by Wendy Cole
“Aren’t you exhausted? We hiked all day almost, and we were…” I let the sentence hang. No need in bringing up how little sleep we’d gotten the night before. Not with the reason behind it. My skin prickled with awareness.
Bard finished off his food and sat the plate to the side. “You seemed to be having some trouble sleeping, so I stayed up to watch over you.”
The warmth.
I stared down at my plate.
It was him. He was the reason...
“Do you always have nightmares?”
I looked up at him, and his eyes dug into me once again. His face remained calm, but I watched his Adam’s apple bob and saw the way his fingers curled against his knee.
“Not always.”
Just when I’m sober.
He was quiet for a long moment before he nodded once towards my plate. “Eat up. I want to show you something.”
I looked back down to the pancake, took another bite, and chewed thoughtfully. Feelings brewed within my stomach and bubbled up into my chest. He’d stayed up all night so that I could sleep.
I’d fallen.
I cast a quick glance at his face, and everything about him seemed to flicker across my mind like a reel of film: his booming laugh, that blinding smile, and sweet words and soft touches.
It happened already.
I couldn’t take it back.
I swallowed hard.
“Jessie.”
I met his gaze.
“Don’t overthink it.”
I shuddered a laugh and set the plate off to the side. “You say that like it’s normal for a man to stay up all night and watch a woman sleep.”
“I didn’t watch you…not the whole time. Just when I heard…”
His jaw flexed, and he looked down at his hands. They opened and closed into fists by his knees. His lips pursed. When he finally looked back over at me, his eyes were more intense and darker than they’d been before.
“I don’t want him there,” he said, his voice rough. He slowly reached forward, cupped my cheek then tapped the pad of his index finger against my temple. “He doesn’t belong in there, Jessie. He never did.”
I held my breath and tried to shut down. I tried to put my wall up and stop him from coming in, but it didn’t work.
He had the fucking key.
Bard withdrew and leaned away from me. His hand returned to his lap. “And before you say anything, those aren’t just sweet words. I mean…”
“I wasn’t going to say anything.”
He paused.
I took a moment, a long hard moment to really look at him, to see him. But it wasn’t just how insanely attractive and wild he looked with his hair down or how intent and focused those eyes were. I looked at him, at the man he’d shown me he could be. A man like his father, like Zeke. A real man. Not a boy. Not some asshole.
Fuck it.
I shoved the sleeping bag away from my legs and slowly crawled over to him.
Bard watched me, and he didn’t say a word as I straddled his waist. He moved his arms out to his side and allowed me to settle into his lap, his eyes sharp and fixed with mine.
I clasped his shoulders. “You’re making me stupid.”
His arms closed around me tight, and his lips met mine in a kiss full of emotion. There was so much acceptance; so much warmth.
He wanted me.
It was one thing to be desired. It didn’t take much to elicit a physical attraction. But want...
Bard wanted me, all of me, and he’d set his sights to capture what little was left. He took it from me when I wasn’t looking, and now he held it in his hand. He had me at his mercy. I couldn’t get it back. I couldn’t deny it, not anymore.
I loved him.
I broke away the moment the realization hit me. I loved him. My eyes found his and widened. Panic set in.
“You did this.” I clutched his shoulders as the realization spiraled uncontrollably through my mind: everything that could happen and the thought of walking away when things went bad. Could I do it? Each new day only made it worse. He’d sucked me in, and the depth of it seemed never ending. “You better not fucking hurt me.”
Bard shook his head. “Never.” His lips met the corner of my mouth, my jaw, then trailed down the column of my throat. His hands ran up my back, gripped my shoulders then travelled back down again as if I were something precious. “I could never.”
My head fell back as my teeth clenched and my breaths shuddered. I was terrified and joyous all at the same time. I could have laughed. I could have cried. Emotions tightened my chest and stole my breath. “You can’t say that and make me fall for you. Falling leads to pain. It always has.”
“It doesn’t if I catch you.”
And he did.
I fell, and there he was.
I let go, not because it was smart, not because I thought it was a good choice, but because I couldn’t resist. Fairy tales weren’t real. Love was a disease. Men were like drugs that felt nice until they slowly started to eat you.
But Bard was more.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Bard held a finger to his lips and pulled me down to crouch behind the nearest tree. “There,” he whispered.
I followed his gaze, and my lips parted on a breath. A massive deer stood less than twenty feet away. It chewed at the grass then lifted its head to the air as if it could sense us there. My lips curved. I’d never seen anything more exotic than a raccoon, and that had been beside a dumpster.
This was different.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Bard’s thumb moved across my shoulder. “That’s an elk. They’re all over out here.”
“I thought it was a deer.”
“They’re bigger, and the antlers are different.” Bard’s eyes trailed over my face and softened then shot back over the elk that barreled off into the trees.
“C’mon. Let’s find something else then.” He gently lifted me and led the way in the opposite direction.
I stared up at the sun filtering through the trees, listened to the chirping birds, and picked apart each individual song.
All the while, Bard’s eyes stayed sharp and focused on the ground. He dipped down and touched the dirt, then smiled and waved me along behind him.
I hurried to catch up, and inwardly cursed each noise I made. Bard stepped through the forest with a ghostly silence, but each time my foot hit the earth, a crack or crunch would echo like gunfire. No matter how hard I tried to dull it, to pay attention, I couldn’t accomplish what he did so effortlessly. I made a mental note to ask him to teach me.
Bard crouched again and worked his way up a hill. When he reached the top, he slowly stretched out onto his stomach and peeked at something over the other side. He looked back at me, his eyes light. “You’re good luck, Tequila.”
I carefully pulled myself up to lie beside him, then covered my mouth when I saw what he’d found.
It was a family of foxes. Three grown foxes and four of the cutest little babies spread out across a small opening between the trees.
“That’s their burrow.” Bard pointed to the large hole just behind them. “In most places, you don’t see them during the daytime. They’re nocturnal. But sometimes, if they feel safe, they’ll start to hunt during the daylight hours.”
“This is amazing.” I wanted to try and get closer, but his words made me resist the temptation. The last thing I wanted to do was disrupt their peace of mind. “I understand how they feel. I’ve never felt as safe as I do out here.”
My smile widened as one of the cubs tumbled into another and knocked them both to the ground.
“I’m glad.” He leaned forward and kissed my temple. “C’mon. I’ve got something else to show you.” He helped me slide back down the hill then pulled me in yet another direction.
His steps were light, and his aura was still that infectious joy that pulled me in and wouldn’t let go. That morning by the fire, I’d given up fighting. I’d given in, and despite my eagerness, Bard on
ly kissed me for a moment before he pulled away and suggested we head out.
Somehow, he always knew the exact thing to do to make me feel secure, even if I didn’t know it myself. In that moment, with that choice, he sent me a message. He showed me that this wasn’t just physical. This was more.
“Here,” he said as he changed course and took us deeper into the foliage.
The familiar burble of water on rock greeted me, and as I broke through the trees, I saw it. The water trickled down and pooled into a large circle surrounded by smooth stones and mossy greens.
Bard let go of my hand and pulled his shirt over his head.
“What are you doing?”
He grinned at me. “Going for a swim.” He yanked off his boots, then his jeans until he was down to nothing but his boxers. He then took a running start and jumped into the center. The water splashed up around him and peppered the bank.
He resurfaced and ran a hand down his face, his smile blinding and eyes light.
He was beautiful, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. “Isn’t the, um, water cold?”
“It’s a natural hot spring. It stays warm.” He waved a hand. “Come in.”
I swallowed hard. Sweet lord. The sight of all that skin dripping wet and exposed. It was so close and touchable. It should have been a crime to even consider it. The best things were always illegal, always wrong. But I could touch it. He’d made it perfectly clear that he welcomed it.
He’s like every present I never got wrapped into one massive payback.
My eyes darted around the setting: the rippling waves, the leafy greens, and the birdsong. The air was clean and crisp. It didn’t smell of exhaust. I looked back at Bard. He was a true wild man, just as much a part of the setting as any of the rest of it. And he was waiting…for me.
Fuck karma.
I was with Mother Nature.
I pulled my shirt away, and Bard’s smile dulled. His eyes sharpened and cut into me as I did the same with my boots and jeans. He stood stock still as if I were another critter out in the bush that he didn’t want to scare away.
I snapped my fingers to get his attention. “I’m gonna jump. You gonna catch me?”
Bard’s lip twitched. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do.”
My heart skipped, but I no longer tried to quell the sensation. I let it sputter and beat just for him. I let the smile spread across my face. Love flooded through me and warmed my skin.
I ran forward and jumped then screamed as the water splashed up around me.
Bard’s arms circled my waist and pulled me up. His chest rumbled with deep hearty laughter. “You could have jumped a little closer.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, but there was no anger behind it. The water was warm. He was warmer, and if I was making new memories, this one was my favorite.
Bard positioned me at arm’s length and waded us in a circle. “You know…” He paused, and his eyes drifted to the water.
“What?”
He looked at me, and there was something raw in the depths of those eyes. Slowly, he pulled me closer: so close that I had to wrap my legs around his waist. Every inch of me pressed flush against him.
He stared at me for a long moment, then tilted his face until his mouth was barely a breath from mine. “I want to keep you.”
His hand slid up to my knee and pulled hard while his other splayed out across my back and pressed firm.
“I’m a woman, not a puppy.”
His lip twitched, but that vulnerability remained. “Be my woman.”
He was asking for too much.
He wanted commitment, all of me, everything.
He already has it, inner Jessie spoke softly.
I idly tangled my fingers into the wet hair hanging down his back and heaved a sigh. “Dammit, Bard.” I bit my lip. “I don’t have much of a choice. You stole my fucking heart.”
He spun us around as that blinding smile burst into existence, and his chest rumbled with a laughter that didn’t quite sound like his. Bard wrapped his arms around my back and hugged me tight, his face buried into the crook of my neck. His chest rose and fell heavy, and each ragged breath hitched. It was so subtle it was barely noticeable at all. He clung to me as if I was the only thing keeping him upright.
“Bard?” I tried to pull back and look at him, but he held me still.
“Give me a minute.” His voice was hoarse. He sucked in another breath. “My heart just started beating again.”
That did it for me. I laid my cheek upon his shoulder, splayed my hands out across his back, and wrapped my legs tighter around his waist because he needed me to, and…he was mine.
I wanted to take care of him, and the need to do so was so strong that if he hadn’t been holding me, I would have fallen.
I caressed his skin, kissed his neck, and within the circle of his arms, I felt like I found a place. It was like the cranny at the playground, only this one was just for me. This was where I could curl into and just be. It was warm, safe, and comforting.
For the first time in my life, I felt at home.
CHAPTER FIFTY
The days blended together in a state of absolute bliss. Bard was everything.
After our trip into the mountains, things changed.
I changed.
We still trained every morning, but the chemistry between us, when left uninhibited, flourished. It turned slight adjustments into heated touches, and swift jabs were always followed by tight embraces.
I had it bad. The man that was Bard had me so sucked into him, there was no hope of ever escaping, and I didn’t want to. I clung to it. It was as if the world had opened up with possibilities, and the future, while bleak, had a fighting chance. There was a shot that it might not be shit, and that was more than I’d ever had before.
At the end of every day, he’d worship me like a goddess. It was always earth-shattering, awe-inspiring.
For a week, that’d been the routine―train, adventure, epic sex. Maybe, Drake had already found me. Maybe, I’d never made it out from under the bridge. Maybe, I’d died and gone to heaven, and this was my own personal utopia.
It terrified the fuck out of me, mainly because, with each day that passed, I grew more and more attached, more and more comfortable. It couldn’t last. I knew that. Things never stayed good; something always came along to fuck it up. At least, for me it did, and things had never been as good as they were with Bard.
It was a waiting game, and I knew at any moment the ground would open and swallow me whole.
As I lay there, staring at his sleeping profile, his arm wrapped tight around my shoulder. Unable to move even if I tried, I realized something.
Drake didn’t scare me anymore.
Losing Bard did.
He shifted and stretched, then opened his eyes to find me staring at him. That familiar grin tilted his lips. “Good morning, Tequila,” he said, his voice rough from sleep.
“Good morning.” I started to roll away, afraid my morbid thoughts would be discovered the minute those intense eyes fully focused.
Bard stopped me. “Hey now, where do you think you’re goin’?” He flipped himself over on top me in one agile motion.
“Bard,” I scolded, but it was impossible to resist him. “I need to pee,” I lied.
He smiled down at me and lifted a hand to smooth back my tangled mess of bed hair. “You’re lying.”
“Am not.” I glared at him, but his smile didn’t waver.
“When you lie, your eyes always dart to the left.”
My mouth fell open. “They do not!”
His chest rumbled with laughter. “They just did.”
“Let me up!” I pushed against him, and this time, Bard relented.
He flopped back to the bed as he continued laughing. “Fine. We need to go into town anyway. We’re low on supplies.”
I paused at that. I’d grown so accustomed to the safety of the mountain that just the thought of leaving it was like a punch to the gut. “
I’ll stay here.”
Bard studied me; one eyebrow lifted. “You don’t want to come?”
I shook my head as I turned my gaze away and climbed off the bed. “I think I’ll shower. How long will you be?”
Bard followed my steps all the way to the bathroom door. “About an hour or a little more. There’s a small grocery store just down the mountain. It’s not that far.” He leaned against the doorframe and watched me turn the water on. “You sure you don’t want to come with me?”
I peeked over at him. “Don’t be clingy, Bard. Will you really miss me that bad?”
His lip twitched. “Maybe.” He straightened back up, stepped into the room, and backed me up to the sink. His body towered above me and pressed close.
I couldn’t find it in myself to mind, not with him shirtless. Part of me had hoped sleeping with him―scratching the itch―would have alleviated some of my attraction, but it hadn’t. Not the first time, nor the second, nor the third. Bard still had the power to completely dull any common sense I had.
“I kind of don’t want to go now.” He leaned down to kiss my head then took a deep breath in through his nose. His chest expanded as he did, and he blew it out in a sigh. “Maybe I could stay here and help with this.”
I pressed my hands to his chest. “Sure. Then we’ll just starve.”
Bard snorted. “We’d never starve, Tequila. I don’t need to go to the store for food. It’s out there.” He waved a hand.
“In the medicine cabinet?”
He leaned back to look at me, face flat. “You know what I mean.”
“Go to the store, Bard.” I pushed him away. “You’re hot and all, but women need personal time.”
“Fine.” He paused, reluctance clear in his eyes. “I won’t be long.”
He kissed my head one last time then stepped away and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Finally. Alone. I couldn’t think straight with him around. As much as I loved it, in my experience, things that were too enjoyable tended to lead towards disaster.
Steam billowed out of the shower, and I quickly removed my clothes and stepped inside. The water was borderline-too-hot, but I left it. It eased the muscles left tense from days of training. I rolled my shoulders beneath the spray and groaned.