by Terra Kelly
“You have a visitor.” Jan was standing in the doorway when I walked in. At that moment she stepped to the side so I could see who she was talking about.
Before I had a chance to see who my sister was talking about Kelsey ran up and hopped on one foot. “Daddy, daddy, look who’s here.”
My mind went to Sarah. Then she stepped into the foyer and for the first time I found my body reacting to a woman since my wife died. “Sarah, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just needed to talk to you, but if this is a bad time–”
“Nonsense.” Jan squeezed Sarah’s hand and turned to face me. “Dinner is in the oven. Sarah has all the instructions.”
I felt a little confused. “Thank you, Sis. See you tomorrow?”
“Maybe, we’ll talk in the morning.”
“Um, okay.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Daddy, guess what?” Kelsey tugged on my hand.
I squatted down in front of my daughter. “Tell me?”
“Sarah helped me draw today. Want to see?”
“In a little bit. Can I talk to Sarah alone for a few minutes?” Kelsey nodded and ran upstairs to her bedroom.
“You okay?” I watched as Kelsey rounded the corner then I turned to face Sarah.
“Yeah, now I am.” She headed back into the living room and sat on the edge of the sofa.
“Now you are? Did something happen?”
“The repairman came to look at the wiring in the house today.”
“Did they find any other issues?”
“Well, the guy told me I shouldn’t live there and said the realtor company would fire him for saying that.”
“Oh shit, that’s exactly what I was afraid of.” She had her head bent, and I noticed how she was fidgeting with her fingers. “Is there more?”
“Yeah,” she sighed.
“Sarah, talk to me.” I bent down and grabbed her hands. “I promise you can trust me.” She sat there for about a minute and then finally looked up. I could see tears threatening to fall. “You’re scaring me.”
“It’s the guy at my house today.”
I reached my hand up to wipe a tear that slipped down her cheek, but her body jerked back. “What happened today…it’s happened before?”
She rolled her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “It’s fine. It was probably my fault.”
“Sarah, no, you should never think that way.”
“Eddie, I can’t talk about this right now.” She attempted to stand but I placed my hands on her thighs.
“Wait.” I pulled my hands away. “Just know I’m here if you need to talk.”
“Thank you.” She cleared her throat. “Um, there is one thing. I was wondering if that room you mentioned was still available?”
“Absolutely.” I stood and held my hand out for her to take. “Let me show you.”
I still had a hold of her hand as we walked up the stairs. She seemed so young and yet you could tell whatever happened in her past had aged her.
“Here we are.” I stepped to the side. It was my wife’s sewing room. I wasn’t ready to let go of everything yet, so her sewing machine still had a spool of thread and fabric under the needle. The last project she had been working on was waiting to be finished. There was more fabric, thread, and other odds and ends hanging on the wall.
“Is this your wife’s room?” Sarah whispered.
“Yeah, that sofa turns into a bed.” She left the room so fast and attempted to descend the stairs. Before her foot reached the second step I wrapped my fingers around her arm. The moment my hand touched her skin she pulled her body away. “Wait, where are you going?”
“I can’t stay in your wife’s room.”
“Why not?”
“Because…it’s her room. I mean, look around, you haven’t moved anything.”
She was right. Dammit. I walked back into the room and sat down on the edge of the sofa. “Maybe it’s time.”
She walked back into the room and sat down beside me. “Don’t change her room for me.”
“What if you were the sign I was waiting for?”
“What do you mean?”
I lifted my head to look at her angelic face. “I have walked by this room a thousand times. Each time I pause and think, is today the day. Then my body moves of its own volition back down the hall. I’ve avoided this room for way too long.” I stood up and turned to face Sarah. “Until today.”
“What’s so special about today?”
“There’s a feeling of peace. Like she’s telling me it’s okay.”
We stood there staring at each other for the longest time. Then Kelsey’s voice broke the silence. “Daddy, where are you?”
“In the sewing room, Baby.” It took every ounce of strength to tear my eyes away from Sarah.
“What are you doing in here?” Kelsey rested her head against my side.
“I was thinking Sarah could sleep in here. What do you think?” I combed my fingers through my daughter’s soft curls.
“That would be fun.” She looked up at me.
“The four-year-old has spoken.” I beeped Kelsey on the tip of her nose.
“You want more potatoes, Kelsey?” I held up the bowl ready to spoon out a few.
“No thanks.” She stuffed a forkful of broccoli into her mouth.
“Wait, you like broccoli?” Sarah sounded shocked.
“I do. It’s yummy.” She pushed the tines of the fork into another piece.
I found I enjoyed having Sarah sit with us at the table. I missed my wife’s presence. She always made Kelsey giggle which is the best sound in the world. Lately, we gravitated to the living room where we ate our dinner while watching cartoons. It’s possible we did that more for me because Kelsey didn’t care where we ate. There was something about Sarah here right now, it brought light back into the room.
“You’re not a broccoli fan, eh?” I took a forkful of the green veggie.
“Well, to be fair, my mom never did anything to it. It was just steamed and served with some salt and pepper.” She wrinkled her nose and pushed the broccoli to the other side of her plate.
“Then she needs to try Aunt Jan’s broccoli doesn’t she, Kelsey?”
My daughter started to move her head up and down. “Yup, you should try it.”
“I double dog dare you to try it.” I raised my eyebrows up and down.
“Now, that’s not fair.”
After about five minutes of us going back and forth, she reached her fork into the bowl and grabbed a piece. She took in a few deep breaths and let them out before popping it in her mouth. As she bit down, I noticed her wrinkle her nose again.
“Come on, it’s not that bad.”
Her face softened as she chewed. “No, it’s not that bad.”
“My sister has a secret ingredient she puts in her broccoli recipe.”
Sarah scowled. “She does?”
“Yeah, unicorn tears.”
“Daddy.” Kelsey burst out laughing which made Sarah and I both laugh right along with her.
“Okay, maybe it’s not unicorn tears but I do know there are bunny kisses in it.”
Kelsey continued to giggle which sent a warm feeling through my body. This. This moment. It was long overdue. I knew I wasn’t ready to be romantically involved yet with anyone but it was that female presence that made our house almost feel whole again.
“So, you’re saying that Jan adds bunny kisses to the broccoli dish to make it taste better?” She rested her arms on the table.
“Yeah, didn’t your mom do that to your meals?”
As soon as the question was out of my mouth, Sarah’s smile faded. I had a strong feeling the repair guy was not an isolated incident. Her emotions gave that away. Hopefully, she would talk to me soon.
Chapter Ten
Sarah
Before we all went to bed, Kelsey picked out her two favorite stuffed animals that would keep me safe while I slept. Now, Mr. Muffles and Jersey Boy were resting on a pillow next to
me.
The room was full of sewing supplies and the closet had beautiful quilts stacked one after another on the shelves. A part of me felt uncomfortable sleeping in the room that belonged to Eddie’s wife. The other part, well, I felt connected to something special. A feeling I have never felt in my life.
There was a creak outside my room. I could see a shadow stretching out under the door. I had a feeling it was Eddie checking on me. The shadow stayed rooted to the spot for about thirty seconds, then it disappeared.
After about four hours tossing and turning, I accepted defeat and threw back the covers to head downstairs. I had read recently on a homeopathic website that bananas and warm milk together would help you sleep. I was up for the challenge.
There was a nightlight illuminated on the wall by the kitchen sink, so I left the main light off. Just because I couldn’t sleep didn’t mean everyone else had to get up.
“Couldn’t sleep?” a voiced said from behind me. I jumped so far off the ground and screamed at the top of my lungs. Eddie ran over and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “It’s me. I’m so sorry,” he whispered beside my ear and tightened his hold on me.
I felt like I just had a heart attack with how it was beating so fast against my chest. It took me a moment to find my voice. After several seconds and my heart rate normalizing, I could speak. “Eddie, um, holy shit.”
“Sarah, I’m so sorry. I thought you could see me sitting at the table.”
“I need to sit down.”
“God, I’m so sorry.” Eddie pulled out one of the chairs.
“It’s okay. I’m so tired, I didn’t pay attention to anything around me as I walked in.”
“So you couldn’t sleep either.”
“No, my mind will not shut up.”
Eddie stood and made his way over to the stove. “I can make you some tea?”
“That would be wonderful.” I pulled down my sweatshirt a little further feeling self-conscious. “I miss my yoga sessions with my mom.” Did I say that out loud? I did miss them though. Back home in Charlotte my mom and I would go to a yoga studio about three times a week. Now I did yoga on my own and in the comfort of my bedroom. Yoga and meditation seemed to always help me sleep.
“I love yoga. You could join Kelsey and I tomorrow?”
“Wait, you practice yoga?”
“Sure. Why do you sound so surprised?” Eddie walked over and poured steaming hot water into a mug.
“Um, not surprised really–” I laughed– “okay, maybe a little.”
“Well, Kelsey will have to show you all our favorite asanas.”
I cleared my throat. “So…” Then I lost my train of thought.
“You okay?”
“Oh yeah.” I lied. I couldn’t stop staring at his gorgeous hands as he opened the package that held the tea bag.
“Sarah, do you have anything at the rental you want me to grab?” He dropped the tea bag in the hot water.
There was a bag full of memories still sitting in a closet at that dump. I had a couple photos of my mom, my journal, and locket mom gave me before I left. “I don’t have much. There’s a bag sitting in my bedroom I would love to get.”
“If it’s okay, I’ll stop by later today and grab it for you.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know. I want to.” He sat down beside me. “Are you ready to talk about what happened at the house?”
I pushed my chair back a little too roughly. “Um, I need to get some sleep.” I started to walk out of the room but stopped. “Thank you, Eddie.” Then I left.
“How am I supposed to clear my mind when all I can think about is pancakes?” I admitted while in downward facing dog pose.
“Hmmmmm…pancakes.” Kelsey stood and walked over to Eddie who was still in the pose, too. “Daddy.” She wrapped her hands around his leg and started to move his leg back and forth.
It was hilarious. Within seconds he fell to the ground. I noticed how his face changed. “Uh oh, guess what happened?” he said to Kelsey and then wiggled his fingers. “Tickle hands have been engaged.”
I dropped to the floor and sat back on my legs. It was fun to watch Eddie chase Kelsey around the room. They both were laughing so loudly. It was hard to not feel something for them both. I glanced at my mat and thought about my mom. In moments like this, I loved having words of wisdom from my mom. I had a feeling she would tell me to trust my heart. Trust was not my strong suit but right now my heart was telling me to give Eddie a chance.
As I watched them run around, I realized it was time to talk to him.
“Daddy, I think Sarah needs to be tickled,” Kelsey said from the other side of the room.
My head lifted so fast. “What? No.”
Eddie advanced on me with his fingers moving back and forth. “She’s right.”
Normally my mind would freak the moment a man advanced toward me. This time, I laughed. I backed up as he got closer to me. “No…really…. I’m good.” I was in fits of giggles now, too.
He reached forward to tickle me at the same moment my legs hit the side of the sofa. I lost my footing and he tried to help prevent me from falling. Instead, I fell onto the sofa and he landed on top of me. My first reaction was to get him off…but all my mind could think about in that split second was how wonderful he felt on top of me. For the first time in a long time I wanted more of whatever this feeling was at this very moment.
“Um, sorry about that.” He hopped up and reached for my hand to help me up.
“Yeah, damn couch got in the way.” I walked over to roll up my yoga mat. As I rolled up my mat I knew Eddie was staring at me.
“Daddy, can we have pancakes now?”
“Yes.” Eddie said and tapped his finger on the tip of her nose.
I followed them down the hallway. Something had shifted just now. My body felt flushed and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.
Eddie turned in the doorway to face me. “What animal do you want for your pancake?”
Kelsey grabbed my hand. “Daddy makes me a bear.”
“A bear, huh?” I glanced up at Eddie, he had these stunning chocolate colored eyes. Eddie was stirring up an emotion I had kept tucked away. For so long I felt scared to feel. At this very moment fear was furthest from my mind. “I’ll take a heart-shaped pancake.”
“Oh daddy, can you do a heart?”
He must’ve felt it too because he never looked down at his daughter. “Yeah, I think I can.”
My brain stopped working for a moment and all the negative memories just disappeared. Is this what it felt like to be happy?
I wanted more.
Chapter Eleven
Eddie
Two weeks later…
“Is Sarah still at your house?” Jackson asked and handed me the hose.
“Yeah.” I coiled it up and made sure it was secured on the truck. “It’s weird, a part of me wants her there. Yet, another part of me is screaming you just met her, what the hell is wrong with you.”
“Well, you did just meet her.”
“I guess.”
“Why is she still there?”
That was the million-dollar question of the day…and I didn’t have the damn answer. It had been two weeks since she showed up asking for a place to stay. I didn’t know how to tell her to leave. Plus, my sister told me how much she loved having Sarah around.
Sarah had not mentioned looking for another place. Which seemed odd.
“She finally heard from the realty company,” I said and hung a jacket on a large hook.
“Yeah? Are the assholes planning to give all her money back?”
“Funny you mention that. They tried to give her the runaround that she signed a contract and they only had to give her seventy percent back.”
Jackson stopped what he was doing. “I’m sorry, what did you say? Seventy percent. I call their bullshit.”
“Same. I had my lawyer call the realty office and within an hour they said the check would be
mailed,” I sat down on the edge of the truck. “I’m not sure how she found this company but this whole situation could have been much worse.”
“Yeah, like billowing fire worse.”
“I’ve been trying to not think about that scenario.”
Just then a call came over the scanner. “Domestic dispute at Marv’s grocery store on sixth street. All police officers in the area need to respond.”
Sarah was working today. It was like my body knew she was in trouble and forced me to get up.
After a week living at my place, she shared what the repairman had done. He had crossed the line with his advances but she didn’t want me to say anything. When she told me about the incident, I noticed her whole-body coil in like a snake. When I tried to touch her hand to console her, she jumped away from me.
Sarah had experienced something traumatic in her life, but I still didn’t know what.
The police were already responding to the call coming through the scanner. I knew that because an operator was reporting who was dispatched to the scene over the scanner. The firehouse didn’t need to respond but I wanted to check on Sarah. As I walked into Marv’s my heart stopped. Sarah was in a chokehold suspended just above the ground. Her eyes were closed, she had her hands on the man’s forearms, and tears were streaming down her face.
One of the officers had his hands in the air and was trying to convince the guy to let go of Sarah.
I nudged the officer next to me. “What’s the story?”
“The manager said the guy came in acting normal, waited in the young woman’s line, and then just went ballistic.”
“So they know each other?”
“No clue. It seems that way though.”
Right at that moment a woman jumped on the guys back screaming, “Harry, stop it. She’s your daughter.”
A few days after Sarah arrived at my place she mentioned her age in passing. I was surprised to hear she was only twenty-two. The woman acted like she was in her thirties already.
Now I knew why.
This.
Sarah’s eyes opened and locked onto mine. “Oh God,” she mouthed.