As his dropped cylinder exploded in front of his eyes, Kevin hoped with all his heart that he had killed the Kregan warrior. He swallowed hard.
“Are you dead, Mr. Kregan badass murderer?”
“I can no longer detect a Kregan life sign in your direct vicinity, however, I’m getting a strange reading,” said the voice.
Kevin approached the Kregan and walked around him. The Kregan looked half-humanoid and half-bird like. Kevin’s slash had burned most of his upper body and cauterized the wound as it passed through. The Kregan looked dead alright, but Kevin noticed a blinking red light on its right chest piece, and soon the blinking doubled with an ominous beeping sound that filled Kevin with dread.
“Does this mean what I think it does?”
“Run, Kevin! Run fast!”
3
Kevin sprinted toward the crater while the beeping turned into a continuous tone that got higher in pitch with every second.
“Get us the hell out of here!” screamed Kevin.
“Initiating transport sequence,” the voice said.
Suddenly, Kevin’s legs left the ground and he was thrown into the air from the shockwave of an explosion coming from behind, just as his vision filled with green light streaks. He felt intense heat radiate through him before everything changed.
Still in midair, he was no longer in the forest clearing but inside a ship. Gravity grabbed him instantly and he fell hard, shoulder first, onto the cold, hard metallic floor.
“Arrrrrg!” he screamed, unable to contain the feelings of intense pain on his right side.
The next thing he saw froze his blood. A tall humanoid robot walked toward him. The metallic clang echoing around him was reminiscent of old sci-fi horror movies he loved watching on movie-marathon nights.
Fuck, is that a terminator? I’m so dead.
Kevin instinctively raised his arm to cover his head. The robot aimed at Kevin and before Kevin could say or do anything more, he was engulfed in fog and particle foam. Some entered his mouth and burned his eyes upon contact.
“What kind of killing machine is this?” exclaimed Kevin, his eyes closed shut from the painful sting. “Are you still there? Help, I’m being attacked by a robot!”
“Calm down, it’s not attacking you; he’s putting out the fire, you were still in flames upon arrival.”
Kevin blinked multiple times, and even though his vision remained blurry, he saw the robot turn around and walk away. Kevin got up, holding his painful shoulder as the foam dissolved into nothingness in seconds. Kevin tried the best he could to dust himself off.
“Where am I?”
“Well,” said a voice on his left side. “You’re on my ship. Welcome aboard the Osiris.”
Kevin’s vision was slowly returning and he looked toward the familiar voice, the same one that had guided his escape from the Kregan assassin on Earth. What he saw made no sense, so he tried vigorously rubbing his eyes, but that didn’t help.
There sat a blue, long-furred cat with deep-green eyes, hovering on a purple pillow.
“What’s the problem, Kevin?” the talking cat asked.
“You—you’re a talking cat?”
The cat frowned. “What’s a cat?”
“So, let me get this straight. You guys have big space warships, fully aware Artificial Intelligence, but you don’t have mirrors? Because you,” said Kevin pointing a finger at him ”you’re a CAT! A talking one, at that.”
“I think you must have me mixed up. I’m a Sphynx.”
For a moment, Kevin wondered if he really had left his bed for that walk or if he was having a trip of a dream. He pinched himself and the pain feedback surely felt real, as did the resulting red mark on his arm.
“Where’s Boomer?”
“What’s a boomer?”
“My dog, pet. . .where is he?”
“Oh, the computer detected small foreign organisms on him, so he’s being decontaminated as we speak.”
“Boomer has fleas?”
“Give me a second, Kevin. I’m having trouble understanding some of your vocabulary.”
The cat held up a paw and a holographic sphere appeared on top of it; his other paw began interacting with the holographic controls within the sphere, which rotated, blinked, and changed colors with each new input. Shortly after, a green holographic picture of Kevin’s bust appeared to the side.
“Hey, that’s me!”
The cat’s tail raised as a finger would to request silence. “Hang on for just a second.”
What the hell is he doing?
“Sure,” conceded Kevin.
The cat highlighted Kevin’s brain on the hologram; it turned orange. A couple more commands resulted in a beam shooting from the holographic brain directly to the cat’s head. Lines of green code superimposed inside the cat’s eyes, giving him a crazy look. Crazier than he already looked that was. He was a talking cat after all.
The beam ended and the cat’s eyes blinked yellow for a brief moment.
“Mmmm, that’s better,” said the cat. “Yes, Boomer has fleas, and no, I’m not a cat, though I can now see why you would think so. I suppose there are obvious genetic similarities between our two species.”
“What? What did you just do?”
“I’ve uploaded some of your memories into my own mind. Technically an implant, we Sphynx are a little fussy about letting anything. . .how should I phrase this—foreign, get directly into our bodies, don’t take it personally.”
Kevin tried to let all of this sink in and only answered the cat with a nod and dumbfounded blinking. Eventually, he had to ask.
“Okay, talking cat that’s not a cat, I’m not sure I understand everything here, but it’s okay. What’s your name?”
“Zironakolovitich-hel’am’ekat’nantatum,” and then the cat added a burping sound at the end.
“Huh…gross, and could you repeat that?”
“I don’t think you’ll be able to remember, but you can call me Ziron for short.”
Kevin raised his eyebrows. “Whatever you say, Zee.”
“Ziron.”
“Yeah, I just decided to shorten it more. I’m still trying to count the syllables of your name. And I’m curious, did your dinner not agree with you or was that burp part of your name?”
“That sound is actually defining my gender.”
“Which I assume is…” but Kevin let it trail off.
“Male, of course.”
“Right. What would it had been if it was female?”
“According to the data I got from your brain pattern injection, I don’t think you want to know.”
Kevin made a face and farted hard. “Something like that?”
“How the hell did you know? Though technically, we don’t make that much noise, we do, however, significantly change the atmosphere around us in doing so.”
“Just a wild guess,” said Kevin as he covered his nose. “Yeah, and you’re not the only ones.”
Every strand of fur on Ziron’s body stood straight up and his face tensed, he blinked his large almond-shaped eyes as if he were trying to clear a burning sensation.
“That’s pretty potent, what are you being fed?”
“Ah, you know, the usual diet, burgers, pizzas, hot pockets, and loads and loads of cheese—everything the body needs.”
Ziron’s eyes blinked yellow for a fraction of a second.
“I would posit that the content of the gas cloud you’ve unleashed probably means you’re providing your body with excess waste, but we have, as you say on Earth, bigger fish to fry.”
“So, when your eyes flash like that? It means your accessing my memories?”
“That’s correct.”
“Can I block you from doing this? It’s a little creepy. And I don’t remember giving you my consent, Zee. You know on Earth we have rules about this kind of stuff.”
The cat emitted a strange sound that Kevin realized was probably the Sphynx’s version of a laugh.
“Stop it, w
hy are you laughing?”
“No, you apparently live under the impression that your privacy is your own in your world. It’s very cute. But, you’re right, I’m sorry. And, no, you can’t block me, as I’m not accessing your brain directly.”
“Then what are you accessing? I don’t get it.”
“When you connected with Mira onboard the Thalamos, it recorded your brain patterns and memories. I’m basically accessing a backup of your mind that’s about a week old.”
Part of Kevin knew he should be mad, but on the other hand, he was exactly where he wanted to be. Away from his troubles on Earth and back into the fray in a galaxy far, far away. And Ziron had just saved his life, so he decided not to push the issue.
“That’s pretty neat, I guess. But enough chitchat, you say Princess Kanyanna is in trouble.
“It’s Princess Kalliopy. What’s with you and remembering that name? Look, it’s easy: Ka-lli-o-py. It’s a wonder your mind was so compatible with Mira’s prototype AI.”
“When you’re done taking potshots at me, would you mind telling me what happened to her?” Kevin scratched the back of his head nervously. “How has she been doing? Did you two talk about me?”
“I’m not exactly her best buddy, Kevin, and if I’m reading your body language correctly, and I think I am, you’d better remove those silly notions that you and the Princess could be an item. She’s the ruler of a confederate that spans over twenty galaxies, three hundred plus inhabited planets, and more races than I care to count.”
Kevin could feel a tingling in his neck, and his face grew red.
“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Ziron’s eyes blinked yellow again. “I’m only gonna say this once on the matter, in terms you can understand: Out. Of. Your. League.”
“Told ya, dunno what you’re talking about,” Kevin said as he tried shrugging naturally, but it ended up being awkward, as he cramped up and the pain in his shoulder flared again. “Ouch…”
“You’re injured. Let me help you.”
“Yeah, the shoulder’s been hurting since I landed on the metallic floor over there, ever hear of carpet?”
“You complain a lot. Did anyone ever tell you that?”
Kevin forced-blinked two more times. “Are you gonna help? Or—”
Ziron’s face distorted as he made the most peculiar sound. By the time he understood what the cat was doing, it was too late.
“No, wait—”
But Ziron didn’t and spat so hard and fast that the projectile made a large grey stain on Kevin’s torso.
“That’s disgusting.” Kevin grimaced at the stain. “Oh damn, it’s everywhere. Why did you spit on me?”
“You said you were in pain. I’m just trying to help,” said Ziron dubiously.
“By ruining my favorite shirt? Are you serious?”
Kevin was so disgusted that he didn’t realize that the stain was getting bigger and moving about.
“Who said anything about spitting on you? That isn’t phlegm, I don’t know what your pets are doing on Earth, but we Sphynx are more evolved than that.”
“Says the cat who loogied on me!”
“If you stop complaining for just a second and pay attention to what’s happening, maybe you’ll learn something, Kevin.”
Kevin looked at his shirt and saw that the grey compound was dramatically extending and covering most of his torso. It moved about as if it were alive.
“What is this stuff?”
“It’s a nano-bonding agent, self-replicating, and polymorphic in nature. It’s basically going to become a part of you. It’s my latest invention,” Ziron said with a big proud smile. “I call it the nano-armor or nano-suit. Haven’t really decided yet. It’s gonna take care of your injuries shortly, but that’s only one of its functions…”
Kevin was so tantalized by watching it expand over most of his body that he wasn’t listening to Ziron anymore. Soon the nano-armor had traveled over Kevin’s body, but it stopped at his neckline. Then the most peculiar thing happened, small shreds of his clothing fell off.
“Are those. . .?”
“Your old clothes, you don’t need them anymore now that you have the nano-armor.”
Kevin looked more closely at the shredded pile of clothes. Blue from his jeans, beige from his T-shirt, and a sort of white from his underwear. Next to go where his shoes that added black shredded fake leather bits to the pile growing on the ground around him.
Kevin jumped, startled, as the same robot from before stepped back into the room, aiming its palm toward the ground, a circular hole formed inside his palm and what was left of Kevin’s clothes were vacuumed into his hand.
“Neat,” said Kevin, pointing a finger at the robot. “I’m gonna call you Super Dyson.”
“It doesn’t have a name,” said Ziron.
The robot walked out again.
Kevin smiled. “He does now. But am I naked under here?
Ziron tilted his head slightly to the side. “Technically—I guess so.”
Kevin buried his face into his palms.
“What is it, Kevin? Are you in pain?”
Kevin let his palms forcefully slide down his face, revealing fiery anger in his eyes.
“What part of ‘this was my favorite shirt’ didn’t you get?” Kevin screamed.
“That’s how my invention works, I’m sorry. I should have asked you to remove your clothes first.”
“Yeah, I’d say you should have. How am I getting back on Earth now? Naked?”
“You have the nano-armor, look!” said Ziron pointing at Kevin’s shoulder.
In the heat of the tantrum about losing his precious Star Wars collector T-shirt he had worked an entire week to buy on eBay, Kevin hadn’t realized that his right shoulder was glowing orange and the pain was almost gone. Another thing he realized was that his body felt like it was at a perfectly cool temperature, just like he liked it as if he was being air-conditioned from within.
Kevin grabbed his shoulder and moved his arm in circles. He felt no pain.
“Wow—this thing’s wicked.”
The hovering cushion moved nearer to Kevin and soon Ziron’s face was uncomfortably close to Kevin’s. “I invented it, you know.”
“Heard you the first time,” said Kevin fanning the air in front of his face. “Speaking of inventions, do you know what a toothbrush is? You may want to use one, Zee.”
Ziron’s face retracted as his eyes blinked. “How rude!” But then the Sphynx breathed out, with his paw over his mouth, and took a large whiff that resulted in his eyes opening so wide that they almost doubled in size. “On the other hand…”
“When you’re done discovering that you have stinky breath, mind taking me to see Boomer.”
“I’ll do you one better.”
Ziron reactivated his holo-sphere control panel, input a couple of commands, and Boomer beamed into the room at Kevin’s feet. The Beagle jumped around for joy, bouncing on his hind legs at Kevin, and released a series of happy howls.
“It’s good to see you too, buddy,” said Kevin as he grabbed his dog and held him in his arms. Boomer licked his face multiple times.
Kevin noticed his best friend’s fur was clean and shiny.
“Did you wash him too?”
“Yeah, he really needed it.”
“Look who’s talking,” mumbled Kevin.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing—I guess I should thank you for saving us both.”
But then Boomer turned his head and started growling the moment he saw Ziron. The Sphynx arched his back and his fur raised, as did his tail.
“What’s with your pet?”
“Easy buddy,” said Kevin patting the Beagle affectionately. “Ziron’s a friend.”
Boomer looked at Kevin then at Ziron and back to Kevin before barking once.
“There. He got it.”
“That’s quite a limiting way of communicating; how the hell do you understand each ot
her?”
“Don’t worry about that, we’re doing fine,” said Kevin as he gently put Boomer down on the ground and stroked his head. Boomer’s tail wagged playfully.
Kevin straightened himself, and his facial expression turned serious.
“Now, tell me about the Princess—” Kevin paused. “Kalliopy. How can we help?”
4
“What do you mean they never saw it coming?” inquired Kevin.
Ziron licked one of his paws and rubbed the top of his head. When he didn’t answer, Kevin lost his patience.
“Hey! Are you even listening to me?” Kevin insisted, his tone rising.
“Yes, yes, sorry, I get distracted when I feel filth on my fur. I’ll have to recheck the bio filtering function of the transporters.”
“Are you saying that we brought filth with us? Well, guess whose fault it was that I had to run for my life in the middle of the night through trees and mud?”
“I can’t, Kevin. I saved your life, I didn’t put it in jeopardy in the first place, even though I can see how your primitive mind would jump to such conclusions.”
Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed. “Primitive? If I’m primitive then what the hell do you need me for? Just send me back to my planet.”
“I could do that, but the Kregan will send more agents to grab you—at best.”
“And at worst?”
“I think we can safely assume that elimination isn’t out of the question, wouldn’t you agree?”
Kevin had to admit that his encounter with the Kregan operative didn’t feel like he was interested in taking Kevin alive. Even though he had thoroughly enjoyed saving the Arcadians when only his mind had been connected to a remote body, the risks felt lower obviously, but things were different now. Still, Kevin would not give his father any more reasons to call him a quitter, even if that meant he would need to risk his life at every turn.
Without Ziron, Kevin knew he probably would have perished back on Earth.
“Okay, so going back to Earth will serve no purpose. Can we get back to the attack that resulted in Kalliopy’s abduction?”
“The enemy hit the brand new ship with an EMP-based weapon. The shields should have deflected such a tactic, but obviously they found a way around it. All escort ships, as well as fighter patrols, were disabled in one swift move.”
Fire at Will: A Space Opera Adventure With LitRPG Elements Page 3