by Ophelia Bell
She spied him standing near the windows overlooking the lake, but he wasn’t alone. Javin stood beside him and they were chatting with another man, slightly smaller in stature but whose back was toward her.
Cursing to herself, she debated turning around and leaving, but running had never been her style. Instead, she set her jaw and stalked across the restaurant.
Simon alone she could have dealt with. They were both champions, so she could keep the conversation focused on the arena or their training for the entire night and just hope her invitation for sex later wasn’t misconstrued. But Javin wouldn’t be so easy to control herself around. He’d tried to see her on several occasions since returning but she’d rebuffed him, citing their original promise to keep their distance. More recently he’d pushed harder, his messages insisting that he’d never wanted their separation to be permanent, that he missed her and Simon and wanted to try to have something with them both, even if it wasn’t mating.
She’d just have to explain she wasn’t ready, that she had no idea when she would be ready. She was more than content with her life the way it was, especially now that the arena season was about to begin. Having either of them as distractions was too far outside her plan, especially considering how raw the pain still was when she saw them.
If only her dragon would agree. The rebellious beast behaved perfectly in the arena, but when it came to these two men, her dragon’s desires were completely contrary to her own. This would just have to stop.
Simon’s gaze lifted to hers as she approached and her steps faltered at the expression on his face. He looked utterly bewildered, his eyes red and glassy as if he’d been crying. Then she glanced at Javin, who seemed to be in similar emotional straits, dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief. But the weird thing was, he was smiling.
Javin saw her then, his smile growing wider. He took a step away from the other man and opened his arms. “Astra, you’re finally here!”
Too confused by the strange behavior to reject his embrace, she slipped into his arms. She hated herself a little for wanting it so much, for how amazing it felt to simply be held by him, but she’d had a good reason for avoiding both of them all along.
“Do I get one too, love?”
The voice was a deep purr behind her, suggestive yet gentle, and a dream come to life.
Her heart stopped and she looked into Javin’s eyes, searching. She was too afraid to turn around.
Javin nodded and released her, and she had no choice but to turn and see the ghost who had joined them.
Her breath caught and before she could react her dragon took the wheel, launching her into Val’s arms.
“You’re alive! Oh my god how are you alive?” She peppered his face with kisses, then paused to stare at him in disbelief. Grabbing his shirt collar, she shook him hard. “Where the fuck have you been? We thought you were dead, you asshole!”
Val laughed, then grimaced. “I realize that now and I’m sorry. Shall we sit and have dinner so I can tell you all the whole story?”
She didn’t want to eat now that he was here, but she knew better than to mess with her diet. Arena champions were nothing if not meticulous about their routines.
They settled into a booth with her at Val’s side and Simon and Javin across from them. It was impossible not to keep touching him, reassuring herself that he was really there, and the waiter gave them a strange look as he took their order. When he was gone, she squeezed Val’s hand.
“You’d better not leave a fucking thing out, got it? It’s been months and you’ve been alive all this time? What the fuck?”
He took a deep breath and nodded, shooting her a quick look. “That can wait. There’s something else I need to do first.”
He turned toward her and cupped both big hands around her face, tilted his head, and pressed his lips to hers. Astra’s body lit up like a star with the press of his mouth and the heat of his tongue delving in. He parted her lips and she opened, moaning in surrender. She’d dreamed of kissing him so many times over the past few months but always woke in tears. Now he was finally here, and alive. She wrapped her arms around him, pressed her body to his, and kissed him harder.
With a groan, he gripped her sides and pushed her away, breathing heavily. His eyes had gone the brilliant green of his panther’s, the pupils dilated wide.
“God, I missed you,” he rumbled. “And again, I’m sorry for letting you think the worst. Things weren’t exactly copacetic after the fire.”
His gaze went dark and he turned to Javin and Simon, then reached for his drink.
“We’re listening,” Javin said in a gentle tone.
“Whatever you need, we’re here,” Simon added.
“We’ll get to what I need soon enough, and hopefully it’s not out of the question. But for now, you need to know what happened. When I went back for my dad, I admit I wasn’t sure if I would survive, but I had to try. He was sick. He needed my help.”
His gaze darted between Javin and Simon, and Astra knew there was no way in hell they’d blame him. She didn’t either, even though his dad had been responsible for the drug winding up on Nova Aurora in the first place. She squeezed his hand to urge him on.
“He was conscious when I got back to him, but just barely. Enough for us to shift and run. We made it out but not entirely unscathed. The medical examiner said he died of smoke inhalation and shock. He could have survived if not for the drug in his system blocking his link to his animal, but I think he was ready to go at the end. He made peace with it.”
His voice broke and Astra snuggled closer, resting her head on his shoulder. He slipped an arm around her and sighed. “He was sorry at the end. Regretful, repentant, whatever you want to call it. He just wanted it over.” He took a shaky breath before going on. “By the time I got him back to the lab . . . such as it was . . . you guys were gone. It was a bit of an ordeal getting back to the city. My keys burned up in the fire, along with my phone. And there’s nothing for miles out there. I left Dad’s body in my car and shifted. The house you guys were staying in was closest, so I went there, hoping you would be there.”
“We never went back to the house,” Javin said. “Bruce brought us our things and we left straight from the hospital the morning after the fire. We found the counteragent though. And the flash drive with the protocol. Thank you for that.”
Val squeezed her tighter and sighed. “Thank god you guys had that at least.”
“You’ve saved a lot of lives on Nova Aurora,” Simon said. “And the fact that I helped earned me a spot in the league again. I owe you my life in so many ways.”
She teared up at the thick hitch in Simon’s voice and reached across the table to grab his hand.
“My life was crumbling,” Val said with a helpless shrug. “You guys were gone, my dad was dead. My lab . . .” He shook his head. “The only copy of the data that survived was what I gave to you. But at some point I realized there was nothing left for me there. I’d inherited the company, but I didn’t want it anymore. My heart just wasn’t in it. So I sold it. Every last piece. Every asset I had on Earth, I sold. I know it was a risk. There was no guarantee that you guys hadn’t moved on after six months apart, but I had to try.”
Astra leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. “It’s only been three months, Val. At least for us. We haven’t gone anywhere.”
He gave her a blank look before what she said registered. “Right, the time dilation. That’s some consolation. So, you haven’t mated someone else?” he asked, staring down into her eyes. “Not even one of them?”
“She’s barely spoken to us, man,” Simon said. “We were all pretty destroyed. It takes longer than a few months to get over learning the love of your life has died.”
Val grimaced. “I’m such an asshole for not trying to let you know. I was in my own dark little world. It took a long time to wake up to what I needed to do. Believe it or not, Gerri Wilder was the one who snapped me out of it. She came to my door one day and laid it all o
ut for me. Said you guys needed me and if I was done feeling sorry for myself, I needed to shit or get off the fucking pot. That’s a direct quote, by the way.”
She laughed, and the men all followed.
“I think she was onto something, putting us together,” Simon said. “Like it was more than just about the drug.”
Val shot a look at her, then at the other two. Astra’s stomach did a flip at the intensity in his eyes. “I know for a fact it was more. My coming here now was thanks to what she said, but it wasn’t only because I have no life left there. I knew the second I met the three of you that I wanted all of you. I get that it wasn’t as instantaneous for you guys, but there’s no going back for me. So here I am. Take me or leave me.”
A lump formed in her throat and she scooted away from Val, staring down at the table. “What exactly are you asking for?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked, his tone bordering on desperate. “I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. All of you. All this time, I’ve tried picturing myself with even one of you and I can’t. My life has only made perfect sense twice. When I first came up with the formula for EG-Alpha, and the day I realized I loved the three of you. My research is gone. You guys are all that’s left for me.”
Astra shot a pleading look to Javin and Simon. They knew her, knew what she wanted. Couldn’t they back her up?
They both looked back at her with equally sad eyes.
“Am I missing something here?” Val asked. “Do you want me or not?”
“It isn’t that simple,” she said.
“Yeah, it is,” Simon shot, giving her a barbed look. He turned to Val. “We want you, man. More than you fucking know. It’s just going to take a little effort to convince Astra that being with us isn’t going to dishonor her brother’s memory somehow.”
“Every match I fight is for him,” she said in a strained voice. “If I get distracted by whatever this is, I’ll lose. If I lose, his death will have been meaningless.”
“You know as well as anyone that I want that too,” Javin said. “Let us help you fight for him. Nobody’s going to forget about your brother if you try to find happiness.”
It was Val’s touch on her shoulder that eased the rising panic. He urged her to settle back down and she realized she’d risen halfway out of the booth and was ready to bolt.
“If any of us needs to fight for his memory, it’s me, Astra. You’re not alone in this. I owe it to you and to Talon. But I can’t fight alone either. I have resources. I’ve transferred most of my assets to Nova Aurora. I want to start a lab. Begin to fix the damage I’ve done.”
“I’m not stopping you from doing that,” she said. “I just can’t be what you want. Not right now.”
“You’re wrong,” Val said. “You’re everything I want already. Everything I need.” He looked heartbroken and she couldn’t bear to see it.
She shook her head and rose again. “I can’t just go from believing you’re dead to wanting to be your mate in the snap of a finger. I’m going to go. I’m so happy you’re alive, Val, but I’m sorry.”
She stumbled through the restaurant, eyes blurry and heart heavy. As she pushed through the doors and tapped her communicator to summon a taxi, she felt like a heavy weight had settled in her belly. Her dragon had retreated into darkness and she didn’t even have that to comfort her on the way home.
Astra had only been home for a few minutes when someone pounded on her door. Too bleary-eyed and weak with hunger, she opened it, expecting her food delivery, but stumbled back when Javin loomed in front of her, yellow eyes bright with passionate intensity.
“You’re being a fucking fool, Astra. Simon’s too nice to say it and Val’s too wrecked, so you get to hear it from me. You’re fucking crazy to turn us down. We belong together.”
She gritted her teeth and stalked away from the door, leaving him standing on the threshold. Closing it in his face would have been the ideal option, but she knew him too well. He’d break it down if she tried that, given the look on his face right now.
“Don’t you think it’s my choice who I’m with?” she asked, putting the kitchen island between them and refilling her wine.
“Yes, but you’ve already made your choice. Your dragon knows it. I saw it when the four of us were together on Earth. You knew it then too or you wouldn’t have made us tie you up. Do you deny it?”
She bit the inside of her mouth and looked away, struggling to hold back the surge of emotion rising inside her at the mention of that night. It haunted her dreams because of how perfect it had been, how complete she’d felt having all three of them at the same time.
Javin rounded the island and faced her. “Stop holding back. You’ve been strong enough since Talon died. Don’t you think you’ve earned the right to let someone else help you shoulder that burden? We won’t weigh you down, baby. I promise it’ll be the opposite.”
He touched her face with his fingertips and she clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head.
“Look at me, Astra,” he said. “We can do this together.”
Placing a finger under her chin, he urged her to face him. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, her heartbeat reverberating in her ears when she met Javin’s gaze. She’d craved his touch for so long. The look he gave her now was something she’d wished for, dreamed about, but never believed she’d have again.
But the fact was, she had no idea how to deal with this new urge. Wanting him from afar had been easy. It had given her a source of energy to channel into her fighting. Her unrequited desire along with her need to honor her brother had propelled her to be the best solo female in the entire league.
Now to have that feeling multiplied threefold should have made her feel invincible, yet on the contrary, she felt weaker than she had right after her injury.
“I’m afraid,” she said in a soft voice, giving him a pleading look. “What if it doesn’t work for me? What if I forget him, forget the arena and all I worked for?”
“We won’t let you forget, Midnight.”
Her gaze snapped to the door, where Simon and Val stood waiting in the darkness beyond.
“I’m pretty sure I might have a monopoly on reminding you of your brother’s death. Not that that’s a good thing,” Val said, shrugging.
She shot Val an incredulous look. How could she not love him? She’d stopped blaming him the day after they met.
Javin’s soft laugh drew her eyes back to him. “You know me, baby. Talon kicked my ass on a regular basis. I expect you to do the same.”
“The point is, we need this as much as you do,” Simon said, entering her house with Val close behind. “I thought getting my link to my animal back would be enough, but it wasn’t. I still need you, Midnight.”
“More than that, we want this.” Javin eased closer and cupped her face in his hand. Peering deep into her eyes he said, “Please be honest with me now. Do you want us as much as we want you?”
She turned and stared at Simon, her breathing shallow. He’d managed to summarize her feelings so perfectly. Taking the counteragent, finding synchronicity with her dragon again, was supposed to have fixed everything, but over the past three months she’d felt even more untethered than before. She was terrified of that feeling ruining her performance in the arena once the season began. She wouldn’t always fight opponents willing to lose to her the way Simon had been.
As she let her gaze travel between the three of them, her dragon uncoiled within her, rumbling its own answer to Javin’s question. Listen to me. We are not whole yet. They will make us whole, as we will do for them.
Something inside her seemed to shake loose with her dragon’s statement. A heavy weight disappeared from her conscience and she took a deep breath, mentally nodding to her dragon.
“Yes,” she said, directing the statement to all of them. “I may be crazy to say this, but I’m tired of holding back. I love you. All of you. And I want you more than I can say. Just promise me you won’t let me forget what matte
rs, okay?”
“As long as you don’t forget that you matter to us,” Javin said. “We’ve got you.”
34
Astra
After her confession, the seconds seemed to stretch for an eon as Val and Simon closed the distance. She needed them close now and every millisecond without them seemed to magnify the ache inside her. Her palms burned with molten heat by the time they rounded the kitchen island and stood beside her.
“Take off your shirts because I’m doing this now before I fucking chicken out.” She held up her hands so they would understand exactly what she meant.
There was a flurry of undressing as they tore off their shirts, and within seconds all three men stood bare chested in an arc around her. She surveyed her bounty, not quite believing this was happening. But her dragon urged her on and she took a step toward Val first, leaning up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips.
“You were the biggest surprise,” she said. “I hope my love can make up for what you lost.” She rested her hand hesitantly against the center of his chest, fingers still curled.
Val’s expression turned fierce and he gripped her hand, pressing it hard to his sternum. “We are more than square, I promise you.”
Light flared beneath her palm where their skin came into contact and she gasped at the surge of triumph from her dragon.
She moved to Simon, whose cocky expression failed to hide the fear in his eyes. She pressed her palm to his chest before he could speak, and his eyes flew wide. Covering his mouth with hers, she stole his startled breath and he encircled her with his arms, holding her tight as they kissed.
“You’re a fucking dream come true, Midnight,” he murmured against her ear when the kiss ended. “Thank you for choosing me.”
“It was meant to be and you know it, Ironfang,” she said, smiling at him as yet another piece of her puzzle fell into place.
Then she turned to Javin and paused, breathless at the awareness that this man she’d longed for all her life was waiting for her to choose him. His dark skin gleamed in the warm light of her kitchen, his golden eyes sharp with anticipation.