by Tara Chau
My figure shakes violently, but not from pain. No, it’s something else. The feeling of strong hands on my shoulders is a distant touch, even as my body is thrown against the wall over and over. The ringing mercifully dulls but the shaking increases, making me blink, once, twice. Forcing myself to move, forcing my senses to return, my head snaps back to him. To Gabe.
“Di!” Gabe. Right there, he’s right there, “I’m here, I’m right here!”
“Gabe.” I rasp, seeing my chest rise and fall in inconsistent breaths. I look up to his fearful face, “Gabe.”
“Yes, yes, I’m here.” He says, laughing in relief, though it’s short-lived. “You need to get up. Get up!” Gabe yells, trying to hall me to a standing position.
I shove his hands from my body, push them away with as much energy as I can carry. “No,” I say, shaking my head as I continue to keep him at bay. I moan. “No. No, no stop!” The last word roared by another.
Looking down at my panting, broken self, I can see him taking me all in. The dread and the lost hope as he truly looks at me. Even though he is mere centimetres away, I can barely make out his features. I can feel the burn in my skin as the red spreads over me, and through his eyes, I spy the horror that writhes in my own body. As my control is slowly chipped away, I reach into my coat, ignoring Gabe’s intake of breath. Pulling out my dagger, the one previously gifted to me by Gabe, I press it firmly into his shaking palm.
“Y-you go... a-and you use this to help them,” I say, struggling to grasp the words from the back of my mind and to form them into sentences. “G-get them out. Get them out.”
Gabe shakes his head persistently, pushing the blade back to me.
“No.” I wail, black tinged blood flying from my mouth, the one body part that is supposed to be red, tainted black. “No, take it.” My voice again shifts to that genderless cold emptiness, that raging beast. “Take it!” I scream it screams as Gabe attempts to gather it into my palm again. “Please,” I beg, my voice unable to rise again, resorting to a quiet sob, “pl-please.”
Gabe gazes down at me, bringing his face closer so I can see through the red, through the pain, “Alright,” he yields to my relief. “But I need you to get up, one last try, you and me, right now.”
Allowing him to haul my limp body to his side, I cry out as the force hits me again, sending my weight crashing into Gabe. He teeters but manages to drag me a few steps before the full force of its black cracks against my shins, sending me straight back down the dirt floor. Gabe barks a curse as my hand brushes his wounded arm, my fingers coming away from him covered in red blood.
The punishment of my rising beats me further down, till my back is arched in agony and my eyes squeezed shut in an effort to drown out the light still seeping through my new red lid. A shout from Gabe echoes as he follows me back down again, as he reaches for my bucking form.
A crash comes from my right, which I barely identify as Lucien. Gabe growls, taking a position before me. The demon gains more ground, and fear slices through my heart, my head, but as I scream in warning, it rejoices and revels in my misery.
“It’s coming.” I hear Lucien murmur, devoid of emotion.
“Fix her!” Gabe roars.
“I can’t, even if I wanted to. Neither of us can stop it.”
Even as the words are said, a scream tears from my throat, making both boys look to me, one in torment, the other in delight. My panting becomes intense, my eyes darting from place to place, unsure of where to land. A force bends inside me. To my horror, it orders me to rise, and my knees creak as I obey. My upper body snaps straight up in one robotic movement, even as the pain arcs through my spine.
“Now, Gabriel, you might want to run,” Lucien says as he throws up his own flame wall, a protective shield.
Gabe runs, but not away. He comes to a kneel before me. I feel my head cock, looking at him in interest and disgust.
“Di-”
I pounce, my body flies forward in violent jerks, narrowly missing Gabe’s wound, his weakness. He jumps back, repeatedly, missing my shots by a mile as I feel the demon getting a tense grip on my actions and adjusting to its new inhabitant. It sneers at my limited movements, punishing me for it. I cry out, a scream that shatters my throat, but the demon’s shrill wall replaces it. Upon discovering that our nearly bonded bodies share the same weaknesses, the same pain, it coils back into me, allowing me an inch back into myself.
“Go.” I rasp, staggering forward as the demon in me attempts to control me from its protected position. “Go.”
Gabe shakes his head again, an action that sends me screaming and spitting with anger. “Go!” I yell, this time hissing it, letting black blood fly between us.
I let out a small sound, perhaps a cry, maybe a laugh, but mostly a sob, as I look around desperately for a weapon, something to end this torment. Vicious words tear through me from an old memory that blooms in my decaying mind.
“Dying is the coward’s way out.”
Words from the devil himself, uttered to a scared child moments before he was killed. Ronnie’s face flashes across my eyes, not her usual sweet smile, but a sad, longing glance that sends my knees wobbling.
“Dying is the coward’s way out.”
The words ring through my head. The demon agrees with them entirely, terrified of its own end. I am no coward, but this is not for myself. This will be to save everyone.
Suddenly it rears up, unafraid for the time being. My body lurches towards Gabe again, this time faster and more experienced as it jumps, landing us both on the ground of the narrow hall. I keel back in shock as the demon takes control effortlessly, making swift movements, slashing, and clawing for Gabe’s eyes, throat, chest. Gabe quickly grabs hold of my hands, pushing me back with horror-filled eyes. I scream as the demon slithers into my mind, searching for moves, tricks, power to use against him, to kill him. My hands, being held by Gabe, leave only my teeth as possible weapons. Heaving myself upon him, I bare my teeth, snapping for a clear shot at his exposed and weak skin. Gabe skilfully manoeuvres his way around my attacks, though panic is clear in his eyes.
“It’s me!” He yells, trying to reach my ears, “It’s Gabe!”
I snarl. It snarls, spitting more black blood onto his face, which drips down his cheek. My hand slips free of his, instantly connecting with his neck, squeezing tightly. As my muscles ache and I scream, pleading for it to stop, I see the colour drain from his face.
“Please,” he chokes, not looking away for a second, “Stop.”
Gabe’s strangled cries break me. Rage and fear shoot through my body as I beat endlessly at the demon, crying to myself as I look into his pleading eyes. Please. I beg I beg to someone, anyone. I feel my hand strain for a tighter hold, my other hand still attempting to get free of his slowly loosening grasp.
“Di,” He gasps, as one last plea he shouts, one word that snaps the demon back, back into its protective cave, just for a few moments, just long enough for my shock and anger to recede enough to come back, “Reeds!”
Snapping back into my body, I instantly let go, my bones and muscles sighing in relief. I look down at his eyes, crying a river, as I struggle to keep the cold away, just for a little bit longer. My breathing slows back to an ordinary pace, though my heart continues to beat at a hummingbird rate.
“I’m sorry,” I choke as he lets go of my hand. “I’m so sorry, Gabe.”
“It’s okay,” he sighs, his lips curling slightly, proving to me that his words are true, “It’s okay.”
My breathing fastens again, becoming deeper and more laboured. His eyes dart to find any of myself in them, and just as he finds it, that last spark, the cold slams into me again. I let out a wail, slamming forwards. Gabe’s eyes widen as he anticipates the blow, but my hand instead lurches for my blade he had slung by his side. Ripping it from the sheath, I stumble to grip it tightly, neither needing to gather the courage or steady my hands as I let the dagger plunge towards my
heart.
“No!” Gabe’s scream shatters from his throat as he uses his own blade to block my attack. Twisting it, he sends mine flying across the floor. Somewhere far off, I hear Lucien’s cry, then sigh of relief as the dagger hits the far wall, out of my grasp. I had forgotten that he was here, but the demon seems to be drawn to his voice, and it jabs at me again. My reaction is late, but the same. A roar echoes from me as my head is snapping back to him in anger. It jabs again, threatening to resurface as soon as I slip.
But I hold my breath, I hold it for long enough that Gabe begins to panic, and so the demon again retreats, beating at my insides for my release and intake. Only when my lungs stutter and give one more push do I let go, only to hurl myself off Gabe, sending my arms out to catch my fall.
Staring at the floor, I feel the black scream at me in rage. No sooner does my breath return, I return its yells. A storming shriek explodes from deep within, from where it hurts the most. Something from behind me stirs. Looking back, I see Gabe slowly crawling towards me, somehow the stupid idea of pinning me from behind in his mind.
The need to kill flows through me again as I launch myself at him once more, keeping well away from his blade. I’m taken by surprise as his knee slams into my spin, sending me over his head and on the ground, where he pins me carefully but effectively. He sneers down at my face, holding the stare of another.
“Get out of here, you wretched piece of shit.” He spits.
A laugh booms from my chest as I glare right back at him, my body a slave to the demon’s demands.
“Go back from wherever you came from and stay there,” Gabe whispers fiercely.
A voice that is not my own speaks through my lips, words of hate and scorn. “It was a one-way trip, son of Austen.”
At the sound of his father’s name, Gabe roars, shaking with rage. Somewhere too deep, a thought occurs. How can it know that? How can it know that when I didn’t?
“One-way trip, the only way back is through hell.” It laughs.
“Then through hell, you shall go.” He swears.
“I’m here now, boy, and she is me. One-way, for the both of us.” The deep rumbling laugh echoes through me, a cold chill running down my spine.
I scream, an unheard plea, lost in the sea of darkness that has encased my soul, my mind, and has locked me too deeply to find. It allows me to see, allows me to see the horrified and dread-filled look on his face, to see the pain I’m causing him, but regrets it instantly as I manage to choke out two more words.
“You promised.”
The words sink in as I am shoved back into my cage, my body, my cage, and its freedom.
Yield.
That one-word surges through my body, along with a promise. That unspoken promise is what makes my mind finally crumble into itself, what finally gives the demon full control, except for the one minute that follows my yielding. The heavy pull of its cold clutch subsides, clearing my vision as I see Gabe’s relieved yet confused face. My hand is heavy as I lift it to his cheek, as I run my eyes over his features, planting them in my head for when a light is needed, for when the time inevitably comes for me to finally submit.
“I have one minute, a-and I have a lot to say.” I smile despite it all, the muscles in my face protesting every movement.
“What’s happening?” He asks slowly, desperately.
“You’re the best this world has to offer, along with those other four, and you make sure that they survive this.” A shaky breath escapes as I bite my lip to stop it from trembling. I begin again. “Every day,” my voice breaks as tears slide down my cheeks. “Every day that passed, I knew it was going to come to this, so don’t blame yourself, okay?” I ask. “That is the only thing I need you to promise me, do not blame yourself for this.”
To my surprise, Gabe’s own tears splash my face as I feel the cold stir in me impatiently, and I know, I know to hurry. “Remember what you promised me.” I remind him, “And-and I love you.” My voice whispers the last words, not strong enough to say them confidently or repeat, even though the words are a loving melody singing through my body.
Gabe nods his understanding, even as his face crumbles and all remaining colour drains. I see recognition spark, relieved that he knows this isn’t just a confession but a goodbye. His lips brush against mine, lighting me up one last time, sending that familiar electricity surging down my spine. He lingers, and it feels like an eternity and nothing, but I sob as he pulls away and as the demon’s patients run out. I see Gabe open his mouth to speak, but red flashes. And I yield.
Sin
The girl’s feeble attempts were amusing, to begin with, but her constant screams in the back of my head became bothersome. She had cried when he left - when that weak boy had to run. Curled up in that corner I had shoved her into and cried.
Stalking through the Xavia camp, I mould this new face into a cruel beauty, snarling as they turn their heads. The stench of puke and blood is delicious, their groans of pain irresistible. The boy strolling next to me is no better than the rest, his strutting arrogance maddening. He leads me towards his tent, an adequate shelter just past the stairs.
I hiss as the sun leaks through the boarded-up staircase entrance, my red lids not yet thick enough to keep me from the burn of the horrid light. She freezes, stops her wailing as I stumble back from the sunlight. Snapping a coil out at her insufferable presence, I silence her curiosity, sending her screaming again. This body chuckles, its own expression of joy, I presume. Because as she grows weaker, screaming and roiling inside her own body, I grow stronger. Only one thing keeps me from ripping apart her insides, her mind, something even this boy in front of me has not guessed. Soon, I’ll be free of this human vessel entirely, this restricting form. Then, I’ll be free to conquer.
Gabriel
Panting, I storm in through the Sanctuary doors, heading straight for his room, for Chax. The thundering in my head drowns out all common sense and fear as his door flies open.
“Get up.” I spit, somehow resisting the urge to kick his body across the floor.
Chax is meditating, sitting calmly on the ground. Without so much as opening one eye, he rises, only then opening his eyes to look at my face. Years, it had taken years to be able to wipe my face of any kind of emotion, good or bad, and it had taken less than an hour to wipe it all away.
I was looking at the mirror he has placed against the wall on his desk. I stare at my grief-stricken face, the anger that lies simmering beneath it. At those damned ember eyes that reveal me as a Jones. And as broken. I try again to rid my face of feeling, so nothing shows. Again, I fail, so I let my face fall, let the wall collapse to reveal a weak male. I sneer as pity laced with guilt blooms on Chax’s face, as this familiar yet unrecognizable face looks to me with knowledge and understanding. Standing in front of him now, the battle and pain a distant thing, I have no idea what I am here for. An explanation? A solution? Help? Comfort? Someone to blame?
“Confession,” he answers, not a hint of fatigue in his voice, “you’re looking for a confession.”
I just stare, unable to bring forth words to answer. Exhaustion weighs down on me, as does fear, something I am all too accustomed to.
“I warned her.” Chax assures.
Fury flashes, part of me surveys and seizes him up. Studying the slight differences in his stance, in his face, debating whether I can take him. Another part of me recoils from his cold gaze, his unyielding eyes. Changing, everything is changing or has already changed. So much is different. So much is falling apart.
I ran as soon as those red eyes had focused. When I could not find any trace of her loving softness, I sprinted through the door, not to exit but to hold to at least one of my promises and get the others away. Guilt barrels into me like a living thing, heavier than the dagger that has found its new place at my side, heavier than the phantom touch of her hands.
“If you knew her, if you even cared, you’d have known to come to me instead,
” I say, turning to walk back out.
My head is already spinning with ideas, solutions, plans. It takes me a second to realise Chax has called to me.
“I know what you’re going to do,” Chax says softly, his chilled voice drifting across the room.
“Really? Because I don’t.” I reply, shutting the door behind me, not even having the energy to slam it in defiance.
* * *
Annabelle
I don’t need to think for too long to know which room I’ll find him in. After his dad had died and finally ventured from his room, it was only short distances to the training hall and back place to remember, to forget, to understand, and for him, to plan. Gabe had come running, only a short time after Lucien had escaped me, flipping me over and handing me what I had shoved at him, one thunderous blow. Being dragged from the ground by Gabe, a familiar dagger clutched tightly in his hand. He’d led me through the battle, planting me by the stairs, and returned with the rest of them, a horde of Xavia following. That blasted witch, she left, fled as soon as Lucien had flashed that damned pendant.
The sounds of struggling grunts reach me before I walk through the doors. Looking up, I sigh as Gabe’s body gets to the top of the pillar and as he gazes down at me, his usual blank face replaced by shattered, angry features. Without bothering to step back, I watch as he jumps, his body curling as he plummets for the ground, and skilfully lands with a simple forward roll, rising to my left. Sweat and blood drip from his face, the blood unwashed from the battle, and the sweat newly gathered from his extensive self-pity session. I’d planned to wait to see if he speaks to me himself, but with his face unusually unmasked, the words spill from my mouth, uncontrolled.