by Ophelia Bell
“You don’t have to remind me,” she snapped. “It’s not like I can’t feel the poison in my blood. Like I don’t know how out of sync I am with my dragon.”
“Astra,” Javin said in an exasperated voice. He rested a hand on her shoulder and she jerked away. He dropped his hand with a sigh. “You don’t need to be adversarial about it. I want to help. You’ll regain your connection if you take care of yourself.”
“But not completely. That’s why you called Gerri.” She took a swallow of the delicious wine while she waited for him to answer. She didn’t want his help, hadn’t asked for it.
“Potentially not. We don’t know for certain whether a fully synchronized bond is possible again after being exposed to the toxin. So far mating is the only thing that has completely reversed the effects. Every victim who’s taken a mate has fully recovered. The ones who haven’t are still out of sync.”
“You mean the ones who aren’t dead.”
Javin flinched, and for the first time Astra felt guilty about poking that particular wound. He’d felt responsible for her brother’s death all along and she knew it, so it wasn’t really fair of her to throw that in his face.
“Yes, the ones who aren’t dead,” Javin said solemnly. “If Talon were alive, he would want this for you. You have too much of your life, your career, left to waste it.”
Pain sliced through her heart like a knife, but she probably deserved it after taking a jab at him. She gulped her wine in an effort to clear the tightness in her throat, but couldn’t stop the prick of tears in her eyes.
“I miss him so much right now,” she said, giving into the desperation to tell someone how lost she felt. If anyone would understand, Javin would.
“Me too.”
He stepped closer and her breath hitched as he took the glass out of her hand, set it on the table, and took her into his arms. Astra shuddered in his embrace, aching down to her bones for this very contact, and for more of the same from this man who she’d wanted for most of her life.
Javin squeezed her tight, his heartbeat pounding rapidly beneath her ear. “It’ll be all right,” he murmured against her temple. “Please don’t give up hope. Gerri’s good. If you give her a chance, you won’t be disappointed.”
Astra clenched her eyes shut. But she didn’t want just anyone the matchmaker picked out. She wanted this.
Sighing, she tilted her head, baring her neck to him in invitation. Mark me if you think it’s so important that I have a mate, she thought, wishing he would take the hint, though she had no clue how hybrid matings worked. If she had to mark him as the more alpha shifter, she might be shit out of luck without her dragon.
Javin’s breath gusted hotly over her skin, his breathing growing unsteady. She pressed tighter and nearly moaned at the hard ridge of his erection pushing against her lower abdomen. It couldn’t be a one-sided thing if he was aroused, could it?
His reaction gave her courage, and she lifted her head, brushing her lips across his freshly shaved jaw. “Javin,” she murmured. “Why can’t it be you?”
He stiffened and pulled away. “You know it can’t happen, Astra. You’re Talon’s sister.”
He refused to look at her, turning to the side and pouring himself a drink instead.
She gawked at him, stunned and left cold from his distance. “No, I don’t know that. Do you get a hard-on every time you hug a woman?”
“It’s a reflex, that’s all!” he snapped, stalking out of the room and up the stairs.
“You’re a fucking bastard!” she yelled after him, cursing again when she heard a door slam above. She’d been a fool to even think he was mate material. She didn’t need the fucking distraction anyway.
Simon wandered in then, eyebrows lifted. “What did he do this time?”
“Nothing,” she said, dropping into a chair. “When’s supper? I’m fucking starving.”
Simon settled across from her, his dark blond hair dusted with pink flecks she had to squint to make out. “Any minute now. I just took a peek on the way back in from the garden. Chef’s plating up—and here they are!” His eyes brightened as the chef came through the door with three huge platters of food balanced between both hands. He set them down at each place setting with a small flourish.
The garden. Astra inhaled and the pink flecks made sense. They were flower petals. The incongruous sight almost made her laugh but she couldn’t muster the energy.
“Anything else you wish for, simply ask. I’ll be available until midnight,” the chef said, pausing for a moment in anticipation of their needs.
Simon wasn’t wasting time digging in, and Astra shot a glare at Javin’s plate. They should just split his food and let him starve, the bastard.
She sighed and glanced at the chef. “Hey, I think you might want to send his up to his room. I doubt he’s feeling up to joining us.”
The chef nodded and retrieved the plate, waltzing back into the kitchen.
“Cocky bastard like him?” Simon asked. “I find it hard to believe he’d hide on our first night here.”
“I don’t know,” Astra said, slicing through the thick slab of aromatic red meat. “He’s in denial.”
“That makes two of you, then. Hell, I’m probably in denial too.”
Rather than take issue with his assessment of her, Astra decided to redirect focus to him for a change. “What are you in denial about?”
“Admit you’re in love with that asshat and I’ll tell you.”
Astra snorted and speared a chunk of meat, stuffing it into her mouth and chewing. She didn’t care about getting to know him that much.
When she didn’t answer, Simon chuckled. “See, by not responding, you’re just lending credence to the accusation.”
“No, I’m not responding because I don’t want to. You can tell me your life story if you want. I’m not offering up any secrets in return though. What I’d like to know is why Gerri decided your presence was required on this mission.”
“I think she knew the two of you would need a mediator to avoid ripping each other to shreds. I guess that’s where I come in. You’re both too alpha to give an inch with each other. Me, on the other hand, I’m already at rock bottom. Getting walked on has become a new hobby of mine so there really isn’t much you can do to hurt me. I’ll take it up the ass just for a chance to get my life back.” He lifted an eyebrow suggestively and nodded toward the ceiling.
Astra’s eyes widened. “Oh my, you’re literally letting him fuck you. I—” She blinked and shook her head, oddly aroused, yet baffled by this new information.
“Surprised that your beloved doctor swings both ways?” Simon asked.
Surprised was only the tip of the iceberg. When the truth hit, a cold chill replaced that brief spike of desire. Javin and Simon had been lovers. She’d been fortunate enough never to run into any of Javin’s lovers before, though she’d heard about plenty of them through her brother.
Until now. Her food suddenly lost its appeal and she set down her fork, an uncomfortable buzzing growing louder in her ears.
“I . . . have to go,” she murmured, lurching out of her seat.
“Astra? Are you okay?” Simon asked, dropping his utensils and standing as she stumbled toward the front door. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot. Ignore what I said. We didn’t . . . it wasn’t like that.”
He stopped her at the door, pressing his hand against it to hold it closed.
“Get out of my way, goddammit! What the fuck is it with you guys trying to keep me from leaving? Just let me out!”
But he held firm, staring down at her. “It was just sex. It meant nothing,” he said in a low voice. “You mean something to him. I don’t. You know how I know this?”
“I suppose you’re going to tell me.” She crossed her arms and glared at him, not even attempting to overpower him. If she couldn’t beat Javin, she had no chance against muscles as big as Simon’s.
“Because he says your name when we screw. Every fucking time.”
She barked an incredulous laugh. “And you put up with that shit? What kind of fucking masochist are you?” Her voice had gone shrill and she reached for the door, shoving him aside with her shoulder. She had no idea how to process this new information, but at least Simon released his hold on the door.
She was halfway out when he grabbed her arm and pulled her back, his hand cupping the back of her head. His heady musk filled her nostrils and heat welled between her thighs at his closeness. Good grief, her body’s reactions were erratic as fuck without her dragon to regulate things. He closed in, eyes dark with hunger, and she pushed back against him.
“I didn’t put up with it. Because thinking about you while he fucked me has been the bright star in this otherwise worthless existence of mine, Astra. The fact that he was also thinking about you just validated my own fantasies more.”
She jerked back in shock, shoved him hard, and slammed the door behind her when he stumbled back. Then she ran, overwhelmed by the crazy revelations of the last five minutes.
Her senses returned when she caught sight of the open garage and the inviting lights within. She needed to get the fuck out of here. Flying wasn’t an option with her damaged link to her dragon, but she needed some fucking air. Room to think, to try to understand what the fuck had just happened.
She skidded to a halt inside the garage, realizing with a sinking feeling that the car’s hood was up and Bruce was leaning over the engine tinkering with it.
He poked his head out and frowned. “Need something, Ms. Garrick?” he asked.
“I need to get out of here. Can you help?”
Bruce frowned and stared in dismay down at the engine. “I’m afraid this girl isn’t going anywhere tonight. She had a rattle on the way in and it looks like a bigger issue than I thought. It’s a couple more hours of work if I’m going to have her ready to take you to your meeting tomorrow afternoon.”
She must’ve looked desperate because he stepped out from behind the car, wiping his hands on a rag. “You want to talk about it?”
With a faint, mirthless laugh she said, “Not really. I’d be flying if my dragon would wake the fuck up. It’s how I usually clear my head between matches. I need the rush. The freedom. And I’ve felt like a prisoner ever since this injury.” She had no idea how much he knew, but he darted a look at her thigh when she pointed at it and nodded as if he understood.
“It’s the wind you need to settle your mind, is it?” he asked. “Well I may have another option for you.”
He stepped around the car and headed toward a set of tarp-covered shapes in the opposite corner of the garage. Astra followed, barely daring to hope he could actually help.
When he reached the shapes, he unveiled a pair of other vehicles, but these had two wheels and looked like they only seated one or two. She wasn’t familiar with Earth modes of transport but had gotten the impression all the cars on this world were enormous monstrosities like the one they’d ridden in. But this—this was more her style.
“What is it?” she asked.
“A motorcycle. Do you know how to ride?”
She stepped close and gripped one handle of the nearest two-wheeled vehicle, then brushed her other hand over the soft leather seat. Instinctively she climbed on and tested her weight on it, finding it comfortable and a perfect height.
“I’m a quick study. How do I turn it on?”
With a grin, Bruce reached into his pocket and produced a key. He handed it to her and pointed to the small slot in front of her. “Ignition’s there. Throttle’s here . . .” He pointed out each control one by one, explaining as he went while she watched closely, cataloging all of them.
When she turned the key and hit the start button, the engine roared to life with a pleasant rumble between her thighs. She laughed out loud and shot Bruce an excited grin.
“Atta girl. One more thing. Put this on.” He produced a helmet, which she frowned at but reluctantly accepted when he narrowed his eyes at her.
“This motorcycle isn’t much different than the vehicles we drive on Nova Aurora. It’s just open.” She waved her arms over her and smiled. “But I’ll be safe, I promise.”
“Good. I’d hate to be the reason you broke your noggin. Stella says you’re here to get fixed from that bad arena match, after all. Just take it slow and easy down the drive, but you can open her up when you get to the pavement. Town’s five miles down the road to the east. If you head to the Wet Beaver Bar, tell Sully that Bruce says to put your drinks on my tab, and if you need a ride home, he’ll bring you at closing. Got it?”
She nodded and settled the helmet on her head, then gently pressed the throttle and eased out of the garage and down the driveway. Even at a slow clip, the cool breeze hit her skin and flowed beneath her shirt, making her nipples prick with awareness of the air passing around her. She had no particular destination in mind, and when she hit the main road, she headed west instead of east toward town.
The headlight illuminated the empty road ahead of her and she pressed harder on the throttle, leaning over the front of the bike as it shot down the road. With the wind surrounding her she could almost pretend she was flying, that her dragon wasn’t locked up in a dormant sleep triggered by the toxin in her blood, severed from the connection she’d trained her entire life to forge.
But a few miles on she couldn’t fend off the clamoring thoughts of tonight’s revelations. Javin’s embrace, his clear desire, his retreat that had left her cold. Then Simon’s own confessions. The pair of them had been fucking. Something she might have come to terms with if it hadn’t been for that gut punch Simon had delivered at the end. They both thought of her while they were together.
As if it weren’t bad enough for her to pine for a man who she believed didn’t want her. Now she knew he did, but he refused to touch her out of some ridiculous sense of loyalty to her dead brother. How fucking long had Javin felt this way?
And she had no idea what the fuck to think about Simon. Her earlier repulsion had been turned on its head in the past two days. He was friendly, kind, and certainly attractive. He intrigued her in a way most other men didn’t. When she sought out men for sex, they invariably wanted to assert themselves, as if proving their power over her would endear themselves to her in some fashion. That it would turn her on if they were strong enough to dominate her, when that was the farthest from the truth.
Simon pushed her, challenged her, but he also gave in, and something about his deference was a total turn-on.
The rumble of the engine between her legs wasn’t doing much to help the rising need over thoughts of the pair of them. She was no longer feeling hurt over the idea of Javin fucking someone else. Now she’d fallen into full-on dirty-fantasy mode, imagining what Simon looked like while being topped. Hell, simply imagining him naked and aroused had her revving the engine higher just to increase the vibrations through her pelvis.
But the bike itself wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy her. She thought about the bar Bruce had mentioned and regretted turning the opposite direction, but she’d driven blindly for miles already and wasn’t sure she had the patience to turn and head all the way back into town. There didn’t seem to be anything out this way but desolate road surrounded by forests, an ideal spot for a shifter retreat, but not for a woman who needed a quick lay.
The red glow of a light on the panel in front of her made her slow, then curse when she realized it was the low-fuel warning. She’d be willing to bet that there were plenty of fuel stations back in town too. What an idiot she’d been.
She turned off at a mountain lookout and cut the engine, taking off her helmet to breathe for a few. Stepping off the bike, she wandered to the railing, staring out over a dark, moonlit vista. Beyond the mountain ranges was the glowing golden gem of a city in the distance, nestled among the hills. That was where they were meeting the answer to their prayers tomorrow, it had to be.
But what if they failed? What if her only shot at being whole was accepting someone like Simon?
> She tilted her head to the sky and yelled at the top of her lungs.
“Fuck!”
She didn’t want a mate. She wanted the fucking arena back. So whatever this ridiculous itch was that caused her to throw herself at Javin, she couldn’t let it sidetrack her from the real goal. She’d scratch it, somehow, and she had a good sense that Simon might be the perfect person to help on that count. He wanted her already, and he wouldn’t push his agenda. She might even be able to form an alliance of sorts with him to make sure Javin got off her back about the mate thing when the time came.
Resolved in her decision and more determined than ever to follow through, she got back on the bike and headed back the way she’d come.
The fuel only took her halfway before the engine sputtered and died, forcing her to push the thing down the dark road back to the house.
She turned off the headlight after a couple miles when its power started to dim, and her senses sharpened immediately. She closed her eyes for a moment as she kept walking, gratified that even without a tight bond with her animal, her nose and ears were keen enough to pick up the details of her environment. The forest around her was alive and teeming with the activity of whatever nocturnal creatures called it home. She scented mammalian musk in the distance, on top of the earthy scent of the forest floor, similar to her home yet with its own subtle nuances.
When she opened her eyes, her eyesight immediately acclimated to the darkness and she imagined herself in the arena again, stalking her opponent around the obstacles positioned to present a challenge and add to the audience’s excitement. She had no opponent now, but she did have a target. Her prey was back in that house, oblivious of her desire to best him.
She doubted Simon would pose much of a challenge, but she’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit to having an ulterior motive with him.
After an hour or more of walking, she finally reached the gravel drive leading up to the house. The garage was still open and lit, but when she pushed the bike back into its spot, Bruce was nowhere to be seen and the car’s hood was closed.