by CORY CYR
“Well, for God’s sake, don’t sit on anything. You’re a walking shit stick.”
I smirked. “Very funny. I’m going straight to my shower. It might take me hours to get this muck out of my hair. Plus, I stink,” I confessed.
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but your aroma is quite pungent. Go get cleaned up because Nadia will be here at four to take your numbers. Then we can all go get an early dinner. I’m sure you’re tired,” she said as I delicately padded into my bathroom.
Maybe I should shower with my clothes on first to rinse off the mud, then ditch them. I took off my shoes and socks, placing them carefully in the sink, not wanting to displace the mounds of mud.
Ronnie poked her head in. “What did Kai say about you doing the boot camp? I bet he was surprised.”
“We’ll talk later,” I replied as I closed the door.
I stood under the water, still fully dressed. I finally was able to shed my clothing, wringing out each article carefully due to my blisters and then placing them on the toilet lid. The water burned my hands and feet, and it took over an hour to get my body and hair clean. I wasn’t sure which was more trying—the obstacle course or my shower. Squeaky clean, I toweled myself dry.
Ronnie had set out a fresh pair of underwear, shorts, and a shirt on my bed. I wrapped my hair in another towel, then dressed. I had really made that obstacle course my bitch. Not all of it, but I’d managed to accomplish things I never believed I could or actually wanted to, and I had the blisters to prove it. And that fucking self-serving prick Kai hadn’t even witnessed it. Oh, he’d hear about it. And not just from Kim.
I sauntered into the living room.
Nadia had already arrived. “Hey, Tegan. I heard you crushed boot camp. Kim cannot stop talking about it. He’s bragging to everyone how awesome you are. I think you have a fan,” she said as she shoulder-bumped me.
“I wouldn’t go as far as saying I crushed it. The mud was my downfall—literally. There were some obstacles I couldn’t conquer. I didn’t even try. Maybe next time.”
“What? You’re not thinking of going through that again, are you? Look at your poor hands and feet. If I were you, I’d wait until I slept on it. I bet tomorrow morning, you’ll be singing a different song,” Ronnie quipped.
“Yeah, you have a point there. I’m not feeling that great. My back is killing me, but that could be from any one of the many hurdles,” I replied with a laugh. “I’ll feel better after we eat. So, Nadia, we doing this? I have to be honest. I think I’d rather do boot camp again than have you take my numbers.”
Nadia chuckled. “Come on now. Get excited. I can tell you’ve lost big time. These numbers will back me up.” She retrieved a measuring tape as she led me to the scale.
“Shouldn’t I be naked? Maybe take off my shoes,” I pointed out nervously.
She rolled her eyes. “This scale will accommodate for clothes, but do remove the flip-flops, I’m positive they will add an extra ounce.”
“Okay, I was just asking.”
Stepping on the scale made me feel queasy. This was what I was now, reduced to a number. A fucking number would supposedly make me a better person. Gain more respect. Make Kai love me. Couldn’t I be more than a few digits? My internal composition wouldn’t change or even my face. I would still be who I was, just a smaller version, as in the old days. Maybe I didn’t want to relight that candle and become someone’s obsession, because the only person I cared about besides Ronnie would never feel the same way, regardless of how thin I got. I would still be old and infamous, and those two things made all the difference to him. He never had to speak the words because I’d already known.
“All finished. Congratulations, you’ve lost twenty-eight pounds and sixteen inches. You don’t have much more to go until you reach your goal weight. At this rate, you’ll probably hit it early. I’m going to let Kai do your fat percentage and BMI. I think he’ll really be encouraged by what you’ve accomplished. How do you feel now that you’re close to the target number?”
I stared at Nadia and then over to Ronnie. “Ecstatic.” I lied.
I should have been thrilled. Every time I’d attempted to diet, I’d failed, but this was different. Kai had made the distinction. I’d hardly felt the pangs of hunger or the anguish of working out because he’d held my hand through it all. He was responsible for my success.
Initially, I’d been forced to come here, and the first weeks, Kai had been a total ass to me.
Then having sex changed everything. He’d compelled me to want more. I’d never cared how people saw me after I’d left the adult film industry. In fact, I was glad that I became invisible. I was content with being a CEO and a dedicated designer. After being behind the scenes for years, the board decided we should go public, and I complied with their wishes. I didn’t realize I would have to become the embodiment of Flesh Market. If it could only be my face, but no, the marketing people wanted head to toe. They put the screws to Ronnie, which in turn came to me, and here we were.
My life was complete. I was happy and fat, just me and my cupcakes from Australia. But it had been decided that I had to use my past as a marketing tool and my name as publicity in order to sell more stock when we went public. Throw some tropical paradise and incredibly smoking-hot men into the mix, and now I was a confused, cupcake-less, almost socially acceptable-size woman who had everything to live for but was still depressed and now ached with loss.
Could I allow yet another man to ruin my life?
I had decided Kai left because of me, but there could be a hundred other reasons. Why did I always make the assumption it was me because I was useless and easy to throw away?
But why didn’t he just tell you? He could have left a voicemail. Quit making excuses for that worthless piece of shit.
Damn, my stomach hurt. Pitfalls of trying to prove to myself I could whip boot camp’s ass. My goal was achieved.
“Should I change? I’m not sure about wearing these shorts to dinner,” I asked.
Ronnie and Nadia shook their heads in unison. “Jesus, T, you look fantastic. I think you should buy a few things to show off your weight loss. We can go shopping at the boutiques downstairs. Those shorts and that tan. Add your Gucci sunglasses, and you’ll look perfect.”
Perfect? Far from it. I was so fabulous I’d chased away the first man that showed me any affection in years. I frowned as I grabbed my sunglasses and dusted my cheeks with bronzer. Even though my shoulders were sunburned, my face appeared pasty. After I ate, I should go straight to bed. Today took more out of me than I realized. Tomorrow, I might need a walker to move.
I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my shorts as I slipped on a pair of jeweled flip-flops.
“I guess I’m ready to get some dinner,” I announced as I grabbed a VIP embossed ball cap. I had pinned up my hair, and any remaining strays I nudged up into the hat.
“Good, I am starved.” Ronnie agreed as she put her arm through Nadia’s.
I glared at Ronnie with a smirk. “Yes, I’m sure sunbathing and drinking mai tais all day is exhausting.”
“I’ll have you know Nadia and I took a bike ride around the island. You don’t look this first-rate without physical activity.”
“Shut the hell up.” I scoffed. “Are you kidding me? You’ve been a size two forever. The most exercise I’ve ever seen you do is shuffling papers or shopping for me. You apparently love…”—I drew out the word love—“Nadia if she was able to get your skinny ass on a bike,” I teased.
Nadia’s cheeks burned with embarrassment as I watched Ronnie squeeze her arm.
“Whatever. Let’s go, porn star.”
“That’s former porn star to you. It’s not my fault you never found penis appealing.”
Nadia’s jaw dropped. “You two just stop,” she begged, laughing. “You’re killing me. Time to go.”
The pool area was packed. You’d think with three of them, people wouldn’t want to be so confined. It was as though the instructo
rs had herded us all to one place. I looked around, and it was clearly ninety percent weight loss clients. Tonight’s menu was all plant-based foods. I saw no meat or fish products of any kind. I was disappointed because I had looked forward to seafood or fowl. I took a plate and piled heaps of salad and many tri-colored beans. My stomach growled seeing Ronnie and Nadia leave and return with twice-baked potatoes loaded with butter, sour cream, and cheese.
“Nadia, do you think I could have a baked potato?” I asked her because she was qualified to say yay or nay.
“A baked sweet potato is healthier. You can use the butter spray, a tablespoon of shredded vegan cheese, vegan sour cream, and broccoli. If you want more flavor, sprinkle our herb mix on it. You’ll be surprised how good it is, and it’s vitamin enriched. If you measure your food, it’s easier to keep your weight off. The trick is a lifestyle modification. If you don’t change the way you view food, then you’ll gain it back. Nothing is worse than achieving your goal, then spiraling back to the beginning. There are guests here that have done our program three or more times because they refuse to continue the lifestyle and fall back into old habits. Did you know that ninety-eight percent of diets fail and that people gain back their loss within five years? We want to make sure you have the tools to have success well past those years.”
I grinned. “So that’s a yes, then?”
“Sorry, I got all into the VIP mode. Of course, go ahead. Just keep it basic.” Nadia softened her voice. “Don’t follow your personal assistant’s example. I’m surprised her plate can hold the mounds of sour cream she slathered on that potato.” We both laughed.
“Hey, I’m hungry, and I have to make up for the fact that there’s no meat around. I could never eat only plants. I need beef. Juicy beef.”
“I’m sure they have juicy meat at the other buffet… you know, the one for the stick figures. You could have gone over there for dinner,” I remarked as we found a table and sat.
“And leave you alone?” she mumbled around a forkful of potato. “I’m just bitching; we wanted to have a meal with you. I feel as though I haven’t seen a lot of you lately. I don’t want you all by yourself.” Ronnie swallowed, then took a sip of her iced tea.
I didn’t feel lonely until today. “We do have our own lives. It’s not part of your job description to placate me. You need to have more in your life than just me. You gave up a lot when you signed on as my PA. Please don’t feel like you have to entertain me twenty-four-seven.” I took another bite of salad but stopped chewing when my eye caught Reese walking toward us.
Ronnie looked up with a frown. “I wonder what the fuck he wants. Douchebag.”
“Hello, ladies,” he said as he slid into an empty chair at our table.
“Something you need, Reese? I’m pretty sure we covered everything during our last conversation,” I stated, avoiding referring to it as a confrontation.
He took off his sunglasses, placing them on the table. “Actually, I heard you mastered boot camp today. That’s truly an amazing feat. You must feel extremely proud. Doing any of those obstacles is quite an achievement. Weight loss looks good on you. Not only fit and tanned, but beautiful as ever.”
Ronnie jabbed my leg with her foot. I nodded to her, acknowledging what a prick this guy was. I just couldn’t figure out what he wanted. He hadn’t sought me out since that night he’d turned into Hyde. The first night I’d slept with Kai.
“Did Kim take out a billboard or do some kind of public announcement? It’s as if everyone knows I did that course. I appreciate the compliments, Reese, but I’m sure you understand why I’m still pissed. I’m not one to forget what you said to me. I—”
* * *
I opened my eyes slowly, not knowing where I was or what had happened. I tried to sit up.
“Ms. Scott, please lie back. I can get you a blanket if you’re cold,” a young woman offered.
“Where am I?” I asked, feeling disoriented.
“You’re in the medical bay,” she replied.
Confusion filled me with anxiety. “No, I was eating dinner.”
“You were brought in an hour ago. I’m going to let the doctor know you’re awake. Can I get you some water?”
“No. I need to know why I’m here. Where’s Ronnie, my personal assistant?” I demanded.
“You’ll have to sign a release before I allow her in with the doctor.”
What the fuck? “She signed an NDA years ago. This is ridiculous. Just get her, please.”
The woman left, and a few minutes later, Ronnie walked in with a surfer-looking man I assumed was the physician in charge.
“You’re okay? You scared the shit out of me. I’m surprised you don’t have brain damage as hard as your head smacked the table. Reese caught you before you hit the concrete. He carried you here.”
“Ronnie, what happened? I don’t remember any of that. I was talking to Reese, then nothing. It’s blank.” My heart began to pound as my hand skimmed the bandage on the right side of my head.
“Ms. Scott, I’m Dr. Stillwater. I need your verbal permission as well as your signature to allow your personal assistant to hear anything I say to you in confidence. You know, the HIPPA laws and all.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, just give me the paperwork and I’ll sign,” I said, sounding perturbed. I quickly jotted my signature without reading anything.
“You fainted, most likely because you overtaxed yourself. I heard you did the boot camp course. It was too much on your body, and I’m sorry to say it most likely caused the miscarriage.”
I shivered at his words. Miscarriage. There was no way. Pregnancy was a non-issue for me. I hadn’t had a regular period in years, and I was on the pill. They’d made a mistake. Kai and I used condoms.
Not the first time.
What I wanted right now was to roll in a fetal position in my own bed at home.
Ronnie stared at me. I was sure she expected me to deny the doctor’s claim.
“You’ve made an error. I couldn’t have a miscarriage. I’m using birth control,” I countered strongly.
He shook his head and handed me the chart. “You woke up briefly, complaining of cramps, and you’ve expelled some blood and light tissue. Between your weight loss and exercise, it probably caused the pill to be ineffective. We rarely see miscarriages this early, but it happens. I’m very familiar with obstetrics. I can assure you that I did not make a mistake. You were quite upset, and we gave you a mild sedative to calm you. I want you to take it easy for the next few days, and absolutely no more boot camp antics. I’d like to have your permission to do a pelvic exam. I want to make sure everything is normal. But your assistant will have to leave.” He directed his comment toward Ronnie.
Her eyes were wet with tears as she surveyed me with disappointment. I knew Ronnie was relieved I was fine, but she now knew I had kept things from her. It was obvious I’d slept with someone on the island, and I could tell she was attempting to figure it out. I wondered if it was only her and the medical staff that knew. It wouldn’t be that long until she put two and two together and guessed who my mystery man was.
“I’m sorry,” I sobbed as I reached for her hand.
“I’m glad you’re all right, but I’m pissed that you didn’t trust me. You fucking lied to me. We swore we’d always be honest with each other. Now I know that promise only went one way,” she hissed as she dropped my hand and walked out the door.
Another nurse walked in. The doctor left the room briefly as she helped me undress and slip on the gown she’d brought.
“Everything looks normal. Please let me know if you have any severe cramping or any other concerns,” the doctor said as he snapped off the rubber gloves following the exam. “I want you to rest for another thirty minutes. Then you can get dressed. I’ll have Susan help you back to your room. This is a list of symptoms to look for and some aftercare tips,” he said as he handed me a printout. “You’ll feel better in a few days, but the bleeding could last a couple weeks. Take care of yo
urself, and if you have any questions, just call.”
When he left, I got myself dressed against his recommendation and sat on the edge of the examining table. My brain felt as if it might explode. I had been pregnant with Kai’s child. My hand fell to my stomach as I began to sob uncontrollably at the unexpected feeling of emptiness.
It was just as well this happened. I’d just get fat again and be a single parent to boot. What kid would want to have an ex-porn star as a mother anyway?
Should I tell Kai? If I did, it would only make him feel bad.
Good, he should feel terrible. Why should I be the only one to experience this emotional pain?
Fuck him. I didn’t want his pity.
And Ronnie… How would I fix us? I would have to tell her the truth. She would go after Kai, and she’d blame him for all of it
I would have to confess everything. That Kai and I had been having an affair. I’d have to admit I was in love with him. She would lose her shit, especially when she found out he abandoned me without so much as a good-bye. She would believe he’d left because I was pregnant. Hell, I didn’t even know until just now.
And how about all the people who witnessed me fainting? I was sure their theories were now becoming titillating gossip. And Reese, what had he thought when he carried me here? He would tell Kai because they were business partners.
At this moment, I didn’t know how to feel about anything. Because of this one occurrence, everything had now changed, and I had to live with the consequences.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kai
I yawned and stretched, rolling to one side of the hotel’s luxurious bed. After four days of relaxation on St. Thomas Island, it was time to get back to work. My one eye cracked open as my body connected with another. I pushed myself up and leaned against the headboard, staring back and forth with wide eyes. On one side of me were empty liquor bottles, and on the other was a woman. I couldn’t see her face, but locks of blond hair spread across the pillow.
I poked her gently with my elbow. Jesus, I couldn’t remember last night. Even the days prior were blurry. Having sex, that was the norm, but it wasn’t like me not to recollect those events. Of course I had gotten hammered again. What the fuck was all this drinking about? I had decided, along with Jasper and Reese, three years ago that sobriety went hand in hand with being a business owner. Something had set off these episodes of binge drinking.