by Cora Reilly
Mother was awake, but it took a moment before recognition shone in her eyes. Then she smiled, and for a moment, despite the tubes disappearing in her nose, she didn’t look like death had already marked her as his. Aria immediately walked toward the bed and hugged Mother carefully. Gianna was tense beside me. She and Mother hadn’t seen each other in a while, and they hadn’t exactly parted on good terms. When Aria stepped back, Mother’s gaze settled on Gianna and she started crying. “Oh, Gianna,” she whispered.
Gianna rushed toward our mother and embraced her as well. It almost broke my heart that this reunion had such a horrible reason. I wished we’d come together like this long before today. I pulled two more chairs toward the bed and put them next to the one I’d spent countless hours in. We all sat down and Mother looked at peace for the first time in a while. I let Aria and Gianna talk and listened. Gianna leaned over to me when Aria told Mother about a new exhibition in New York. “Where’s Fabi? Shouldn’t he be home?”
“Father always has someone pick him up from school and then I don’t see Fabi until dinner.”
“Is he inducting Fabi already? Fabi’s way too young for that bullshit.”
“I don’t know. It’s difficult to talk to Fabi about it. He doesn’t tell me everything like he used to. He’s changed a lot since Mother got sick. Sometimes I don’t recognize him.”
“The mob changes them all. It sucks the good out of them,” Gianna murmured.
“Look at Matteo, Luca, and Romero, they aren’t all bad.”
Gianna sighed. “They aren’t good either. Far from it. With Fabi, I know how he used to be before the rottenness wormed its way into him, but with Luca and Matteo I always only knew them as Made Men, so it’s different.” Gianna narrowed her eyes in contemplation. “Are you still crushing on Romero? Shouldn’t you have moved on to a new target by now?”
I flushed, but didn’t reply. Luckily, Aria involved Gianna in the conversation and I could relax again.
* * *
Gianna, Aria, and I fell asleep in our chairs. Two hours later we were woken by Father’s sharp voice. “What is she doing here?”
I sat up, taking a few seconds to get my bearings. Father stood in the doorway and was glaring daggers at Gianna. He still hadn’t forgiven her for what she’d done. He’d probably take his wrath into the grave with him.
“I’m not here to see you, believe me,” Gianna muttered.
Aria rose from her chair and went over to Father to give him a quick hug. Usually his mood always brightened when she was around, because she was the only one who hadn’t disappointed him yet, but he didn’t even look at her.
“I don’t want you in my house,” he said to Gianna.
I spotted Fabi a couple of steps behind him, obviously unsure how to react. I knew he’d missed Gianna very much and had always been eager to talk to her on the phone, but Father’s influence on him had grown in the last few months and it was clear that my little brother wasn’t sure which side to choose.
I stood, chancing a worried look at Mother. She was still out from her meds. I didn’t want her to witness this. “Please, let’s discuss this outside,” I whispered.
Father turned on his heel and stepped out into the corridor without a single glance at Mother. The rest of us followed. Gianna didn’t give Fabi a chance to make up his mind, she hugged him and after a moment he hugged her back. He was taller than her now, taller than all of us.
Father glowered at my brother. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t able to let his stupid pride take a back seat for once. Mother needed us in her last days, but he didn’t give a damn. He didn’t even wait for me to close the door before he went off again.
“I forbade you from stepping foot into this house,” he snarled.
I slid the door shut and leaned against it. My legs felt shaky. The last few months had been draining, and I couldn’t take it anymore, but I needed to be strong for Mother, for Fabi and even for my sisters.
“It’s also Mother’s house and she asked to see me,” Gianna said. It was true. I’d lost count of the many times Mother had asked about Gianna. Regardless of how badly their last encounter had gone, they loved each other.
Father drew up to his full height. “I paid for this house and my word is law.”
“Don’t you have any respect for the wishes of your dying wife?” Gianna hissed.
I was pretty sure Father would have hit Gianna, even though she was Matteo’s wife, but Luca came upstairs in that moment. It didn’t stop Father from saying more nasty things and Gianna from firing right back at him. I couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed past them. Their fighting followed me down the corridor and even downstairs I could still hear their shouting. I stormed into the kitchen, threw the door shut and leaned against it before I buried my face in my hands. The tears I’d been fighting for so long pressed against my eyeballs. I couldn’t hold them back.
A noise made me look up. Romero stood at the kitchen counter and was watching me over his coffee cup. I cringed in embarrassment and quickly tried to wipe my cheeks clean. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know someone was in here.” I didn’t even know Romero was here at all, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Since Matteo had stayed in New York, Luca needed someone who could keep an eye on my sisters when he was busy.
“This is your home,” he said simply. His eyes were kind and understanding. I had to look away or I’d really start bawling, snot and sobs and all, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“It used to be,” I whispered. I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut but the words kept coming. “But now it feels like I’m trapped. There’s nothing good. Anywhere I look there is just darkness, just sickness, and hate and fear.” I fell silent, shocked by my outburst.
Romero set down his coffee. “When was the last time you left the house?”
I didn’t even know. I shrugged.
“Let’s take a walk. We can get a coffee. It’s really warm outside.”
Euphoria burst through the dark cloud that had been my emotions in the last few weeks. “Are you sure that’s okay?”
“I’ll check with Luca but I don’t see why it should be a problem. Just a sec.”
I stepped aside so he could walk by. His delicious aftershave entered my nose as he passed me and I wanted to press my nose into his shirt to find solace in his scent. My eyes followed him, traced his broad shoulders and narrow hips. Mother’s words shot through my mind again. Maybe happiness wasn’t as far away as I thought.
Romero
I shouldn’t even consider being alone with Lily, not now, not ever. Not when I couldn’t stop noticing how grown up she looked. She wasn’t the little girl I’d first met. She was a woman in marriageable age now, but she was out of my league, at least by her father’s standards. I was one of the best fighters in New York, only Luca and Matteo were as good with the knife or the gun, and I wasn’t exactly penniless, but I definitely wasn’t mob royalty and couldn’t afford a penthouse like Luca’s. I wasn’t even sure why the fuck I was thinking about those kinds of things now. I wasn’t going to ask for Lily’s hand, not now, not ever, and at this time there were more important things to take care of.
I climbed the stairs, following the sound of arguing. Gianna and her father were at it again and Luca seemed to try to keep them from ripping their heads off. Only problem was that he looked like he was close to losing his own shit. I walked toward them and Luca gave me an exasperated look. Scuderi was a pain in the ass, and Luca wasn’t the most patient person on this planet. A bad combination. He came toward me. “I’m going to lose my fucking mind if Gianna and her old man don’t stop fighting.”
“Lily is taking it badly. She’s had to witness her mother’s deterioration for months now. I want to take her out for a walk and a coffee to take her mind off things.”
Luca scanned my face with an expression I didn’t like one bit. “Sure, but I really don’t need any more problems. Things between New York and Chicago are already shaky.”
“I won’t do anything that’ll hurt our relationship to Chicago.”
Luca nodded but he didn’t look convinced. He glanced back to Scuderi and his two daughters. “I better get back. Be back before dinner, then Scuderi doesn’t have to know Liliana ever left the house. The bastard hardly pays attention to anything, least of all that girl.”
I turned on my heel, leaving Luca to his shitty task of mediating between Scuderi and Gianna. Lily sat at the kitchen table when I entered the room but quickly rose, a hopeful expression on her gorgeous face. Gorgeous. I had to stop thinking like that when I was around her. Lines easily got blurry, and Luca was right. We didn’t need any more shit on our plate.
“So? Can we go out?” Lily asked with that same hopeful smile on her face.
I stopped more than an arm’s length away. “Yes, but we need to get back before dinner.”
That left a little more than two hours.
A hint of disappointment flickered in her eyes but it was gone quickly. “Then let’s go.”
We stepped out of the house and Lily stopped on the sidewalk and tilted her head up with a blissful expression. Sunrays cast her face in a soft glow. “This feels so good,” she said softly.
I know so many things that feel even better.
How would her face look in the throes of passion? It was something I’d probably never find out. I didn’t say anything, only watched her as she soaked in the sun.
She blinked up at me with an embarrassed smile. “Sorry. I’m wasting time. We were supposed to have coffee and not stand on the sidewalk all day.”
“This is about you. If you’d rather stay here and enjoy the sun, we can do that too. I don’t mind.” Not one fucking bit. Watching Lily was something I could do all day.
She shook her head. Her blond hair settled in soft waves on her shoulders and I had to stop myself from reaching out and letting a strand of it glide through my fingers. For some reason I didn’t know, I held out my arm for her. She hooked her arm through mine without hesitation, a grin twisting her lips as she peered up at me. Damn it. I led her down the street. “Do you know a nice café? I’ve been in Chicago plenty of times in the last few years but I’m not that familiar with the culinary scene.”
“Just a ten-minute walk away is a small café with fantastic coffee and delicious cupcakes. We could go there. I usually only order everything to-go but we could sit down, if you want?” There were many things I wanted, and now that I’d seen her in those tight jeans and shirt, most of them involved Lily naked in my bed.
“That sounds good. Lead the way.”
“You know what I like about you? You are so easygoing and relaxed. You seem like the guy next door. Nice and kind.”
“Lily, I’m a Made Man. Don’t make me into a hero that I’m not. I’m not kind or nice.”
“You are to me,” she said lightly. Her blue eyes were far too trusting. She didn’t know the things I’d been thinking about her, most of them hadn’t been nice. I wanted to do so many dirty things to her, she wouldn’t even understand half of them, and that was why I needed to keep my distance. Maybe she looked grown up, but she was still too young, too innocent.
I only smiled. “I’m trying.”
“You’re doing good,” she said teasingly. The sadness and hopelessness were gone from her face for the moment, and that was all the encouragement I needed.
Liliana
Romero smirked. “Thanks.” I could have kissed him then. He looked so handsome and sexy.
“You’re very welcome,” I said. We strolled down the street toward the small café that looked like it belonged on a cobblestone street in Paris and not in Chicago. It was strange walking with a man who wasn’t twice my age like my father’s bodyguards. Only when we stopped at the counter did Romero release my arm, but until then we’d walked close like lovers. How would it feel if it were the truth? If he weren’t just trying to distract me from my sick mother, if we were really a couple?
“Everything okay?” Romero asked in a low voice.
I had been staring. I quickly turned my attention to the girl behind the counter who was waiting for our order. “A cappuccino and a red velvet cupcake,” I said distractedly. It was my standard order and my mind was too frazzled to check the blackboard for the daily specials.
“The same for me,” Romero said and took his wallet out to pay for us both.
“You didn’t have to pay for me,” I whispered when we walked toward a free table near the window.
Romero raised one dark eyebrow. “A woman never pays when she’s with me.”
“Oh?” I said curiously. Romero looked like he already regretted his comment but it was too late. He’d piqued my curiosity. “How many girlfriends have you had?”
It was a very personal question.
Romero chuckled. “That’s not something I’m going to tell you.”
“That means many,” I said with a laugh. The server brought our order, giving Romero time to compose himself. The moment she was out of earshot I said, “I know how things are with our men. You have a lot of women.”
“So you know all of us?” Romero asked. He leaned back in his chair like he didn’t have a care in the world. His white shirt clung to his muscled chest and arms, a very distracting view.
I took a sip from my cappuccino. “Women talk and from what I hear most Made Men don’t say no to the whorehouses of the Outfit. For most of them it’s some kind of hobby to have as many women as possible. I doubt it’s different in New York.”
“Many men do, but not all of them.”
“So you are the exception?” I asked doubtfully. I wanted it to be true, but I was being realistic.
Romero took a bite from his cupcake, obviously considering what to tell me. “I’ve had wild days when I was younger, eighteen or nineteen maybe.”
“And now? Do you have a girlfriend? A fiancée?” I’d always put the thought out of my mind but the way Romero had talked it was a valid option. I sipped at my coffee, glad for the feel of the cup in my hands. It gave me something to focus on.
Romero shook his head with an unreadable look on his face. “No, I’ve had girlfriends in the last few years but it’s difficult to have a steady relationship if work always comes first. I’m a soldier. The Famiglia will always be my top priority. Most women can’t bear it.”
“Most women don’t get asked if they want this life or not. What about an arranged marriage?”
“I don’t like the idea of someone telling me who I should marry.”
“So your family never tried to set you up with someone?”
Romero grinned. I could have jumped over the table and crawled onto his lap. “Of course they have. We’re Italian, it’s in our bloodstream to meddle with our children’s lives.”
“But you never liked any of the girls they suggested?”
“I liked some of them well enough but either they weren’t interested in me or I couldn’t see myself spending the rest of my life with them.”
“And nobody ever tried to force you into marriage?”
Romero’s expression darkened, turned more predatory. “How would they force me?”
I nodded. Yes, how? He was a Made Man, not a stupid girl. “You’re right. You can make your own decisions.”
Romero set down his cup and leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Luca could ask me to marry for political reasons. I probably wouldn’t refuse him.”
“But he wouldn’t do that,” I said.
Romero nodded. “Maybe you’ll get to choose for yourself as well. You might meet the perfect guy soon and he might be worthy in your father’s eyes.”
The perfect guy sat in front of me. It stung that Romero suggested I’d find someone else. Didn’t he realize I had feelings for him? I didn’t want to find some guy my father would approve of. I wanted the man in front of me.
Perhaps he saw something in my expression because after that, we talked about random things, nothing of importance, and far too soon we had to make our way ba
ck to my home. This time we didn’t link arms. I tried not to be disappointed, but it was hard. When we stepped into the entrance hall of the house, I could feel the weight of the lingering sadness return to my shoulders.
Romero lightly touched my arm. My eyes traced his strong jaw with the hint of dark stubble, his worried brown eyes, his prominent cheekbones. And then I did what I’d promised myself not to do again but right in this moment, in this cold, hopeless house he was the light and I was the moth. I pushed to my toes and kissed him. The touch was the briefest contact, hardly there but it made me long for more. Romero grasped my arms and pushed me away. “Liliana, don’t.”
I untangled myself from his hold and left without another word. Mother had said I should take risks for my happiness, and I was doing just that.
Romero
I stormed into the kitchen. I needed another coffee. The door smashed shut behind me with too much force. I wanted to tear something into tiny pieces. My lips still tingled from that ridiculous kiss. You couldn’t even really call it that. It had been over too quickly, because I’d acted like the dutiful soldier I was supposed to be. Fuck it.
I made myself a coffee and emptied it in two gulps, then put the cup down with a loud clang.
The door to the kitchen swung open and Luca leaned in the doorway with a questioning look on his face. “You realize this isn’t your home, right? I don’t think Scuderi appreciates you destroying his expensive marble counter.” The corners of his mouth twitched in an almost smile.
I relaxed against the kitchen island. “I don’t think Scuderi even knows where his kitchen is. Where is he anyway? It’s suspiciously quiet in the house. I thought he and Gianna would never stop fighting.”