by Marie Scully
I want to answer honestly, which causes me to take a minute to think about everything that’s happened over the last five years—the good, the bad, and everything in between. I think about our childhood and the last time I saw all of them. The memories and feelings flash over me quickly, each fading into the next.
It may make me a horrible person, but I answer her honestly. “No.”
Her face falls.
“I didn’t miss all the pain and sadness. All the times that Father bullied me and no one tried to help. All the times that he hurt you and Nick and no said anything because they were happy it wasn’t them. I at least was able to get away most of the time. No. I don’t miss it. I don’t miss being constantly reminded of my mother and how it all ended, or of James. I don’t miss that feeling of hope only to have it dashed shortly after. I honestly don’t miss who I was.”
A tear leaks down her cheek, but I continue.
“But I have missed you. I’ve missed all your crazy stories and questions. I’ve missed all the times Nick would try to give me brotherly advice, and it never ended well. Or the time that he beat up Frank Cox when he called me names in high school. I’ve missed all the times that you showed up at the hospital late at night after your parents were asleep when James would relapse. Yes, I have missed you and Nick. I haven’t missed anything else. I’m happy with who I am now. I’ve found amazing people I care about and who care about me.”
Her eyes stay fixed on mine as she lets out quickly in one breath, “I’m happy for you, Danny.”
❖
Liam
Peeking around the bar door, I see Danny and her sister in deep conversation. Danny is leaning forward, moving one hand through the air as the other hand’s finger taps against the table. The faster her lips move, the more the hand waves in front of her and the finger taps. She’s rushing words out before her brain can comprehend what she’s saying. The closer I get to them, the clearer the scene becomes. Holly’s back is to me and Danny hasn’t noticed my presence.
Her body is tense, and her sister is sitting up like a pole is holding her back straight. Danny glances down and she catches me out the corner of her eye, quickly looking up to meet my gaze, some of the tension easing from her body. I’m happy that my presence gives her comfort because I know having her by my side gives me a sense of calm that I haven’t had in a long time. No one else I’ve dated ever gave me the sense of calm that Danny does. As if everyone else had background noise surrounding them, whereas with Danny, it’s like being on a beach with no one else around and I can just enjoy listening to the waves.
I stop in front of their table and pull up an empty chair. They both move their chairs closer to the wall. This table was definitely not made for three people—I bump both their legs as I squeeze my own underneath.
I apologize, smiling at the two of them as I reposition myself. I would have just said hi to them and stayed in the lobby till they were done, but I wanted to check on Danny. In case she needed backup. She can just kick me under the table if she wants me to leave. She wouldn’t have to move much to make that happen.
Before I can ask what I’ve missed so far, a perky waitress appears, pen in hand.
“What can I get you?” she asks, all eyes on me. She angles her body a hair away from touching my own. Danny looks between us, trying not to laugh, and Holly looks annoyed.
“I’ll just take a whiskey ’n’ Coke. Thanks.” She makes no move to write down the order as she asks, “You are Liam O’Connor, right? You won that race tonight.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“I saw the race. I’m normally not a fan of horse racing but seeing you ride really got me into it. Do you give lessons?”
Danny’s starting to turn blue from trying not to laugh out loud, and Holly’s glare turns even hotter.
“No, I don’t, but my girlfriend Danny may be able to help you out?” I say, nodding to her. Her kick under the table comes right on time.
The waitress quickly turns to get my drink, no longer interested in the riding lessons. Looking at the ladies, I grin and observe, “What can I say? I’m famous.”
Danny’s eyes roll to the back of her head and she kicks me again.
“Oh yes, such a big shot.”
Holly’s eyes dance between the two of us, a slight smile on her face.
“What?” Danny asks her sister.
Holly continues to look between us. “Nothing. Just… you two seem good together. That’s all. I’m happy for you.”
❖
After a few more rounds of drinks, our plans to fly home tonight forgotten, Holly says that she should get back to her hotel. After paying the check, Danny and I start walking her back. All of us are a little wobbly after the drinks—Danny uses my arm to help hold herself up.
“Did Danny every tell you about the time she brought a bird into the house?” Holly’s words come out slightly slurred as she giggles behind her hand.
“No, she didn’t, but now I have to hear about it.”
Danny holds two fingers up, pointing at both of us. “No. Not a good story. It wasn’t my fault,” she moans into my arm.
We start down the street to the Hilton.
“How was it not your fault? You brought it in the house.” Holly glances at me and gives me a look that says she’ll tell me the full story another time. It’s nice to see Danny with her sister. Even with their past, I can see they still care for one another. Hopefully this will be a step in a good direction for Danny.
After saying our goodbyes to Holly, we turn around and make our way hand and hand back to our hotel. Danny’s hand fits perfectly in my own. I’d never cared before if another’s hand fit well in my own—it was just a hand—but it pleased me that Danny and I fit well together.
“What are you thinking?” Danny asks.
“Just how happy I am that you’re here with me.” Lifting her hand, I quickly kiss it then allow our hands to swing back at our sides.
She nudges me lightly with her arm. “Well, I’m pretty happy to be here, too.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Danny
The weeks after seeing Holly fly by almost as quickly as the leaves change color. For the first time, I can relate to them—starting as one thing and then slowly changing to different shades.
Liam and I are as strong as ever, with him now knowing my past. I had dinner with just Ben, his parents, and Noel the day after we got back from seeing Holly and told them the CliffsNotes version. Confiding in them was like lifting a boulder from my back that I hadn’t known I was carrying. They were surprised by most of what I told them, but they’d known that I had a complicated past without me giving them any details.
Holly and I had talked off and on about nothing serious. Neither of us was ready to get onto any topics that could set the other off, and we stayed well away from anything to do with our father. As Nick seemed to work as his right-hand man, we didn’t talk about him either.
Liam and I have continued to grow closer. However, over the last couple days, he’s seemed distant, and my heart can’t help but jump when I let myself in after work and find him on the couch with concern on his face, staring at his laptop. He doesn’t notice that I’ve entered the room and doesn’t glance up when I ask why he’s looking stressed.
His eyes don’t move from the screen at my question. “Just reading over an invitation from Sophia and Jackson Wilson.”
“Who are they?” I ask, sitting next to him on the couch and reading over his shoulder.
“I’m surprised you’ve not heard their names before. They’re about as close to horse and racing royalty as one can get—old money that made, and are making, their fortunes with horse breeding and racing. Every year in October they throw a huge event for the who’s who in the industry. It’s a little of everybody from up-and-comers to Kentucky Derby winners and everyone in between. People would sell their firstborn to get an invite.”
“And you got one?” I ask, leaning into him.
; “I did,” he answers, shutting the laptop and placing it on the glass side table. “It’s not a big deal—I got invited last year as well.” His eyes meet mine. “I was hoping I wouldn’t get invited this year.” He places his arm around my shoulder while his other hand rests on my knee.
“Why?” I ask curiously. “I’d think it would be a good move for your career as well as validation that everything you’ve done is working.”
His finger taps nervously on my knee. “Yes, and yes. But my dad will be there; with everything that’s been going on I don’t know how much patience I have to be in the room with him for long periods of time. I’d much rather stay here with you.”
Liam’s mouth moves to my neck and leaves a trail of featherlight kisses.
Holding back my moan, I lean closer and say, “As much as I love hearing that, I think you should go. I can go as well if you want me to.”
His lips stop, and he nuzzles my neck. “I’d love for you to come. You would make the night bearable, but I don’t want to make you put up with my dad and his comments, because we both know he’ll say something. Plus, you’ve had enough going on. Would you really want to go?”
Moving away from his hold, I meet his eyes. “I can deal with anything with you by my side, Liam. If you want me to go, I’ll go. It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before, and your dad can say whatever he wants. It won’t change how I feel about you. I’m not going anywhere.”
His lips curve into a broad smile, and he continues to hold me. Sitting there in silence, we enjoy the feel of being next to each other.
❖
“Danny, we’re running late.” Liam barges into the bedroom as I’m struggling to zip my red dress up. In just three steps, he’s behind me, pulling the zipper. “You ready?” he asks nervously, stress hiding in his voice.
“Yes, Liam. Give me one second.” Fluffing my hair once more, I turn to face him. His eyes move over me hungrily, and I can’t help but feel hot with his gaze on my body.
“On second thought, we really don’t have to go to this tonight. We can say we got food poisoning.”
His hands reach for me, but I stop him, playfully hitting him with my black purse. “Oh, no. I got into this dress for this event, when all I wanted to do after work was put on my PJs and eat popcorn. We’re going.”
“Killjoy,” he moans.
Quickly we make our way to the car. Liam was correct; we are running late. That was a group effort. He’d arrived home when I was in the shower and decided it would be more environmentally friendly to share the water. Which led to the water not being the only thing to generate steam.
“How was work?” Liam asks as he pulls the car out of the driveway.
“It was good. Watched some of the training, and Flame looked great during the new exercised routine. Ben was moody. No clue why. But other than that, it was busy in the stables. How was your day?”
“Long, but productive. Talked to Mike about a few options for the upcoming races with the best matches, and Ben and I talked about a few business ideas. Dad called to follow up that I was going tonight. Surprisingly the conversation wasn’t bad.”
“That’s good. Has he talked to Lex?”
“The better question is, has Lex talked to him. She texted me and told me he called last week and she let it go to voicemail. I don’t blame her.”
The closer we come to our destination, the fewer buildings we see. I thought Liam’s and Ben’s family lived by no one, but the Wilsons have them all beat. Finally, we pull up to a large black iron gate. A guard takes Liam’s ID and checks the list before nodding, and the gate allows us entry to the grounds. What I notice first besides how green the grass is and how perfect the grounds are overall are the peacocks that are roaming free. I can’t believe they have peacocks!
Seeing the home from a distance is enough to send me into flashbacks. Breathe, just breathe. It’s nothing you haven’t done before, I keep reminding myself. I step out of the Audi and look up at the mansion’s fortress-like towers bearing down on me. Miles from the nearest neighbor, the house feels more like something out of a romance novel set in the Scottish Highlands than a southern farmstead. Liam walks beside me. Feeling his gaze on me, I turn my head, and my eyes meet his. His fingers lace through my own as we step up to the large wooden door.
Entering the home of Sophia and Jackson Wilson, two of the richest and best-known horse breeders in the States, is like entering a whole new world and going back in time all at once. Gold and silver radiate throughout the entranceway. A few steps in and Liam has already said hi to ten people. Names I won’t remember in the next five minutes. Glancing at Liam, I think once more how handsome he looks in his tux.
We pass a waiter and Liam grasps two glass of white wine and hands me one. My eyes dance around the room, taking everything in. Gold-spun hair catches my eye, and instantly I take in the woman I hadn’t thought to see again for some time. A glance over and the laughter between Holly and the man next to her ends abruptly as she realizes that I’m here. My gaze leaves hers in search of someone else. Eyes darting over the room, I scan faces quickly. There. Far-left corner. No. This can’t be happening. Nick. If Nick and Holly are here, that means one thing. Our father must be here as well. The room spins.
Liam mustn’t have noticed Holly or Nick, because he asks if everything is okay, but my mouth is dry and won’t work. I nod to try to convey to him that everything is fine when it’s not. I knew after seeing both Holly and Nick over the last couple of weeks that it could only be a matter of time before I’d see our father again, but I wasn’t prepared for it to be tonight. Different scenarios race through my mind, from throwing a tray at his face to running out the door, to telling him what I think of him in front of his peers.
“Danny?” Liam asks, placing a hand on my back.
“Yes. Everything’s fine. Never better.”
Lifting the glass to my lips, I take a long drink.
❖
Liam
Watching Danny, I know something’s wrong. I also know that she won’t tell me until she wants to. Hopefully, that will be sooner rather than later. When we’d first entered the room, her eyes darted around, searching for something or someone. Now she stares blankly at a spot on the beige wall, as if whoever she’s avoiding won’t appear as long as she doesn’t move. Glancing around the room, I don’t see anyone out of the ordinary. The mayor is here with his wife. The other top breeders in the States, as well as Europe, are also in attendance, and the familiar faces of competing jockeys are scattered throughout the room—the local and non-local recent winners of the most well-known horse races, including the Kentucky Derby, Dubai World Cup, Prix de l’Arc de Triomphe, and Breeders’ Cup Classic, are all here.
Mentally I take note of everyone I need to speak with tonight. At the top of that list is the CEO of Horse Daily, a top-rated horse magazine and sponsor of the Breeder’s Cup Classic. We’d been in talks over how I could get sponsorship and how we could help each other, but each time we make it to the signing of a contract, they backs out for one reason or another.
Glancing back at Danny, I see that she’s still staring blankly at the wall and I quickly scan the room once more. There’s a mix of different groups mingling together. The goals of everyone here is to make more connections and have more opportunities than they arrived with. There should be no one here who would cause her issues. I’d called Dad last night to check the guest list, as he and Jackson had been friends—or as close as my dad gets to having a friend—for years.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask, leaning close to Danny.
She leans closer to me. I know she does this unconsciously. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I pull her even closer. Her lips move an inch from the edge of the glass to answer that she’s fine.
“We could go start our mingling with that group,” I say, nodding towards the people in question.
Danny moves from my grasp, turning to face me. “You go ahead without me. I’m going to find a restro
om.” Leaning into me, she gives me a light kiss before turning around, and I watch her as she leaves the room before making my way towards the first group.
❖
Danny
Zooming through groups of people, I bypass the bathroom and move to the back of the house. A place this size has to have a large backyard. If I’m lucky, everyone else would be too occupied indoors to have made it outside.
Air—I need air. That will help. Or at least it won’t hurt.
After wandering around, I finally find the back door. Window after window make up the back of the house. The door is glass as well. I’d hardly be able to pick it out if not for the silver bar across it.
I guess the people on this side of the house have never seen a woman walk briskly, from the strange looks I receive as I pass.
Pulling the door open and breathing the fresh air does what I wanted it to do, and once I’m calmer I place my hands on the dark gray railing and take in the large open space. There is greenery all around, large oaks growing at the sides, and benches scattered throughout. No one would be able to tell that these people own horses—there are no traces of them. No smell. No hoof prints. No stables in sight. Focusing on one tree, I try to get out of my own head, but I can’t.
Maybe he’s not here—Holly and Nick have to travel on their own sometimes. But the looks on their faces when they saw me told me something different. That he is in fact here and they don’t know what to do. I need to take control. No more running. I need to go back in and face whatever happens. Liam wants me here, and that’s enough for me. He loves me, and I love him. I can’t run. This is my life, not my father’s, and he has no power or say here. I am strong, and I am me, and that’s enough.
Releasing the railing and my breath, I twist back around, ready to face whatever happens.
“Hello, Danny.”
My lips part and my body freezes mid-step. I was distracted and hadn’t heard him open the door. He has more age lines, and his hair is dusted with gray, but his eyes and tone haven’t changed—they’re still cold; bitter. Everything I’d thought to say over the years goes out the window as my brain goes blank.