My cock throbbed and pulsated until the pressure in my balls could no longer be contained. I felt her pussy start to spasm, and it was all I could take. I filled her with my seed—knots of thick cum rushing through my shaft until her orgasm milked me dry. The tightness in my muscles began to relax. I let go of Lauren’s wrists and supported my weight with my fists against the mattress. My arms started to shake, so I shifted to the side and crashed into the bed beside her. I pulled her into my arms and held her as the afterglow slowed my pulse and heart rate down. The alcohol finally started to take a toll as it mixed with the endorphins that burned through my veins when passion devoured me. All I could do was close my eyes and let the darkness take me. It wasn’t going to be a peaceful night of sleep, but I had to give in to it anyway.
* * *
The next morning
I woke up as Lauren pulled herself out of my arms. I heard the sound of her putting on her clothes. I didn’t turn to face her. I knew she was leaving. There was no reason to try and stop her. I saw it in her eyes before the climax of our passion pulled us into the nether void of the night. She finally understood what I knew when I tried to push her away—she saw through the illusion the moment I did. She climbed back into bed once she was dressed and I closed my eyes to pretend that I was still asleep. It would be easier without another goodbye. Her lips pressed the side of my forehead—one final venomous kiss that would be sweet poison in my veins—an addiction that would never be tasted again.
“Goodbye Walker.” She exhaled into my ear. “I’m sorry.”
Goodbye Lauren. I’m sorry too.
14
Lauren
I cried when I got to the car. I held them back until then. I was awake for nearly two hours before I finally got the courage to leave Walker’s arms, because I knew I wouldn’t feel them around me again. I fought for my desire—for the love that was rooted inside me for a man I had known for less than a week, but then something shattered. It was like a veil being pulled away from both of our eyes at the same time. I finally saw what he kept saying—but what he said was a lie—a lie he told himself. I couldn’t chase a ghost that didn’t exist.
It wasn’t that Walker struggled to separate himself from his work or leave it behind when he left the set—the real problem was that he didn’t know himself. As desperately as I wanted to cling to him for dear life and tell myself those same lies, I knew it was over. Loving a man that didn’t know how to exist without burning the world down would have been willingly walking to the flames. Regardless of how long we held on to each other, the flames would always be nipping at our souls with every intention of destroying us. What I didn’t know until that moment was that it wasn’t a fire burning out of control. Walker was the one pouring gasoline on it.
I hate to accept it, but I have no other choice.
* * *
Two months later
Life after Walker was similar to life before Walker. I still got up in the morning, took a shower, brushed my teeth, and put my jeans on one leg at a time—after my panties were firmly around my hips, of course. I drank coffee, ate breakfast, made idle conversation with Madeleine, and then we both went to school. I attended my classes, did what I was supposed to do while I was there, and worked on my schoolwork when I got back to my apartment. Occasionally, I would have a reminder of him. A scent in a hallway—a man with silver in his beard on the street—an errant channel flip that landed on the one where a Dangerous Thorns commercial was playing. Those reminders made me smile, because despite the scar loving Walker had left on my heart, what we had was beautiful when he was mine—even if it was a brief moment across the span of space and time.
“What do you want to do today?” Madeleine walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch. “It’s Saturday. I feel like we should go out—we still haven’t made it downtown to try out our fake IDs at one of those clubs.”
“Maybe.” I nodded. “I need to work on my article for NewsNow this afternoon, and do a little shopping, but I wouldn’t mind going out tonight.”
“I still can’t believe NewsNow was so impressed with your first article that they gave you your own column on their website—but then again, they aren’t paying you.” Madeleine raised an eyebrow. “Are they ever going to pay you?”
“I doubt it.” I chuckled under my breath. “I’ve been to their office a couple of times. I don’t think the website is actually profitable—the one in the UK is very popular, but they just seem to be going through the motions here. That’s probably why they gave a college student a column. I’m just providing free content.”
“I guess it’s good experience.” Madeleine shrugged. “Maybe that will be worth something when you graduate.”
“I hope so—otherwise I’m wasting my weekends for nothing.” I sighed. “Writing sports isn’t exactly my dream job.”
Mr. Anderson was so impressed with my article that he sent it to NewsNow without a single edit on his part. He said he had never done that with an article written by a student. He even confessed that he had rewritten a few of them entirely because they were so bad. I thought he was just screwing with me when he said NewsNow wanted to give me my own column, but it wasn’t a joke. They had me come to their office, interview like it was a real job, and then I found out they weren’t going to actually pay me. Mr. Anderson convinced me to take the job and just treat it like an internship, so I did. I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but it was a start in the career field I chose—provided that there were opportunities that would eventually keep a roof over my head.
* * *
A few hours later
“Hey, let’s check out that boutique.” Madeleine pointed to the other side of the street. “I’m sure we can’t afford anything in there, but it will be fun to look around.”
“You’re right—we can’t.” I nodded.
That’s the same boutique Walker took me to—it feels like a lifetime ago.
I followed Madeleine across the street, and we walked into the boutique. I had flashbacks to my time there with Walker. It probably should have pulled at my heart, but it actually brought a smile to my face. The memories I had of Walker were good, even if it ended badly. It was a learning experience—the moment my innocence was taken so that I could become a woman instead of a girl. He would always be my Daddy—and that part of me wouldn’t go away. There was just more to life than the lust that turned into true passion. I wouldn’t have known that if I never met him—or, maybe that lesson would have come at another time in my life. Either way, it was one I needed to learn. We finished up at the boutique, but we didn’t buy anything. It was still fun to see her eyes light up like mine did the first time I was there.
“Oh no.” Madeleine reached out and grabbed my hand the moment we stepped out of the boutique.
“What’s wrong?” My eyes followed her gaze—until I saw Walker on the opposite side of the street.
“It’s—him. That woman with him. Isn’t that Abigail from Dangerous Thorns?” Her eyes followed them as they stepped in front of us.
“Yeah, her name is Jasmine.” I nodded and immediately felt a flood of emotions that I had managed to bury for two months.
“Are they a couple now? Does he already have a new girlfriend?” Madeleine’s tone stiffened.
“No.” I shook my head back and forth. “That’s not the look he gives someone when he—wants them.”
Walker and Jasmine stopped in front of a store that was directly in front of us. They looked through the large glass pane, and I realized too late that Walker was going to see me in the reflection. He did. His head tilted and then he spun around. Our eyes locked together—two gazes that were never supposed to meet again finding each other. He slowly lifted his arm and gave me a slightly wave. I did the same. I had been fine up until that moment. It was never easy, but I found a way to just put one foot in front of the other. Seeing him made my head spin and my knees got weak. Jasmine took his arm and tried to direct his attention towar
ds something else. She didn’t see me. Maybe she would have let him stare longer if she had—or maybe she would have had choice words for the girl that broke her best friend’s heart. Then again—it was mutual. The light died in both of our eyes at the same time that night—he just had the courage to say the words before it happened.
“Come on, Lauren. Let’s go.” Madeleine took my arm. “Unless you want to go over there…”
“No.” I shook my head back and forth. “We’ve said all there is to say. The only thing left for us is memories.”
At least most of those are good ones.
I went through the motions for the rest of our shopping excursion. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore, but I did my best impression of the happy version of myself. When Madeleine and I made it back to our apartment, I had a good excuse to lock myself in my room since I still needed to work on my article. My heart wasn’t in that either, but I put my fingers to the keyboard and typed it out. I felt like the quality of my work for NewsNow was getting better, because they were giving me stories that actually mattered. A few of my columns had actually been featured on the front page of the website. My name was getting out there, if nothing else, but I really wanted to be able to write something with a little soul—something I was passionate about. I finished the article and heard a few gentle taps on my bedroom door.
“Hey Lauren, do you still want to go out tonight?” Madeleine’s tone had a hint of worry. “It’s okay if you don’t.”
“We can still go.” I put as much cheer in my voice as I could muster. “I’m not really in the mood to sit in my room all night.”
A few drinks is exactly what I need right now.
Madeleine’s second attempt to use her fake ID to get into a club was successful, and we were both able to get into the club that we chose. It was a little upscale and the drinks were very expensive. If I hadn’t seen Walker earlier that day, I probably would have been able to enjoy myself a lot more. All of the time I had spent putting him in the past might as well have been wasted once he looked at me. Breaking up was hard—losing someone I cared about was harder. It didn’t feel like a relationship that only lasted a few days. It felt like a part of my soul that found something it had been searching for my entire life. He would always be my first, so there was no way that I was ever going to be able to forget him, but it was time to start putting him in the past again—I didn’t have any other choice.
“Hey, those two guys over there are looking at us.” Madeleine leaned over and nudged me. “Maybe they’ll buy us a drink or say hello.”
“I just want to hang out with you tonight.” I looked down at my drink.
“Too late. They’re coming over.” She smiled and turned to greet them when they got closer.
The two guys invited us back to their table and Madeleine agreed before I had a chance to object. They were our age—well, they were the age we pretended to be when we walked into the bar with our fake IDs. One was a sandy haired, blue-eyed guy named Chad. He seemed to be very interested in Madeleine and it was mutual. The other was a dark haired, brown-eyed guy named Randall. He didn’t seem very interested, but he was polite—it was probably because I couldn’t hide my disinterest when he offered to buy me a drink. We just became the third and fourth wheel for Madeleine and Chad. Two hours later, it was clear that Madeleine had every intention of going home with him, while I just wanted to get out of the club. Chad rode with Randall, so Madeleine offered to drive him home—which meant I was going to need to find my own ride.
Thank goodness for Uber.
“Don’t wait up…” Madeleine squeezed my hand and grinned before Chad started trying to pull her away from the table.
“Have fun.” I forced a smile.
“I think they’re going to have a lot of fun.” Randall chuckled once they walked away from the table.
“Yeah…” I nodded. “It was nice to meet you, Randall. I think I’m going to call an Uber.”
“You don’t have to do that.” He scoffed. “I can drive you home.”
“I appreciate it, but I’ll be okay.” I pushed my chair back and started to stand.
Randall didn’t pursue me once I started walking towards the door. I stepped outside, called an Uber, and it pulled up to the curb five minutes later. I was happy for Madeleine. I couldn’t really judge her for going home with a guy she met at a bar—I might not have done that the night I met Walker, but I called him the next day with the same thing on my mind that was on hers. Once I got back to my apartment, I changed into my pajamas and went to bed alone—just like I had every night since things ended with Walker. There were nights when I didn’t think about him once I was in bed, tossing and turning while I tried to go to sleep. Unfortunately, after seeing him again, he was the only thing I thought about. I would probably have several of those nights. Two months of healing had been wiped away in an instant when I saw him on the street.
Maybe it won’t take as long to get him out of my head this time…
* * *
One week later
“Hey, I hope you don’t mind that I canceled our plans tonight.” Madeleine walked into the living room and sat down next to me. “ I didn’t expect Chad to actually ask me out on a date—I thought we were just going to meet at the club and have a few drinks.”
“Nah, I’ll be fine.” I waved off her concern. “I’m not really in the mood to go out tonight anyway. Plus, I haven’t done much work on my article this week—I’ll probably be working on it all night.”
That part was true. My fingers were going to be burning up the keyboard once she left. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to work on the article during the week, I had just been busy with other things—like the assignments I had to work on for my classes—and pausing randomly to think about Walker. I wondered if he ever did the same thing when he was alone. I doubted it. I was just another heart to add to the list of the ones he had broken because he couldn’t figure out who he really wanted to be. I was a fool to give him mine. I should have stuck with the original plan—one night to get him out of my system. Maybe that part was foolish too—and I should have just ignored him entirely.
Too bad I can’t turn back the clock.
* * *
The next morning
Madeleine spent the night with Chad again. That wasn’t a surprise. She seemed hellbent on having every college experience possible before the end of freshman year. I already had my broken heart and she was working on her first. I doubted she would find eternal bliss with a guy who picked her up in a bar—I certainly didn’t. Waking up alone on Sunday wasn’t the worst part of my weekend—I still had to call my mother. I used to look forward to those calls, and I still did love to hear her voice, but there was the inevitable moment—the one that always came before our conversation was over—when she decided it was time fill me on everything that I missed on Dangerous Thorns.
I would never be able to tell her why I didn’t care what Jamison Thorn was doing that week, so all I could do was try and employ enough selective hearing to make it seem like I was paying attention. I had gotten pretty good at that, but I knew it would be hard after seeing Walker again. There would always be something between us—a rope that tied us to each other—and I didn’t have a knife that was sharp enough to sever it. I stared at my phone for nearly twenty minutes before I finally dialed my mother’s number. She was happy and chipper. I pretended that my life was just overflowing with excitement. I talked about my article—my classes—anything to delay the inevitable shift in conversation, but eventually I ran out of things to say.
“You’ll never believe what happened on Dangerous Thorns!” My mother’s voice got quiet, like she was about to tell me some kind of dark secret that only I was allowed to hear.
“Oh?” I feigned interest, while mentally preparing to tune out.
My mother recapped the entire week in a matter of minutes. Dean and Bianca were planning to get married—she decided that any man who would try to kill his father for her was the o
ne she should be with. Jamison was planning to crash the wedding. Abigail was doing everything in her power to make sure he wasn’t successful. There were a few more minor storylines going on with characters I didn’t know—the new generation that they were hoping to build the show around at some point.
All I could do was put enough inflection in my voice to convince my mother that I cared. There was no reason for my personal issues with Walker to ruin her love for her favorite soap opera. I was kind of relieved when the conversation shifted away from Dangerous Thorns, but there wasn’t much else to discuss, so we exchanged our normal I-love-you’s and I-miss-you’s before finally saying goodbye.
One more week before I have to do this all over again. Hopefully, the shock from seeing Walker will have worn off some by then.
15
Walker
Yesterday
“Where did you go, Walker?” Jasmine looked over at me with concern on her face.
“What are you talking about? I’ve been right here the whole time.” I gave her a confused glance.
“Yeah, we were having fun looking in all of these shops—then you just spaced out and never came back.” She stopped in front of the Louis Vuitton store and peered into the window, but she was looking at my reflection instead of the merchandise.
“It’s nothing.” I shook my head back and forth.
Except it is—it’s everything.
Jasmine didn’t see Lauren on the other side of the street, but I did. I wasn’t sure if it was really her at first, or just an illusion from my mind, showing me what I desperately needed to see. It had been two months since she walked out of my house after we spent one last night together—two months since she realized she was clinging to someone that didn’t deserve her—two months since I watched the light fade from her eyes. I felt like a coward. I should have chased her down before she ever left my house. I should have promised her the world in exchange for one more kiss. I should have never closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep when she leaned in to say goodbye. I replayed that morning in my head almost every single day, wishing that I would have made a different choice—but the rear-view mirror of life only showed me what I wanted to see. My reality was always a lot more complicated.
Distinguished Daddy: Once Upon A Daddy Page 13