by Kate McMahon
Tyler is giddy with the realisation that this, right now, may be his only chance of being rescued. Two choices present themselves clearly in his mind. He needs to muster every ounce of energy he has left and either drag himself out onto the rock ledge as far as he can and hope the search party returns and sees him, or get himself to that boat. The rock route around the headland is unmanageable on foot, even for someone without his injuries, so the only option is to swim. Will he get one stroke in and collapse? Will he even make it into the ocean without getting smashed against the rocks?
This could be the second dumbest decision he’s ever made …
#31
Jaspa looks oddly at her phone. Carolyn has just texted her to say she’s at the front door, which is something she’s never done in their four-year friendship. Knowing what to say and how to act when someone you care about is in crisis is one of life’s greatest challenges. Do you say sorry? Do you try to take their mind off things? Do you simply sit in silence?
‘Hey,’ Carolyn offers softly as Jaspa opens the door.
Jaspa’s blue eyes have lightning bolts of red striking through them, and they’re strained with sadness. That morning, as the tip of the sun crept onto the horizon, Jaspa, Anthony, Ellen and Mel joined the search at Pebble Cove, one beach north of Shellhaven. Seeing her mother wade into the water, fully clothed and repeatedly screeching Tyler’s name, was too much. A crushing feeling had pressed in on Jaspa’s chest, her head swirling like a spinning top. She’d bolted behind a cluster of rocks and fallen to her knees on the sand. Finally alone, she’d let her body go limp, at last allowing herself to be overwhelmed as tears flooded her eyes long before the sobs had time to catch up.
‘Thanks for coming,’ Jaspa says, bending down to give Carolyn a hug and guiding her through the door.
A darkness weighs heavy in the air, a rarity at 1 Ocean View Avenue. Ellen is lying on the couch talking on the phone, while Anthony sits beside her, rubbing the arches of her feet with one hand and typing into his laptop with the other.
Jaspa and Carolyn walk over to join Mel at the marble breakfast bar, lifting themselves onto the two spare stools. ‘Mum’s just on the phone to one of the officers. Sounds like they’re going to widen the search now the swell has dropped,’ Jaspa says, leaning on her elbows. ‘It’s weird, I know he’s okay. Like, I’m aware that sounds crazy, but I know it. I feel it in my bones.’
Mel and Carolyn smile and nod, trying to support her optimism.
‘Tell Carolyn about Cooper,’ Mel says to Jaspa, grasping for a subject change to break the silence. Carolyn stares with an open-mouthed smirk at Mel, then turns towards Jaspa without changing her expression.
Jaspa puffs out a snort, her eyes still downcast. ‘Oh, he just sent a text to make sure me and Mum and Dad are okay, and apologised for being a weirdo that day on the beach. That’s about it, but it was nice to hear from him.’
While Jaspa’s head is down, Carolyn mouths to Mel, ‘Have you told?’ and discreetly nods at Jaspa.
Mel shakes her head furiously, wide-eyed. Now’s not the time to pile upon Jaspa’s mound of emotion. Carolyn tucks her foot underneath her. ‘You know, just an FYI, I drove past the point on the way here and it’s really starting to clean up,’ she trails off, leaving the comment open-ended.
‘Okay, back up there for a minute, sunshine,’ Mel says, rolling her index fingers around each other in the air. ‘What exactly do you mean, drove?’
‘Ha, well, Mum was being lame so I just figured I’d borrow her wheels for a while. No biggie,’ Carolyn shrugs. The fact that she’s not even on her learner’s is a minor detail, easily overcome with fake P plates, super cautious driving and a little prayer to whoever is listening.
A trace of a smile plays over Jaspa’s lips, which feels much nicer than the southerly direction they’ve been plummeting in for the past twenty-four hours. She’s decided that until there’s any evidence that suggests otherwise, she’s going to muster as much positivity as possible and hope that it rubs off on her parents. ‘You’re so much more badass than me. Were you worried about the police?’ Jaspa asks Carolyn.
‘Yeah, of course, a little, but I just tried not to do anything suss that would make them want to pull me over. I had to come and see you guys, this is too important.’
Jaspa wraps her arms around Carolyn’s shoulders and plants an exaggerated kiss in her hair. ‘Naw, thanks so much for breaking the law for me – just don’t do it again!’
Jaspa loves the idea of going for a quick surf at the point. It’s been at least a month since it’s been pumping. ‘Dad,’ she asks softly, towards the living room, ‘do you know what time we’re heading out to search again? Do we have time for a paddle?’ She begins to feel a sense of urgency, suddenly realising how much she’s missed the ocean, craving the salty taste around her lips.
Anthony leans on the arm of the couch and turns to face the kitchen. ‘Yes, you girls hit the waves for a while. The police are scouring every bit of the coast, so there’s not much more we can do at the moment.’ He adjusts his laptop and continues to type. ‘Oh, and get a couple for me while you’re out there, will you?’ He winks.
Jaspa, Mel and Carolyn tuck their surfboards under their arms and stride down the driveway to see playful overhead waves pushing from the rocky point all the way into the bay, offering a wall of water to dance on for at least 100 metres.
Jaspa sighs to herself. Surfing: the ultimate distraction to wash away anything that might be on the mind, no matter how awful.
***
If a freak set comes, Tyler is a goner. The moment he pulled himself along the rocks and hoisted his body into the ocean, he made a commitment he couldn’t sidle away from. He clutches onto a shelf of reef. The small empty fishing boat is now only 15 metres away. If his body could be diagrammed to show the pain he feels, he would be shaded in red from head to toe. There have been moments in the past twelve hours where he almost wished death would scoop him up and do what had to be done. But now he’s seen a ray of light breaking through the darkness, urging him to grit his teeth and fight for his life. A worthwhile life, he realises.
The air travels from his nose down into the depths of his belly like a wind tunnel. It’s an exercise he learnt during a free-diving lesson at school, to assist with the less enjoyable part of surfing: the hold-down. That moment when a wave slams on top of you, shoving your body towards the bottom, then pins you there like a game that’s gone too far. Now, Tyler’s using this breathing technique not only to fill himself with as much oxygen as he can, but to also calm his nerves.
On his final inhale, he pushes from the rock with his feet and manages two strokes of freestyle before realising there’s no way he has enough stamina for that. He reverts to dogpaddling, arching his head back to keep the water out of his mouth. The mid-afternoon sun pierces through the wisps of cloud, scorching the side of his face. It’s like putting a burnt pie back into the oven on high. The undercurrent and lapping swell seesaws him from side to side.
While struggling to stay afloat he sees something. He only gets a glimpse – it’s about five metres to his right, and it’s big. Anxiety pounds his ribcage. There’s no way he can take on a shark right now. Would fate really be that cruel? A figure pierces through the water. Tyler releases a yelp, though his exhausted body barely shudders.
‘Holy eff! Dudes, it’s Tyler!’ The young man rips off his snorkelling mask, swims to Tyler and flips him into an ocean rescue position, then starts stroking towards the boat. He yells for his friends to surface and they help pull him up on board. Tyler can hear muffled voices around him, shouting for someone to ring the cops, and to chase after the rescue ski they spotted earlier. Tyler curls up in a ball on the deck and sobs a tearless cry.
***
This is hands-down the best surf session of the year. The wind has dropped off to a very light offshore, so what previously looked like mounds of mashed potato in the ocean are now perfectly formed waves. Jaspa paddles back towards Mel an
d Carolyn after her fifth multi-turn ride, looking at the crystals of sunlight bouncing off the ocean. Is it possible to be super happy and super sad at the same time? She spots her dad in the line-up and guesses he must need to wash away his helplessness, too. As she gets closer she realises he seems to be … smiling.
‘What’s going on?’ Jaspa asks as she reaches three faces beaming at her, their mouths grinning wider than the length of her last ride.
‘Button, they found him. Tyler’s been found. We have to go – they’re taking him to the hospital.’
Jaspa can’t compute the words. They bounce about in her head and for a few moments she’s eerily calm, before being flooded with a sense of relief.
She paddles over to Anthony, leaning her torso partway across his board and drawing her arms around his shoulders. ‘Oh, Dad, that’s the best. Is he okay? How did they find him?’ Before he can answer, a set of swell swoops in towards them and Jaspa yells, ‘Party wave!’
All four surfers turn their boards at the same time and take the drop together. Jaspa cuts back and soars underneath Mel and Carolyn, then transitions to whip her board back around in front of Anthony. They continue to loop in and out of one another’s manoeuvres, offering high-fives, stomping their back feet to produce sprays in each other’s faces, and seeing who can race down the line the fastest. Just as they near the shore of the bay, Jaspa positions herself above her dad, rips off her leg-rope and hops onto his board, leaving hers to be carried in by the whitewater. She holds onto his boardshorts and rides tandem, just like they used to when she was little. They soar along the unbroken section, timing their movements perfectly, bobbing up and down to create speed. Just as a closeout section threatens to munch them into its sandy jaws, Jaspa leaps into the air in a starfish pose, screaming, ‘Thanks for the lift, Dad!’ and belly flops over the back of the wave.
#32
‘Move it up about half an inch, honey.’ Grandma Ryder is lying on the couch, feet crossed, looking over her reading glasses, the newspaper crossword puzzle resting on her lap. Today she’s rocking a pink and gold past-the-knee kaftan, and her silver spikey bob is coated with hair gel.
‘How’s this?’ Jaspa asks, having repositioned the ‘Welcome Home Tyler!’ sign she’s made out of shells, seaweed, and sand coloured with food dye, all stuck to a strip of calico. Grandma holds up two thumbs, then rests her head back against the cushion.
Jaspa presses the sign into place, then takes a step down to admire her work. It’s still skewed a bit too far to the right – enough to make Mel cringe, but Jaspa barely notices.
‘When will they be home from the doc, Mum?’ Jaspa asks, climbing down from the stepladder. Her brother was discharged from hospital ten days ago, but has been mostly bed-bound since. Jaspa has spent almost every moment by his side, trying not to feel partially responsible – and perhaps overdoing the nurturing. Tyler had to ask her to chill and allow him some alone time to mend his mind. To recount all the moments of jealousy and anger that had possessed him over the past two years, recognise them for what they were, then attempt to piece it all together and work out how to be a better human.
Ellen brushes out the bumps in the tablecloth. ‘They’ll be home any minute, it was just a quick check-up. Here, love,’ she says, handing Jaspa two platters of food. ‘Everything that’s on this bench, plus the pastries in the oven, need to go out.’
‘Yum scrum pastries. Tyler’s favourite?’
‘Of course! By special request, in fact,’ Ellen says, moving a pile of magazines from the bench into the rack.
‘Mum, when’s Tyler’s article going to be out?’ Jaspa has been eagerly waiting for the latest edition of Soul Reviver. Of the six magazines that approached Tyler for an interview, he chose the one known for its in-depth articles and beautiful imagery, and was further coaxed by their promise to use award-winning surf journalist Sean Baker. Sean spoke at length to Tyler about the pressures of pursuing a competitive surfing career, sharing the spotlight with his sister, not dealing well with losses, getting a grip on anxiety, along with a gut-wrenching description of his experience from the moment he descended the Kamikazes headland to his rescue.
‘It should be out next week, honey. Sean is going to hand deliver a copy as soon as it’s printed,’ Ellen says, pouring a mango juice for her mother-in-law and taking it to her.
Jaspa hears car doors slamming outside. ‘Yay, they’re here! Let me know if there’s anything else I need to do, Mum.’ She waits, grinning widely at the front door, eager for Tyler to see all of the effort she’s put into his party. Apart from Cooper, Tyler hasn’t felt up to seeing any of his friends since the rescue. When first approaching consciousness in the hospital bed, he admitted to Jaspa that he’d been grappling with two main feelings: guilt and embarrassment. His story had been splashed over every corner of the media, and although the primary concern was for his safe return, the writers couldn’t help but speculate on the inner workings of his mind, something he hadn’t figured out either. But now Tyler is ready to celebrate with the friends and family who consumed his thoughts during those twenty-eight hours of hell, which he’s now grateful for every second of.
‘Whoa, this looks sick as.’ Tyler hobbles through the door on crutches, taking in the homemade welcome sign, the bunting of cut-out surfing images and the table laden with food. ‘Can I help with anything?’
‘Nup, I think we’re just about done, aren’t we, Mum?’ Jaspa beams, jiggling up and down on her toes excitedly.
‘Yes, love. Dad will just fill the bathtub with ice. Everyone should be here soon. Are you feeling okay?’ Ellen asks from around the fridge door.
‘Yeah, Mum, I’m good. Bit grogged from the meds, but pretty pumped about finally seeing everyone and telling them about our plans for next year,’ he says, giving his sister a wink.
‘Just call us the dream team!’ Jaspa looks up to see Mel and Carolyn at the door and screams in delight.
‘Rumour has it there’s a pumping party to be had,’ Mel sings as she dances through the door then throws her arms around Tyler – probably a tad too tightly, given what his body has been through.
Tyler laughs and cringes away from her rib tickles. ‘Thanks for coming, girls. It’s great to see you, even if you are totally annoying, Mel Appleby.’
‘You’re looking really well, man, stoked to have you back,’ Carolyn pipes in, while eyeing off the table of treats, trying to decide what she’s going to shove in her mouth first.
Tyler opens Spotify on his phone and selects his ‘mad tunes’ playlist, with Kendrick Lamar the first to soar through the surround sound speakers, just as a bunch of his friends arrive carrying a cardboard box full of PS3 games.
‘This’ll keep you occupied while we’re out catching your waves, buddy,’ Cooper says, mocking Tyler about the four weeks he has to wait before he can surf again. The guys encircle Tyler in a back-slapping embrace.
‘Okay, you lunatics, let me outta the ring of bromance for a second. I’ve got an important announcement. Jaspa, come ’ere, it’s time.’ Tyler gestures for Jaspa to stand next to him.
‘Firstly, I want to thank my little sister for being just the nicest person I know. And I want to congratulate her on making the tour.’ Tyler bends his head close to Jaspa’s ear and whispers, ‘You tell them, you should be the one to tell them.’
Jaspa’s cheeks flush and her stomach chucks a backflip. She hasn’t even told her best friends yet – now she has to tell a room full of his eager-faced mates? ‘Well …’ she begins, avoiding Cooper’s eyes, but catching Mel and Carolyn’s puzzled look. ‘Tyler is in fact coming on tour next year … as my coach!’ She leans into Tyler’s side as he rests his arm on her shoulder.
‘Yep, it’s true, dudes. In between earning coin at the chicken shop and trying to qualify again through the local comps, I’m going to travel as Jaspa’s chaperone and help her win that junior world title.’
As Tyler’s friends talk over each other, cheering excitedly, Jaspa shrugs and
grins at Mel, whose mouth is open like a feeding fish. ‘Let’s eat before the boys scoff it all,’ Jaspa suggests, coaxing Mel and Carolyn towards the table.
‘Wow, that’s some news,’ Mel says, once they’ve loaded their plates and escaped to the front porch daybed.
‘I know, right? I’m really excited for him. Mum and Dad say it’ll give Tyler a sense of purpose.’ Jaspa was as surprised as anyone when Tyler approached her with the idea, but while he was missing she vowed to do whatever it took to keep him from doing something stupid again, and she plans to keep her promise.
‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it,’ Mel says, mopping up a glob of hummus with a carrot stick. ‘As long as your best interest is his.’
‘All I really care about is that he’s safe and happy and acting normal again,’ Jaspa says. ‘Anyway, we all get someone to watch over us now.’ She knows there will be ups and downs with her brother joining her journey, but having him alive and in her life is worth any bit of annoyance he might throw her way.
‘Yo,’ Carolyn pipes in, intercepting any judgment Mel might be about to spit back at Jaspa, ‘did ya see all the props The Bikini Collective page is getting? Girls are frothin’ over it!’
‘I did!’ Mel mumbles around a mouthful of food before gulping it down. ‘And I thought your post on both loving and fearing the ocean was stunning,’ she says to Jaspa before releasing a thunderous burp.
Jaspa turns and waves her hand in front of her mouth. ‘Oh, ewww, you’re foul. That reeks of garlic!’ She’s grinning though, thrilled that Mel likes her story. The ocean is full of contradictions, and after what Jaspa has been through the past month the words poured from her like an incoming tide. ‘I’d like to upload more entries if that’s okay with you two?’
‘For surezy,’ Mel says, wiping the plate with her finger then licking it. ‘There’s also a bunch of questions posted this week that we should probably answer.’