by Cora Reilly
My heart ached from his words. I didn’t want to believe them to be true. “You don’t know that.”
“You’re right,” Romero said eventually but it was to appease me. He kissed my temple again and then neither of us said anything.
* * *
Romero acted a bit more hesitant around me the next couple of days but it only deepened my resolve. Mother had died with longing in her eyes and regret on her lips. This wasn’t how I wanted to end. I didn’t want to have a pile of “what-ifs” and “how could it have been” in my head during the last hours of my existence. I wanted to look back and not wonder how wonderful life could have been. I wanted Romero. I wanted Romero to be my first, wanted to share everything with him. Right in this moment, I wanted nothing more, and I knew that even if I’d come to regret it, that regret could never be as torturous as the one I’d feel if I didn’t do it, the one where I’d always be left wondering how it would be to become one with the person I loved. Sometimes you had to risk something to live, and Romero was a risk I was willing to take. That was all I could think about as I relished the last few moments of my orgasm.
Romero climbed up my body and brushed a kiss across my lips. He was about to lie down beside me, as he always did after he’d taken care of me, but I held onto his shoulders. “I don’t want to stop tonight.”
He became very still. His dark eyes traced every contour of my face as if he was hoping for a hint of regret somewhere, but I knew he wouldn’t find any. I’d spent too many nights longing and wondering and wishing, and tonight I’d finally get what I wanted. Of course, I needed Romero’s cooperation but I had a feeling he wouldn’t refuse me. He was dutiful and responsible, but he was also a man, and he wanted me. I could see it in his eyes, and his erection pressed up against my hip bone was a pretty good indicator as well. “Lily,” Romero rasped, then cleared his throat. I had to stifle a smile. “That’s something that can’t be undone. Everything we’ve done so far is easy to hide, but beyond this point, there are ways to prove our…transgressions.”
I laughed softly. “Transgressions?” I lifted my head and kissed him. “How can this be wrong?” Of course, I knew that Father and many other people in our world could have written a novel on all the ways it was wrong, but I didn’t care. There was no part in me that thought what we were doing was wrong, and that was all that mattered.
“We discussed this already. I shouldn’t do this. For God’s sake, I made a promise to Luca to protect you. How is ruining your life protecting you?”
“You aren’t ruining my life. I want this, doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Of course it does.”
I pressed myself against him and grasped his cock through his boxers. “I want you. Only you. I want you to be my first.” I wanted him to be my only one. “Don’t you want to be my first?” I said in a small voice, regarding him through my lashes.
Romero exhaled a tortured laugh and kissed the corner of my mouth, then my cheek before his eyes burned into mine again. “You know how much I want you. I can hardly think of anything else but I should resist temptation. I’m bound to the Famiglia, to my oath.”
“Sleeping with me won’t break your oath.”
Romero cupped my cheeks. “Luca ordered me to stay away from you, and I haven’t done it. Luca will see it as disobedience, and that’s breaking my oath.”
“I am the one who should decide if I want you to stay away or not. It’s my body, my life.”
“You know it’s not that easy,” he murmured, eyes so full of emotion my chest constricted with need and love.
I curled my fingers tighter around his erection. “I know but I don’t care. And I know that you want me despite it all.”
He released a harsh breath, then let out a quiet laugh. “You’ve got me in your hands in every possible way. That’s not how it’s supposed to be.”
I smiled. It felt good to know that I had that kind of power over someone like Romero. But he held just as much power over me, and my heart. It was a scary thing, knowing that someone else had the power to crush your heart with a few words. Love was scary. “I want you to be the one, Romero. I don’t want anyone else. Please.”
He kissed me again, fiercer this time, and lightly thrust into my hand. He felt hot and hard, and I couldn’t wait to feel him in me. “Are you sure?” he asked, but there was hardly any vehemence behind the words.
“Yes. I want you. Please.”
Romero nodded. Excitement and nerves burst in my body. I’d half expected him to fight me again, but I was glad he hadn’t tried to talk me out of it. Today I’d finally become his.
Romero
I was supposed to be the voice of reason, the one to protect Lily from herself and from me, but I wasn’t as strong as everyone thought I was. Luca believed in me, trusted in my dutifulness and restraint. He didn’t know me well enough. Trust and longing filled Lily’s beautiful blue eyes as she peered up at me. She wanted me, and damn it, I wanted her more than anything. Every fucking time I’d fucked her with my finger, I’d imagined how it would be to have my cock in her, to feel her hot walls around me. I couldn’t deny her, couldn’t deny myself this gift she was offering. Maybe if there had been a flicker of doubt on her face but there was none. I tasted her mouth once more. She was sweet and soft and irresistible. Her fingers around my cock tightened and she bucked her hips lightly—an invitation I understood only too well, and longed to accept. I pulled away from her lips. “Not yet.”
“But,” she started. I slipped my hand between her legs and entered her with my middle finger. She let out a low breath and opened a bit wider for me. I loved how fucking responsive she was. Always so wet for me. There had been plenty of moments in my life when I had felt powerful but giving Lily pleasure beat them all. She didn’t say anything else, only closed her eyes and relaxed, trusting me to make her feel good. I kissed her breast, then nibbled on her nipple as I slowly slipped my finger in and out. Her breathing quickened but I kept a steady rhythm. I moved lower and positioned myself between her thighs. I let myself enjoy the sight of my finger as it entered her perfect pink pussy. Everything about her was beautiful. I leaned forward, not able to resist a moment longer. I closed my mouth over her bundle of nerves and teased her with my lips and tongue while my finger kept thrusting into her, deeper and harder now. I could feel her hymen every time I pushed in. I pressed my tongue against her clit, and slipped another finger into her. I’d never tried it before and her walls clamped around me tightly. My cock was pretty thick so I would have to widen her as much as possible. Her breathing hitched in surprise and she tensed under me. I circled her lightly with my tongue the way she loved it, then took her between my lips and suckled. The tension left her body and a new wave of wetness followed, making it easier for my fingers to enter her. I found a slow rhythm as I listened to the sweet moans and sighs coming from her lips. I could have listened to her forever. I never got tired of giving her pleasure. There was no better feeling in the world than making Lily explode with pleasure, and the knowledge that I was the only one doing it to her. A darker emotion filled me. She wasn’t really mine, might never be. One day she might have to marry someone her father chose for her and then that man would see her like this. Unreasonable fury surged through me, but I pushed the feeling aside. This wasn’t the moment to think about those kinds of things. I didn’t want to lose control only because I let my thoughts stray to dangerous places. Lily needed me to be careful and gentle with her, and I wanted to enjoy every fucking second of this, especially because I didn’t know how many more chances we would get together.
I focused on Lily’s sweetness, until she finally came apart, stifling her moans in my pillow. I wished I could hear her cry out without restraint, without the fear of getting caught. One day. One day, I’d really make her mine. I’d figure out a way.
I pulled my fingers out and sat back, relishing the sight of her heaving chest as she enjoyed the aftermath of her orgasm. Slowly her eyes opened and she smiled. Damn
it. That smile got me every time. I bent over her and kissed her, then I reached for the drawer in my nightstand and grabbed a condom.
Lily watched me, and the briefest flicker of nervousness crossed her face.
I paused. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I wanted to shoot myself for asking. I wanted nothing more than to be in her, to make her mine, to feel her walls around my cock. Why did I have to act all noble? Who was I kidding?
She licked her lips in the most torturous way possible and whispered, “Yes, I want you.”
Thank God. I kissed her lips again. I slid off the bed and got out of my underwear. My cock strained to attention. I quickly rolled the condom over it before I climbed back on the back. This wasn’t the first time Lily had seen me naked, but today there was a flicker of anxiety on her face when she watched my cock. I moved between her legs, letting my fingers trace the soft skin of her thighs.
There was only trust in her eyes. I didn’t deserve that much trust from her, and yet I fucking loved seeing it on her face. I supported my weight on my elbows and started kissing her gently. The tip of my cock rested lightly against her wet heat. I wanted to bury myself in her and it took every ounce of self-control to stay still and wait for her to relax under me. I hooked my hand under her thigh and pulled her legs wider apart. I looked deeply into her eyes, then I shifted my hips and started to push into her. I didn’t take my eyes off of her as I inched into her tight heat, working the tip in. She felt so fucking amazing. Tight and warm and wet, and I just wanted to push into her to the hilt. Instead I focused on Lily’s eyes, on the way she trusted me to make this good for her, to take care of her and be careful. Her face flashed with more than discomfort when I wasn’t even halfway in. I paused but her fingers on my shoulders tightened. “Don’t stop,” she said quickly.
“I won’t,” I promised. Stopping was the last thing I wanted to do but if I didn’t go slowly she might tear. I traced my lips over her temple, then I pushed further into her until I reached her barrier. I didn’t tell her it would hurt. She’d only tense. I pushed the rest of the way into her and her walls squeezed my cock tightly as she gasped against my mouth. I didn’t move.
Lily’s face was contorted in pain. It took me a moment to realize what was happening, what I’d done. I’d taken what wasn’t mine to take. It was unforgivable in our world, regardless of the fact that Lily had given it to me without reservation.
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “This was the worst part.” At least, I hoped it had been. She felt so tight around me, I was worried if I started moving, I’d make things only worse for her, but I couldn’t stay in her like that forever. And I really wanted to move, wanted to lose myself in her. “Lily?”
She gave me a shaky smile. “I’m okay. It’s not as bad as it was.”
That wasn’t really something a guy wanted to hear from the girl he was with. I wanted to make her feel good but I knew it would be difficult during her first time. Even though I wanted nothing more than to move, I decided to stay as I was and kiss her for a while. My cock screamed in protest.
“You can really move,” she whispered. And that was everything it took. I withdrew almost all the way before I slowly slid back into her.
She exhaled, fingers digging into my back. I slowed even further and tried to go not quite as deep and soon Lily’s body loosened under me. I made love to her like that for a long time, and when she responded with the first hesitant moan, I wanted to fucking scream in triumph. But I couldn’t last forever, not with the way her walls clamped around me and I had a feeling she wasn’t going to come. Next time she would. And there would be a next time, I knew that now. When it came to Lily, I couldn’t resist temptation.
I sped up even more until I felt my balls tighten, then my cock before I released into her. I held Lily tightly as I rocked my hips desperately, filling the condom with my cum as I stifled groans. Then I stilled.
She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against my chest.
“Are you okay?” I murmured.
She nodded, but didn’t say anything. I pulled back slightly and tilted her face up, worried she was crying, but she merely looked exhausted and happy.
Relief washed over me. I pulled out of her slowly and removed the condom. Before I thrust it into the trash bin, I caught sight of the blood on it.
For some reason it took that image for reality to sink in. Fuck. What had I done?
“Romero?” Lily whispered. I lay down beside her and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t need to know my thoughts. I didn’t want her to worry.
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep but I lay awake for hours. Eventually I slipped out of bed and walked toward the window. I stared out toward the ocean for a long time. Regret wasn’t a useful emotion. You couldn’t undo the past. I turned back to the bed.
Lily lay curled up under the blanket, only her beautiful hair and peaceful face peeking out. She was deep asleep. I needed to wake her soon, so she could return to her own room. The sky outside the window was already starting to turn gray. Soon Luca and Matteo would get up and it would be too risky if Lily were still in my room then. I should have sent her away immediately afterward for her own safety, but I didn’t have the heart to do it, and I didn’t want to see her go so soon after what we’d done.
“Fuck,” I muttered. So far everything Lily and I had done had been risky but untraceable, but this, this could destroy Lily’s reputation and even start a war. Taking Lily’s virginity had been a selfish thing to do. I knew better. I knew the rules. I’d learned to make reasonable decisions over the years, to make decisions that were good for the Famiglia, but today I’d ignored my duty and my promise to Luca. He and I were as close to friends as he could allow with him being my Capo but I knew he’d have to act if he found out what I’d done.
Lily sighed in her sleep and turned around. The blankets moved with her and the pink spot on the sheets became visible. I closed my eyes. Fuck. This was supposed to happen on her wedding night. But I knew that Rocco Scuderi would never give Lily’s hand to me in marriage. I was only a fucking soldier. Respected and honorable, but a soldier nevertheless. Despite my guilt over having taken Lily’s virginity, I knew I would do it again. I’d wanted to make her mine for so long, and this was the only way I could. At least now a part of her belonged to me, at least she’d never forget our night together, but I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want Lily to have only the memory of our shared night for the rest of her days, I wanted to remind her of the pleasure I could give her every night, I wanted to taste her, smell her, feel her every fucking night. I wanted to have her fall asleep in my arms and wake up next to me in the morning. I wanted to make her mine for everyone to know, but there was no way in hell I could do this without betraying Luca and the Famiglia even more.
Luca treated me like a brother but if I did this, if I went against the Outfit by claiming Lily officially, he’d have to put me down like a rabid dog for the good of the Famiglia.
With a sigh, I walked toward the bed and bent over Lily. I brushed her hair away from her face. “Lily, you need to wake up,” I whispered.
Her eyelids fluttered and she turned on her back. The blankets slipped away, revealing her perfect breasts. Her nipples puckered at the cool air in the room and my cock stirred in response. I leaned over her. She even still smelled like me. Fuck. I was already getting hard again. She opened her eyes and gave me a sleepy smile. Happiness and trust shone on her face. Didn’t she realize that I’d destroyed her life last night?
A light blush appeared on her cheeks under my scrutiny. I kissed her forehead. “You need to leave,” I said.
She froze, eyes filling with insecurity. “Did I do something wrong last night?”
Good Lord. I wanted to stab myself with my fucking knife. I was such an asshole. I should have never let it come to this. Lily was a good girl and I’d ruined her. I kissed the spot below her ear, then her cheek. “No, you did nothing wrong, honey.”
She relaxed and
lifted her hand to the back of my head, looking hopeful. “Can we snuggle a bit?”
She sounded fucking vulnerable. Of course she wanted closeness after last night, and I wanted it too, but it was getting light outside, but the way she was looking at me I couldn’t tell her “no.” I slipped under the blankets and she pressed up against me. Her naked skin brushed mine, and all of my senses sprang to life. I pushed my lust down. This wasn’t the time. I stroked her hair. “Are you okay?”
She nodded against my shoulder. “I’m a bit sore.” She sounded embarrassed.
I pressed a kiss against her temple and I wasn’t sure why I said it because it definitely didn’t make things easier but it slipped out, “I love you.”
And by God, it was the truth. I loved Lily, even though I knew our love was doomed.
She sucked in a breath before whispering, “I love you too.”
I was digging my grave and hers too, only because I couldn’t control my dick, my heart, and my mouth.
She let out a small happy breath. She didn’t seem to realize in how much trouble we were. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. I wished I could say I would have acted differently if I got the chance, but I knew I’d sleep with her again. I’d wanted her, still wanted her. I would never stop wanting her.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Liliana
I couldn’t believe Romero and I had actually slept together. I didn’t feel regret. Maybe it would come at some point but I couldn’t imagine it.
It had been painful and yet it was the happiest moment in my life. And afterwards when Romero had admitted he loved me, I’d wanted to tell everyone about it. Let them get angry, let them call me names, what did I care? I was happy, and that was all that mattered. But I knew better. Romero and I needed to keep it a secret. Maybe one day we’d figure out a way to make it official without causing a war, but right now I only wanted to enjoy our time together. The summer was drawing to a close but Father didn’t seem to want me back and I definitely didn’t want to return to Chicago. Maybe he’d forget I existed and I could move to New York for good.