by Liz Isaacson
The days passed quickly until Andrew and Becca returned, and while Rose was sure Chrissy loved her and that they’d had fun taking Otto to the park, and going out on the lake with Beau and Lily and baby Charlie, and cuddling on the couch reading books, Chrissy sure was happy to see her mom and dad again.
Rose loved the small-town life, and she wandered through the Summerfest booths with her sisters and her mom, buying wood signs and letterboards for her house. She sipped sweet tea her momma made on the front steps of the lodge and called someone to come install a hammock in one of the big trees in her backyard.
She felt like she was marking time. Living, but not really alive. The summer slipped away from her, and she felt like she often had on tour. Like a ghost everyone screamed for but that no one actually wanted to keep.
Once, when she’d been in therapy, she’d identified this feeling as loneliness, and it came even when she was surrounded by people.
And she realized that her life in Coral Canyon was no different than the one she’d had in Nashville. The house wasn’t as big. The work wasn’t the same. The mountains were bigger.
But she was still Rose Everett, baby sister to Vi and Lily, who talked about the wedding constantly and never asked for her opinion. Rose Everett, the woman who desperately wanted a family but ended up babysitting for her sister, and her sister’s brother-in-laws instead of moving toward having kids of her own.
Rose Everett, singer and songwriter who wrote sad ballads, and the one she was working on now was about a woman who couldn’t get her boyfriend to leave work in time to get home for dinner.
It was so true to life that it made Rose sadder than she already was.
One day, about the time July turned into August, someone knocked on her front door. She opened it to find her mother standing there, a paper pastry bag in her hand. “Hello, Rose.” She moved into the house with grace and elegance, the same way her mother had done everything for years.
“Mom,” Rose said. “What are you doing here? I thought Vi was meeting with the cake artist this morning.”
“She is. She doesn’t need me.” She moved into the kitchen and set the bag on the counter. “I brought some of those lemon poppy seed muffins I know you like.”
They had huge sugar crystals on top, and Rose carefully peeled the top of the muffin off and took a bite. “Mm.”
But there was more to this visit, and Rose knew it. Still, she let her mom take a few bites of her muffin and then pour herself a cup of coffee. “You don’t seem very happy, dear,” she said, finally looking straight at her.
Rose wanted to protest, but the truth was, she wasn’t very happy. So she shrugged instead and took another bite of her muffin.
“Is it because of the wedding?”
“Partly,” she said. “Lily and Vi have never involved me all that much.” She tried not to let the hurt infuse her voice, but it did anyway. And her mother would’ve known even if it hadn’t.
“They don’t mean to.”
“I know that.” They were simply closer in age and better friends. Lily had been married in Coral Canyon and knew all the best professionals to hire. Rose knew it wasn’t personal. It only felt that way.
“And what about Liam?” Her mother tucked her hair behind her ear and moved to stand behind her. She began braiding Rose’s hair, and the gesture was so tender and so needed, that Rose’s chest tightened.
“I don’t know,” she said. “He’s so busy at work.” Her throat narrowed too much to say anything else, and her mom finished braiding her hair in silence.
“Maybe you should say something to him. Tell him how much you miss him, that you love him, something.”
“Daddy worked a lot,” Rose said. “How did you deal with that?”
Her mom let go of the end of the braid, and Rose felt it loosen. She sat beside Rose at the kitchen counter. “I was so busy with you girls, sometimes I didn’t noticed that your father wasn’t there. Then, when the group started, we both poured our energy into that. It was something we worked on together, so from then on, we were always together.”
Rose nodded, pinched off another piece of muffin, and put it in her mouth. “Well, there’s no way I can work at the clinic.”
“Why not?”
Rose looked at her mom, realizing she was serious. “I don’t have any medical skills.”
“Surely Liam needs people to answer phones. Or send out bills. Or call insurance companies. Why can’t you do that?”
Rose didn’t have an answer for that question, and a new idea had been inserted into her mind. Maybe she should go to where Liam was. Wouldn’t stealing a glimpse of him as he saw patients be better than pining for him while she swung in the hammock? Couldn’t sneaking a kiss in his office be as thrilling as kissing him at his cabin?
“Just think about it,” her mom said. “I don’t like seeing you this way. Reminds me of that summer when you needed to see a counselor.”
“I know,” Rose said. “But I’m better than that, Mom. I am.” And she was. She had some coping strategies for when she felt left out and forgotten. They might not be working, but she at least could recognize the feelings.
“All right, well, I’m taking Vi to Jackson Hole this afternoon for a dress fitting.” She trailed her fingers across Rose’s shoulders, something she’d done countless times before. Rose took a measure of her mother’s peace and comfort before she left.
Then she got on the computer to see if there were any job openings at the clinic. It had only been open for two months, but she whispered a plea to the Lord as she typed in a search term.
“Please, Lord,” she said. “I need to know if this thing with Liam is real or not. Let there be a job for me at the clinic.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Your girlfriend just applied for a job.”
Liam turned from the pile of folders on his desk—the files he had to go through for the patients they’d seen yesterday. “I’m sorry?” He blinked at Susan, the office manager for the clinic.
“Aren’t you dating Rose Everett?”
“Yes.” His head hurt. In fact, everything on Liam’s body hurt. He thought he was definitely coming down with something, especially now that the weather had started to cool again. They’d seen an uptick in the number of people coming in with strep throat and sinus infections, and he felt like he had the inklings of both.
“She just applied to be an evening filer.”
The words made no sense. “She doesn’t need a job.”
“Yeah, well, neither do you.” Susan gave him a friendly smile. “Do you want me to interview her or not? We do need someone.” She looked at the files on his desk. “Case in point.”
“Let me talk to her,” he said, his thoughts going in all directions. Susan left his office, and Liam closed the door behind her before pulling out his phone to call Rose.
“Hey,” she said. “Are you almost done there?”
If he had an evening filer, he would be. “Rose,” he said. “I just heard you applied for a job here.”
“Yes,” she said.
“Why?”
“Because Liam,” she said, and he could hear the frustration in those two words. “You’re there.”
He expected more than that, but she didn’t give him anything else. The only other romances he’d had were with co-workers, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to have to establish lines at the clinic.
“You don’t need the money, do you?” he asked.
“You’re so dim,” she said. “I mean, for a smart guy, you’re just so out to lunch. I miss you.”
Liam took a few moments to absorb the power in her words. “So you thought if you got a job filing in the evenings, we could spend more time together.”
She said nothing, a silent confirmation. Finally, she said, “You promised me you’d have more time for us once the clinic opened.” Her voice sounded dangerously high and so, so far away.
Liam had no idea what to say. He knew what he’d promised her. He could w
ork less. The truth was, he enjoyed his work. He thrived on the atmosphere in the clinic, especially when it was busy. He found his self-worth in helping others.
“I know,” he said. Nothing more. He didn’t know what to do.
“This isn’t going to change, is it?” she asked. “Let me rephrase that. You’re not going to change.”
Liam ground his teeth together. “Can we talk about this later?”
“Sure,” she said. “When you find a spare minute, come on by.”
“Rose,” he said, almost begging her to stay on the line.
“I changed my mind,” she said. “I don’t want the job.”
“I’m quite happy to give you the job, if that’s what you want.” Someone knocked on his door, and Dr. Gurnsey poked his head in. When he saw Liam on the phone, he held up one hand and backed out of the office.
Liam really liked working with Arthur, and he tried to schedule himself with the other GP as often as possible. With four doctors on staff, no, Liam didn’t have to work as much as he did.
Or at all. He could hire someone else and let his clinic run itself. He had an office manager. He had a maintenance team lead. He had a head nurse. They didn’t need him.
No one needed him.
“I have to go,” Rose said. “Good-bye, Liam.” The line went dead, and he wondered if she’d just broken up with him. He was still reeling from the realization that he didn’t feel needed. Not here. Not at the summer cabin. Nowhere.
Why was that? He’d done a great thing here in Coral Canyon. He’d done good work with Doctors Without Borders. But the fact was, he’d left, and the operation hadn’t fallen apart. Of course it wouldn’t. They’d just hire another doctor, send someone else to Nigeria, and he realized how utterly replaceable he was.
Here, there—and with Rose.
He opened the door, not sure what to do with his feelings or about Rose. “Arthur?” he asked. The man turned from where he’d been standing down the hall.
“Some of us are going to get wings after the shift change,” he said. “You want to come?”
Liam did. But it was his night with Rose. Or maybe he didn’t have that opportunity anymore. He wasn’t sure of a whole lot.
“I think I’ll pass,” he said. “Thanks for inviting me though.”
Arthur smiled and headed back out onto the patient floor. Liam returned to his office, shut the door, and leaned against it with a sigh. He needed to figure out what he wanted, and fast, before he lost something he couldn’t get back.
An hour later, he stood on Rose’s doorstep with a dozen flowers that bore her namesake. When she opened the door, she took his breath away, same as she always did.
“I don’t know why I pick the clinic over you,” he said, thrusting the flowers toward her. “I’m sorry, Rose.”
She took the bouquet and stepped back to let him in. He had the distinct thought that there would come a time when an apology would not be enough for her. An I’m Sorry would not heal the hurt he’d caused her.
“What do I need to do?” he asked her.
She shrugged and continued into the kitchen, where she got out a glass vase and filled it with water. The tension between them was as thick in person as it had been on the phone. And Liam had no idea how to break it.
Rose arranged the blooms and returned to the living room. She stood behind the couch and faced him. “Liam, who would you invite to our wedding?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but the question had blindsided him. “I—what are you saying?”
“I’m asking who you’d invite to our wedding,” she said, a little slower this time. “You know, people get married when they love each other, and you said months ago that you were falling in love with me.” Her blue eyes stormed, and he noticed that her hair had new streaks in it. Darker ones. Some red. He liked them.
“So I’m asking who you’d invite to our wedding, if we were to get married.”
“I…don’t know. My parents. Lars.”
“Three people.” She started nodding, and Liam didn’t like it. “This is the biggest event of your life. All of your friends and family should be there, cheering you on.”
Liam felt hollow from head to toe. He wouldn’t even want his parents there, though of course, he’d invite them. But surely his mother would find fault with something the cake artist had done, and probably the only reason Lars and his father would come was so they could buy new suits.
Rose smiled at him, but it wavered, and her lovely eyes filled with water. “And I don’t even think you want your family there.”
He shook his head, his jaw tight, his muscles tight, his heart so, so tight.
“And as far as I can tell, you don’t have any friends here in Coral Canyon.”
“That’s not true,” he said. “Arthur invited me for wings tonight.”
Rose nodded again. “That’s nice. But I think he’s more of a co-worker than a real friend.”
Had she not heard him? He’d never been invited to go out after work before. Of course, there wasn’t anywhere to go in Columbia or Chad, and all the doctors slept in the same tent anyway, so technically, they always went home together.
“A friend is someone you trust,” Rose said, taking one slow step laterally down the couch. “Someone you’ve told things you don’t tell to anyone else. Someone who knows some of the worst things about you, and likes you anyway.”
Well, when she put it like that, no, Liam didn’t have any friends. “You’re my friend,” he said, his throat raw.
She took another step. “Yes, I am. And as your friend, I’m telling you that you need to quit at the clinic.”
Quit the clinic? Liam gave a couple of short, barking laughs. “Oh, you’re not kidding.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Rose, I’m a doctor.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.” A storm released in his chest, breaking through the tightness there. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to be; it’s all I know how to be. It’s who I am.”
A tear splashed her cheek, and Liam hated it. Wanted to wipe it away and kiss her, tell her he’d do anything she wanted. But quit the clinic? That was insane.
Wasn’t it?
“No,” she said again, her voice tight and high and full of emotion. “You’re Liam Murphy, and being a doctor doesn’t have anything to do with him.”
“I have no idea what that means,” he said, more anger in his tone than he meant to put there.
“I know.” She gave short little nods. “I know you don’t. That’s the problem. You don’t know who you are, or what you really want. So you’ve been chasing all over the world, looking for something—”
“No,” he said.
“—that will give you worth,” she finished.
“No,” he said again, shaking his head this time. “You don’t know that. You don’t know me.”
“But your worth doesn’t come from what you do,” she continued as if he hadn’t even spoken. He hated those tears pouring down her face for a different reason now. She was trying to manipulate him, a tactic he was quite familiar with, thank you very much.
He clenched his jaw and looked away as she kept talking. “Your worth comes from who you are.”
“I know who I am,” he said, his voice edging up in volume. “I know who I am, Rose. I know what I’ve done, and you have no idea what it cost me to come here. No idea how I was treated before I left Switzerland. You met me on the plane, after—” He cut off, about to say something he’d regret.
But Rose had heard it. “After what?” she asked.
He looked away again, everything inside him swirling and blowing about, and he couldn’t contain it anymore. “And I didn’t deserve to be let go. I worked so hard for those people in Nigeria, and what happened was not my fault.” He clenched his teeth again, but they just hurt. His heart ached. His head pounded. He hadn’t told anyone that he’d left Doctors Without Borders unwillingly, not even his parents.
“
So I can’t quit the clinic,” he said, very quietly. “I am a doctor, and no one is going to take that from me.”
Rose lifted her chin, her eyes sparking with the same passion he felt coursing through him. “I wouldn’t even try, Liam. But I can’t be the doctor’s wife, shut up in the summer cabin, all by myself. I can’t. I won’t. I shouldn’t have to.”
She’d never said she loved him, not in those three words. At the same time, that was exactly what she was saying when she talked about their wedding and being his wife.
“So that’s it,” he said.
“That, Liam, is up to you.” She wiped her face slowly, deliberately, and left him standing in her living room. The sound of a door closing from down the hall met his ears, and Liam turned in a full circle, at a complete loss as to what to do now.
Chapter Nineteen
Rose stayed in her house and cried for a few days. Then she pulled herself together, put on some warm clothes though it was still August, and drove up to Whiskey Mountain Lodge. Vi wanted to go to Jackson Hole and ride the gondola up to the top of the world.
She didn’t want to miss it, though she knew her sisters and mother would take one look at her and demand to know what had happened. Would they really be shocked? Rose didn’t think so. After all, Liam had made his choice obvious to everyone in town.
She’d been tempted to look up the story of his departure from Doctors Without Borders. Surely the Internet would have a story like that. But she respected him more than that, so she simply watched her video tutorials on how to do glimmer nails, slept more than she was awake, and made—and ate by herself—a batch of caramel popcorn every day.
So maybe putting on her best pair of jeans was a little uncomfortable. She’d put a baggy sweatshirt over them and no one would know. She meticulously applied her makeup, taking care to make her eyeshadow match the dusky browns in her shirt.
She hadn’t been to the salon in a few weeks, but she couldn’t do anything about that now. She’d have to ride the gondola to the top of the Tetons with pink nails instead of a more earthy green that would’ve matched her outfit. To make up for it, she put a similar color of pink gloss on her lips, smacked them together, and deemed herself ready to face the public.