Control. He needed to find it before he exploded before he even got inside of her. Holden had barely checked the need that threatened to unman him when Charleigh fisted his hair and held his face where she wanted him.
“More,” she rasped, and lifted her hips to punctuate her demand.
With pleasure.
Holden didn’t let up, couldn’t, even if he wanted to. The need to hear her say his name spurred him on. His tongue lashed and licked. He sucked and nibbled until her back arched and her hips bucked.
“Holden.”
His eyes closed and he took a moment to savor the sound of his woman moaning his name. His Leigh-Leigh climaxing on his tongue.
I want to hear that sound for the rest of my life.
The thought washed over him as he lifted his head and Charleigh’s hands fell away awkwardly, like her arms were too heavy to hold up. Boneless. He wanted her boneless and unable to get up from his bed.
The sight laid out before him was stunning. He was sure there were changes to her body since he’d seen it last, but he couldn’t see a single one. All he saw was perfection. And when Charleigh’s eyes finally opened and her gaze met his, a sexy, satisfied smile tipped her lips up and he knew what she was going to say before she said it. He knew because she always said it.
“That all you got?”
Holden returned her smile. The comfort of the exchange fueled his desire, but more, it fed his soul. It was like a part of him had returned. After years apart, he finally had her back, that meant he didn’t delay, he didn’t go slow, he didn’t take his time, he didn’t waste another second. Holden surged over her, hooked the back of her knee with his hand, keeping her open to him, and drove in, and buried his cock to the root. Her pussy convulsed around his length and Holden gritted his teeth.
Christ, amazing.
Overcome, Holden shoved his face in Charleigh’s neck and breathed through the sudden rush of emotions. Remorse and shame mixed with happiness and ecstasy. He had her back. She was right there under him, waiting for him to do something. Holden ignored the ache in his cock, ignored the feel of her pussy enveloping him, ignored the need to pound into her until the world fell away and there was nothing left but what he could give her.
“Honey?”
Charleigh’s hands slowly slid up his back and he shivered. So long he’d been without her touch. So fucking long he’d gone without her smile, her voice, her humor. She had been his everything, then he’d thrown her away.
Fuck.
“What do you need, Holden?”
Jesus, she was soothing him.
Man up, Stanford, you can’t let her down—again.
“You can’t leave me.” There. He’d said it and it wasn’t lost on him the stupidity of his statement. He’d been the one to desert her. “I can’t lose you, Leigh-Leigh.”
Her hands continued to roam but her touch had become tentative and he hated that. He’d done that to her. There was nothing shy or hesitant about Charleigh. His woman was sure and confident.
“Please, baby, fight with me, fight for this, for us. I can’t live without you. I tried to do the right thing. I tried to let you go. I tried to give you what you wanted. But I can’t do it. I’m selfish, Charleigh. My life is shit without you. There wasn’t a day that went by I didn’t look at your beautiful face and regret what I’d done. There wasn’t a night I went to sleep and didn’t ache to hold you. I’ll do anything, baby, just please don’t leave me.”
Charleigh’s hand cupped his cheek and her thumb stroked his jaw. It had always amazed him how her touch eased him, calmed his racing thoughts, quieted all the noise.
How could I have been so fucking stupid?
“Make love to me,” she whispered.
It felt like he’d waited a lifetime to hear those words, and if her verbal request wasn’t enough, Charleigh wrapped her long legs around his waist, hooked her ankles, and lifted her hips.
“No more talking, honey. Show me.”
Holden slowly withdrew and groaned. He set a leisurely pace, unhurried deep thrusts that had Charleigh mewing. The sweetest sound he’d ever heard. He could make love to her all night long, never wanting to leave the warmth she provided. Everything made sense when she was near. She brightened his world, made it better.
Fuck, he loved this woman. Always had and always would.
“More,” she urged.
“No baby, slow.”
“Holden.”
“Slow, Leigh-Leigh. You feel so damn beautiful I don’t want it to end.” Holden pulled his face out of her neck and looked down at the woman he loved. “I love you so damn much. Only you. It has always been you.”
Charleigh’s head tipped back, her eyes closed, and she moaned as Holden rocked into her harder.
“Open your pretty eyes and look at me.” Holden waited until she complied and gave her another deep thrust. “Do you understand? Only you.”
“Yes,” she groaned and lifted her hips.
Holden kept his slow pace until Charleigh dug her heels into his ass and her nails raked down his back. But it was when she let an impatient whimper, he knew she was close to the edge.
“You want more, Leigh-Leigh?”
“God, yes.”
He hitched her leg up higher, then finally allowed his hand to skim her soft skin on his way to her breast. Heavy, full tits he’d been dying to play with but had refrained in fear once he started, he’d lose control. The moment his thumb grazed her hard nipple, he knew he’d been right. Charleigh gasped and arched into his touch and he snapped.
“Beautiful,” he groaned as he pinched and rolled her nipple. “More?” Her eyes flared in a nonverbal answer and he smiled. “Yeah, my girl wants more.”
Holden pulled back and slammed home, loving the way Charleigh moved with him, accepted him, taking what she wanted, unabashed and demanding.
“Hard…er,” she stammered.
Slick, wet, heat coated his cock. So fucking hot it scalded, burned, set every cell in his body on fire.
Holden gave her nipple one last pinch before he slid his hand under Charleigh’s shoulder so he could hold her steady as he set about fucking his woman. Gone were the gentle glides. Her body jolted under his as he slammed into her until her pussy quivered. Her climax detonated his. His ears roared, muffling the sound of their bodies coming together, drowning out her moans, dulling the sound of her chanting his name. And just like always, the world melted away. It was him and her and their connection. Insane pleasure rippled through him—nothing had ever felt so good and he thought she should know that.
“Nothing in the world feels as good as you.”
Holden rolled his hips, an insatiable need to be as deep as he could get. His body shook when the first jet of come poured into her. He didn’t stop trembling until he’d emptied himself fully, and only then did he feel truly whole. A carnal satisfaction washed over him. It was probably the most animalist, savage, honest thought he’d ever had. But there it was—Charleigh turned him into a barbarian, and knowing he’d bathed, marked, laved her with his release made his chest expand. It filled him with gratification that a woman as perfect as Charleigh would accept him into her beautiful body.
The only thing better would’ve been if our coupling resulted in a baby.
“Holden,” Charleigh wheezed, and Holden quickly rolled, taking some of his weight off of her.
“Most beautiful woman on the planet.”
“Hardly,” she returned and tried to look away but Holden caught her chin and held her gaze.
“I’m serious, Leigh-Leigh. Everything about you calls to me. It’s primal and soul-deep. You’re it for me. No one in the world compares to you.”
Holden saw it—uncertainty.
Fuck. No.
“Promise me you’re gonna fight so we can get back what I broke.”
“I can’t.”
Those two whispered words felt like a blade to his throat. He needed this woman to live. And if he hadn’t before, he did it right
then—with his spent cock still buried deep, their combined releases leaking down his balls, the smell of her surrounding him, the memory of her moaning his name still fresh in his mind—he vowed to never stop fighting. He would win her back. There was no other option.
“You can.”
“I can’t until you prove to me this is real. I can’t let myself get so caught up in us that I lose focus on what’s important. I can’t let you barge in again and sweep me off my feet. This time, it’s different. It’s not just me.” Charleigh paused to lick her lips and her eyes turned pleading. “Please be real. Please prove to me that this time you’ll trust me. Please fight for us until I know that you won’t turn on me again. I know we’re supposed to be leaving the past in the past but, Holden, that wound is deep and it never went away. I’ve never stopped loving you. So, I need you to do all the work. You have to win me and Faith. And you’re gonna have to fight me to let you back in.”
That was all Holden needed to hear. He’d prove all of that and more. He’d show her she could trust him.
“I love you, my sweet Leigh-Leigh.”
She gave him a small smile and nodded but she didn’t return the words.
Those would come.
But for now, the way she was staring up at him like he was her whole world was enough. He vaguely wondered if she knew she wasn’t hiding anything from him. Then he remembered she never had. Even when he’d been a douche she’d never withheld her true self. The thought both humbled and sickened him. She’d given him everything and he’d turned his back on her.
Never again. He’d make it up to her, then spend the rest of his life showing her how much he adored her. And he’d forge a relationship with Faith, he’d let the little girl guide them. He’d be anyone she wanted him to be. Friend, stepdad, daddy…whatever Faith wanted, that’s what she was going to get.
Soon, he’d have his family back.
25
I sat fidgeting in Holden’s Suburban, so nervous I was speechless.
The last two days had been weird.
Yesterday, I’d woken up sore in all the right places. Then I had a freak-out worrying about how Holden would behave. To say he wasn’t pleased when I’d rolled out of his bed in favor of the one I was sharing with Faith was an understatement. He’d pleaded with me to stay. He even promised to wake me up early so I would be out of his room before Faith woke up, but I still said no. I was proud of myself for not giving in, even though I really, really wanted to sleep next to Holden. When I’d gone downstairs to make coffee, he’d had a mug ready for me. I wanted to swoon over his thoughtfulness but simply thanked him and braced. We stood in the kitchen in silence that should’ve been awkward but Holden just went about making breakfast like he hadn’t given me two of the best orgasms of my life. I told myself they were better than normal because they weren’t self-induced, but that was a lie. A big, fat lie.
They were the best because Holden knew exactly how to work my body. He knew because the two years we’d been together, he’d made it his mission to discover every secret spot that made me crazy. He’d held back, and with Faith in the house, I appreciated him not taking me where he often had, reducing me to a sobbing, blubbering mess as I begged for mercy. If there was such a thing as dying by orgasm I would’ve been six feet under. For the record, that wasn’t a thing—after all, I was still alive—but there was such a thing as too much of a good thing. Holden could dispense pleasure like a normal man could chew gum and walk. Whether it was a conscious decision on his part or not, I was still grateful we hadn’t woken up Faith.
After coffee and breakfast, we’d driven Faith to school, gone to his office where we’d parted ways—me in his office, him in the conference room—and when it was time we picked up Faith and went back to the house. We had dinner together—he cooked, I cleaned—we’d watched some TV with Faith, then I took Faith up to bed. But not before Holden had given me a knowing smile. I was using Faith’s bedtime as an excuse to hide. He knew I wouldn’t be coming back down.
This morning was much of the same. I woke up, left Faith sleeping so I could drink my morning coffee in peace, but like the morning before, Holden was waiting in the kitchen. However, unlike yesterday, he pulled me into his arms and kissed the ever-loving hell out of me before I could reach for the coffee pot. I wanted to protest this. Remind him I was grouchy before caffeine and it was in everyone’s best interest not to derail my morning intake. But I didn’t say a word. Then I wondered—if Holden had tried that when we’d been together all those years ago would my coffee addiction be as bad as it was? It seemed all I needed was a deep, plundering kiss from Holden and my morning perked right up.
I didn’t divulge this information. Holden was nothing if not resourceful; if I uttered a word about how much I enjoyed that kiss, he’d exploit it. And I had to be strong, I had to keep my wits about me so I could put up at least an appearance of a fight until I knew for sure Holden was where I needed him to be.
I was beyond lying to myself. I wanted Holden back. I wanted to give my daughter a family. But I wouldn’t settle. I’d wait as long as I needed and protect her as much as I could. But the truth was, Faith was falling for Holden just as fast as I had when I first met him.
There was a lot to fall for, a lot to love. Holden was a good man.
Then why did he break your heart?
I shoved that thought aside and looked over at Holden. “Why are you so quiet?” He hadn’t said a word since we’d dropped Faith off at school and it was starting to irritate me.
“Because you have yourself all worked up.”
“I do not,” I snapped.
“Babe, you look like you’re ready to jump out of the car. And just to say, I’m going fifty-five and I’m afraid that won’t be a deterrent.”
Okay, so maybe I was a little more on edge than I thought I was.
“I won’t jump until you slow down.” I smiled and added, “But anything under ten miles an hour is fair game.”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
Considering we were on our way to the courthouse for Patricia, Beatrice, and Chad’s bail hearing, I didn’t know how he could say that. They’d be there. I’d be there. Holden would be there. We’d all be in the same room together.
“They hate me,” I supplied a reason to worry.
“Great, then we’re all on the same page since you hate them and I absolutely hate them. Jonny’s not feeling particularly friendly toward them and it’s gonna be a toss-up who wants to murder them more. Me, Nix, Chasin or Jameson.”
Oh, hell.
“Nix, Chasin, and Jameson will be there?”
“Of course they will be. Weston’s pissed he pulled the short straw to drive to Delaware to pick up a bond skip. And Alec would be there, too, but he’s taking Micky to talk to Donna Lot.”
The mention of Donna Lot’s name was enough to sober me right up. Suddenly, having to face the Towlers didn’t seem like a big deal. They hated me, so fucking what? Like Holden said, the feeling was mutual and this time I had the upper hand. They were in jail. Faith was home safe and sound—Holden had made sure of that. Donna Lot’s daughter was not and never would be again. My heart broke for the woman.
“Micky told me she was nervous about talking to her,” I told Holden. “She said that when she talked to her over the phone she sounded horrible.”
Holden was quiet for a moment and I thought back to McKenna’s conversation with Kimberly’s mother. Yesterday, I’d been in McKenna’s office when she spoke to the woman. The phone call was brief, Donna had finally agreed to meet with McKenna. But apparently, McKenna hadn’t liked Donna’s tone. She’d described the other woman as sounding dead.
I could imagine that was exactly what Donna Lot was feeling—dead inside.
“I think the grief is finally hitting her. It’s now been over a month. The shock has worn off, along with the disbelief. All that’s left is a gaping hole. Donna has no family in the area. Word is, she’s not seeing any of her friends, sh
e’s stopped all of Kimberly’s friends from visiting her. Part of what Micky’s gonna talk to her about today is allowing her daughter’s friends to come over and talk to her. Micky’s smart and compassionate. She’ll do what she can to help.”
“Can I talk to her?”
“Who?”
“Donna.”
“Babe—”
“You said it yourself, she doesn’t have family around. She’s pushed her friends away. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk about your grief with a stranger than it is with someone who knows you.”
Holden’s head snapped to the side and he took me in before his eyes went back to the road.
“Is that how you felt?” he asked.
“How I felt about what?”
“Your grief.”
I couldn’t stop the sigh. Once and for all, this needed to end.
“I didn’t grieve the way you’re thinking.”
“Leigh-Leigh, it’s okay. I don’t want you hiding anything from me. I saw you at his funeral.”
Paul’s funeral had been horrible. Quite possibly one of the worst days of my life.
“We shouldn’t talk about this. I think this needs to be one of those things that’s left in the past.”
My stomach started to tighten painfully and it had nothing to do with facing Paul’s bitchy mother and sister.
“I don’t want anything left between us. We need to talk about it so in the future, nothing pops up that can hurt us.”
If he wanted to talk about it, fine.
“Well, Holden, let’s see. I found out I was pregnant. Married a man I didn’t love. As a matter of fact, if we’re being a hundred percent honest, a man I ended up not liking all that much, yet to this day I still force myself to say he was a good man and a good friend to me so my daughter will never find out her father was a cheating asshole. And so I don’t look like a bitch for speaking ill of the dead. Or saying something bad about a man who died a hero. I was very pregnant, not feeling well, Bea and Patty had been at my house the week before the funeral and had ransacked my bedroom and living room, packing up everything that belonged to Paul. I’d spent the next two days cleaning up the mess they’d made. I had made fifty-two-million phone calls, fought with the Towlers about Paul’s service. And I was a pregnant widow who had been married less than a year and was tired as hell. I wanted it over. My life had turned into a sham. A total lie. I was feeling weak, hateful, and vulnerable, and to top all of that off, you were there.
Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6) Page 19