by Karen White
I still have Jude’s quilt, and I’m glad I didn’t give it back. I have a strong feeling that one day Caroline’s going to need it. I’ve had headaches lately where I have visions of a girl with long red hair working on the quilt. But the quilt wasn’t showing the story of one life; it was showing the journey of a heart too strong to stop beating.
I have to go now. The baby’s fussing (again), and while I know that Drew will take the stairs two at a time to get to her, I’m the only one who can nurse her. Drew has made me the most wonderful rocking chair where I sit when I’m feeding Jewel. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I hope he continues to make things—he’s so good at it, and it makes him shine from the inside. When I’m sitting in his chair and nursing our baby, I know the feeling of true contentment. I can only look forward to the future the three of us will share together and know that should something ever happen to me, my husband and daughter will have each other and never lack for love.
Drew found Jewel sitting in Caroline’s chair out on the dock. She’d been home from the hospital less than a week, and she was still pale and tired, but already he could see color in her cheeks and sense her impatience at having her movements restricted. She was eager to swim again and spent a lot of time on the dock, watching the water. A bandanna covered her shorn head, but when she looked at him as he approached she beamed a smile, and he was quite sure he’d never seen anybody look so beautiful.
He stopped and stood next to her. “How are you feeling?”
She shrugged. “Better than yesterday. Probably not as good as I will tomorrow, but I’m getting there.” She poked a finger under her bandanna to scratch her scalp. “My head’s getting itchy where the hair’s growing in, and it’s driving me crazy.”
Smiling, he touched her cloth-covered head, then handed her Shelby’s journal. She looked at him with surprise as he sat down on the dock, his legs stretched in front of him.
“Did you read all of it?”
He nodded.
“All the way to the end?”
He nodded again. “I did.” He touched her lightly on the leg. “And I’m sorry you had to find out . . . about Jude that way.”
“It’s all right. It was sort of like Mama telling me herself, you know? I think she meant for me to find her diary.”
He felt himself grin. “Yeah, that sounds like your mother.”
He leaned his head against the arm of her chair and she touched him lightly on the forehead. “Yeah—and you sound like my father.”
His eyes met hers. “What do you mean?”
“Well, just that I know what you sound like when you’re happy, or you want to share something with me or teach me something. I know your laugh, and I know what you expect from me, and I know how to beg until you give me what I want. I know when you’re angry and when I shouldn’t push you anymore. And when I was a little girl I remember how I couldn’t go to sleep unless you sang to me.”
He looked up into the face of this smart, beautiful, wonderful girl and knew she would always be the daughter of his heart. He looked away, out toward the lake, afraid he might cry and really make a mess of things. “Do you wish . . . do you think you would have had a happier life if Jude had been here to be your father?”
The chair creaked as she leaned toward him. “That’s kind of like asking if you’d be happier if Caroline hadn’t sent in those pictures. Or if Mama didn’t die. Like we have a choice or something about things we can’t control.” She looked out across the lake, her eyes reflecting the light from the water. “Mama always told me that life would never be a straight line. It’s the people who expect their lives to follow a straight path who kind of get bogged down in the sudden curves.” She grinned at him, her Shelby grin. “And now, thanks to me and Caroline, you have this new great career.” A bird flew across the water, its cry echoing in the still air, and he watched her grin fade softly. “And I couldn’t imagine having a better dad. Ever.” She turned her head away from him to hide her tears, and he let her.
He reached for her hand and held it, feeling the need to touch her when he told her. “I loved your mother, you know. More than I thought was possible for me. When I married her, I had the best intentions. I knew how much she had loved Jude, and I think I must have suspected about her pregnancy, too. That’s why when I read the diary I wasn’t that surprised. It all made sense—Shelby trying to take care of both of us so we wouldn’t be hurt. And all the while her heart was breaking. But at the time it didn’t matter to me why she agreed to marry me. I had a chance to make Shelby a part of my life and I jumped at it. I figured I could love enough for both of us.”
He looked up into the face of Ophelia, imagining he could detect a softening in her stone expression. “She loved me, too, in a way. Just not the way she had loved Jude, and not the way I loved her. So I turned to my work. I wanted to somehow fill that . . . emptiness, not really realizing until it was too late that it was pulling me away from her—and you. I want you to know that. It wasn’t that I loved you or your mother any less. I just needed to work—for me. I enjoyed it, and that gave me the excuse to throw myself into it.”
Drew stopped for a moment, listening to the silence on the lake and feeling the slow, steady rhythm of his heart, and his daughter’s hand in his. Finally he said, “Right before your mother died, I had decided to do something about it. I was going to cut my hours at the office; make more vacation plans. Of course, by then it was too late.”
Jewel squeezed his hand. She understood; he’d known she would. “Yeah, well, and now we’re here. And, as Mama would say, we’re where we’re supposed to be.”
Drew stood and gently pulled Jewel from her chair, feeling the truth of her words. “Smart girl.”
“I get it from my parents.”
He gave her a quizzical glance.
She rolled her eyes, bringing them both back to common ground. “You and my mom, Dad. Of course.”
He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “Yeah, of course.” He began to lead her back to the house. “Let’s go find Caroline. She’s been busy preparing all these documents for me to sign, and I’ve think I’ve made her sweat enough with my stalling.”
Jewel snorted. “Yeah, and I can’t wait to hear her choice of words she’ll give you for making her wait so long.”
“Yep. It’s bound to be good.” He could even feel the anticipation.
“So are you two dating now?”
Drew shrugged, not sure if this was a conversation he wanted to be having with his daughter. “Sort of, I guess. Just getting to know each other right now and taking it slowly.”
Jewel sent him her beautiful smile again and he smiled back. They walked along in silence for another moment before he said, “Did I ever tell you that I couldn’t imagine having a better daughter?”
“Yep,” she said softly, her voice sifted through the air and over the still lake. Holding her mother’s journal against her chest, she put her head on his shoulder as they walked the rest of the way to the house.
Caroline sat at Rainy’s kitchen table watching as Rainy checked her itinerary again to make sure she hadn’t left anything out. Jewel sat on the opposite side, her feet propped up on another chair, wearing a pink bandanna that matched the one Rainy wore. In the three weeks since her surgery, Caroline had helped Jewel accumulate a large collection of colorful bandannas, one to match every outfit. In the hospital Jewel had told the nurses to shave off all of her hair so she and Rainy could be twins, and the memory of it made Caroline smile. It was something Jude would have done.
“I’m so glad your mother has decided to come with me on my European trip, Caroline. She’s promised me that she won’t bring more than three suitcases and that she won’t attempt to teach the British how they should be holding their silverware.”
Caroline reached across the table and picked up a stack of brochures. “I’m just happy that you’re doing this, Rainy. Even if it’s not actually a retirement trip.”
Rain
y shrugged. “Yeah, well. I never really wanted to retire, anyway. I was kinda glad when Drew asked me to reconsider. I knew it was only a matter of time after I heard about the marketing deal your boss was offering him. I was wondering what on earth would I do when I returned from Europe. I couldn’t even imagine not getting to come here every day.” She smiled across the table at Caroline. “And now with you staying on to manage my new quilting section and furniture catalog, I’m all pumped up for something new and exciting. I just couldn’t picture Drew being thrilled about cotton batting or homemade honey, you know?”
Jewel adjusted the knot on her bandanna. “Amen. He is so much easier to live with these days. He only called Caroline’s cell phone once on the trip over here to make sure I wasn’t overtired or anything.” She rolled her eyes. “I guess some things will never change.”
Caroline stood to get the whistling teakettle on the stove. “No, they won’t. Better just accept it now—it’ll make things a lot easier for you as you get older.”
Rainy let out a hoot. “Well, girl. I’d say you just gave away for free what it took you thirty years to learn. Can’t say I ever thought I’d live to see the day.”
The back door opened as Caroline put the mugs of tea on the table, and everyone turned around to see Caroline’s mother standing in the doorway carrying a shopping bag from Neiman Marcus.
“Good Lord, Margaret. What have you done?”
Caroline gaped at her mother. She wore mismatched pajamas and high heels, and her hair, still rolled in pink curlers, was covered with a green silk scarf. “Mom?”
Margaret entered the kitchen and dumped the shopping bag on the table. “I brought beer. Got a can opener, Rainy?”
Rainy snorted and yanked a beer can out of the bag. “You don’t need a can opener for beer, Margaret. Now, what on earth are you doing?”
Margaret lifted her shoulders and let them fall, an elegant shrug even under the flannel pajama shirt. “Well, Caroline shouldn’t be the only one to change. She’s always telling me to lighten up, so”—she swept her hands in front of her body—“here I am. I’m out of my house, my hair isn’t done, my clothes don’t match, and I’m about to drink a beer at eleven o’clock on a Saturday morning.”
Rainy threw back her head and laughed, then tossed her arm over her friend’s shoulder. Margaret was biting her lower lip to keep from smiling. “You are one crazy lady, and I guess that’s why I love you so much. Just promise me that you’ll leave this outfit behind when you pack for our trip.”
Margaret’s mouth widened into a grin. “Only if you promise me you’ll leave your overalls behind.”
Rainy bumped her with her hip. “You just wish you could look this good in overalls.”
Jewel was laughing too, and Caroline was happy to see spots of color on the girl’s pale cheeks. “Grandma Collier, do you have any of those pink curlers left? I could Velcro them to my scalp so everybody would think I had more hair under my scarf.”
Caroline’s mother walked around the table to give Jewel a kiss on the cheek. “You can have these, sweetheart. And by the way, have I mentioned how much I just love to hear you call me that?”
“Only about a hundred times. But you’re welcome.”
A brief tapping sounded on the back door before Drew walked in, his eyes quickly taking in Caroline’s mother and the beer on the table. “I’m afraid to ask.”
“Grandma Collier’s just learning how to chill, Dad. Caroline and I are teaching her.”
He closed the door slowly. “I see. And who’s the beer for?”
Rainy reached into the bag and handed him one. “Whoever wants one.” She looked inside the bag again. “Here’s a couple of nonalcoholic ones. I assume those are for Caroline, Margaret?”
Caroline rolled her eyes as she stood. “Maybe later.” She walked over to Drew and kissed him on the lips. “Are you ready?”
Margaret looked up in surprise. “Ready for what?”
Drew casually looped his arm around Caroline’s shoulders. “We’re going to set the loon free. You’re all welcome to come.”
Margaret picked up the shopping bag. “We’ll all go. I’ll bring the beer so we can make a toast.”
Rainy moved toward the pen in the corner of the room. “I’ll get the bird. I’m going to miss the little fella, but I can’t say I’m going to miss cleaning up after him.”
Drew helped Jewel out of her chair and they all made their way outside to the dock. Rainy bent to unhook the leash and collar, then picked up the bird. “Caroline, I think you should do the honors, since you were the one who found him.”
Caroline stepped forward and took the bird, her hands strong and confident around his body. As if by agreement, everyone except Caroline and Drew stayed in the grass to watch. Moving toward the edge of the dock, she knelt and felt Drew kneel beside her.
He turned to her, his blue eyes clear and matching the color of the morning sky. “Are you ready to let it go?”
She bent her head so their foreheads touched. “Yes,” she said softly. Then, pulling back and looking into his eyes, she said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being there for me. For understanding me.”
In answer, he leaned forward and kissed her on the lips, soliciting a soft whoop from Rainy.
Gently Caroline turned toward the water and dropped the bird onto the surface.
He landed with a splash and seemed surprised for a moment, as if he were wondering where he was and what he should do. Then with steady determination, he began to paddle hard in the water, propelling himself forward as he gained speed. His webbed feet seemed to be skipping on top of the water until, with a burst of sound and spray, he lifted into the air, soaring through the blue ceiling of sky and then disappearing into the woods surrounding Hart’s Peak.
It seemed to Caroline that the stone face of Ophelia watched the scene with a softening around her eyes, as if the legend were true and she really did have a human heart. As was her old habit, Caroline’s fingers found the crest of scar tissue beneath her T-shirt, then patted the site of the old incision. Since the accident the scar had felt like an open window to what lay inside: all the pain, guilt, and loss that had flooded her and obliterated everything else.
But now all she felt was a reminder of the brother she had loved and lost, and of all the beautiful things she still had in her life, finally noticed when she had taken the trouble to see.
Drew helped her stand and pressed a can into her hand. He pulled her close against his side and she allowed herself to lean into him. At Rainy’s signal they all raised their cans to the sky and to the absent loon, soaring somewhere beyond their vision. The flight of the loon reminded Caroline of the hand stitches on her quilts: holding together the past with the future, each stitch stopping and starting and meandering through row after row, moving forward from one lifetime to the next.
She looked up into the empty sky and spotted the pale white shade of the moon fading into the morning light. Smiling, she took Drew’s hand, and together they turned to walk down the dock toward the others, leaving the loon, the moon, and the dark water of the lake behind them.
Karen White is the author of five previous books. She lives with her family near Atlanta, Georgia. Visit her Web site at www.karen-white.com.
PIECES of the HEART
KAREN WHITE
This conversation guide is intended to enrich the
individual reading experience, as well as encourage us
to explore these topics together—because books,
and life, are meant for sharing.
FICTION FOR THE WAY WE LIVE
A CONVERSATION WITH KAREN WHITE
Q. How many books have you written? Did this novel pose any special or unforeseen difficulties?
A. I have written seven books, and all but one have been published or are slated to be published.
I wouldn’t call this book more “difficult” to write than the others, but it was certainly different
. I write what has been called “grit lit”—Southern family dramas. I’ve always included lots of family angst, a bit of laughter, sometimes a mystery, and of course a great love story. Although I’ve always had lots of different relationships involving my books’ characters, the main relationship was usually a romantic one. In Pieces of the Heart, however, the main relationship actually involves the protagonist, Caroline, and her mother. There is a love story in this book, but it definitely takes a backseat to the mother-daughter relationship.
Q. How did you come up with the idea for Pieces of the Heart? What inspired this story?
A. I remember reading or hearing on the news several years ago the story of two siblings injured in a car accident and one of the siblings became the organ donor for the other. The drama of the situation stayed with me for years until I found a book in which I could use it. Since I’m one of four children (and the only girl) and I’m also the mother of two children twenty-one months apart, the whole situation was especially poignant for me. As any mother or sibling can tell you, sibling rivalry plays a vital part in sibling relationships—including vying for the love and attention of parents. I thought that coupling this with a family tragedy would be a strong platform on which to build a story about exploring family relationships and finding forgiveness.
Q. You describe the North Carolina mountains with as much beauty and mystery as the South Carolina low country, in your last novel. Have you spent much time in the mountains? Is it a place you know well? Do you prefer one or the other?
A. The low country has a very special place in my heart, and I will definitely be revisiting it in future novels. However, Caroline’s story needed to be told in a different environment, which is why I chose a quiet mountain lake house. I have been a frequent visitor to the North Carolina mountains and have enjoyed the warmth of the people, the stunning beauty of the fall foliage, and the quiet solitude. I thought this to be the perfect place for a woman with a wounded heart to start asking questions about her life and to perhaps find the right answers.