After school on Monday, Elizabella met up with Miss Duck at the Shelter for Bilby Creek Citizens in Need to share her plan.
“Don’t panic, Miss Duck, but the idea I have is big. I mean really big.”
Miss Duck looked concerned. Elizabella’s regular ideas were usually pretty big, so one she thought was big must be gargantuan.
“What are you thinking?” Miss Duck asked.
“What if you literally make the largest pikelet in the world in the Bilby Creek playground? Then Mr Gobblefrump will have to pay attention to you. We could even call the news!” Elizabella was very excited.
Miss Duck considered this for a moment, then nodded. “That’s a great idea! But how do I make this gimungous pikelet?”
“That bit I have no idea about,” Elizabella said.
Miss Duck put her hands on her hips, stared up at the fan extractor in the kitchen’s ceiling and thought hard.
It was Tuesday now, and the heatwave continued to bear down on Bilby Creek. Students were constantly checking the Nutriicorpermometer that hung like a dagger outside the Bilby Creek Primary School tuckshop. A rumour had long been in circulation that if the mercury pipped over 40 degrees, everyone could go home. It seemed, however, to be always on 39, almost as though it was mocking them.
The heat was really slowing everyone down. Elizabella’s gang weren’t even playing handball anymore, they were just rolling the ball back and forth between each other across the squares. Elizabella could see them from the roof of the tuckshop building, where she was currently sitting with Minnie, in possibly the most out-of-bounds place either girl had ever been in the school. Elizabella had shared the giant pikelet idea with Minnie. Minnie thought it sounded great, and had suggested that they spy on Nutriicorp from the big skylight in the tuckshop roof to see what was going on behind the scenes. They hoped they would see something that could help them to get Miss Duck her job back.
“Knowledge is power,” Minnie had said as they’d climbed up onto the roof with the help of the big old oak tree that lived just behind the tuckshop building. Minnie had figured if they climbed the tree, they could scooch across one big branch that arced over the roof of the tuckshop.
Once they’d got up there they realised the roof was very hot, just like the asphalt on the ground. They needed to crouch down low so as not to be seen, which meant they couldn’t stay in the same place for very long before their legs and arms started to burn, so they were constantly shifting positions.
From their vantage point, peering down through the skylight, they could see the front counter where the Nutriicorp people were serving the children with their big smiles and slogans. The crowds had been steadily dying down since the school song competition had been announced. Now, rather than spending all of recess and lunch queuing up just to get into the tuckshop, the students of Bilby Creek Primary were spending most of their time in the great outdoors of the playground where they belonged.
“Nutriicorp won’t like that,” said Minnie, watching as a group of kids in Year One who’d gone in to buy something had changed their minds and walked straight back out. As they left, Minnie and Elizabella saw the plastered smile on a Nutriicorp woman’s face falter for a moment before robotically coming back into place.
“I think my leg is actually starting to cook,” said Elizabella, trying to move around to cool down.
“Come this way,” said Minnie, wriggling over the roof towards the back of the building. She peered through another skylight into the office.
What she saw shocked her. “Elizabella, come quick!”
While everything was serene and smooth at the shopfront, the back office of the tuckshop told an entirely different story.
There, the workers were filed in tight rows almost on top of each other and each of them had a notepad and was furiously writing things down. In the centre of them was a very tiny, very angry-looking man with a big puffy red chin and scraggly white hair. He had his sleeves rolled up and was gesturing wildly at everyone in the room, as one of the Nutriifolk wiped sweat off his face at perfectly regular intervals, like a windscreen wiper.
Elizabella started to speak, “I think that’s . . .”
“. . . the mysterious Grandpa Nutriicorp,” Minnie finished her sentence.
Every second or so, a different Nutriicorp worker would pass him a piece of paper that had some writing on it. He’d read it briefly before turning purple and screaming at them. They’d quickly shuffle to the back of the room and start writing again.
“And I think I know what they’re up to,” said Minnie.
“Me too,” said Elizabella. “They’re trying to write a winning entry for the school song competition!”
At that moment one of the workers looked up to the skylight and made eye contact with Elizabella.
“Quick!” said Elizabella. “Let’s go!”
They started to make their way across the hot roof, trying to make themselves as small and fast and quiet as possible. They were close to the edge where the oak tree was when Minnie saw the head of a Nutriicorp woman appear. Minnie grabbed Elizabella and hid behind a chimney.
“I know you’re up here, little girls,” the Nutriicorp woman said, as she began to crawl across the roof. “I have some special Nutriicorp Essence-of-Carob-Flavoured Toads for good girls who come out, come out, from wherever they are!” With that the woman popped her head around the chimney and saw them.
“Hah!” she exclaimed, throwing both her arms up. As she did, she didn’t realise that a little pamphlet flew out of the pocket of her navy blazer and landed just by Minnie’s feet. But Elizabella realised.
“Fet’s flit fup. Bribary. Brive Brinutes,” said Elizabella.
“What was that, young lady?” said the Nutriicorp woman, having no idea Elizabella was organising to split up and meet Minnie in the library in five minutes.
“Mot vit,” said Minnie, who got the message loud and clear.
Then Elizabella said, “Bon’t book bown, but blere’s a blamphlet by bour beet.”
Minnie didn’t look down. Instead, she said to the Nutricorp woman, “Greetings. We were just up here because we love Nutriicorp so much we wanted to see it from every angle.” The woman squinted one eye and studied Minnie’s face for truthfulness. Minnie stared back at her, as innocent as a lamb.
“Yes, we are both hoping to work for Nutriicorp one day and wanted to learn as much as possible!” Elizabella added. Then she crawled over to the skylight that looked down into the tuckshop, and said, “Look at all those amazing Nutriicorp sandwiches. I’ve noticed Nutriicorp Vegemite sandwiches taste a bit like washing liquid and planks of wood. Can you tell me how you get this delicious unique taste?”
The Nutriicorp woman was suddenly beaming with pride. She went over to Elizabella.
“The trick is to use Vegepaste, which is made from acid and brown food dye. Then you leave the bread out in the sun just long enough for it to go stale. But that’s a Nutriicorp secret, you mustn’t tell anyone!”
“Your secret recipe is safe with me!” said Elizabella. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Minnie bend down, pick up the pamphlet and slip it into her pocket, then slowly start to make her way down from the roof.
“Anyway, it was nice to meet you,” said Elizabella. “I’ll see you around . . .” She waited for the Nutriicorp woman’s response.
“The pleasure was all Nutriicorp’s,” the woman eventually said after a long pause. Elizabella couldn’t be sure if the woman meant it or if she was playing a trick.
“Okay . . .” said Elizabella and she slowly made her way down using the oak tree branch once more.
Looking around, she couldn’t see Minnie. She must be in the library already. It’s a good thing we have Elizinnie to communicate! Elizabella had conceded that the official name for the language was Minbella, but no one could stop her calling it Elizinnie in her own head. She started slowly walking through the playground, making sure she didn’t look like she was running away from anything, which
was a sure-fire way to appear guilty.
I better find the rest of the gang, Elizabella thought, we’ll need all brains on board for this one.
Elizabella walked casually. She glanced at the tuckshop and saw the Nutriiperson who had been on the roof emerging into the playground. Maybe she’s onto us after all? thought Elizabella. So she smiled and started walking towards the woman. If I’m walking towards her, she won’t think I’m trying to run away! Thankfully, this was enough to confuse the Nutriicorp woman, who scratched her head and went back inside. Elizabella went off to find the rest of the gang.
Elizabella, Minnie, Huck, Ava and Evie sat on some beanbags in the school library. Elizabella had a big atlas in her lap, which she had put the pamphlet in so they could read it without raising suspicions. Nutriicorp could have spies or even cameras in the library for all they knew.
Minnie slipped the pamphlet out of her school shirt and into the atlas. The cover said:
NUTRIICORP GLOBAL MISSION.
They opened it up.
STEP ONE:
TAKE OVER BILBY CREEK TUCKSHOP
STEP TWO:
TAKE OVER ALL BILBY CREEK EATERIES AND FOOD OUTLETS
STEP THREE:
START GYM FRANCHISE?
STEP FOUR:
TAKE OVER THE WORLD
They all stared at each other, horrified. This was much worse than they had thought.
“Nutriicorp is evil!” said Ava.
“Indeed,” said Minnie. “And it’s important to workshop the solution so we can make sure we get it right. Okay, let’s map out our problems.” She pulled out a notepad.
“So the problems are number one: we need to get rid of Nutriicorp,” Elizabella said. “Number two: We need to get Miss Duck back.
Now, for problem two, we can get Mr Gobblefrump to pay attention to her with the giant pikelet, but that won’t solve the problem of making the tuckshop as profitable as it is under Nutriicorp.”
They sat around thinking, waiting for ideas to come flowing out, for some time.
After a while, Huck suggested, “We could all pretend to get food poisoning and blame it on the tuckshop?”
“Huck, that’s diabolical!” said Elizabella. Huck looked deflated. “I love it!” she added. His eyes lit up for a moment, then he remembered he definitely didn’t like like Elizabella so it shouldn’t matter what she thought.
“We could send the pamphlet to the Bilby Creek Gazette!” said Ava.
“Yeah,” said Evie, “an anonymous tip!”
“Mmmm, a whistleblower . . .” said Minnie, jotting it down in her notebook. “I like it.”
“But it’s no use unless we can work out a way to help Miss Duck make the tuckshop as profitable as it is under Nutriicorp rule,” Elizabella reminded them.
As they remained sitting, thinking, Sandy came into the library.
“Hi guys, sorry I’m late. I had to go to the toi–” he began then started coughing and spluttering, pointing to his mouth. Elizabella stood up and gave him a big whack on the back, and out flew a little black wet thing.
“A fly!” shouted Sandy. “I swallowed a fly!”
Elizabella’s brain went still. She suddenly remembered back to Miss Carrol’s lesson on eating insects . . .
“Sandy!” she said. “You’re a genius!”
Later that afternoon at home, Elizabella went straight for the pantry and started ferreting around for non-Nutriicorp-branded items, searching for for insect cuisine inspiration. There wasn’t a lot to choose from. Some almond slivers, a packet of dried thyme leaves and some shrivelled old currants in a little plastic container. She couldn’t really think of any way to use these allegedly edible things her Dad had bought at some point. Adults are weird, thought Elizabella. What else was there? A packet of plain biscuits, a jar of jam . . .
Nothing was coming to her. She was trying to concentrate, but she couldn’t hear her own thoughts above the scuffling and clanging coming from the bathroom. She went in there to see what was going on.
As she swung open the bathroom doors, she saw Larry the Lizard. He had discovered the container of lice in the cupboard nobody went to, and appeared to be pushing it towards the door. When Elizabella came in he started croaking loud and fast.
She looked at the lice. She remembered the biscuits, and the jam.
“I’ve got it!” she said. “Liced VoVos!”
She took the container of lice from Larry, who protested in Lizish, “My cornucopia of tasty, tasty lice! How could you take them from me?”
Back in the kitchen, Elizabella pulled out the biscuits, jam and some icing from the fridge. She got to work assembling her newest culinary creation. At the end she put the lice in a pan with some butter and sugar and fried them until they were sweet little crisps. She tasted one. Delicious!
Then she sprinkled the lice on top of the biscuits where the desiccated coconut would normally go. Elizabella had just learned the word “desiccated” from a coconut container she had found in the pantry. She made a mental note to slip it into conversation to impress Huck.
She studied her Liced VoVos. They were pretty out there, but weren’t all culinary masterpieces? She couldn’t wait to show Miss Duck.
The next day after school, Elizabella went to the shelter to visit Miss Duck. She was now not only spending time there feeding all the citizens in need, she was also using their industrial kitchen to practise making the world’s biggest pikelet. When Elizabella arrived, Miss Duck was mixing up pikelet batter in anything that could possibly constitute a container. Initially she had tried to mix it all up together in a bed frame but it was too hard to stir. Elizabella peered around at all the pots and pans and vases and mugs and bowls and sinks that were brimming with pikelet batter.
“How are you going to cook it?” she asked.
“We need to find a giant frying pan,” Miss Duck said. “I just can’t work that part out.”
And suddenly it came to Elizabella, like a long-forgotten dream. “My brother works at the Bilby Creek Swimming Pool. And at night-time, when the pool is shut, he puts a giant, silver foil cover over the pool, like he’s tucking it into bed. It’s really cute. Maybe we can borrow the cover, and use it as a giant frying pan?”
Miss Duck thought about this. “And what would be the source of heat underneath the frying pan?”
“Well, we are in the middle of a heatwave. And I know from personal experience that the surfaces in Bilby Creek Primary get so hot they can almost cook a kid’s leg! And if it’s hot enough to cook a leg, it’s surely hot enough to cook a pikelet!”
“Go on . . .” said Miss Duck.
“We lay the pool cover on the hot asphalt in the playground, pour in all the batter, let it cook from the heat of the sun on the asphalt and the pan, and then BAM! You have an Olympic-sized swimming pool pikelet!”
Miss Duck blinked at her.
“What a ridiculous idea,” she said. “So ridiculous it just might work!”
“Then you’d need to go around the edges with a knife to make it round,” Elizabella continued. “Pikelets can’t be rectangular. Now that would be ridiculous. Of course we’ll call the Bilby Creek Gazette and the Bilby Creek six o’clock news.”
“That’s all well and good to get Mr Gobblefrump’s attention,” Miss Duck said, “but how can I prove that I can make big bucks at the tuckshop?”
“Funny you should ask,” said Elizabella, pulling the container of biscuits out of her bag.
“These look lovely!” Miss Duck said. She took out one of the biscuits, admired the jam, icing and sprinkles. She took a big bite. “Yummy! Delightful as they are, how are these going to make us a fortune?”
“Well,” said Elizabella, “in Miss Carrol’s class, she taught us all about curing world hunger using insects. And these are my personal creation: Liced VoVos!”
Miss Duck paused mid-chew. Her eyes widened as she realised what was in her mouth. SHE WAS EATING LICE! Miss Duck had never eaten an insect in her life, let alone a big he
lping of lice on a biscuit!
Miss Duck coughed quite loudly, raised a serviette to her mouth and dabbed the corners. She swallowed. After she took a moment to gather herself, she had to admit that it was rather scrumptious.
Elizabella had been watching Miss Duck go through all the emotions.
“And that’s just my idea. Imagine what you could do with insects with all your food knowledge!”
Miss Duck smiled at Elizabella. “I suppose I’ll have to get thinking!”
Elizabella was eating breakfast the next day with her brother Toddberry. As annoying as Toddberry could be, he was actually vital to the success of her extremely complicated plan. She needed to convince him to lend her the cover for the big pool, which wouldn’t be easy.
“Toddberry,” she said. “What is the thing you want most in the world right now?”
“That’s easy,” he said, swishing his hair curtains back so he could look her in the eyes. “I want to beat this villain in Fierce Frogs IV. With how busy my life is, things keep getting in the way.” Toddberry had been trying to get past this level for over a term.
“What would you give me if I could finish it for you?” Elizabella asked.
“Anything.”
“Anything?” she repeated.
“Yeah,” Toddberry agreed. “You could have my guitar. You could have my favourite red T-shirt. You could have all the chocolate spread in the house for a year. Anything.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“I’m completely sure. Because finishing this level is impossible. And you will never be able to do it.” Toddberry smirked.
Elizabella saw her chance. “Would you lend me the big silver cover for the Bilby Creek Swimming Pool for a morning?”
“What? If you can do something impossible? Sure,” he scoffed.
“Give me the game,” she said, a quiet focus coming over her.
“Pfft, you don’t even know how to use the controls.”
Elizabella and the Great Tuckshop Takeover Page 8