Her heart hitched, and she chastised herself. Stupid, stupid. She had no business desiring a different answer from him. And why should he give another? There was nothing wrong with a life of service.
Except that it meant the two of them had different aspirations and his did not fit with hers. She blew out a breath, her eyes fluttering closed for a heartbeat.
“Do you fancy a different life?” Thomas asked her as he emptied the second water bucket.
Tabby turned her attention to the night sky, her gaze focusing on the stars shining overhead. “I am happy with my lot, for it will allow me the future I dream of.”
He came closer as he said, “What does that future look like, Tabby?”
She met his curious stare, her heart pounding irrationally. Somehow, sharing her plans with him seemed intimate. Silly, considering that they were friends. Or at least she hoped they were. He had been kind to her from the start. Even now, they were out here together because he had offered to help her.
She swallowed back her misgivings and said, “My mother left me a cottage on the other side of the village. I’m renting it out presently while I serve the duke’s household. I hope to have earned enough coin to sustain myself in a few years.”
“And what will you do once you have?”
Tabby fidgeted with the ruffles running down the edge of her apron. “I would like to marry and have a family,” she said in a rush.
Thomas reached for her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. “That is a marvelous plan, and I daresay you will see it come to fruition.”
Warmth spread through her. A part of her had feared ridicule. She’d worried he would think her a ninny or berate her plan. Tabby could not say why his opinion mattered to her. She hadn’t even known that it did until now. But nonetheless, she’d wanted his approval.
His hand slid from hers, and he brought it to his mouth, covering a yawn.
She instantly missed the contact and fought the urge to reach for him. “Thank you. For your kind words as well as your help.” She took hold of the empty buckets. “I have taken up enough of your time. I’ll bid you goodnight and return these to their rightful place.”
He gave a bow as he said, “Sleep well.”
When Tabby entered the maid’s sleeping quarters in the attic, she found Ellen sitting upon her bed waiting. Ellen wore a sly grin. “Tell me everything,” She said, her voice cheery.
“I do not take your meaning.” Tabby turned her back to Ellen as she removed her mob cap.
“What did Thomas say to you? Did he kiss you?”
“Of course not.” Tabby turned to Ellen, unable to hide her shock. “Whatever would make you think he did?”
Ellen clutched her hands together over her chest. “The way he looked at you earlier. The way he always looks at you. Can’t you see it, Tabby? He’s smitten.” Ellen released a dreamy sigh.
Tabby shook her head in disagreement as she worked to remove her apron. “No, he isn’t.”
“I have known Thomas for years. Many a housemaid has vied for his attention.” Ellen glanced around the space at the other women fast asleep in their beds. “He has never looked at any of them as he does you, let alone helped them with their work.”
Tabby draped her apron over a chair. “He is kind because I am new here. We are friends. That is all.”
Ellen stood, shaking her head. “You are wrong, but I can see there’s no sense in arguing with you.” She climbed into her own bed and pulled her blanket up to her chin.
Tabby sank onto her mattress, then blew out the candle between their beds before stretching out beneath her blanket.
“You will see in time,” Ellen said through the darkness. “There will be no denying the fact.”
“You are impossible,” Tabby said, rolling onto her side and closing her eyes.
Ellen laughed, and before long, her breathing turned shallow. Surely she’d sunk into sleep.
Tabby stared out the small attic window, pondering Ellen’s words. She was the cheerful, ever-optimistic sort, and a dreamer to boot. Whatever Ellen thinks she saw was in her imagination.
But what if Ellen was right and Thomas had designs on Tabby? Could they fall in love?
It mattered not, for neither of them was in a position for courtship, let alone marriage. Though, she saw no harm in daydreaming. He was handsome, after all, and a girl could dream.
Tabby closed her eyes and released a deep, relaxing breath. She drifted off to sleep with fantasies of a future with Thomas playing through her mind.
Chapter 5
Thomas hurried, increasing his stride as he called out, “Tabitha, wait.” He lifted his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he continued toward her. When she stopped walking and turned toward him, he smiled. “Where are off too?” He asked.
She returned his smile, and his pulse galloped. Lord, she was sweet.
“Nowhere in particular,” she said. “It is my afternoon off, so I thought to take a stroll.”
“Would you like some company?” He asked.
Her smile widened. “That would be most welcome.”
Thomas strode beside her, a decided bounce in his step. “Are you familiar with the area?” He shook his head. “Forget I asked. Of course you are, having grown up in the village.”
“Not at all.” Tabitha’s laughter mixed with the birdsong drifting from the nearby trees. “In truth, I always stayed close to home. There were a few times when we traveled outside of the village to accompany Mother, but we never had time to sightsee.” She shook her head, a small grin pulling at her plump lips. “So, you see, I know very little of the countryside.”
“In that case,” Thomas nodded off to their left. “There is something I wish to show you.” He glanced toward her hem. “Are you wearing boots?”
“I am.” Tabitha nodded, curiosity brightening her blue eyes. “What is it?”
Thomas put his hand on her back and turned her toward the field on their left. “Come on, you won’t regret it.”
She squinted against the sun, her expression turning skeptical as her brows scrunched closer together, and her lips went into a straight line. “I am not sure I should.”
He met her gaze and gave a reassuring smile—leastwise, he hoped she found it encouraging. “It is not far. Just over that rise and completely proper, I assure you.” He imagined she would go more willingly if he told her just what he wished to show her, but he did not want to ruin the surprise. “Trust me?”
She stared into his eyes for a moment as if she were taking his measure, then nodded. “I do.”
Thomas took her hand in his and propelled them toward the rise. Her hand was small and warm in his. The contact sent a shock of longing through him as he held fast. When they approached the uneven ground, he slowed his pace and, begrudgingly, released her hand.
She turned her skeptical gaze on him, a small smile curving her lips.
“The ground on the hillside tends to be rutted, so watch your step,” he said, then led her up the side, his attention never leaving her. If she were to lose her footing, he intended to catch her. As they neared the peak of the rise, he turned his attention to her face.
She still wore the appearance of reserved skepticism, and he did not want to miss the moment when she saw the land stretched out on the opposite side of the rise. He imagined she would be even more stunning, standing there, taking it all in.
He was not to be disappointed.
A few steps further, and Tabitha stilled. A broad smile unfurled as she brought her hands up to shade her eyes. The skepticism morphed into awe, followed by what he could only assume was joy. “It’s breathtaking,” she said.
Thomas stepped up beside her and looked out at the hills and valleys blanketed in wild heather and fields of bluebells that stretched out as far as the eye could see. A winding creek carved a path along the bottom of the rise they now stood on. “It is my favorite place.”
“I daresay, I can see why.” She turned to him. “It absolutely stunn
ing.”
He could not help himself as he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. “It pales in comparison to you.”
A blush spread across her cheeks. “Truly?” Her question came out barely above a whisper.
“Truly,” he said, then captured her lips with his. He knew he should not be kissing her, but found himself unable to resist. Something about her, something more profound than her beauty, pulled him to her.
Tabitha leaned closer, her mouth slanting over his as her arms came around his shoulders.
He held her as he deepened the kiss, plundering her mouth and reveling in the sweet taste of her. Thomas wanted to hold her forever. Was it possible for someone to know the moment they meet their soulmate? He did not believe himself in love with her, but he had little doubt she belonged with him.
He could love her, and he had little doubt that emotion could come quick. Something about her simply felt right. And by the way she kissed him, he would wager she felt the sparks of belonging and passion as well.
He pulled back to gaze into her blue eyes and inhaled her scent of vanilla and rose. “Will you allow me the honor of courting you, Tabitha?”
His gut tightened as he watched the warmth leave her eyes.
“I cannot. We… cannot.” She averted her gaze back to the land stretched out before them, but she did not step out of his hold.
Thomas kept his arms around her as he said, “I feel a connection to you. An undeniable sense of belonging. If your kiss is any indication, I believe you feel it too.”
“I…” She stepped out of his hold and turned back to him. “I will not deny that I am attracted to you.”
“It is more than simple attraction. Tabby, tell me you feel it too.” Thomas besieged her, his chest a tight knot.
She sighed, her chest rising and falling at the time her shoulders squared. “It does not signify.” She met his gaze. “We are retainers, servant to the duke’s family. We are not at liberty to court. We would lose our position and cause gossip amongst the household.”
“The duke and his family are a good sort. They would not dismiss us,” he argued, knowing it to be the truth.
She pressed her lips together and glanced back at the heather-covered landscape before meeting his gaze again. “You may be right, but that changes nothing. We would not be at liberty to marry, for if we choose to do so, we would have to resign our positions. Maids and footmen cannot serve while raising babes.”
Thomas searched his mind for a valid argument, but she was right. When the time to raise a family came, at least one of them would have to give up their place in the duke’s household.
She came closer and placed her hand on his shoulder. “What good is courtship that cannot lead to marriage.” Tabitha gave a regret-filled smile. “It simply isn’t done. Surely you see that.”
Thomas met her tender blue gaze as hope sparked anew. “You said you have a plan to marry in the future. We could enjoy a long courtship.”
She dropped her hand from his shoulder and said, “Or we could be friends. At least for the time being. Thomas, I told you about my plans. You know what my intentions are that nothing will change fast. It will be several years, perhaps half a dozen, before I am able to marry.”
He rubbed his hand over his forehead, then through his hair. He wanted more, but he also respected her wishes. She made valid points, even if he disagreed with them. Perhaps in time, she would change her mind. “If friends is what you want, then friends we shall be.”
Chapter 6
Tabby gathered up the dirty bed linens then carried them into the hall on her way below stairs. As she approached the servant stairway, Thomas rounded the corner, startling her. “Oh,” she exclaimed as the bed linens fell from her hands.
Then her heart sped up for an entirely different reason as she realized Thomas was the one who had startled her. Her gaze met his, and her body warmed all over. She tried to pretend that he did not affect her, so as she said, “Hello, Thomas,” her tone nonchalant despite her thunderous pulse.
“What a pleasant surprise, Tabby. Allow me to help,” Thomas said.
The warmth of his voice and the kindness he bestowed on her sent a pang of regret straight to her heart. How she wished things were different. How she longed to accept his courtship. To allow them to be more than friends.
But she could not.
Tabby pulled her gaze from his and bent to retrieve the bed linens from the floor. Thomas scooped up the bundle before she could. Smiling, she straightened and reached for them. “Thank you.”
“Think nothing of it.” He smiled back. “Friends help friends.”
He placed the bed linens into her outstretched arms, and his hand brushed hers. The contact sent a trail of pleasant tingles clear up her arm, and she fought the urge to take his hand. “I have to go.”
“Let me help you,” Thomas said, his own hand still helping balance the bundle.
Tabby pulled the linens closer to her and wrapped her arms tighter around the burden. “No.” She shook her head, then rushed away, descending the stairs faster than she should. Her heart pounded fiercely as she made her way down, all the while hoping he would not follow as she wished he would.
They spent the following fortnight in much the same way. Every time they crossed paths, Thomas offered assistance. Every time they sat down to a meal, he danced attention on her, and more than once, he intercepted her during her free time.
And each time they met made her want him more. She detested the boundaries and awkwardness that now hung between them, and half despised herself for drawing the line at friendship.
Her heart hurt. She could see that he struggled too.
To make matters worse, she could scarcely sleep for her regrets and longings. Ellen noticed straight away that something troubled Tabby, and it did not take her long to ferret the problem out. Neither did her knowing help, for Ellen thought Tabby a fool and made no bones about telling her as much.
Over the days that passed, Tabby’s resolve weakened. She questioned her motives and wondered if she was indeed a fool. Once, she even sought Thomas out to tell him she was wrong. To ask if he still wanted to court her.
Ellen had told Tabby that Thomas went to the stables. Tabby set out, hoping to meet him somewhere between the house and stables for a private word. It had been a brisk night, and the sky had shone with stars. Tabby stilled just outside of the house, her hand coming to the locket at her throat as her gaze took in the stars.
She thought of Mother and the cottage and her own dreams. Then she reaffirmed her reasons for turning Thomas away. If they began courting, they might still keep their positions. Perhaps Thomas was right on that score. But what of marriage?
She was most certainly correct where matrimony was concerned. If they wed, one or both of them would lose their place in the duke’s house. That would result in them needing a roof over their heads, and her cottage would have to be said roof. She would no longer collect the rent for it and gain the expense of once more living in her own home.
An expense they would have to pay with one income. One income that would not be enough to support a family. What was the point of marriage if one could not have children? And what was the point of courtship if one could not marry?
She’d held the locket tighter as a new thought kindled hope in her heart. Perhaps Thomas would wait for her. If so, they could court once she achieved financial freedom, or at least comfort. But asking him to wait would not be fair, and so went the brief hope she had felt.
Tabby had abandoned her plan to seek him out and returned to her bed for another sleepless night. It was madness, and she knew she could not continue on as she had been. Still, she was not at all sure what to do about it all.
But she had to do something.
Tabby sought Mrs. Webber out in the kitchen. She hated to bother the cook, but desperately needed guidance. Mrs. Webber was the motherly sort, always supportive and kind. Most important of all, she had life experience and a long tenure at Hartl
and Abbey. If anyone could help Tabby determine a course, it was she.
Mrs. Webber glanced up from the pot she’d been fussing over as Tabby drew near. Her keen eyes took in Tabby, a slight smile tilting her lips. “You look troubled, dear,” Mrs. Webber said.
“I fear I am,” Tabby replied.
Mrs. Webber nodded at a nearby kitchen maid. “Come, stir this.” As the maid took the spoon, Mrs. Webber added, “Mind it does not burn. Keep that spoon moving.” She turned her attention to Tabby. “Come along.”
Tabby followed her over to a counter on the other side of the kitchen, then sat on a stool.
For a long moment, Mrs. Miller just watched her, warmth shining in her eyes. Then she said, “Come on, out with it, dearie.”
Tabby blew out a breath, the wisps of hair hanging out from her mob cap staring in the breeze she created. She was not sure where to start, or even what advice to ask for. She said the first thing that came to mind. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
A wide smile brightened the older woman’s face. “Is that it, dear? Are you in love?”
“No! I don’t know.” Tabby averted her gaze. “Yes. I’m sorry, but yes, I am.”
Mrs. Miller leaned toward her, her focus firmly on Tabby. “Is it that the man you have your heart set on does not fancy you?”
Tabby shook her head. “Quite the opposite. He claimed to feel a pull toward me and wishes to court me.”
“Well, that is wonderful.” Mrs. Miller took Tabby’s hand. “Whatever is the problem?”
Tabby shrugged her shoulders, her eyes closing for a heartbeat. “I fear that allowing myself to love him will have sweeping consequences. Ones that I do not want to accept.”
“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Miller squeezed her hand, drawing Tabby’s attention back to her kind gaze. “I’m afraid we cannot control our hearts. They love who they please, when they please, and there is naught we can do about it.”
“But surely there is a way to ease the burden of denying that love?” Tabby asked. “A way to ease the pain when one cannot be together.”
Courting Temptation: The House of Devon Page 3