by Lola StVil
During a Wave, the feelings are multiplied a thousand times. A Wave Spot is physical pain caused by mental stress. It’s kind of like what humans call migraines—if migraines made you want to dig a blade through your skull and beg for death. I can’t tell you how fucking painful Wave Spots are. And yes, they can kill you if you can’t pull yourself out of them fast enough.
That’s where Pest comes in. He created a tonic called Exit. It pulls you out of your memory and brings you to the real world. It’s a damn miracle. Before Exit, I would see or hear something that reminded me of my Break and get pulled into the memory. Seeing the events that led to me becoming a demon cause a series of emotions: rage, sadness, and despair, the calling card of Waves. In other words, bad memories lead to merciless physical pain and torture. The longer I stay in the memory, the more likely my ass dies. Pest is worried because I normally ask him for a dose of Exit by now.
“Are you saying you aren’t having flashes? You aren’t having any Waves at all?” he asks.
“No, I haven’t had one since…”
“Since what?” he asks.
“Never mind.”
“Normally, I’d like to get you into my lab to see what’s happening inside your head, but I don’t think I need to,” he says, turning away.
“Say what you need to say, Doc. While I decide if I’m going to let you live,” I warn.
“You are not being pulled into your past as much because you’ve found something—someone—who makes you want to stay in the present,” he replies.
“And who would that be?” I ask, daring him to dig himself deeper into a hole that may prove to be his grave.
“Okay, I’m just going to say it—it’s clear that you love Atlas. You haven’t killed her. You haven’t gathered other high-ranking demons to end her life. It sounds like the fairytale I heard about,” he says.
“What are you, five years old?”
“I know the story of The Last Winter is made up. But in societies such as the Shadows’, oftentimes myths turn out to be true. In the Shadows’ world—”
“It would be a shame to die because you couldn’t shut up,” I remind him.
“Kane, you have the worst case of Wave Spots I’ve ever seen. Not one demon has been as haunted and tormented over their past the way you have. You haven’t had a Wave Spot since you met her. Why do you think that is?”
“Alright, Doc, I’m not dense. I get that I…feel stuff for her, okay? I told her,” I mumble under my breath.
“You told Atlas you love her?” he says, practically shouting. I glare at him, and at once he lowers his voice.
“Sorry. What happened?”
“We ‘talked,’” I reply.
“I assume you mean the two of you copulated?”
“For Orah’s sake, why do you make it sound like a medical procedure? You really need to get laid.”
“That’s a valid theory actually. Freud’s theory on sexual decency psychosexual stage theory suggests that—”
“Doc.”
“Sorry.”
“She asked me what my first name was.”
“Did you tell her?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“For the same reason you shouldn’t name an animal right before you kill it. Why does she need to get to know me? Why would she even want to? I’m the guy who’s going to end her life. Why would she want to do anything but run from me?”
“But she’s not running.”
“Yeah, what the hell is wrong with her?”
“I like her,” he admits.
“Because she’s too polite to tell you to shut the hell up?”
“No. I like her because she makes you do something I’ve never seen you do before—laugh.”
“And?”
“And because she’s too polite to tell me to shut the hell up.”
“I need to speak with you,” someone says from the doorway. I don’t bother to look at the mirror or turn around.
“Buzz off, I’m busy.”
“So I hear. Very busy, doing the opposite of what I ordered you to do…” I turn around and find myself face-to-face with Arken.
Fuck my life.
“Kane, you and I are long overdue for a chat…”
***
Moments later, Arken empties out the bar with a simple half-hearted hand gesture. I don’t know if he’s killed them all or if he’s simply sent them somewhere else. In his human form Arken is nearly six five. He’s lean and has dark long hair. He wears a fitted blue velvet vest with layers underneath. There’s a black-and-blue leather cummerbund around his waist and a matching crushed velvet overcoat draped over his shoulder. He inhales deeply and then looks around.
“You have no idea how much I loathe this Earth,” he says.
“Yeah, I know.”
“And yet you are doing everything in your power to protect the girl who’s trying to keep humanity alive,” Arken says with a sinister smile.
“There have been some issues…” I reply.
“Oh, now let’s not do that. Let’s not lie. It belittles us both. This is a major fuck up. It’s actually more than that. It’s almost as if you’re trying to betray me.”
“That’s not it.”
“Well, let us see, shall we?” he says as he waves his hand. Suddenly several flashes appear of Atlas and me laughing in Pest’s kitchen in New Orleans. There’s another flash of me saving her life in the forest, followed by a flash of her begging me to hold on and not give in to the blood loss, back when we were in China. Arken takes the flashes away and they melt into a stream of color, twist, and then disappear.
“Tell me again how you are not trying to betray me,” he says in a calm and calculated voice.
“I’m trying to change her mind about being the Seeker, but—”
“Nonononononononononononno. That sounds like you think I care about your intentions. I think we both know better than that. Don’t we?”
“Yes.”
“Ask me why I don’t kill you,” he says as he straightens out the collar of my shirt.
“Why?” I reply between clenched teeth.
“Because I like you. Your journey from human to demon was a beautiful one. I know thousands of low-life humans who rob old ladies, steal from large charities, and gut people for the hell of it. That’s not impressive. What’s impressive is a human who dives so spectacularly into darkness that it commands my attention. Anyone can be evil; you and I…we make that shit look good,” he says. I don’t reply. I just look past him while he studies my face.
“Aw…Kane. My little Keysu has fallen in love. Now, is it that you’ve fallen for humanity or the girl?” he asks.
“I don’t care about humanity,” I reply.
“Yes! That is the first smart thing you’ve said. Humanity is not worthy of thought—ever. Given your Break, I think that’s one lesson you don’t need a refresher on. I remember your Break and the events that led up to it. I’ll tell you the exact moment I knew that you would be joining the Shadow world as a demon. Do you know when that was? Tell me, Kane, what was my favorite moment during your Break?”
“I don’t know,” I reply, seething. ARGH! I want to rip him apart. I want to shove his head in a fucking blender and watch it spin around and around.
“Okay, why don’t I bring up your Break so we can watch together?” he says, about to wave his hand and summon up the images.
“NO!” I plead.
“What’s this, are you upset about having to view your Break? Why, it’s the finest hour for any self-respecting Select demon!”
“No! Please. Don’t.”
“Okay. But I will need to hear you say it. What was my favorite part of your Break?” he demands.
“The money.”
“Yes. And how much money was it again?” he says, knowing damn well he already knows the answer.
“Forty-one dollars.”
“Yes! Now, I see in your eyes you still loathe humanity. It means there is still hop
e for you. So that leaves us with the second choice: you like the Seeker—oh wait, it’s more than like. Are you in love with her? Oh. I see,” he says, looking at me with renewed interest. He pulls up a chair and laughs for a full minute or so.
“Stop it,” I reply, trying hard not to give in to my rage.
“Okay. I will. In fact, I’ll stop everything. I’ll stop trying to end the world. I’ll allow the humans to live in peace for all eternity. I will allow the river to be replenished. You and the Seeker can go on with your love, get married, and have children. Hell, I’ll even bring a gift to the baby shower. How’s that?” he says with a sweet smile.
“Why would you do that?” I reply.
“Can’t a god be a nice guy?”
Not if history is any indication.
“Kane, you seem doubtful. I will swear a blood oath if you want. I will let humans remain and let you and the Seeker live your lives if you do one thing for me.”
“What?” I ask, knowing very well I won’t like the answer.
“All you have to do is answer this question truthfully. If you answer ‘yes,’ I will drop the whole ‘end the world’ thing and take up a hobby. What do you say?”
“Fine. What’s your question?”
“Do you think someone as moral and pure as Atlas Morgan could find out about your Break and forgive you?”
“She said…I think she loves me,” I mutter.
“Ah, yes. Perhaps she does. But that’s not what I asked. I asked if she could forgive you for what you did as a human?”
“No, she couldn’t forgive me.”
“That’s right. She would be horrified. She would be repelled. She’d fear you. Because she’d know the truth: the same truth that made you my first choice for Keysu. And what is that truth?”
“I…I…”
“Say it, Keysu. Say it.”
“I can’t be loved.”
“No, you can’t. Others have tried, and look what happened to them.” The weight of my past makes me hang my head low. I can feel the Wave coming. It’s happening. I’m going back into my memories. The bar starts spinning around me. I feel myself getting lighter and lighter. I fall to the floor and feel my body being jerked back and forth violently. I look up from the ground; Arken looks down at me with a wicked smile on his face. He knows what’s coming. He knows the memory I’m being dragged back into, and he’s enjoying it…
A little boy…door handle turning…the white bear…the door opens…the snow that wasn’t snow…the woman waves…my fingers reaching out for dear life…the door closing…OhmyOrah…the door is closing…
Suddenly I’m in so much pain I’m shaking uncontrollably. The more I try to push away the memories, the more vivid they become. I can’t stop the flashes or the torment that comes with them.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I am yanked out of the Wave, but the pain is still gripping my entire body. It wraps around me like a python and tries to squeeze the life out of me. Arken reaches out his hand, and I take it. He helps me stand up. The pain stops as suddenly as it came.
“For the record, what happened to you in the past was thanks to humanity. Not me. I am not the bad guy here. The humans, they must be eliminated. Kane, I need you to be who I know you are: Vicious. Powerful. Keysu.”
“I will not let the river be replenished,” I reply.
“Good. And while I’m happy that we are now on the same page, I did have to come all the way down here. And to do that, I had to beg my father. It was not fun for me. In turn, I am going to have to make sure the next few hours aren’t fun for you,” he says as he waves his hand.
Suddenly I’m back in my nightmare—my past. But this time it’s the same part that plays on a loop. It’s the woman with the forty-one dollars. She counts the money on a dirty counter. I call out but she doesn’t hear. The unrelenting pain continues; just when I think I’m going to die, the memory stops, only to start up again. Arken has locked me in this part of my past. The part I hate the most. I will die in here.
***
I wake up back in the real world and have no idea how long I was gone. I take a look around; I’m in Pest’s clinic, behind his house. He looks over at me, concerned.
“Thank Orah! I thought you were gone for sure. I’d never seen anyone so deep inside a Wave before.”
“That Arken bastard locked me inside my past. In the worst part… Where did he send you?” I ask as I try to get up. It feels like someone dropped a mountain on my skull. My body’s heavy and my vision’s still blurred.
“Arken sent us all outside the bar and then it was magically sealed. It took forever to get back inside. And when I found you, you were in a deep trance and trying to pound your head into the floor,” Pest says.
“I need a drink,” I tell him.
“Water,” he insists.
“Sum,” I demand.
“Kane, you shouldn’t drink after everything that’s happened.”
“I can go get it myself,” I reply.
“I’d like to see that,” he says. Great, now he decides to get a backbone. I try to get up, and right away pain travels down my body and forces me back down.
“Alright, Doc, you win. Water.”
He nods and hands me a bottle of water. When I’m done, I explain what happened with Arken. I leave out what’s in my Break since that’s none of the doc’s business. He wisely doesn’t ask for more details on the matter.
“So, is what you said to Arken true? Are you going to stop the river from being replenished?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“So you’re going to kill Atlas?”
“All I know is, I have to stop her from taking on this quest.”
“How?”
“I’m going to kill her team.”
I head back to Chicago against doctor’s orders. I shouldn’t be going back to the condo. I have a lot to do and taking time to come back here is crazy. Yet, here I am entering the room I saw her in last. The place where we shut out the whole world and made sure we were the only two beings left. I’m not stupid, I know that there is no way in hell I’m gonna get to be with her like that ever again. I’ve done some difficult things in my life, but leaving her there on the side of the street was by far the hardest.
The night we slept together, there was so much I wanted to tell her. But everything that would have come out of my mouth would have been yet another reason for her to stay away from me. I also wanted to know more about her, I needed to know more. So I had a source get close to her and place a Hobb, a visual tracker, on her skin. Hobbs looks like a small freckle. You place it on the person’s skin and in minutes it disappears. It will send me a visual of everything that is happening around Disney.
If Pest were here, I’m sure he’d ask if this was the right thing to do. He asks that question a lot; he never likes my answers. I have to spy on her. It’s the only way to look out for her. And her team put Eyes on us. I normally check for that stuff, but that night, I wasn’t thinking. I later found the Eyes the team had sent to spy on us. I have destroyed them. It only takes a quick gesture of my hand to activate the Hobb and bring Disney’s world before me. It’s like I’m watching a movie projected by smoke.
The first thing I see is an image of Disney dragging her suitcase down the spiral steps of the loft. The angels around her watch in disbelief. I know her team members well. Arken gave me all the info on them. In addition, the Maitoe angels are known throughout the Shadow world.
Saudia pleads with her not to go but Disney keeps heading towards the door. Her face is bright red with anger; she’s ready to fight whoever stands in her way. I watch carefully, not sure what’s happening.
“Lissy, can we talk about this? Please don’t go. We can fix this,” Regal says.
“I’m not staying here,” Disney replies as she stomps around the living room collecting the last of her things.
“Lissy, we know you’re upset with Mason. If you want to get revenge on him, do it the old-fashioned way: tie him to a chair and force
him to watch Langston compare two identical lipstick shades. Or you can force him to watch The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills—while sober. Wait, if you really want to stick it to Mason, have sex with me. He’d hate that!” Perry suggests.
“Perry, be serious. She’s really leaving,” Saudia says.
“Look, you are just starting to get a hang of this whole magic thing,” Quinn reasons.
“I warmed up some water. Big deal,” Disney counters.
“You warmed up water with your mind. I know you can get better,” Quinn says.
“Quinn, I’m not giving up on magic, I’m just not living here anymore.”
“You need to wait for Mason to get home. Don’t be afraid to talk to him,” Regal says.
“I’m not afraid of that jerk. I’m leaving before he comes so I won’t be tempted to stab him in the face,” she says bitterly.
What the hell is going on? Why is she so ticked off at Mason? What did that bastard do? Shit, now I will have to kill him—first. But what is it, what did he do to her?
“Lissy, there’s something about last night that you should know,” Regal and Remy say at the same time.
“There’s nothing for me to know. What happened happened, and I’m done. I’m not leaving the quest but I’m out of this house,” Disney says, resolute.
“What’s going on?” Mason says as he enters the loft.
“What the hell did you do to her?” I shout into the Eye as if he can hear me.
“Lissy is leaving. You need to tell her about the Spark,” Saudia replies.
Mason looks over at her and then down at her suitcase. He then sends the team away so that he can be alone with Disney.
I don’t like this…
“So, you want to leave?” he asks.
“Yeah, I was gonna wait until nightfall and tunnel my way out but I thought ‘hey, let’s try the front door,’” she says.
“You and I need to talk,” he assures her.