by H. M. Gooden
Emma Jane looked up, blinking rapidly to keep more tears from falling before she looked at Cat, then down at Vanessa, who was still kneeling at her feet.
"I can't cause harm to you. I won't. It would kill me to know that I've done anything to hurt you. But I don't know how I can keep from hurting you as long as I'm around you. I just...can't..." Emma Jane stifled a sob with a fist, pulling it away from Vanessa's hold.
"Please, Emma Jane. I don't want you to leave. We can find a way, somehow. It's not a rush. We'll just be really careful, okay? I'd rather spend the rest of my life as your friend than have you run out of my life today and never get a chance to see you again."
Vanessa waited breathlessly to see if her words would somehow change Emma Jane's mind. She knew how strong she must be to have been alone for that long, but maybe, just maybe, she'd be strong enough to stay and try to find a way to be vulnerable with her. Vanessa knew the exact moment when Cat's logic and Vanessa's heartfelt pleas worked.
Emma Jane's sigh was a weary one, but at least it was accompanied by the words Vanessa had hoped to hear. "Okay, I'll stay. But I can't touch you, Vanessa. I won't."
Her eyes were fierce and her jaw set in a stubborn manner that Vanessa had seen far too often when she looked into her own mirror.
"That's a start, at least. Let's go back home, okay?" Vanessa hadn't let go of Emma Jane's left hand yet and used it to help her up. She was sad but not surprised when Emma Jane let it go of it immediately after standing, so Vanessa let Emma Jane walk ahead a little while she hung back, shooing her sister to walk closer to Emma Jane. Maybe she'd be okay with that, considering that Cat was like her polar opposite. Maybe her kryptonite? She wasn't exactly sure how it worked, but the silly idea made her smile, even though the ache in her chest wouldn't go away. She rubbed the area over her heart absently, as she watched Cat try to make conversation with Emma Jane. Even from there she could see it wasn't going well. Cat wasn't all that gifted in conversing even when she was comfortable and their current situation wouldn't have helped much with that.
Vanessa didn't know what Cat thought about the idea that she may have feelings for Emma Jane. Things had kind of spiraled into the drama zone before that had come up. Vanessa didn't even really know what she thought about it herself. The idea of dating a woman was so far out of her wheelhouse she hadn't processed much beyond being happy that she'd met Emma Jane.
And really, isn't that what it means to be with someone? You just want to be happy you know them, to spend as much time together as possible.
Sure, it was a huge bummer that Vanessa would end up having feelings for someone who could literally suck the energy right out of her, but she'd been on many dates where she wouldn't have been surprised to find out that had been happening anyway. Some people were horribly dull and conceited. At least she felt a sparkle of awareness with Emma Jane, something she hadn't felt since her high school boyfriend, years earlier. Vanessa sighed. She hadn't known how lonely she was until Emma Jane had appeared in her life. The feelings that had been stirred while watching Mai and Jake find out they were soul mates right in front of her paled in comparison to what she felt now. That one amazing kiss they'd shared was something Vanessa would go to her grave thinking about. It had touched her in a way a thousand kisses from hundreds of guys never had. Well, maybe not hundreds of guys. She was popular, but not promiscuous. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the apartment looming in front of them. She nervously approached the building, wondering what things would be like between them now that Emma Jane had tried to bolt.
Their apartment was a haven of warmth and light after the coolness of the night and Vanessa shivered as she warmed up. A growl left her stomach, causing her to shoot a surprised look at the two girls in front of her.
"Oh, wow. I guess in all the excitement we never ordered food, did we?"
Cat laughed. "Nope. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Vanessa grinned at Cat the way siblings do when they are in agreement.
"Pizza!" they shouted in unison.
Emma Jane blinked in surprise. Vanessa's audible hunger had broken the ice as only an uncontrollable bodily function can and her shoulders relaxed. By the time the pizza arrived, the TV was on and each girl was seated on a separate part of the u-shaped sofa, with Vanessa in the middle. Conversation was relatively easy about light topics, but they all carefully avoided any mention of what had taken place in the park. Cat didn't like conflict, so she rarely brought up touchy subjects, and Vanessa knew that Emma Jane was just as likely to take off if the topic arose again. So, she bided her time. Maybe with time, Emma Jane would relax and let Vanessa back through her emotional barriers. For tonight, it was enough that she was willing to have pizza and stay with them, with her. When the time came to clean up and go to bed, Emma Jane attempted to protest against using Vanessa's bed again, but she held firm. It gave Vanessa a warm feeling to think of her sleeping on the same pillow that she’d used. It was almost as if they were together, in some small way.
Emma Jane said goodnight first, leaving Cat and Vanessa alone. Vanessa stood up and tidied up the food and plates, moving around the kitchen as she worked automatically. Cat stood beside her for a minute before she spoke.
"So, what we were talking about, before Emma Jane overheard us?" she spoke quietly, almost in a whisper, as though worried about a repeat event.
Vanessa quickly looked over to the closed bedroom door before she answered, keeping her voice low. "Which part? I don't even remember anymore. It's all mixed together with the sheer terror of Emma Jane trying to run away."
"Yeah, I was worried about that too. But not, I think, in the same way you were. I mentioned about your aura changing, right?"
Vanessa nodded slowly.
Cat continued. "Well, it may be too early to say for certain, but you guys seem to be resonating the same way Mai and Jake did. I can tell you've become close friends over the last few days, but I know it's more than that for you. I don't want to pry if you don't want to tell me. I mean, just because I see everyone's private business, doesn't mean it's any of mine. But I do want you to know that it's fine with me."
Vanessa felt herself getting irritated. "What's fine with you exactly? Me having a relationship? Me having a relationship with another woman? Or maybe because the relationship is with someone who quite literally can drain the life out of me?"
Cat held her hands up."Woah. I didn't mean that my opinion matters or anything. I'm not judging. I just want you to know that I understand love and I don't want to obstruct it in any way. You're going to have a lot of barriers to deal with, but hell, the societal ones are tiny compared to the power issues and Emma Jane trying to run away before you even start anything. You'll still have some people that will treat you differently. I just want you to know that I'm not one of them."
Vanessa felt her mounting irritation subside. It was Cat, after all. She always knew, even before Vanessa did, how she felt. Even before she could read auras, Cat was the calm and steady one while Vanessa's emotions changed minute by minute.
"Thanks, Cat. I'm not sure what I feel right now. Love may be too strong of a word, but Cat," said Vanessa, then sighed. "The way I felt today, before Emma Jane left," she shook her head, looking at Cat with her heart in her eyes. "It was seriously the best day of my life. I felt a connection with her I've never felt before." Vanessa looked down at the cloth in her hand, swiping at the counter robotically. "I just don't know if that connection will be enough. If I can't find a way to convince her that she won't drain and kill me, she's going to walk the second we find the witch."
Cat came over and gave her sister a hug, wrapping her arms around her and resting her head on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I'll do whatever I can to mitigate the effects. I can rebuild your aura daily if you need me to. But maybe there's another answer out there?"
Vanessa let a dry, humorless laugh escape in a shotgun burst. "Yeah, right. Emma Jane says she's looked, but never found anything. And I'm pretty
sure she's spent a lot of time looking already, if this has been going on since she was twelve. She’s probably at least twenty four or five, although it’s hard to tell, the way she looks."
Vanessa paused, something Emma Jane had said niggling at her memory. She'd mentioned being a hunter for a long time, but had she said twenty years? She may be much older than she realized, but Vanessa brushed the thought aside as her sister moved, releasing her grip to step back and look earnestly at her.
"Ah, but she doesn't have the friends we do, remember?" said Cat. "We know quite a few talented men and women. Surely one of them will have access to something. Let me put out a few requests, okay? I truly believe that if this is love, it will find its way."
Vanessa looked at her sister. The prickle of tears burned her eyes and she only nodded her head in response, not trusting herself to speak without crying. Maybe it was possible, but if they didn't find something fast, Emma Jane would disappear back into that damn San Francisco fog, and out of her life forever.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Emma Jane lay in her temporary bed, listening to the sound of the morning dawning around her with a dull feeling. Yesterday she'd been so happy. The entire day that she'd spent with Vanessa had been amazing. She'd felt alive in a way she didn't even know she could, until she'd discovered that she'd hurt Vanessa. Thinking about Vanessa now made her pulse race and her cheeks flush. She was so attracted to her, body and mind. She closed her eyes and rolled over, wrestling with her thoughts. Why was her power so unfair? Why must she be alone? Didn't she deserve to have some happiness for herself? It felt like the Great Spirit wanted her to suffer until she joined her ancestors. Tears leaked out of her closed eyes as another wave of despair washed over her and escaped through the burning, salty liquid.
She took a few deep breaths, ruthlessly pushing aside her moment of weakness. It didn't matter what she wanted. That wasn't why she was alive. She was here to fight evil. She was here to make a difference. One day, she'd join her family and would be able to rest, but today was not that day. She had a witch to fight. Today was the day she was going to visit the set where Vanessa worked and determine if the creature she was looking for was lurking there.
Getting out of bed, Emma Jane dressed efficiently in her usual uniform of black shirt, blue jeans, and jacket, collecting her dirty clothes and taking them with her into the living room. She felt awkward, not sure what to say to either girl after her outburst and the way she'd left the day before. She'd acted like a child and was horribly embarrassed when she thought about her overreaction. If she didn't want to hurt Vanessa, all she had to do was avoid touching her and leave as soon as her mission was over. It was pretty freaking simple. But yet she'd gone and made a big deal about it.
Ugh. This emotion thing made her stupid.
Luckily, it was Cat who she saw first.
"Good morning. I hope you slept okay?" asked Cat, smiling before she noticed the clothes. "Do you want to wash those? The washing machine is just beside the bathroom, tucked into the hall closet. Do you need any help?"
"No, thank you, Cat. I'll just put them in and then I'd love a coffee. Is the water boiled?" Emma Jane replied politely and Cat nodded. When she returned a moment later, Emma Jane found Cat sitting on the chair closest to the kitchen door with her own cup.
"I'd like to talk with you, just for a minute, before Vanessa wakes up, if that's okay?" Cat looked at her hesitantly.
Emma Jane noticed her eyes were similar to Vanessa's, but had a lighter, brighter blue glow, like the daytime sky, and conveyed a calm acceptance and kindness within their depths.
Emma Jane nodded once, made her coffee then sat at the table across from her. "Yes, we can talk. I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess you could say I was overwhelmed. It won't happen again," she promised.
"Don't worry about it," Cat said, waving her apology away. "But that is what I wanted to talk about."
Emma Jane looked down at her cup uncomfortably. She wasn't sure this was something she wanted to discuss. But when she looked up to see Cat's kind face, lit from within with a fiery glow as bright as Samuel's, she knew that Cat wouldn't say anything to hurt her deliberately.
"I'll listen. But I'm not promising to talk."
Cat shrugged. "That's okay. I wanted to tell you a little story, so you don't have to say anything, unless you want to."
Emma Jane looked at Cat curiously now. The conversation wasn't starting off the way she'd expected. "What kind of story?"
"It's a story about two girls. You see, these girls grew up together. They moved around a lot, but they always had each other and their parents, so you could say they were lucky in a lot of ways. They knew it, too. They loved their parents, and although moving was tough on both of them, they knew it was what needed to happen to keep the family together so they didn't complain...not much, anyway."
Cat smiled ruefully at the memory, then continued. "One of the girls was totally content being alone. In fact, being alone made her feel the happiest. It didn't matter where she lived, as long as she had her family and her books. Sure, it was awkward meeting new people, but she didn't need to have them around to make her happy.
When Cat paused, Emma Jane realized that the story was going to be about Vanessa after all, and nodded for Cat to continue.
"The other girl, however, wasn't like the first one. She was outgoing, vivacious, and energized by being around other people. She was the life of almost every party and made friends quickly, mourning them every time the family moved on. Her emotions were always on full display, so her family knew how hard it was for her to move, even though she never complained. Her sister, in particular, knew how hard it was. She sometimes heard her crying at night when she thought no one was listening. She had a boyfriend in her last year of school who'd been important to her, but she broke up with him after another move, saying it was just too hard to continue."
Cat took a sip of her coffee.
"And then what happened?" asked Emma Jane. She was intrigued despite herself, getting an inside look at the most fascinating woman she knew, from someone who'd known her forever.
"Well, the quiet sister watched as the outgoing sister built a shell. It was a beautiful shell, one that people loved and never questioned beyond its shiny appearance. But it wasn't revealing the truth. The quiet sister was happy to be alone, but the other sister needed people to love her, to be with her, to fill the loneliness she always carried inside."
Cat stopped to give Emma Jane a sad smile. "I've watched my sister be so lonely over the last few years. Just recently, I watched her hurt even more when her best friend moved away to get married and have a life apart from her. And now, I briefly saw something in my sister I didn't realize was missing. You see, Emma Jane, you may have taken a fraction of her energy or her powers..."
Emma Jane opened her mouth to protest, but Cat shook her head, holding up her hand. "No, just hold on one more minute, let me finish before you tell me your side. I know how worried you are about hurting her, I can see it clearly in your eyes. I don't want to see my sister hurt either. But I saw something in her aura that made me happy. For the first time in years, I saw her loneliness go away. The purple in her aura may have been dimmed after being with you all day, but so was the blue that's always colored it so sad."
Cat looked at Emma Jane intently. "I want you to know that I'll do everything in my power to keep you from draining her energy. I know you don't want to, but it's part of who you are. I get that. Part of who I am is the opposite, so let me help. I also want you to know that I'm looking for another way for you to be with Vanessa without hurting her- a long-term solution."
Emma Jane felt her breath catch. A way to spend more time with Vanessa? To be close without taking away from what made her so amazing? It sounded like a crazy dream, but looking into Cat's intense sky-blue eyes, Emma Jane felt strangely optimistic. Maybe she could be happy. Maybe all she had to do was try.
"Hey, good morning. What time did you guys get up? I must have slept
in."
Vanessa walked through the doorway to the kitchen with a loud yawn and stretched beside the kettle. Emma Jane felt her cheeks color at Vanessa's sudden appearance, looking down quickly to try to conceal the longing she knew must be visible on her face.
"I've been up for a bit. Back from my run and on my second cup already," Cat bragged, causing Vanessa to roll her eyes in response.
Cat looked at Emma Jane seriously. "Think about what I said, okay? I see a lot of potential there."
Emma Jane nodded, her heart in her eyes as she looked at Cat, then at Vanessa. "I will."
VANESSA WAS CONFUSED. She felt as if she'd walked into a secret meeting she hadn't been invited to, and although the other two were trying to act like it was no big deal, they were doing an awful job and making her more suspicious. She glared at Cat, but she merely blinked and smiled innocently. Baby sisters could be such brats. Whatever.
She grabbed a mug out of the cupboard and made herself some instant coffee. "Okay, we really need to spring for something better than this. I should be able to afford an actual coffee maker by now."
"Or, you could just wait and put it on your Christmas wish-list?" Cat suggested. "It's getting closer."
Taking a sip of her barely passable coffee, Vanessa considered the idea. "Maybe. Although the way this is tasting today, I'm not sure I can wait that long."
Looking over at Emma Jane, she smiled when she saw her expression. It might not count for much, but she seemed less upset today. And the look she was giving her...well, Vanessa knew that look and it set her cheeks to a slow burn. Maybe the day was looking up after all.
"Emma Jane, are you ready to go to work?" she said then grinned, rolling her eyes. "Well, my work, anyway? No guarantee we'll bump into your public enemy number one, so you may be mostly sitting, but here's hoping!"
"Yes, I'm ready whenever you are. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do for a living and I've never been on a movie set before. I'm sure it's exciting."