyes. “Right, you said Perfecta. Maybe once, hundreds of years ago, but my parents know that I never loved Artur.” I let out a snort and backed away from him. “He was my first love, Norris, but it wasn’t real love. It was a puppy love that was safe and easy to return to when I came home once in a blue moon. It was never real for me. He doesn’t challenge me or call me on my shit or drive me half as crazy as you do.”
I gaped at him. “That’s a good thing?”
“Yes,” they both answered.
“I’m so confused.”
“Welcome to being in love,” Glenna chuckled. She leaned over and kissed my cheek, giving me a hug. “I’ll leave you boys to figure things out. And yes, I do like you very much, Norris. I like you for my youngest if you stop pushing him away. Don’t screw it up.”
“I can’t promise that.”
She let out another little laugh. “None of us can.” Then she gave Philo a kiss and left us.
And then we were left staring at each other like idiots again.
“Don’t run,” he whispered, studying me.
“How did you know?” I asked, completely floored that he went with saying that.
“Because that’s how you always look when things get complicated or hard. You did it when we found out our mums knew each other even if you only ran to the next room. So don’t run.”
“You need to offer another suggestion then because I’m so freaked out and spinning I’m completely blank as to what I should do or say right now,” I admitted, my cheeks heating up. “Plus, you said some things that make me less secure about how I thought I felt for you and I just—I don’t think I can and—”
I yelped when he moved lightning fast again, this time with his arm around my waist. Philo snagged two carafes of sangria and guided me into the gardens behind the main house where no one would see us. He stopped by a stone bench, smiling when he saw it, and sat down.
But I didn’t. It seemed like he was taking another trip down memory lane and I felt as if he was bringing my fears home.
And like Philo, he figured it out. “I never brought Artur here. This bench is special. It has history for souls that have been hurt and are too scared to open up again.”
“So it’s not like your make-out spot with all the guys you sneak into the gardens?” I hedged as I watched him take a drink from the first carafe. He shook his head and handed it to me. I thought it couldn’t hurt so I had some as well.
And it quickly brought me back to buzzed. Apparently I’d just taken a time-out with what had happened, not fully sobered up.
“I don’t want Artur.”
“Okay.”
“But you’re not moving closer to me,” he muttered, studying that I was still an arm’s length away. “What did I say that bothered you?” I shrugged and he frowned. “I would think you owe me some honesty, Norris.”
I winced. He was right. I’d jumped to some assumptions, pushed him away when it hadn’t been fair, and already tested his patience further than any man should have been for not much of anything in return. I took another swig of the sangria and handed it back to him, moving so our knees touched.
“You said Artur was your first love, but it wasn’t real love. It was a puppy love that was safe and easy to return to when you came home. It was never real for you.”
“Yes. Why does that upset you?” He stared at me funny before taking a drink.
I growled and grabbed his shirt in my hands. “For someone as smart as you are, you’re an idiot sometimes. What are you for me, Philo? I don’t want this to be nothing, not real. As big of a dick as Artur is, he loves you. I don’t think it’s puppy love for him, do you?”
“No, he’s been in love with me for a long time. He won’t let go,” Philo whispered, understanding filling his eyes. “I wasn’t his first love though.”
“God, you’re so not helping my case here,” I chuckled darkly, letting go of his shirt, but then his hands covered mine and he yanked me onto his lap. I stared into his eyes and finally fessed up my fear. “What if our families being entangled was a sign we weren’t meant to be, Philo? That it would only end badly and history repeating itself like with you and Artur. He’s loved you for centuries.”
“No, no, strudel,” he sighed, hugging me to him and kissing my neck. “He loves what we could be. He’s got this idea that I’ll come home to him after slaying Zakasacs and we’ll make love in front of the fire on bear skin rugs from bears I’ve actually killed. He doesn’t see me. He sees the boy I was who was so smitten with his first love and still thinks I look at him like that. I don’t. He doesn’t even acknowledge I fly. Like he doesn’t like that part so it’s not there.”
“Okay, so he’s short of a full deck, but you’re not convincing me with the smitten talk.”
“Why? Are you smitten with me?” I felt him smile against my skin.
“You know I am.”
“I am with you too. That’s normal, Norris. It’s normal for love.”
“Then how can we know this is different?” I growled, ready to scream in frustration at it all.
“We’ll never know completely.” His hands moved to the buttons of my shirt and I smacked them. “That’s the fun of this, Norris. Getting to know each other and learning what’s here.”
“That’s not fun, that’s scary.”
“Never said they were mutually exclusive,” he chuckled, unbuttoning my shirt again.
“You’re infuriating.”
“I’d say that’s your first sign this isn’t just puppy love, strudel. You see my faults and are smitten with me anyways.”
“Really?” I whispered, excited we were making progress on that now.
Philo paused and leaned away, studying my eyes. “This really is upsetting to you, i
sn’t it?” He waited until I nodded. “Why?”
“Because I can’t lose anyone else I love,” I admitted, my eyes filling with tears. “My dad, my mom—they were my life. Then I was the coven’s charity case and it sucked but they left me alone to study and just grieve. And then I came here and didn’t fit. But I fit with you. Training with you. Learning with you. I want to be your wingman.” He frowned but I wasn’t done. “I miss the feel of you on top of me, wrapped around me after just one night. If this is just puppy love and won’t really matter—I can’t lose you too.”
“I know it’s not puppy love,” he assured me, taking my face in his big hands. “It’s your first love, but it’s not puppy love. Do you trust me? Will you trust me on this?”
I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out.
9 ~ Philo
I watched him do a great impression of a fish, the moments ticking by, and my heart sinking. I guess it showed on my face because then he started frantically shaking his head, his hands gripping my shirt again.
“You can’t trust me?”
Again, shaking his head.
“Seriously, if I thought we were going to play charades I would have needed more sangria,” I grumbled, staring at him for answers.
He let out a wordless scream and grabbed my head, kissing me.
So wait, what answer was that?
I wasn’t sure, but I wanted the kiss. I wanted Norris. How could one post-trans get so far under my skin? I didn’t know I was capable of really loving anyone this way, and yet this odd, closed off, messed-up-worse-than-me post-trans was who hooked me in before I even realized it.
“This had better mean yes,” I hissed as I yanked off his shirt.
“Yes. Yes. Yes,” he moaned as I kissed along his neck and collarbone, my hands slipping in the back of his pants. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was just saying that because of what I was doing until he flinched and scrambled off my lap.