Defensive Instructor - Debra Parmley

  Chapter 5

  “That’s a good question,” Barrett said.

  Leah, who’d stepped in to observe toward the end of the class, spoke. “I have the answer to that one. We’ve planned an outing to town on Saturday, to shop for anything you might’ve forgotten to bring, or if you don’t need anything, to show you the area in case you ever want to drive to town. I don’t know where you got the idea that you can’t leave. Of course you can, any time you want.”

  “Good.” Red perked up hearing this.

  “What you can’t do is leave the program and then come back,” Leah said. “If you walk away from the program, another woman will take your place, and as you know, there’s a waiting list. We can’t hold your spot for you. So, you have to commit to the program. Nowhere have we said you can’t leave the property. Going to town is no problem. You can even go by yourself later, if you want. Buck will let you borrow a car if he’s not using it. We just want to keep you safe when you do go out. Part of what you’ll learn in this class is how to be safe when you leave here, and we’re starting this week.”

  “Thank you, Leah,” Barrett said. “We’ll talk more about situational awareness tomorrow and start some drills for that. I’m bringing my guys in tomorrow to help with the drills.”

  “You’re bringing in other guys already?” Tamara appeared nervous as she asked the question.

  “We only have three days to get you ready for Saturday, counting today, so we’ll start right in tomorrow. You’ll be learning fast, but nothing real physical. I need them more to help me watch what you’re doing and make corrections, and we'll demonstrate what we want you to do.”

  “If they’re as good looking as you, hell, bring all your guys in,” Red said. “I don’t mind a little full contact.”

  “It'll be weeks before anyone goes full contact. We’re laying that foundation and bricks, remember?”

  “Yeah, yeah.” She shrugged.

  “Tomorrow will be more intention drills, and I’ll add on.”

  Chyna wished she were paired up with one of the other women instead of Red. They’d picked names out of a hat for their workout partner, and Red had drawn her name. She hadn’t looked thrilled.

  It sure sounded like Red wanted to kick someone’s ass, and if they were paired, that someone would be Chyna.

  “Back to situational awareness,” Barrett began again, gathering their attention. “This is the foundation. I want you to carry it everywhere and be aware of your surroundings at all times.”

  Chyna nodded and then wrote something down in her small notebook. Good. The first thing he wanted the women to learn was to be aware of their surroundings at all times.

  “When you’re aware of your surroundings, there’s less chance of surprise. If there’s surprise, there may be more distance, and distance can be to your advantage. Now, here’s one more thing to add to that assignment,” he said.

  Chyna looked up at him, pen poised, but he looked at another woman, avoiding her rapt gaze. Emma had come to the door and waved at him. He didn’t wave back but continued.

  “Every time you enter a building, note the exits, just like you’d look for the fire exits in a theater or the exits in an airplane. Get into the habit of finding them when you walk in so you can find them easily and quickly. You can start practicing here on the ranch before you go into town on Saturday.” He nodded. “That’s enough for today. I believe Emma has breakfast waiting.”

  “You joining us?” Red asked.

  “You’re welcome to join us for breakfast,” Leah said.

  “Thank you, but not today,” Barrett said.

  “Well, you’re welcome any time,” Leah said. “Open invitation for you and your team.”

  “We appreciate that.” He smiled. “I have to get on back to the main office for a meeting,” he said, “but I’ll see you all tomorrow, bright and early.”

  Everyone filed out and headed for the dining area as Barrett let himself out.

  Breakfast was served family style at the large rectangular table. Today’s menu was French toast with warm maple syrup, sausage links, and sliced apples in cinnamon. Everything was so delicious, Chyna ate seconds. She was surprised to be so hungry. The class had made her feel good, and maybe that was the exercise, which she needed after that long bus ride yesterday.

  She wished Barrett had joined them for breakfast, but maybe he would another day. He was a fascinating man.

  Today was her first session with Leah, after breakfast. Chyna sat on the brown leather couch and fidgeted with the fringe on the soft brown pillow while her stomach did flips.

  “What did you think of the class this morning?” Leah asked.

  “He’s a big man. Strong.”

  “You know all these men have been vetted. And the company they work for, Brotherhood Protectors handles security for wealthy clients. Movie stars, musicians. They also advised us on our security here. I’d never bring in anyone who was even a little bit questionable. So, you’re quite safe with him. But I understand you being nervous. That’s natural given your recent experiences with men.”

  “He seems nice, and he’s really handsome.”

  “Yes, he is.” Leah nodded. “Try to think of him like the police officers who would come to the shelter. He’s here to protect you and teach you how to stay safe.”

  “I’ll need to stay safe. My ex might try to find me here.”

  “I know you're used to this worry, but try not to worry while you're here at the center. It would be incredibly hard for him to find you, and we’re pretty remote.”

  “Yeah, I noticed that.”

  “So, tell me about your ex,” Leah said.

  “I don’t even know where to start. I’ve already had six months of therapy with Anita, in Cincinnati. Do I have to start at the beginning? And repeat the whole thing?”

  “No, not the whole thing,” Leah said. “But do start at the beginning.”

  It wasn’t easy starting over with a new therapist, even if Leah was said to be really good.

  “I don’t know where to start,” Chyna repeated.

  “How did you meet your ex-husband?”

  “I met him at a liquor store on New Year's Eve.” Chyna shook her head. “I know, great way to meet men, right?” She looked at Leah, gauging her reaction.

  “I’m not here to judge, Chyna. I’m here to listen.”

  “Okay. Well, I was picking up a bottle of champagne for a party my girlfriend was having at her new apartment, and he was trying to pick me up. He wanted my phone number, and honestly, I still don’t know how he got me to give him my number. But he was funny and handsome and very disarming.”

  “Disarming?”

  “Well, you know, able to disarm you from alarms or red flags. None of mine went off with him. If they had, my life would’ve been very different.”

  “So, you gave him your phone number. What happened then?”

  “Well, he called me the next day and asked me out to dinner at an Italian Warehouse downtown, and I said yes. We dated from then on.”

  “Tell me about him, beyond what he looked like. What kind of person was he?”

  Chyna laughed. “More like what kind of persons.” She shook her head.

  “Persons? What do you mean?”

  “The first month dating him was dream-like, almost unreal. He was everything I thought I wanted in a man. Charming, generous, a good listener. He put one hundred percent into wooing me, and I was his number one priority. We only dated for four months when he asked me to marry him. I said yes. Then we were into wedding plans, and that took up most of my time when I wasn’t working. He pushed for a quick wedding. It was small. In a little country church, with his large family attending, and a great big party afterward. We went to the Poconos right after for our honeymoon. Within a week of being home, everything started to change. He changed.”

  “How did he change?” Leah asked the question in her quiet manner and listened.

  “It started small, subtle. So small
, I didn’t realize what was happening. It was so strange. He’d tell me something, and then later he’d claim he’d never said that. But I knew he did. I thought of carrying a tape recorder around just so I could prove he’d really said what he’d said.”

  “Have you heard of the term gaslighting?”

  “Yes, Anita explained it, and we talked about times he’d done it. That’s exactly what he was doing. He’d look at me like I was crazy. Once, he even said I was talking crazy.” She shook her head. “I’d even begun to think I might be going crazy. He did a real number on my head. I’d never heard of gaslighting before I met Anita and didn’t know what it meant or what he was doing to me. Everyone at the shelter watched that movie Gaslight, with Ingrid Bergman in it, one evening.”

  “That’s an excellent movie for explaining it.”

  “Yes, it is. I felt like shouting that’s it! That’s what he did to me! Because it was so close to the real thing. Several of us felt that way.”

  “That’s where the term came from, I believe. The movie is from a play by the same name. We have that movie here too.”

  “It’s a good one.”

  “I agree. What happened next?”

  “After we married, he pushed me to put my house in his name, but I wouldn’t do it. That made him angry. I’d never seen him be so angry. It was scary. Already before we’d been married one month, he’d used my credit to buy a new truck and used my credit cards to buy lots of things. I felt like I was losing control of everything I’d worked for and he was just going to blow right through every dime I had until there was nothing left. So I got scared and kept saying no to putting my house in both our names.”

  “How did that make you feel?”

  “I felt like I’d married a user. I felt he was going to use me up and there’d be nothing left. Like being married to a vampire who wants to suck all your blood and drain you.”

  “What did you do then?”

  “Well, I was fed up. I decided he wasn’t going to use me for anything else. It was all turned around into take, take, and take, where he’d previously been giving. And he’d say things like, ‘Look at all I did for you’. But if I put the numbers down on paper, they didn’t add up. What he’d done for me compared to what he’d been spending didn’t even begin to balance out.”

  “You stepped back to get some distance and evaluate the situation. That’s good.”

  “Also, he’d been going on and on about what a proper wife does. So, I decided I didn’t want to be what he said was a proper wife. I couldn’t be what he wanted me to be.”

  “Was the issue of the house the first time you’d disagreed with him?”

  “Yes, it was the first time I’d firmly disagreed, giving him a flat out ‘no’. He really didn't like to hear the word ‘no’. The rage that ensued was terrible and frightened me. After that, I was afraid of him.”

  “So you were walking on eggshells around him,” Leah said.

  “All the time,” Chyna said. “Walking on eggshells and wondering what would set him off next. I was afraid of his temper. It was so out of control, and I’d never been around anybody like that.”

  “That can be frightening.”

  “I was afraid, but I still wasn’t putting his name on the house. It became a battle of wills. After the way he’d been treating me, I told myself he’d get half of my house over my dead body. I shouldn’t have even thought that. It never occurred to me that he might try to kill me.”

  “He can’t read your thoughts, Chyna. It wasn’t your thoughts that made him make the attempt. None of the fault for that lies with you.”

  “I just feel like my thoughts jinxed it.”

  “Nothing jinxed it. You were in a dysfunctional marriage, and that can be dangerous. Tell me about the attempt, what happened then?”

  “I’d made a will right after the honeymoon, when we did my name change and I’d named him as my heir. That was a huge mistake. Because he couldn’t bend me to his will to make me add him on the house, he went into a rage. He wanted to kill me. He was angry enough and violent enough that he nearly did.”

  “I’m so glad you reached safety and got out. It probably saved your life.”

  “I know it did. If I’d stayed, I’d be dead by now.” Chyna wrapped her arms around herself. “Is it cold in here?”

  Leah stood and picked up a couch throw. “It can sometimes feel colder in this room than other times.”

  Chyna reached for the throw Anita was handing to her and then wrapped up in it.

  “If you’re okay with this right now, I’d like to keep going and hear in your own words just exactly what he did to you the day he tried to kill you. We can get all that out now, and then you won’t have to repeat the story again unless you want to. I want to know what movements or actions or words might trigger you before you get further in the self-defense class. When we know where a trigger is, we can work at getting you beyond it. I can read your file, but I’d like to hear exactly what happened in your own words. If you can keep going.”

  Chyna shivered beneath the throw and wrapped it tighter around her like she was in a cocoon. “Yeah, I can keep going. I’ve done this before. Let’s get it over with.”

  “I’m going to have you tell it from start to finish, without me speaking. When you’re done, I’ll ask any questions.”

  “Thank you, that would make it easier.” Chyna took several deep breaths and then began.

  Chapter 6

  Today was the second day of their self-defense training, and Chyna found herself anticipating seeing Barrett again. She fussed with her hair and wished she hadn’t brought along such baggy T-shirts. Her clothes were comfortable and meant for working out or lounging. Her sweat pants had been too hot yesterday, so today she wore shorts. Saturday when they went to town, she’d buy more clothes. Eventually, she had to replace the clothes she’d lost in her house fire and get clothes she could work in once she found a new job. She’d find something pretty to wear on the ranch so Barrett wouldn’t think she was frumpy.

  Though she wouldn’t have admitted this to anyone but a close friend or therapist, she had a full-blown crush on him. His height and strong muscles, face and grin, even his voice, all wrapped up in one package of hunky Green Beret, was irresistible. She’d better keep that to herself though, because Leah was trying to discourage her from seeing him that way. No, he wasn't like the policemen who’d come to the shelter. In fact, he wasn't like anyone she’d ever known.

  Chyna hadn’t realized how much she was attracted to Barrett until she’d dreamed about him last night. Dreamed he was in front of her, doing those push-ups with his muscles bugling and making her think of what he’d look like having sex. She'd woken up aroused, and that hadn’t happened in a long time.

  In the dream, he was looking into her eyes as she did planks across from him. Those eyes, so intent and intense, had seemed so real in the dream; she could close her eyes and see them now. And now here he was, entering through the door and saying good morning to everyone.

  He looked even better today than he had yesterday. She wasn’t supposed to be going out with men and certainly not anyone on staff, which was one of the rules. But there was nothing in the rules that said she couldn’t dream or daydream about him. Good thing too, as she had no idea how to turn that off. Even his voice called to her.

  But Chyna needed to pay attention now because he was talking.

  “Good morning, everyone. Today, we’re going to do intention drills.” He held up a thick black knife, which appeared to be soft. “This is a Nok knife, used for training.” He handed it to Red. “Pass it around. I want each of you to hold it before we begin so you can see it’s harmless.”

  The women passed the knife around, and then Chyna handed it back to him, their fingers barely brushing.

  She looked down at her hand as if something was there, which made him glance too. He was aware of that soft brush of her skin but wasn’t going to let her distract him.

  There was no time
for attraction in this class, and it was not the place. They were going to stay on topic, and he’d do his job, nothing more.

  “We’re going to take turns with this drill. One of you comes into the center.” Barrett gestured to Red.

  She joined him, and he handed her the knife.

  “Put it in your waistband.” After she put it in her waistband, he continued. “The rest of you are going to join us here in the center. I want you to walk around as if you were in a crowd moving through a mall or other populated area. Those without the knife will try to grab the knife and run. Red, your job is to try to notice them before they get the knife.”

  “Got it,” Red said.

  “The rest of you, one at a time, try to get the knife without being detected. Some of you will bluff, and some of you will be after the knife. Got it?”

  The women all nodded yes.

  Red said, “What do you want me to do when I catch them?”

  “We’re not getting into fight scenarios today; we’re focusing only on awareness.”

  Red appeared disappointed. Chyna wondered if Red liked to fight, she seemed so anxious to get to that part.

  When it was Chyna’s turn, she alternated between being jumpy and thinking everyone was after the knife or missing it entirely and having the knife stolen from her. There was no middle ground. She hadn’t caught the bad guys, and she’d made the good guys feel like she didn’t trust them. It made her feel bad about making them feel that way, and she felt like a failure for not succeeding at either aspect of the drill.

  “I’m not very good at this,” she said.

  “You’re still learning. It'll come with time,” Barrett told her. Then he addressed the class again. “Now we’re going to do a drill, which is about reading the intentions of the person approaching you. You’ll stand here, and each person will approach you in turn. One may be friendly and reach out to shake your hand, the next may be faking it and reach out to grab you. Your job is to watch for signs and listen to your intuition. When you think the person has bad intentions, hold up your hand and say, ‘Stop’.” When you think the person has good intentions, you’ll shake their hand. Got it?”