"I agree," Jayne said. "From the beginning, Sam and I thought the boys should have been told, but it was the way Jack and Grace wanted it. Becca also knew, and I was a surprised she never said anything to Rick since they've always been close, but I guess she didn't want to make waves. The whole thing is pretty disturbing."
"What about Marc's other grandparents, Aunt Grace's in-laws?" Sophie asked. "How much do they know?"
"Nothing," Jayne replied. "Grace told them there had been a mix up at the clinic and she got the wrong sperm. Apparently they had been against their son marrying Grace because they'd wanted him to marry a college-educated woman, so they'd never been close to Grace, and after their son died, Grace never saw them again. She did write them a letter when she planned to be inseminated, and they showed no enthusiasm, so after the mix up they accepted what Grace told them and asked no more questions. To my knowledge, they've had no further contact with Grace."
"Well, I know from the way Marc talked, that he intends to find them," Sophie said.
"You're probably right," Jayne replied. "I guess we'll have to wait and see how it plays out. Now about the invitations." She lifted the lid off a box and handed one to Sophie.
Sophie studied the embossed invitation. Running her fingers over the raised lettering, she noted that Emily and Adam were making their own announcement since Emily came from a dysfunctional family, with an alcoholic father, drug addicted mother, and a brother who'd dropped out of high school. "Who’ll walk Emily down the aisle?" she asked.
"Jack," Jayne replied. "Emily asked Maddy to be her flower girl and left her dress up to Grace, and Emily's only attendant will be a girlfriend from high school. But not having the support of family brings up another issue, and that's planning the cake and flowers. I asked Emily if she wanted me to take care of it and she did, and the flowers too. She doesn't have anything special in mind, just said she'd leave it to me, so maybe you'd like to take it on."
Sophie couldn't help but think it odd that Emily had no interest in planning her cake and flowers. It just didn't seem right, unless she was embarrassed that the expenses fell on Adam's family. "I'll put something together," she said.
Jayne gave a little despondent sigh. "I'm sorry this thing with Marc and Adam has come up. Emily was upset about it. She said she needed to be alone and planned a day at the coast."
"By herself?" Sophie asked.
Jayne nodded. "I think it bothered Adam some."
Sophie contemplated that. It seemed strange, so close to the wedding, for Emily to be running off alone and she hoped Emily wasn't following a pattern she had in the past with her on-and-off relationship with a guy in high school. During the off times she'd cry on Adam's shoulder, but after Adam picked up the pieces, Emily would be back with the boyfriend. But after graduation the boyfriend joined the service, and when Adam ended up at the same college as Emily, he had his chance. The family wasn't surprised when Adam gave Emily a ring at Christmas and announced a July wedding.
Sophie couldn't help but admire Emily though. In spite of her dysfunctional family, and the off-and-on boyfriend, she'd managed to pull straight ‘A’s through high school, was valedictorian of her graduating class, and got a full-ride scholarship to college.
"Life can get messy at times," Jayne said when she saw that Sophie was still staring at the invitation. "But in two weeks Adam and Emily will be happily married and off on their honeymoon for a few days at the coast. Jack and Grace are paying for the honeymoon trip, and Maureen's paying for the cake, flowers and invitations, and the wedding will be under the grape arbor here at the ranch."
"Then they must really like Emily," Sophie said, surprised they didn't have at least a little misgiving about Adam marrying into a family like Emily's.
"They admire Emily for her academic achievements, and they know how much Adam loves her," Jayne said, "He's been in love with her since his junior year in high school when they were in a play together, though he always had to take a back seat to the boyfriend, but not anymore."
"Adam might have to look for another best man though," Sophie said. "He and Marc had some pretty heated words the other day, with Marc accusing Adam of being their father's favorite, and Adam accusing Marc of being a mama's boy. They would have come to blows if Uncle Jack hadn't shoved them apart."
"I know," Jayne said. "Jack talked to Rick about it and told him to be ready in case Marc doesn't come around. Adam's fine with that, since he and Rick have been closer over the years than he and Marc, but he wouldn't want Marc to know."
"Marc knows," Sophie said, "which is why I don't think he'll be back, even for Adam's wedding. But you're right. The invitations need to be addressed."
Sophie collected the boxes and made her way between groups of ranch guests who were gathering in the lodge while waiting for dinner to be announced. She settled onto a two-person couch at the back of the room. Placing the boxes on a coffee table in front of her, she removed the list of invitees, that was attached to a box with a rubber band, unfolded the paper and pressed it open, then arranged the stacks of small and large envelopes in front of her.
For the next twenty minutes, as she meticulously addressed envelopes, with the invitee's name on the one that would hold the invitation, and the full address on the larger one, her mind was divided between what she was doing, and images of her father walking her down a grassy aisle there at the ranch and turning her over to Rick, who'd be waiting beneath the grape arbor that had been built for ranch weddings. There, she and Rick would exchange vows that would join them as husband and wife. She'd been connected to Rick from the time she was a child, but never in a way that would bind them body and soul while bringing her into the Hansen family.
All her life the ranch had been the place she wanted to be, whether to be around Aunt Grace and Uncle Jack and their pack of kids and imagining herself one of them, because that's the way they always made her feel, or with Rick and Becca and their folks, because they were also like family. But during those years the idea of marrying into the family had never occurred to her because they were all like siblings, until this visit, and now she couldn't shove the idea of marrying Rick aside.
"Darn!" She snatched up the envelope she'd inadvertently addressed to the ranch instead of the invitee and tossed it into the wastebasket beside the chair.
"What's the problem?" She looked up to see Rick.
"Distractions," she said, and reached for another envelope. "Here, make yourself useful." She shoved a stack of addressed invitations to the end of the coffee table, and said, "Put the smaller envelopes into the bigger ones and make sure the names match up, and stick these on each." She nudged a roll of stamps beside the envelopes.
Rick sat on the couch, but before starting to stuff envelopes, he lifted one of the invitations off the pile and studied it. Overly long. So long, Sophie said, "What's the problem?"
Rick gave a cynical snort. "My parents were divorced. Uncle Jack's divorced. Emily's a loose cannon when it comes to stability." He tossed the invitation onto the table. "Sometimes it seems pointless to marry."
Sophie picked up the invitation and slipped it into an envelope, and said, "Emily might be a little unstable emotionally because of her family circumstances, but Adam's the kind of guy who'll be around for her for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do they part. Theirs will be a long happy marriage"
"Maybe I'm not referring to them," Rick said.
Sophie looked askance at him. "Then I assume you're referring to yourself, which surprises me. Your father and Jayne are like a match made in heaven."
"Yeah but how many tries does it take to get it right? My parents dated two years before they married and that didn't work."
"On the other hand," Sophie said, "Aunt Grace and Uncle Jack got married six weeks after they met, and that marriage is solid. And my dad and mom couldn't be happier. It's being soul mates. The soul knows what the body doesn't so you have to tap into your soul, like at Whispering Springs, where you just seem
to get answers. Maybe it's because the eerie sounds have a way of enabling us to make contact with our souls."
Hearing no response from Rick, Sophie assumed he thought she was losing it, but when she looked at him his face was sober, his eyes intense, and there was nothing about his expression that questioned what she'd said, almost as if he'd accepted it.
But an instant later, his face became cynical. "Yeah, soul mates," he said. "That's about as pointless as marriage." He rose and left the lodge.
***
Later that day, while standing near the back of the lodge, Sophie turned away from the guests milling about and stood looking out the window at the cabin across the way, where she and her folks always stayed when they came to the ranch, and felt totally bereft. Not only had her last conversation with Rick left her feeling empty, because whenever they were together it was as if the rift between them was growing wider, but she felt disconnected from her parents.
When she was at college she missed them, but there was always a bond between them, whether it was a simple, 'Hi Mom and Dad I love you,' email after finishing her studies, or five minutes on the cell phone to keep them current.
She'd tried several times to reach them, but no one was home, and they didn't answer their cell phones, but it had been a couple of hours since she'd last tried, so she decided to try again, and this time, leave a lengthy message.
After punching in the phone number, she waited as the phone rang, all the while mulling over what to say, and when the recording cut in, she found herself saying, "Mom, I'm sorry. I wish you were here now because I don't want to go into this over the phone since that seems so impersonal, and the way I stormed out of the house, it's just that I feel so bad, and I said such hateful things, and here it's, well, very troubling, and I just wish you were here because what I want to say to you I really, really want to say it to you directly—"
"Then go ahead."
Sophie froze. Slowly she turned, and when she saw her mother standing not more than a few feet behind her, she couldn't stop the stream of tears that started running down her face while she was leaving her message.
When she rushed into her mother's arms, her mother held close, but after a few moments Justine released her hold some, and said, "Honey, you said things here were troubling."
"That's not important now," Sophie said, swiping a finger beneath each eye. "About all the terrible things I said before I left California—"
"It's okay, honey, I understand," Justine replied, cutting her off.
"No, Mom, it's not okay," Sophie said. "I acted like a spoiled, unappreciative brat, saying all those hurtful things to you, then rushing out of the house and driving six hundred miles. I guess I'm not very mature for a twenty-three-year-old, and because of it, you and Dad put your lives on hold and came here when I should have turned around and gone back home. I'm so sorry."
Justine pulled Sophie down to sit on the couch with her, and after they'd settled, she patted Sophie's hand, and said, "Sweetheart, the things you said are past now. I'm not an emotionally fragile woman, and I've been called a lot worse things in the past, so let's just put it all behind and go from here. As for Dad and me coming here, several months ago we reserved the cabin for a couple of weeks from now in anticipation of Adam's wedding, but after you left, well since Dad just finished his latest book, and we've talked for years about finding a piece of property here, we decided to come earlier. We're staying at the old hotel in McMinnville."
"I didn't mean the things I said," Sophie repeated, dismissing what her mother had just told her, not convinced she had put it all behind. "I'm actually very proud of you now because you did turn your life around, and I'm sure Dad's proud too since he's the reason why."
"It wasn't your father who turned me around, honey," Justine said. "He was willing to accept me the way I was. It happened the day a little girl called me Mommy, up in a cabin in the mountains. I knew then if I could, I'd move heaven and earth to be the person that little girl thought I was."
Sophie looked at her mother, speechless. She had never imagined being that important. It was more that she assumed her mother wanted a man who happened to come with a daughter.
"Don't doubt for a moment that you are as important to me as your father," Justine said. "I couldn't imagine my life without either of you, and when you left the way you did, it made me realize even more how much I love you and have from the moment you called me Mommy and planted a tiny seed that gave me hope that maybe I could live up to that name. By then, I was worried your father wouldn't know how to raise an exceptionally beautiful child, and I knew the danger that comes with everyone telling you how beautiful you are. Then your beauty becomes who you are, and you start using it to get what you want, and nothing else matters. In my case, I learned that sex along with beauty got me even further. I had no aspirations of ever having a child because I knew who and what I was, but when you began to look at me as your mother, there was nothing I wanted more than to be just that." She patted Sophie's hand and added, "And now, you said things were troubling."
"I'm helping with Adam and Emily's wedding, even planning the cake and flowers, and I'm also helping Aunt Jayne with guests," Sophie said, not wanting to get into her feelings for Rick, at least not yet. "Actually, helping with guests was Aunt Jayne's idea, and it's really fun. I've always loved being here with the boys and Maddy."
"And Rick," Justine added.
"Well, him too," Sophie conceded.
"Grace told us about Susan. Of course we were shocked when we heard how it happened. I just feel so bad for Rick. How is he doing?"
"Not so good," Sophie replied. "It's a long, complicated story."
"I suppose he's pretty broken up."
"That's the problem," Sophie said. "He isn't and he feels guilty because he isn't and I can't seem to help him or at least he doesn't want me to and what we used to have is gone because I did something stupid when I first got here and everything between us has changed, that is it's changed from the way it was before, and what Rick felt is gone and I'm feeling different and—"
"Sophie?"
Sophie stopped short, realizing she'd been going on and on and making no sense, except that her mother knew exactly what she was trying to say. She was amazingly good at it. And maybe the time was right for a mother-daughter talk. She also sensed that a mother-daughter talk was exactly what her mother needed at the moment, to know she was very much wanted as a mother again. Maybe the mother she always wanted to be but never was because Sophie never talked to her about matters of the heart. But for the first time in her life, she wanted to talk about Rick.
"How is Rick liking vet school?" Justine asked, and Sophie knew it was her mother's way of easing into whatever Sophie really wanted to talk about, which worked for her too.
"He likes it fine," Sophie replied. "He'll make a good large animal doctor since he doesn't mind mucking around in a muddy pasture with cows and horses."
"I've known that all along," Justine said, "and with Adam and Emily getting married, I imagine Rick will be thinking along those lines too as soon as he finishes school."
Hearing her mother state the obvious made Sophie despondent. For years, she'd taken Rick for granted, both his friendship and his love, and even though they'd never been in a romantic relationship, it was like she was always testing to see if she had him wrapped around her little finger, and she didn't doubt she had, until this visit. It was a sobering thought, Rick no longer feeling about her the way he had, no longer caring...
"Honey?"
"Oh... umm, yes. You said something about Rick."
"Sophie, are you alright?" Justine asked. "You sound very down, and twice you've avoided my question about what you found troubling here. Is something wrong with Rick?"
"On no," Sophie said quickly. "Rick's just good old Rick. You know how he's always been."
"You just said what you and Rick once had was gone because you did something stupid. Maybe that's where we should start. You can talk to me about R
ick, honey. It's okay."
Sophie looked at her mother's beautiful face and saw the concern and compassion in her eyes, and felt as if a door had just opened for her to step through. "It's hard to talk about because I'm confused," she said, taking that first step.
"Sophie, honey, you're not confused, you're in love," Justine said, opening the door wider. "You've been in love with Rick for years, but you just never realized it."
"But it's never been like that with us," Sophie insisted. "We'll, maybe it was with Rick, but not with me. I always considered him like a big brother."
"Maybe in your mind you did, but the love between you two has been growing since you were children together. Rick came to the realization before you, but it's always been there."
"Not anymore," Sophie said, morosely. "Like I said, I did a really stupid thing when I first got here and he feels nothing for me now, and I can't convince him that I'm not the way I was."
"I can't imagine anything you could do that would turn off Rick's feelings for you," Justine said, "so tell me what happened and we'll work through it."
"I got drunk and smoked pot and tried to get Rick to have sex with me," Sophie said. "I still don't know how I could have done all that but I did, and I feel awful now and I know you're disappointed in me and I'm sorry."
"You'll never be a disappointment to me, sweetheart, but I feel like I let you down," Justine said. "I know it was a terrible shock for you to learn about my past, and we all handle things in our own way, sometimes not in a very rational way, but for now I suggest you put your feelings for Rick aside and help him get through this thing with his mother, as a friend. If he truly loves you, which I know he does, he'll come around." She looked beyond Sophie and smiled a bright glowing smile, and Sophie knew her father was there, and when she turned and saw him, she jumped up and rushed over and was caught up in his arms.
Uncertain Loyalties (Dancing Moon Ranch Book 4) Page 12