Needing Him

by Jeanne St. James

  But I also let her in. I let her fill that emptiness deep inside me.

  If only for a moment, I feel whole again.

  Wanted.

  Needed.

  Loved.

  Complete.

  Chapter Ten

  Grace

  It’s getting late. Poor Maggie has been patient with me. With us. But now it’s time for her to eat and she needs another break outside. I don’t want to leave the bed. I don’t want to leave the cabin. I don’t want to leave Nick’s side.

  He’s only here for a short time and I know the time will go by too quickly. Any moments away from him will feel like a loss.

  I run my fingers over his short beard, testing the short, prickly hair. His eyes are closed, his bow-shaped mouth slightly parted, and his chest rises and falls in a steady pattern as he sleeps. His arm wraps tightly around me, holding me close, like he’s afraid to let me go.

  If I can slip quietly away, I can go take care of Maggie’s needs, grab some food for us while I’m at it, and come back before he even realizes I was gone.

  I eyeball my clothes on the other side of the room and begin to gently lift his arm off me, carefully, slowly, until I have enough room to slip from underneath him. I shimmy across the bed and then roll until my feet hit the floor.

  A groan escapes me when I stand. My body is stiff and sore, plus my backside hurts from more than one reason. But I’m satisfied. Hell, I’m happy. So, it’s all good.

  As I pull on my clothes, I face the bed, watching Nick sleep soundly. Maggie whines a little when she sees me pull on my boots. She really needs to go out and I make a face at her to shush.

  She wags her tail and I can see her excitement building as she was probably bored as hell since Nick and I have spent the day in bed.

  The problem is, when she gets excited, she tends to bark. Loudly. Not to mention, often (believe me, it’s annoying). And I don’t want her to wake Nick.

  I hurry to open the door and she runs out, taking off without me. Since I know where she’s headed, I don’t worry. There’s only one thing she likes as much as tummy and ear scratches… food. She knows where her bread’s buttered. When I climb into the golf cart, she doesn’t even bother to wait for a ride. She’s stretching her legs, relieving her bladder, and racing me back to the house.

  Dusk is upon us. The lake and surrounding woods are quiet as I drive down the lane, shivering, since the temperature has dropped. I make a mental note to wear a sweatshirt on my return trip.

  My smile grows as I think about bringing more than a sweatshirt back to the cabin with me. Nick may have brought his own toys, but I have some, too.

  In October, it doesn’t take but a minute to go from dusk to dark. And when Maggie and I head back to the cabin, darkness has moved in and I need to use the headlights on the golf cart. I’m surprised when I notice through the crack of the worn drapes that the interior of the cabin is dark, also.

  I’ve only been gone about an hour. Just long enough to feed the attention-hogging dog and scrape together us humans something to eat, too.

  I hope Nick isn’t picky because I had to raid the cabinets to throw something together that was, at minimum, fuel for our bodies, since I figure our activities will continue throughout the evening into early morning. At least, I hope so.

  Who needs sleep, right? I can sleep when I’m dead.

  I shut off the golf cart and study the cabin for a moment, while Maggie sniffs the bottom of the door, wagging her tail.

  Huh.

  I gather the basket of goodies and head to the cabin. When I quietly open the door, Maggie rushes by me, just about knocking me over. Before I can catch my balance, there’s a hand wrapped around my throat, the door slams shut behind me, and I find myself with my back pinned to said door.

  Even though my eyes haven’t adjusted yet, I can feel Nick’s warm breath against me and know his face is close to mine.

  “You left.” His voice sounds low and grumbly, which excites me more than scares me.

  His grip on my neck is just enough to hold me still, but doesn’t hurt. No, instead I get this perverse pleasure out of him doing it.

  It makes me wonder if I’m fucked in the head.

  The heat from his body sears me, even though I’m fully clothed and even wearing a heavy sweatshirt.

  “Yes,” I whisper. “I had to go back to the house.”

  “You were gone a long time.” Not an accusation but a statement of fact.

  “I—”

  He cuts off my explanation by crushing his lips against mine, opening my mouth with his tongue, and then exploring the inside.

  Damn, this man knows how to kiss.

  I try to melt against him, to fit my body along his like two pieces of a puzzle, but I’m holding the heavy basket. Instead, I show my approval by moaning into his mouth and letting my tongue war with his until he twists his head enough to bring us even closer together for a moment.

  Then he pulls back. Just slightly. His breath mingles with mine. He inhales me, and I him, for a few long moments.

  “I woke up alone,” he murmurs, my eyesight has adjusted enough now that I can see him staring at my mouth. I lick my lips slowly and he notices.

  “Sorry. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  “When I woke and found you gone, I worried.”

  Why would he worry? I live on the property. If he thought I was running away to escape him, I couldn’t get too far.

  But there was no way I was leaving him alone for the rest of the week. He’s mine as long as he’s here. And, anyway, he told me he owns my mouth, my pussy, my ass. So, there’s that.

  I bite my lip, trying not to giggle at my crazy thoughts.

  “Don’t bite my lip. Leave that to me.” And with that, he leans in just enough to snag my bottom lip with his teeth and presses down gently. Enough for me to feel the tug and pinch but not enough to break the skin. My pussy clenches because I want his mouth on me again. But not on my mouth (though that’s acceptable, too).

  “Nick,” I breathe when he releases my lip.

  With his hand still on my throat, his fingertips press a little harder into my skin. Not enough to make me panic, since he isn’t restricting my breath at this point, but enough to make me wetter, make me want him even more.

  He takes the basket from my hands and without letting me go, he sets it on the floor at our feet, then straightens.

  With one hand, he unsnaps and unzips my jeans, tugging at them enough to make room to squeeze his hand in and find my slick center. He draws a long finger through my folds, circles my clit, and I groan, closing my eyes.

  “Did you shower?” he asks.

  “Yes. I made us something to eat, too.”

  He nods slightly, but doesn’t answer. He’s concentrating on playing with my sensitive nub until my hips buck against him. I’m suddenly desperate for him to make me come. I’m right there.

  Right. There.

  When I mentioned earlier about him learning how to play me like a fiddle, he’s doing just that. Every movement of his hand, his fingers, are precise. He knows how to take me right there. To that edge but not over it.

  “You’re so wet, Grace. I’m honored that it’s all for me. You’re squeezing my fingers. You want to come, don’t you?”

  “Yes.” The word turns into a gasp. Just a few seconds more… Just…

  He pulls his hand out of my panties and steps back causing my suddenly boneless body to collapse against the door.

  Shit. Now I want to shove my hand down my own pants and make myself come.

  My thoughts go to the two vibrators I threw into the bottom of the basket. If only…

  “Take your clothes off. When you’re in this cabin, you’re to be naked. Remember my rules, Grace?”

  I rip the sweatshirt off me. My shirt quickly follows. I’m kicking my shoes off frantically as I’m wiggling my jeans down my hips at the same time. I lose my balance and fall against the door (ass first, luckily).

 
; He stands back, watching me, amused. I wish I could see him more clearly, but the lack of light is a handicap, because what I really want to see is his smile; it’s important to me. I doubt he’s smiled enough in the past few years. If at all. And to think that I can bring a smile to his lips thrills me.

  When I’m finally free of any clothes, I throw my hands up in the air and sing, “Ta-da!” which draws a chuckle out of him.

  “Wanna eat something?” I ask, because I assume I’m allowed to speak freely at this time. If not, oh well, I’ll just have to put up with whatever punishment he sees fit.

  Which will not cause any heartache on my part.

  “I do, but I’m thinking of something different from what you’re thinking.”

  Oh, I’m not going to say no if he’ll put that skilled mouth of his on my pussy once again.

  I’m all for that. Food can wait. I can’t. I look forward to him finishing what he started only moments ago. Fingers, mouth, cock. I won't be picky about what he uses to make me come. I’ll even tell him about the toys I brought along if he wants to break them out.

  Though, if I must choose, I prefer the real thing.

  “Where do you want me?” I ask in my excitement and, of course, that makes him chuckle again. Hearing him laugh warms my heart and makes me smile, too.

  Even in this short time together, I’m changing his life. Maybe not in a huge way, but if I can bring a little light into his darkness, I’m pleased.

  He hits the switch by the door and the cabin floods with light. He’s naked, of course, and his cock is ready once again. No surprise there. This man seems to be the Energizer bunny.

  “I brought something… actually some things,” I admit, because I can’t keep it to myself any more.

  He cocks an eyebrow. “What did you bring, Grace?”

  I lift a wait-a-minute finger and dig in the basket, pulling out my two favorite toys.

  I hold them up triumphantly and he nods his head in approval. He puts out his hand and I hand him both, watching as he inspects them, turns them on and off, checking their variable speed and movement. As he does so, I squeeze my quivering thighs together in anticipation. Then his eyes meet mine. His eyes are dark and search my face before he says, “Ah.”

  Ah. That’s it?

  He points to a nearby wooden chair with one of my vibrators. “Stand behind that, hands on the chair back. Eyes forward. Don’t turn and look at me or what I’m doing. Do you understand, Grace?”

  Oh, yes. We’re back at it again. Playing his games I like so much.

  “I understand,” I say, having a hard time hiding my enthusiasm.

  How am I going to go back to my normal, boring life once he leaves?

  I push the thought away. Time to play, not ponder. So, I do as told, gripping the top of the chair and bending over, though he didn’t instruct me to do that. I just assume the position, thinking that’s what he’ll want.

  I can’t see him, but I can hear him walk across the cabin toward the bed. But he quickly returns to stand behind me. I have to admit, I’m a little giddy with anticipation. I need this week to be as full of orgasms as possible. It needs to hold me over until next year…

  Next year…

  What if he doesn’t come back?

  If his demons disappear, he may not need to return next year. Am I hurting myself by helping him chase them away?

  Damn it.

  Before Friday, I need to convince him that he can come up here for other reasons. To see me. To do things like this. I need to show him I could be the sole reason for him to return.

  He’s doing something behind me and I don’t know what. I resist the temptation to peek at him, but it’s difficult. Then he’s dragging another chair behind me and now I’m really curious. The possibilities bounce around in my brain.

  The way the air shifts, I know he’s now sitting in the chair. He wraps his hands around my ankles and I jerk slightly at the unexpected contact. He traces his fingertips up the backs of my legs, along the backs of my thighs, over my ass cheeks. I shudder under his warm fingers. His touch makes me aware of every nerve ending in my body. I concentrate solely on his touch for a moment, blocking out everything else… like my own ragged breathing.

  “The marks are gone,” he murmurs, sounding a little disappointed as he strokes my skin slowly, gently. “Though, you’re beautiful with or without them.”

  He trails his fingers along the cleft of my ass before teasing them along my wet folds, parting me there, too. Then he works back up, separating my cheeks, circling my tight rim.

  I know he wants to fuck me there. I want him to also, however, I just don’t know if I’m ready yet. But with him sitting in the chair, I don’t think that’s what he’s planning at this moment.

  And I’m right.

  His light kisses follow his fingers’ path, until he’s stroking me with his tongue, nipping me here and there, and finally…

  Finally…

  Fuck.

  Finally, he tickles my tight hole with the tip of his tongue and I lose all the breath in my lungs, my knees just about buckle, but I steel myself to keep standing as he does something to me that’s incredulous. Now I know why he asked if I’d showered.

  As he kisses, licks, and teases in the place I never expected, my head spins. In one way, I tell myself it’s so wrong, in another, I tell myself it’s so right.

  The hum of the vibrator brings me back to reality for a moment and he slides it between my folds, gathering my arousal for lubrication. He presses it to my clit for a second, then two. I cry out, so ready to let go.

  But once again, before I can, he pulls it away and slides it inside me instead. I go completely mad with the vibration of the toy deep inside while he dips his tongue into my forbidden place. Again. Again. And again until I can hardly hold myself up anymore. I want to drop to the floor, grab him and scream at him to fuck me. Fuck me as hard and as fast as he can.

  Because I need him. I need him right now.

  But I can’t beg, I can’t ask, I can’t demand.

  I must remain quiet and in place and let him do to me what he will.

  When he pulls back, I feel a sense of loss. “Fuck, Grace. I want you there.” He blows out a breath. “I want you there, but you’re not ready.”

  No.

  But now I want him there even more than ever. He slides the vibrator from my pussy and I hear the snap of the lube cap. Suddenly, I know what his plan is. And my heart thumps harder, faster in my chest.

  “Relax, Grace,” he murmurs.

  Doesn’t he know to never tell a woman to relax? It always causes the opposite reaction.

  I close my eyes and try to do just that, though, while inhaling long, deep soothing breaths.

  When the lube is dribbled over my ass and down my crack, I suck in a breath. My body starts to shake and I swallow hard, forcing my muscles to release. Then I hear both vibrators start. He slides one between my folds, presses it against my clit, then I feel the blunt, lubed end of the other one at my rear. I hope he picked the smaller of the two. The vibration against my clit and my anus at the same time is insanely erotic. And, even though he doesn’t give me permission to come, my body gives him a big “fuck you” and I gasp as an orgasm rolls through me.

  “Grace,” he says in a low warning tone.

  I don’t care.

  I don’t care.

  I don’t fucking care.

  He presses the vibrator past my rim until it stretches me beyond anything I’ve ever been stretched before. The sensation is strange. But the vibrations stimulate every nerve ending in that erogenous area and beyond.

  Another unexpected climax makes my eyes roll toward the back of my head and I cry out.

  “Grace,” Nick repeats, but he doesn’t sound as in control as I’m sure he would like.

  My clit is so sensitive right now, I don’t think I can take the other vibrator there anymore. As if he read my mind, he moves it between my wet, swollen folds and slides it slowly forward
.

  Ah, fuck.

  The sensations are so exquisite they are on the brink of torturous. And, once again, I can’t wait for his permission to come. My body has a mind of its own as he works both vibrators in and out of me in alternating rhythms. Playing me like that fucking fiddle I knew he would.

  He’s whispering something. I have no idea what because all I hear is the blood rushing in my ears, my heart beating frantically, and I don’t think I can hold myself up any longer.

  My knees buckle, but I catch myself before collapsing, gripping the chair back even harder, my nails digging into the painted wood. The vibrator slips from my pussy and I almost sigh in relief. I never knew that pleasure could get to a point where it’s actually too much to bear.

  “Turn around, Grace. Face me.”

  I open my eyes and slowly straighten as he carefully holds the remaining vibrator deep in place. He’s sitting in the other wooden chair, his eyes hooded and dark. His erection strong, thick, the crown shiny with precum.

  I want to lick it clean.

  “Grab that condom… and put it on me.” He sounds as breathless as I feel. I snag the foil wrapper off of the nearby table and rip it open. He twitches in my hands as I roll it down his length.

  “Now, straddle me.”

  I climb onto his lap, hold him in place, and then sink down slowly until he’s as deep as he can go. With both him and the vibrator inside me, I feel full, stretched, complete.

  Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold his gaze as I push up and down, using my toes on the floor as leverage.

  His one arm is snaked around my hips, still holding the vibrator in place, and the other cups my face, his thumb brushing over my cheekbone.

  “Don’t come until I tell you. I want us to come together this time.”

  Unable to speak, I simply nod my head slightly. I heard him, but I’m not sure if my body will cooperate.

  Fuck. Sex had never been like this for me before. Never like this. Never this good.

  Only with Nick.

  I realize I will never be satisfied with quick fucks again. It’ll never be like this with the snowmobilers, the hikers, the moose watchers.