by R. Linda
Tears flowed freely. Unstoppable.
“I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted you to forgive me for being the reason you were in prison in the first place.” My chest tightened, restricting my breathing. It hurt to finally get everything off my chest.
“Hey. No.” Jeremy was out of his seat and pulling me into his arms in a second. “Don’t think for one second any of that was on you. I chose to come looking for you. I chose to speed. They fucked up and chose drugs over their daughter. It was their fault.”
“You really don’t blame me.”
“I really don’t blame you. I’m sorry. So sorry for everything I’ve done. Do you think one day we’ll get past it?”
“Already forgotten.” I smiled into his chest and held him tight. “Have you heard from them?”
“Who?” He stiffened and released me.
I gave him a look that said “you know who.”
“No. Not since that last morning I went to work, only to come home and find your note. They could be dead in a gutter, for all I care.”
I nodded in agreement. They weren’t parents. I had no feelings toward them any longer. They meant nothing. Less than nothing.
All I cared about was getting my brother back.
Chapter
Nineteen
Nate
Jeremy stayed in town for a couple of days. And I’d never seen Harper so relaxed. Happy. She was enjoying catching up and spending time with her brother after so long. He had her full attention, and I barely saw her, but that was okay. She needed this time with him.
I was sitting on the sofa watching TV, bored out of my brain and refusing to speak to Indie because she kept trying to set me up on dates, when Brody walked in. Everyone was busy at work, and I was itching to get back myself, but Cap still had me on suspension. Apparently, my therapist didn’t think I was ready to return yet, even though I was sleeping now. According to her, using Harper as a sleeping aid wasn’t helping me get over the fire, and I still had to work through my feelings.
Whatever.
“She’s awake,” Brody said the moment he walked through the door.
“Huh?”
“Audrey. She’s awake.”
My blood ran cold, and my stomach flipped. I wanted to throw up. Instead, I nodded and changed the channels.
“Well?”
“What?” I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache forming. She was awake. She was going to find out she had lost her entire family, that I couldn’t save them. My chest tightened, and I swallowed.
“Are you coming with me to see her?”
“I don’t think I can.” I rubbed my chest and tried to steady my breathing.
“I think you should.”
I didn’t think I could face her. Not yet. It was hard enough to see her when she was asleep. But now, to see the pain in her eyes, the lost expression on her face…
“I can’t.”
I wasn’t ready. Plain and simple.
“Okay.” Brody turned and walked back out the door, no doubt headed straight to the hospital.
I grabbed a beer from the fridge and returned to the sofa and the TV. Images of Audrey in the hospital bed, or under wet towels in the remains of the bathroom flashed through my mind. I had to see her. I knew that. I just couldn’t handle seeing her yet. I didn’t want to be there when she found out what happened. I wasn’t chickening out. I’d go and see her in a few days, when she’d had time to process everything. When I had time to process everything.
I was still in the same spot six hours later when Brody returned, only I had a lot more empty beer bottles on the coffee table.
“Dude?” He eyed the table and raised an eyebrow. “Party for one?”
I grunted and took another swig of beer.
“Have you moved at all today?”
“I went to the fridge.” I raised my beer and waved it in front of him.
“That’s it?”
I nodded. “Oh, wait. No, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. Multiple times. Broke the seal.” I smiled, proud of myself for moving more than he thought.
“Are you drunk?”
“Not nearly enough.”
Brody flopped into the seat beside me and tilted his head back with a groan. We sat silently for a while, me drinking my beer, and Brody staring at the ceiling until I asked the question I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to.
“How is she?”
“Scared. Heartbroken. Hurt. Sad. Lost. Confused. Numb. I don’t know, man. She was quiet, in pain, and just alone.” Brody sighed.
My heart plummeted. I couldn’t begin to imagine how she was feeling, and I hoped to god I never had to.
“She wants to meet you,” he said quietly. I wasn’t even sure I heard him right.
“What?”
“I sat with her for a while, talked to her about what happened, and she wants to meet you.”
“She actually spoke to you?” I was shocked. I would have thought she’d be wary of a stranger visiting her or too upset to talk.
Brody’s face lit up. “Yeah. She remembered me.”
“Huh?”
“She remembered my face from when we rescued her and my voice from the times I read to her.”
“Right,” I said. I could maybe believe she remembered his face when we carried her outside, but his voice? She was asleep the entire time.
“Strange, yeah? She said she thought she was dreaming about someone reading to her.”
“Weird,” I agreed. “And she wants to meet me?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“She remembered you being there too.”
“What? In her dreams?” I laughed.
“At the house, idiot.”
She remembered me? I smiled and decided the least I could do was visit her. I guessed I should, if my parents were serious about taking her in as a foster child. And I was pretty sure they were, which meant I needed to help them in any way I could. If by visiting Audrey and getting to know her, making her feel comfortable around me, maybe when it was time for her to meet my parents, it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she’d be open to the idea of living with them because Harper and my parents were right. The system was shit, and putting her into foster care with an unknown family could have disastrous effects on her. My parents would give her everything she needed, and she’d be well looked after.
“I’ll visit her tomorrow.”
“I’ll come with, if you want.”
“Thanks, man,” I said and stood to gather all my empty beer bottles from the coffee table. And then I turned it Brody, my drunken brain talking for me. “Do me a favour?”
“What?”
“Drop me at the roadhouse?” I asked, swaying on my feet.
“Why?”
“Because I really want to see…” Dammit. I paused, took a breath, and tried again. “Johnny. I need to see Johnny.” I couldn’t say Harper. I wasn’t in the frame of mind for that conversation yet. I wasn’t sure I ever would be.
“Johnny?”
I nodded slowly, biting my lip to stop from talking further.
“Why?”
“Food. Burgers. He makes them. I need them.” I rubbed my belly.
Brody laughed and snatched his keys from the coffee table. “Let’s go.”
We walked into the diner. Well, Brody walked, I stumbled. The fresh air hit me and amped up the effects of those beers.
I was surprised to see a couple of customers sitting and eating at the booth and another at the counter ordering. I’d never seen anyone in here before.
Brody waved at Julie, who proceeded to shout to Johnny that she needed two more burgers for us, and then he led me over to the booth. I couldn’t be trusted to walk by myself, since I didn’t notice the tables and chairs on the floor in front of me.
Harper was cleaning tables, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her. As if she sensed me watching her, she turned and focused on me. I took a step toward her and only stopped when Brody called, �
�Hey, Harper.”
My drunken brain almost had me walking over and kissing that pretty mouth of hers. That would have been a disaster.
She put the cloth she was using into the pocket of her apron and came over to us. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I smiled.
She bit her lip. “Hi.”
“Hey,” I said again.
“Okay.” Brody clapped once. “Now we’ve got that weird greeting out of the way, can we sit before you fall over?” He nudged me into the booth then slid into the other side.
“Hi, friend.” I rested my head on my hands and smiled up at Harper.
She narrowed her eyes and frowned. “Are you drunk?” she said before turning to Brody. “Is he drunk?”
“Yes,” Brody answered, and at the same time, I shook my head.
“No. I’m Nate.” I laughed at my own joke because it was funny.
“I’m getting you some water,” Harper said and walked over to the counter and returned with a bottle of water for me.
I guzzled down the water, drops sliding down my chin. I was thirstier than I thought. Harper reached a hand out and touched my jaw briefly, as though she was going to wipe the water drops away, but her eyes widened and she gasped, pulling her hand back like I’d burned her.
I frowned.
“How’s your brother? Do we get to meet him?” Brody asked, oblivious to anything that was passing between Harper and me. And that might have been because the alcohol was affecting my suave-ability. I tried to smoulder and look sexy at Harper, but she sucked her lips into her mouth and tried not to laugh.
“He’s good. He’s leaving tonight. Soon, actually.”
“Oh, okay. Was hoping to get to know him. Maybe next time.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She paused, sadness reflected in her eyes. “If there is a next time.”
Dammit, Jeremy. He better not have hurt her again and told her he didn’t want to see her anymore.
“I gotta go,” Harper said quietly, sparing one more glance at me before turning and rushing away.
My gaze followed her all the way to bathroom.
I pushed out of the booth and stood, stretching my arms over my head as I did.
“What are you doing?”
“Toilet.”
Brody looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pinched between his fingers.
“Seal. Broke. A lot of water. Remember?”
“Whatever.”
The sadness in Harper’s eyes seemed to have sobered me up somehow. I strode across the diner with long, purposeful strides, down the hall, and walked directly into the female toilets.
Chapter Twenty
Harper
Jeremy and I had spent the last few days together, catching up and getting to know one another again. He wasn’t the same brother I remembered growing up. He was hard. Stronger. Angrier. But he was still my brother, and I loved him. It made having to say goodbye tonight a lot harder.
I didn’t want him to go. I felt like I had just got him back and was losing him again. But he’d got a job in a garage and started tomorrow. Six hours away. So he had to get on the road tonight to make it in time for work tomorrow.
I checked my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I didn’t want to look like I’d been crying and was startled when the door swung open and Nate appeared behind me.
“You shouldn’t be in here,” I said, catching his eyes in the mirror.
He stood right behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders. “Just want to check on my friend.”
“I’m fine.” I gave him a small smile.
Nate dropped a kiss to the top of my shoulder. “You sure? Jeremy is leaving.”
“I’m aware. And I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t want to say goodbye to him because I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”
“Is that why you’re working tonight instead of spending time with him?” His hands drifted down my arms and circled my waist.
I nodded.
“Go spend time with him. Like you said, you don’t know when you’ll see him again. You don’t need to be working tonight.”
I sighed. He was right. I should be spending the last few hours of Jeremy’s time here with him instead of cleaning tables and making milkshakes.
“Okay.” I turned in his arms and looked at his bloodshot, glassy eyes. Brushing my thumb over the dark circles under his eyes, I asked, “You okay?”
Nate leaned against me, pressing me back into the counter, one hand cupping my cheek, fingers in my hair, the other dug into my hip, pinching at the skin. “No. But I’m not important. Tonight, Jeremy is important. He’s where you should be.”
“What happened?” I needed to know. I couldn’t spend time with Jeremy if I was worrying about Nate.
“Later.” He wasn’t going to give me any answers yet. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. “Say goodbye to Jeremy and meet me at home.” He pressed his keys into the palm of my right hand and closed my fingers around them.
My stomach fluttered at his words. Home. His home, I knew, but I still liked the sound of it.
“And Brody?”
“Sneak in quietly.” He pressed his lips to mine before releasing me and walking out the door.
I waited a minute or two before I left the bathroom so it didn’t look like we’d been in there together and walked straight into my brother and Nate shaking hands.
“What’s going on?” I forced a smile and refused to look at the bag on the floor by Jeremy’s feet.
“I have to jet,” Jeremy said, releasing Nate’s hand. “But I’ll give you a lift.”
“What?” I frowned. A lift where?
“Home,” Nate answered. My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened.
“Ummm. Okay.” I looked over at the counter, and both Uncle Johnny and Aunt Julie waved me off.
Nate had clearly spoken to Jeremy and my uncle. I glanced at Brody, but he wasn’t paying us any attention. What had he told Jeremy, though, to get him to drop me at his house?
Jeremy said goodbye to Johnny and Julie, picked up his bag, and walked out the door with me trailing behind.
“I like him,” Jeremy said when got in his truck and I directed him to Nate’s place.
“Me too.”
“Kind of noticed that. But no one knows?”
“No.” It was going to be small talk all the way to Nate’s apartment, filling the silence with mindless chatter until it was time for him to walk out of my life once more.
“Why?”
“Because his cousin is my ex-boyfriend.”
“The guy you were dating a few years ago? Ha! You’re kidding.” He was quite amused by that. “Is he good to you, though? Or do I need to kick his ass?”
“He’s great. We just don’t want to rush things or hurt Brody needlessly.” My voice drifted off as Jeremy pulled his truck over in front of Nate’s apartment.
I looked at him, and he gave me a half smile that I guessed was meant to reassure me. “I’ll be back.”
“Sure.” I wasn’t counting on it. Didn’t want to get my hopes up.
“I’ll visit. Come back at Christmas. It’s only a few weeks away.” A glimmer of hope.
“Okay.” I stamped the glimmer out. I wasn’t going to let myself get excited by the prospect of seeing him again.
Jeremy reached over and wrapped his arms around me. “I really did miss you. And I’m so proud of you for becoming you. I’ll see you soon.”
“I missed you too.” I hugged him tighter. “See ya.” I pulled out of his embrace and climbed out of the truck. I couldn’t look at him because if I did, I’d cry. Instead, I ran up the steps and into Nate’s building.
Once inside Nate’s apartment, I went straight to his room, pulled a t-shirt out of his drawer, and changed into it before sliding into his bed and waiting for him to come home. Only then did I let the tears fall.
I didn’t hear Nate come home.
I didn’t feel him climb into bed beside me.
&
nbsp; I didn’t feel his arm wrap around my waist and hold me close.
But he was there in the morning when I woke up, tangled with his legs, my head on his chest.
“Hi, friend,” he whispered as his fingers stroked my hip.
“Hi.”
“You okay?”
I nodded, not wanting to talk about it. There was nothing to say. Jeremy had gone with the promises of coming back, but I wouldn’t hold him to that because who knew what could happen in the next few weeks.
“Are you?” I asked, suddenly remembering he was drunk last night for some reason.
“I am now.”
“Want to tell me what happened?”
“Audrey woke up, and she wants to see me.”
I pulled back and lifted myself onto my elbows, watching Nate curiously. I knew he’d had so many mixed feelings over this girl. He felt guilty he couldn’t save her family, and he felt bad she was alone, but he also wanted her to have a happy life and knew his parents could give her that.
“And?”
“And I’m going to see her today. With Brody.” He closed his eyes.
“That’s great. You might find it’s just what you need. Maybe speaking to her will give you peace of mind and release some of that guilt you’ve been holding onto.” I leaned into him and kissed him.
“I hope you’re right.”
“I always am.”
He captured my mouth his while his hands roamed my back. “We have a few hours to kill before I have to leave.”
“Oh, yeah?” I raised an eyebrow teasingly.
“Mmm-hmmm.”
“What did you have in mind?” I chewed on the corner of my lip, knowing exactly what he had in mind.
“This.” He peeled his shirt off me, removed our underwear, and rolled us both off the bed and onto the floor with a thud. “Oops. That was louder than I thought.”
A knock sounded at the door just as Nate settled himself between my legs. Brody said through the closed door, “You okay, man?”
“Ah, yeah, I just fell out of bed that’s all,” he said and kissed my collarbone.
“Okay,” Brody said slowly, unsure of what to think of a grown man falling out of bed.