by Lola StVil
He grazes the slope of my breasts with his fingers, sending chills down my spine. He slips his hand between my legs; he’s not eager or rushed. Instead his touch is light and careful. He makes patterns on my inner thigh with his hands, and I quiver. His fingers caress the folds of my center and glide their way into the deepest, wettest part of me.
He’s deeper than anyone has ever been. He doesn’t conquer this new place. He studies it. He charts its slippery roads and travels up and down its complex terrain. He finds out all its secrets. He finds the spots that make me groan. The motions that make my body buck up and down. When his finger finds its way to the most sensitive spot in me, he lingers. His touch launches a thousand sparks from the pit of my belly. I grab hold of the comforter as he sinks his fingers deeper and deeper inside me.
I can’t take it anymore. I need him. I need him. I need him. As if sensing my desire, he turns me around. Now, we are sitting face-to-face, with our legs and arms wrapped around each other. We lock eyes, and he addresses me in a deep, penetrating voice.
“I’m here. Use me any way you need. I’m here,” he says.
I nod as he kisses me deeply. He tries to enter me. He’s blocked. The pain is sharp. My body tenses up. He makes me follow his breathing pattern until we are in sync. He tries again. He’s blocked. The pain gets worse. The mix of raw desire and absolute pain makes me dizzy. I look in his eyes and I know what the issue is.
“Kane, hurt me.”
He hesitates—for a moment—before driving into me. It feels like a Mack Truck making its way through a straw.
“Aaugh!” I cry out as I dig my nails into his shoulder blades. He studies my face—he’s gonna back out, fearing it’s too much for me.
“Kane, again.” I pant.
He drives into me once again. I cry out again and scrape my nails along his back, breaking skin.
“Please,” I beg again, addicted to the pain and the ecstasy of his thrust. As hard as the previous penetration was, I know he’s holding back. I look up at him and signal that I am ready. This time, he shows no restraint. He plows into me with wild abandon.
I scream out as a small part of me gets ripped away; I bite into his neck to cope with the pain. He’s broken through. He’s inside me, in every way. I’m trembling from the pain as I rest my head on his shoulder.
But soon his long, tender strokes ease my pain and bring me sheer elation. It’s overwhelming. Tears spring to my eyes. I’ve never felt anything so pure before. I grind myself further into him. We ride each other and slowly build to sweaty, backbreaking, groan-filled orgasms. Kane then kisses my forehead and rests his head on my chest. We stay entangled in each other’s arms long after it’s over…
I wake up wrapped in his arms. He lazily runs his fingers though my hair as he looks out at the Chicago skyline. The sun will soon creep into the sky and bathe the city in shades of gold. I inhale deeply, and his intoxicating scent surrounds me. He looks down and sees that I’m awake. He quickly gets up and hands me my clothes.
“We need to go. It’s almost daylight. Sadie might have the whole Shadow world looking for you by now. Not to mentation your team,” he says.
“Yeah, sure. Okay,” I reply as I put my stuff back on. I dare look over at him; he catches my eye but then turns away. I feel a sharp sting of rejection.
“You don’t have to do that,” I inform him.
“Do what?” he asks.
“Avoid making eye contact. We’re not little kids. We can face each other.”
“We need to go.”
“Kane, look at me; this is crazy weird for me too. But you don’t have to be so…frat boy about it.”
“What does that mean?” he asks.
“It means you don’t have to push me out of your house because you think I’ll start stalking you on Instagram. Or I’ll show up uninvited and go all ‘fatal attraction’ on you.”
“I’m not worried about that,” he says.
“Then why are you rushing me out?”
“Do I need to remind you who I am—who you are?” he says.
“I know. I know. I just… Look, I know what happened between us was… I know you’re afraid of what this means. So am I. I just didn’t think you’d be so eager to get rid of me,” I admit, suddenly wanting nothing more than to escape. I begin to dress faster. He comes over and stands in the way and blocks me from reaching my shoes.
“Look at me,” he instructs. I do as he says.
“Forget it. Let’s just go.”
“You’re right, I am afraid. I’m afraid that if I spend one more second holding you I will never let go. I’m afraid you’ll look back on tonight with regret. And most of all, I’m fucking terrified that no matter how hard I try, I won’t get through to you and you’ll go on with this mission. And I will have to put a blade though your chest.”
“I don’t think you’d do that. And I should regret sleeping with you but I don’t. And I’m afraid that makes me a bad person,” I confess.
“You? How is that possible? You are the embodiment of good. You are everything Nyten thinks humans are. You’re the reason he thinks humanity is worth saving.”
“Then why am I here? Why did I do what I did with you? If I am so damn good, why am I in love with a demon?”
“You love me?” he asks in disbelief.
“Yes.”
“You should probably stop,” he says, clearly trying to lighten the mood.
“Yeah, I should, huh? I mean, I don’t even know your last name,” I reply.
“Kane is my last name,” he says.
“Wait, what’s your first name?”
“No, not telling.”
“A girl hands you her V-card on a platter and you can’t even tell her your name?”
“There are only two women who know my first name. The woman, who created me, then sent me away. And Ella.”
“I’d like to know. I’d like to know everything about you.”
“Disney…you and I are dancing on the tracks. We’re acting like the train isn’t coming but it is. We are headed for danger in the worst way.”
“So I can’t know your name? I know what you feel like inside me. I know which way your body sways when you’re gripped by an orgasm, but I can’t know your name?”
“Atlas Isabelle Morgan, what do you want from me?” he asks in all sincerity.
“I want the guy who made love to me last night. There’s no way that guy can be evil. There’s no way.”
“I know a bus driver that would disagree with you.”
“Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to remind me about that?”
“Because I need you to remember who I am and what side I’m on. I need you to go back to your side so I can go back to mine. I need you to know that last night was the best night of my life. And that it will never happen again.”
“You need me to hate you but I don’t know if I can do that,” I reply.
“Then I’ll find another bus driver, and another one, and another one.”
“Stop it,” I mumble, shaking my head.
“I will hurt any and every one in my path.”
“Stop…”
“Atlas, I will rip though the human race like a plague and take out millions. There will be no hesitation and no mercy.”
“Please stop…”
“I am second only to Arken. The world will fall by my hands, and as it burns, I will watch and feel nothing.”
“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” I yell as I close my eyes and place my hands over my ears. I feel him touch my shoulder. When I open my eyes, I’m back in Brooklyn, across the street from the loft. Kane is nowhere in sight…
***
It’s freezing outside and for some reason as I rush inside the loft; all I can think about is drinking a scalding cup of coffee. Then I think about what would go great with the coffee—a donut or two. Maybe three? Wait, maybe a nice plate of eggs and bacon with a side of blueberry pancakes. Hold on—French toast. I could really go for some rig
ht now—the kind with extra powdered sugar on top. I could also go for a toasted raspberry scone with butter on top. Actually, I’d like all of that, and right now.
What the hell is happening? Why am I so damn hungry?
I walk into the loft, expecting them to hit me with a bunch of questions. I also expect them to go nuclear, since I’m sure they know I was with Kane. I don’t think I can deal with what’s about to come but I don’t really have a choice. Man, I’m freaking hungry.
“Hey, how was it?” Remy asks as she runs down the stairs and over to the kitchen.
“Did you have a good time?” Mason asks as he looks though a series of maps on the counter.
“Well…” I begin.
“We were so worried about you. We wish you had called, but it’s cool. Sadie explained everything,” Regal says.
“She did?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Yeah, she told us after she killed Idris, you were really shaken up so she took you to a healer so you could get some calming herbs. Next time, screw the herbs, we’re going to a spa,” Saudia says with a smile.
“Oh, yeah. Definitely,” I reply, weak with relief. Langston is studying me. She has been ever since I came inside the loft.
“Okay, so you stuck up for me with my mom and that was…nice. I guess. Thank you,” Quinn says.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Let’s try another lesson later, okay?” she says.
“Yes, sounds good,” I reply, trying to ignore the sharp pangs of hunger and guilt in my stomach. She smiles, and Regal looks over at her. It’s clear to see he’s totally in love. Gee, what does that feel like?
“I have a few leads on Pascal. We should know his location soon,” Saudia says.
“Okay, great,” I remark.
“Lissy, we know that this is still hard for you. I mean your whole life has changed. You are in danger all the time and you have to live in this loft with an angel as sexy as me. I don’t envy you, girl.”
“You’re right, Perry, it’s a wonder I don’t just jump your bones, right here and now.”
“Exactly,” Perry says in all seriousness.
“Are you okay, Atlas? You look…tired,” Mason says.
“Yeah, I am. I’m gonna take a nap before school,” I reply.
“It’s Saturday,” Remy says.
“Duh, sorry. I meant I’ll nap before my shift at the shop.”
“We know you’re worried about the afterlife, but we got this. As soon as we locate Pascal and give him what he wants, we’ll go and kick some afterlife ass. Promise,” Saudia says.
“Okay. I’m gonna go to my room now,” I reply as I run upstairs. On the way up, my eyes lock on to Langston’s. Her gaze is unmistakable: she knows.
No! She can’t know? Can she?
I get to my room and close the door. My room is no longer a mess. I’m guessing Saudia cleaned it up. I have to remember to thank her, right after the team kills me for betraying them. ARGH! I throw myself onto my bed and close my eyes. I’m still hungry but I don’t want to go back downstairs and face the team, knowing what I did last night.
Last night…his hands around my waist, his lips on my skin, and his finger in my—stop it! Stop it! He put you out in the cold—literally. He’s a demon, what the hell does he know about love? He doesn’t love you. And you cannot love him. No matter how much you want to. Just wake up and stop acting like a damn fool. Don’t be one of those girls. Those girls always get hurt in the end. But this time you won’t be the only one hurt; the world will go down with you. So stop it. Just, stop.
Someone knocks on the door. I tell whomever it is to go away. It’s Langston and she comes in anyway. She enters with a tray piled high with food. She has sandwiches, chips, cookies, a jar of peanut butter, and six different kinds of chocolate bars.
“It’s the blue honey. It gives you the munchies,” she says.
“I didn’t take any—I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply.
“So, you’re not hungry?” she asks.
“Nope.”
“Okay, I’ll go put this back,” she says, heading for the door.
“Wait! Maybe I’m a little hungry,” I admit. She smiles and hands me the tray of food. I dive in. I stuff a chocolate bar in my mouth and then aim for the chips.
“How did you know I used blue honey?” I ask.
“You mean how did I know you were doing the walk of shame?”
“Yeah.”
“I know the walk and the look. The whole time I was with Drew, I was in both heaven and hell. Being with him was pure heaven. Then I’d come home and be in hell when I would have to lie to my team, my family,” she says.
“So…you know who I’ve been with?” I ask.
“I can guess.”
“Am I a horrible person?”
“You’re not brightest girl I’ve ever met but you’re not horrible. You love him. I get that.”
“How can you get that?”
“When I first met Drew, we were on a mission to stop a shape-shifter who was poisoning some humans and bottling their souls so he could sell them on the black market. We tracked him down. He ran into a daycare and took a classroom full of children hostage. Drew was there. It turns out, it was his niece’s birthday and he was helping her class set up for her birthday party. He offered to take the kids’ place. It was so stupid and so sweet; I couldn’t get him out of my head.
“I’d never seen a human so selfless before. So we started talking. He was not my type; even if we were allowed to date humans, I couldn’t be with him. He was wearing last year’s—everything. Seriously. No fashion sense and in bad need of a makeover. Think Big Bang Theory, season one. But still we talked and hung out.
“Then one day, I walk into his backyard and there he is—with a bejeweled princess crown on, and a pink plastic necklace with a matching bracelet. His niece Jenny wasn’t invited to some kid’s tea party. So he told her they’d have their own. And that it would be the ‘bestest’ tea party in the land.
“They played until she fell asleep with her little face on the table, pressed against one of the teacups. He carried her back in the house and put her to bed. By the time he came back outside, I was in love. I tried to fight, I really did. I didn’t see him for six weeks. It felt more like years. He called but I didn’t pick up. He left me countless messages, and I didn’t return one of them.
“In his last voicemail, he said, “Lang, I don’t know what I did to make you go away. But whatever I did, I’m sorry. You deserve to be happy; please, let me do that for you.” I went to him to end things off properly. So he didn’t blame himself. But I didn’t break it off. We had sex. It was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. He didn’t care if I came to the house dressed in trash bags or if I spent hours in front of the mirror. He just loved me. Andrew Ross loved me…” she says, sounding far away.
“Langston, what happened? I know Drew got hurt, but how?”
“It turns out the shaper-shifter was working for a witch named Kelis. She was livid when we found her operation and closed it down. She was tracking the team and when she found out about Drew, she sent him a gift claiming it was from me. It was a pendant with a black rose on it. She’s put something on it called a battle curse. The moment he touched it, he went into a coma. That was two years ago. He hasn’t woken up since.
“His family has spent every dime they have trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. Jenny cries all the time, thinking her uncle will never wake up. And she’s right—he won’t,” she says as she burst into tears. I quickly wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly.
“Lang, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too,” she says as we pull apart a few moments later.
“Are you sure there’s nothing that can be done?” I ask.
“No. Someone has to take his place and Mason won’t let me.”
“He doesn’t want to lose you. You’re part of the team.”
“Yeah, I am. An
d now so are you. And even though we argue and do stupid things, we’re a family. A unit. We need to be able to trust each other.”
“I know,” I reply, hanging my head.
“What did Kane say to you to make you feel this way?”
“I don’t know. All I know is when I’m around him, I sense a chance, however small, that he has good in him. But then he does something cruel, something malicious, and I think maybe I’m wrong.”
“Does he feel the same way about you?”
“He does but he also says his feelings don’t matter because we’re still on different sides.”
“He’s right,” she says.
“I know. But when he held me… Langston, after my mom died, a hole grew. That’s what replaced her presence—a big black hole. And the only time it ever filled up was when I was in Kane’s arms.”
“You love him,” she concludes.
“Yes.”
“And he loves you?”
“Yes.”
“Atlas, loving Drew made me happier than I’d ever been. But in the end, the price was too high. And I’m not even the one who had to pay it. That’s exactly what’s happening here. Tell me; is your love worth six billion lives?”
***
I’m grateful to have a job because it helps to keep my mind off things. At least that’s what I hope will happen as I step into the bookshop. A few members of the team are around, watching over me. I stack a pile of books, clear the tables, and serve the large crowd that comes in around noon.
It’s a few hours before they all leave and the shop is quiet again. There’s a Native American girl sitting at the coffee bar. She’s about my height, with skin the color of clay and light brown eyes. Her hair is thick, dark, and long. She wears it down. She’s so pretty it’s hard not to notice her. She calls me over.