“Ciara!”
Arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace, but I couldn’t take it. I shoved at the arms, not wanting anything to touch me right now. I could barely breathe, let alone allow something to crush me. The water shut off as I tried to gain my composure. I was still breathing way too fast, and despite my eyes being open, I could still see the accident playing out in front of me. I could still feel the pain as the car crashed to the ground. I could still see his eyes staring at me.
Slowly, I looked up at Antonio. He stood uncertainly in front of me, his eyes searching mine for a sign of what to do, but I didn’t know what I needed. Swallowing hard, I pushed myself off the shower floor, my legs still shaking as I held the wall for support. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, but didn’t try to touch me again.
Normally, I would have some kind of stupid comeback, something to make him back off, but I had nothing. I didn’t know what to say. As I stepped out of the shower, his arm went instinctively around me, pulling me into his side. Now that the worst of the panic had passed, his touch didn’t seem quite so restrictive. I let him lead me into the bedroom, but when he started looking at me like a wounded animal, something in me snapped.
“Stop staring at me.”
“You were screaming like a banshee. What the fuck happened?”
I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it, not wanting to admit that I was terrified to close my eyes again. What would come next?
“Jesus, just fucking talk to me.”
My head snapped up and I glared at him. “Like you talk to me?”
“It’s not a contest, Ciara. You were screaming in there. Just fucking tell me what happened.”
I shook my head, needing to just get it out of my head. I needed a distraction. Standing, I felt stronger than I did just a few minutes ago. “I’m going to get dressed.”
Pushing past him, I headed upstairs. He didn’t follow, but I didn’t really expect him to. We’d slept together once. That didn’t make us lovers or even friends. I just happened to be someone that was here for him to fuck.
It was silent all through dinner. Antonio was always quiet, so I wasn’t expecting him to suddenly break that silent streak and strike up a conversation. And to be honest, I didn’t feel like talking anyway. I was too busy thinking about how I was going to get through the night if I kept thinking about the accident. It was so vivid in my mind, as if it had just happened to me.
“Ciara.”
I glanced up at Antonio. He was staring at me expectantly.
“Sorry, what?”
Shaking his head slightly, I watched as he clenched his jaw, something he tended to do a lot around me. “I asked if you took your medication yet.”
“No. I’ll take it after I eat.”
“Just don’t forget.”
Irritation made me snap. I dropped my fork and glared at him. “Do I look like an idiot to you? Do I look like I’m incapable of handling even the smallest thing like taking medication?”
His eyes narrowed in on me. “I know nothing about you. Whether or not you’re smart enough to remember medication is still up for debate.”
Shoving away from the table, I picked up my plate and went into the kitchen. Why did he have to be an asshole all the time? Was one decent word out of his mouth really too much to expect? The only time he seemed to actually like me in any way was when his cock was inside me, and I wasn’t sure I would be repeating that, no matter how fulfilling it had been.
I grabbed my medication, making a point to take it right in front of him. After rinsing my dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, I headed for the stairs. “I’m going to bed.”
But as soon as I got upstairs and laid down on my makeshift bed on the floor, I knew I wouldn’t fall asleep anytime soon. I couldn’t turn the light on. That would only make him wonder what I was doing up here. So, I sat in the dark, trying to block the images from my mind. It didn’t work. The longer I stayed in the dark, the more my mind drifted to the moment of impact. I could feel the car crash to the ground. I could still feel how weightless I felt as my hand slipped from Antonio’s.
The house had long since grown quiet. Antonio had turned the lights off long ago, which only fueled my panic. My heart was racing out of control, my body was sweating…I was on the verge of a panic attack. I couldn’t stay up here. I flung the covers off, racing over to the light switch. The moment my fingers flipped it on, I practically gasped in relief. I felt like crying, which was all wrong. Since the moment I woke up after the accident, I had taken control. There wasn’t a single piece of me that felt like I was the type of person to break down in tears over something that happened in the past.
“You’re fine,” I said to myself, taking a deep breath to calm my racing heart. “It already happened. It’s in the past.”
“What’s in the past?” Antonio asked, scaring the shit out of me. Sitting on the couch, he reached over and switched on the light beside him, illuminating the downstairs. Straightening, I cleared my throat, trying not to show him my fear, or how relieved I was that I wasn’t on my own anymore. With him awake, things didn’t seem so bad.
“Nothing,” I said, walking down the stairs.
“Obviously it’s something or you wouldn’t have run to turn on the light.”
As I walked into the living room, I could see that he was holding a glass of what looked like scotch in his hands. “Were you spying on me?”
“In my own house? I wasn’t aware that I needed permission to be sitting in my living room.”
“You’re sitting alone in the dark. Who does that?”
He shrugged. “Me. I like the quiet at night, or I would have if you weren’t making all that racket up there.”
Huffing, I went into the kitchen to make myself some tea. As I reached for the box of tea bags, I heard him tsking me from behind.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Remember last night?”
Slamming the box back down, I spun around, angry as hell at him. I didn’t even know why. It wasn’t his fault there was no tea, and it certainly wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t sleep. He was the one that saved my life, yet I was acting as if he caused the accident.
“Why are you still up?” I asked after a moment, trying to shift the discussion away from me.
“Well, it’s not exactly my bedtime, but I thought you might need some sleep, and the lights down here might keep you awake. Sorry to be so thoughtful.”
I couldn’t exactly be angry at him for being thoughtful. Sighing, I sat down on the couch, staring at the wall. “You should really have a TV here. What do you do at night or when you’re bored?”
“Why? Is there something you’d like to watch?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I had to have watched TV before. Isn’t that what every average American does?”
“Not me. How do you know you’re even American?”
“Well, I don’t have an accent. I don’t think someone wakes up with amnesia, but is suddenly missing an accent.”
“How would you know?”
“Because…because I just know.”
“Fine, I’ll get a TV.”
“Well, don’t get one just for me.”
He sighed. “You were just bitching about not having a TV, and now you don’t want me to get one?”
“I don’t want you to get one because of me. Get a TV if you want, but don’t do it just because I asked about it.”
He groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “Fuck, you are so goddamned annoying.”
I just shrugged. Maybe I was. “Look, it’s just weird, okay? You don’t have a TV or even a book laying around the house. I found a magazine, which I’m sure was something you just forgot to throw out. There’s nothing around here! Doesn’t it drive you insane?”
“Not particularly.”
“Do you even have a phone?”
“Who would I call?”
“How do you even check the weather or…the local news?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Why does this bother you so much?”
“Because you’re like a crazy mountain man who lives totally off the grid. I saw the way the people in town look at you. They’re terrified of you, probably because you don’t speak, and when you do, you sound like you’re pissed off at the world.”
“Maybe I am.”
I grunted in frustration. “Don’t you have anything else to say?”
He was silent for a moment. “What would you like me to say?”
“Something. Anything!”
He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe I should get a dog.”
My mouth dropped open as I stared at him. “That’s what you have to say?”
Lifting the glass to his mouth, he swallowed the last of his drink and walked into the kitchen. He just ignored me, like he did every time he didn’t want to talk, which was pretty much all the time. How the hell was I supposed to remember anything when I lived with a man who refused to carry on a conversation?
He walked back into the living room carrying another glass. Holding it out to me, he smirked. “This might help you sleep.”
“What is it?” I frowned.
“Whiskey.”
I reached out for the glass, hesitant to take it from him. Sniffing it, I grimaced. “It smells gross.”
“Just taste it.”
I took a sip, frowning when it burned going down. But there was something familiar about it. I took another sip, this time a little bigger. It warmed my stomach pleasantly.
“What do you think?”
“I think I’ve had it before,” I said, drinking down the rest of the glass. He gaped at me, rolling his head back toward the ceiling with a sigh. “It’s meant to be sipped, not chugged.”
I shrugged. “Whatever. Can I have more?”
He shook his head. “I think one glass is enough. Besides, you’re on antibiotics. Let’s see how that affects you.”
“Affects me? What’s going to happen?” I asked, slightly concerned.
He shrugged as he headed down the hallway. “We’ll find out in the morning. If you’re still alive.”
17
Antonio
I woke up the same way I always did, sweating and fighting off the sight of my brother’s sightless eyes staring at me. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, thinking maybe I needed to start drinking a little more at night. Maybe I could actually sleep without the dreams.
It wasn’t just the dreams that bothered me though. It was the regret of what I had done, and all I found out after Carly had come in and killed everyone in the Family. I had been betrayed by Giuseppe, but much deeper than I thought. I just didn’t find out until I went searching for answers. And those answers still haunted me to this day. I had been so foolish, and there would never be a day when I didn’t hate myself for how blind I had been.
Getting out of bed, I pulled on some pants and headed to the kitchen. As I thought, Ciara was passed out on the couch. I had slipped some pain medication into her whiskey last night so she could sleep, which was probably a little dangerous, but I didn’t mix the whole thing in, so I was fairly certain she would be fine. I had to do something, though. I couldn’t have her awake every night because of bad dreams or whatever the hell was chasing her.
The dog was actually a good idea. Dogs could be comforting, and if I found the right one, it would protect her. I wouldn’t have to worry so much about her if she went outside. There were wild animals everywhere here. Mountain lions, bears, wolves…there were any number of animals that could attack her. At least a dog might be able to protect her until she could get to safety. And if the dog slept with her, she might actually get some sleep at night.
I walked over to make coffee and scoffed. What the hell was I thinking? She wasn’t supposed to stick around. I was supposed to be taking her to the shelter at the end of the week. Now I was thinking about getting her a dog? Well, I could go into town today and look for any vacant apartments, and if one was available, she could take the dog with her.
While the coffee brewed, I dressed and took care of the fireplace, then headed outside to grab some more firewood. By the time I hauled my last load in, Ciara was waking up, stretching with a big yawn.
“God, I feel like I could sleep for another day,” she grumbled, stumbling into the kitchen.
I grunted, happy that my trick had worked. But I couldn’t do that every night. I walked over to grab my own coffee when she suddenly spun around.
“Did you drug me again?”
“You needed some sleep.”
She gaped at me. “I can’t believe you! I told you not to do that.”
“And you thought I would just listen…why?”
“Well…because I said not to.”
I nodded, heading for the door again. “I’m going into town. I’ll be back in a while.”
“Wait, you’re leaving?”
Sighing, I turned back to her. “That’s generally what someone does when they say they’re going into town.”
“But…what am I supposed to do?”
“Rest?”
“Rest? That’s what I’m supposed to do? Can’t I go with you?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I said no.”
“Give me a better reason,” she challenged.
I didn’t have a good reason, other than I thought maybe some space from her was a good idea. I wasn’t used to spending so much time with a woman and it was messing with my head. Thoughts of her sticking around and dogs and TVs…it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be up here by myself, not dealing with a woman that had amnesia.
“Fine. Get dressed.”
Maybe it would be good to have her along when I picked out the dog.
“Can I take a shower first?”
“Sure,” I said sarcastically. “Let’s make an all day event out of it.”
“You know, one of these days, I’m gonna win you over.”
“I highly doubt that.”
She quirked an eyebrow at me in challenge, but I just stared at her. I wouldn’t fall for a woman, or even grow to like her. I had no desire to have a woman taking up space in my head. Even if that woman looked damn good naked and made me come harder than I ever had before. It was because it had been so long…It wasn’t because she was that good in bed. I just really needed to get laid, so it seemed better than usual.
“Go now,” I said, through gritted teeth, trying to get myself under control before I threw her over my shoulder and took her to bed to fuck her. I hadn’t meant to fuck her yesterday. It had been a bad decision that was very pleasurable. But that didn’t mean I needed to repeat it. And if she kept standing there challenging me, I might be tempted to do something very foolish.
She smirked at me, like she knew what I was thinking. When she finally turned around, I adjusted my growing cock and told myself it would never happen. Not again. Besides, even if I did like her, in some small, infinitesimal way, it would never work between us. I would either get bored of her or my past would interfere. Women always wanted to know everything about men, but I wasn’t about to spill my darkest secrets to her. Which meant this would never go further than it had. Or at the very most, a few more quick fucks.
I turned down the heat in the truck, now that we were further down the mountain and the truck was warmed up. Ciara scoffed, reaching over to put the heat up on her side. Except, she didn’t just turn the heat up, she cranked it up. Didn’t she realize that you couldn’t have more than a ten degree difference in such a small space?
I turned her side back down, ignoring the dirty look she shot me. She turned it back up.
“What are you doing?” I asked, more than annoyed with her.
“I’m cold.”
“Yeah, but it’s warm enough in here. It doesn’t need to be set to eighty-five degrees.”
“Well, I need it that warm.”
“If you crank it up to eighty-five, all that does is make the rest of t
he truck hot.”
“No, what it does is make my side hot.”
My hands tensed on the steering wheel. Do not smack her. Do not hit a woman. “It makes everything hot, because there is no actual divider in the truck to keep the heat only on your side.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed that. I thought there was some magic button that raised a plastic partition.”
“If only there were. Then I wouldn’t have to listen to you speak.”
“You’re handy. Maybe you could install one, and then I could be warm on my side.”
“You have a fucking coat on. You can’t possibly be cold.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand. “Just as I thought…warm hands.”
“And?”
“And I have cold hands.”
“So, put some fucking gloves on.”
“Why should I have to wear gloves in a vehicle that’s supposed to be warm?”
“I don’t know, so I don’t have to hear you bitch about the temperature inside the fucking truck the whole ride into town!”
“Or, you could just be a gentleman and keep it warm in here for me.”
“Or you could understand that while you may be cold, I’m fucking roasting over here, and I don’t want to be sweating my ass off in the middle of winter.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry that your delicate sensibilities are being tested.”
I glared at her. “My delicate sensibilities? You’re the one that isn’t happy with it being only seventy-two degrees in the truck!”
“Don’t you know that you’re supposed to defer to the woman?”
“No, and if I don’t know it, there’s no way you know it since you don’t remember anything.”
“Oh, sure, take a shot at the amnesiac,” she huffed. “Not only are you being an ass about the temperature, but you have to make fun of me too.”
“Well, you make it so damn easy, sweetheart.”
“Don’t even use cute little nicknames with me. I’m nobody’s sweetheart.”
Dead Man's Hand: A Small Town Romance (A Good Run Of Bad Luck Book 1) Page 10