by Mandy Adler
He ran his hand through his hair, sighing. “Ethan’s an idiot, yes. But he’s a good guy, deep down. He’s always be there if I needed him. That’s why I just don’t get why he did this. This isn’t like him, even he has boundaries.” He frowned a moment, clearly in thought. Then after a minute he grinned at me. “Okay, my turn. Question two. Why do you keep saving him? I know you bailed him out of jail a few weeks back after he got drunk and hit that cop. Why keep coming to his rescue?”
“Ethan’s my brother.” I said simply. Let it drop Gavin, please let it drop.
“Nope. Try again. This time try the truth.” I always hated his no bullshit attitude. Gavin always gave it like it was, and expected the same in return from everyone else.
“I don’t like this game anymore.” I said.
“To bad. Rules are rules, answer the question Em.” Since when did he call me Em?
“Fine.” I huffed out. Jerk-face. “Why do you stay with Carrie even though she’s runs around on you all the time?”
“Nice try, but you have to answer mine first.” He growled, eyes darkening.
Fine, tough guy! “I owe Ethan, more than I can ever pay him back for. That’s all I’m saying right now Grey.” I said, angry now. Leave it to Gavin to make me talk, even when I really don’t want to. He doesn’t know when to quit.
He nodded once. “Good enough... for now.” He took a breath and let it out slowly. “We all have our Demons Sage.” He glanced at me after calling me by my last name. “I stay with Carrie because we fit. We’re both so damn messed up, neither of us can seem to love another person. She’s safe. She’ll never ask for marriage, or to move in, or expect me to be a better person, and I won’t expect it of her. I can get with other girls and it won’t bother her. Just like it never bothers me when she gets with another guy, what we have isn’t real. But Ethan was off limits, it doesn’t matter how messed up we are. I wouldn’t mess with her friends and she doesn’t mess with mine, that makes it too chaotic.”
“That’s kind of sad.” I reply softly. “Being with someone when no feelings are involved. Don’t you ever want to be in love Gavin?” I wanted one of those all-consuming loves one day. I won’t settle for less, I refuse to.
“No, love is messy and people always get hurt in the end. This way we both know what to expect from the other, absolutely nothing.” He shrugged indifferently.
“I’m willing to bet she has more feelings for you than she leads you to believe." No girl is that unfeeling. “There’s no way a girl would stay around that long if she didn’t."
He ignores my last comment and we sit the rest of the time in silence. Good, maybe I actually made him think. I almost snort, yeah right.
When we got back in the truck I tried calling my brother again with no luck. He was either avoiding me, or his phone had died. I was betting on the foremost.
“Alright third question.” Gavin said around seven that night, seeming to let our last topic slide. “First time you ever got drunk?”
I laughed. “Seventh grade, at a party you guys threw.” I had spent the night hovered over the toilet, it wasn’t enjoyable.
He laughed with me. “We were a bad influence on you.”
“My turn.” I sang. “First girl you slept with.” He grimaced and mumbled something I couldn’t hear.
“What was that?” I asked laughing. Was he shy? I could laugh at loud again at that thought.
“Laura Simons.” He grumbled a little louder.
I giggled and patted him on the shoulder playfully. “Laura?! Miss prom queen? How did that happen?” Laura and Gavin weren’t exactly in the same crowd. This was just too good.
He shrugged. “I was drunk, she was drunk, end of story. Not one of my better days.” He ran a hand through his hair and grinned at me. “Okay my turn, same question.”
“None.” I answered quietly.
“Huh?” He asked, brows coming together in confusion.
“No one! I have never slept with anyone!” I said. So, what? I never found anyone I wanted to be with. I had secretly always wanted to wait until I was truly in love. Fairy tale, sure. But until I believed otherwise, I was sticking to it. I wanted real love. Not that I would ever tell him that.
He looked at me funny before facing the road again. “I think it’s great that your waiting Em.” I snorted and looked out my window. Yeah right. “Seriously, I do. I wish I would have waited.”
“Really?” I asked, glancing over at him. He was smiling at me gently. He nodded.
“First crush?” He asked. Thankfully changing the subject, unfortunately not to anything better.
“No, no way. It’s my turn.” I said.
“But you couldn’t answer the last question.”
“I did answer, just because the answer was no one, it was still an answer.” I alleged.
“Fine.” He pouted. I laughed. I have never seen Gavin so laid back and easy to be around. I like this side of him.
I thought about my question. “Favorite food?”
“Easy.” He laughed. “Burgers. Now my turn, first crush?” Dang, he was persistent!
I crossed my arms and looked out the window. “Pass.”
“You can’t pass, that’s against the rules.” He said. “I won’t laugh just tell me.”
“You will laugh. It’s silly and a long time ago.” I say. No way am I telling him my crush. How humiliating would it be to have to tell him he was my first crush? Nope, nuh uh, no way. So not happening.
“If you tell me yours, I’ll answer that one for my next question. But you’ll have to tell me why, when the first moment was you crushed on them, and the reason. I will do the same.” He raised a brow in challenge.
I thought about it. What can it hurt? It was a long time ago and I was just a stupid kid right? Arg, how does he always change my mind about talking when I didn’t want to? He made me feel like he wouldn’t judge me for what I said.
“You!” I sprouted. He looked at me with a stunned expression. “You were my first crush, I was fourteen and you were sixteen.” I was rambling so fast I wasn’t sure he could keep up. “Some guy was giving me a hard time at the basketball court and you stood up for me. You probably don’t even remember it.” I played with my hands on my lap. I was crazy for telling him this! Absolutely crazy!
“Luke Summers. He was telling you all freshman were easy and you should just give it up now. I slammed his head into a locker.” Gavin says to me, shocking me completely. He remembered? My heart was pounding in my chest. His voice was low. “My first crush was when I was eighteen. I was with Ethan at his house playing some stupid video game. You were getting ready for your first date with that douche, Mark. You walked out in that little black skirt and red tank top on. I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but you were also my best friend’s kid sister. I had liked you before that, but you were so untouchable, so pure. But that night I really knew, you were more than just Ethan’s kid sister. You were the kind of girl I wanted someday when I wasn’t so screwed up.”
I was his first crush? How is that even possible? He went out with tons of girls, all the time. He never showed any interest in me. This must be a joke. I looked at him with suspicion and he laughed.
“Truth.” He laughed, holding up a hand. “Promise, I don’t lie Em, you know that.” I did know that. That means he liked me! Sure, he might not now, but he did back then! I grinned at him and he smiled back.
He headed off the road, saying we needed to turn in for the night and get some rest. We checked into a motel and decided to just get one room to save on the little cash we had. It had two beds, so it wasn’t really a problem. He went to the vending machine and brought back handfuls of candy, chips, and pop. I laughed, what a dinner. I headed into the shower, to clear my head and relax.
Gavin had a crush on me! I mean I know it was a long time ago and he had probably had moved on, but still! Gavin Grey! I don’t know if I want to kill my brother now for running off and putting me through the w
orry, or hug him for running off and throwing me into this trip with Gavin alone.
When I came out of the shower Gavin was dressed in pajama pants, nothing else. It froze me for a second before I could go on acting like he didn’t faze me. I looked at my bed against the wall. Do not think about his chest, or the tattoos covering his chest, or the fact he looked really hot! Okay Emma, relax, breath. Two plus two is four. Four plus four is eight. Eight plus eight is sixteen.
“Ready for bed?” He asked. I nodded, sliding into bed and under the covers.
He did the same. I continued math in my head, even though I really hated math, I finally drifted off.