Abi pressed her lips together, the crease in her brow redefining.
“This is going to be one of those hard things, Abi.”
“I don’t think I can.”
“You can, baby. I know you can. We’ll do it together.” Joanne reached down to take Abi’s hand in hers again.
“Curtis stole a part of you, but this part … the part that your dad deposited and nurtured in you – he can’t have that, honey. You can’t let him have that part.”
Abi took a deep breath in, the movement releasing fresh tears from her tight grasp.
“I’ll try.”
That was enough.
As they got up to leave, I decided I had one more thing I needed to say, just in case.
“Abi.”
She turned her face towards mine. “Yes, Doc.”
“I know you don't want to hear this, but I might not always be here for you. I can’t keep promising to turn up.”
“I know.” Emotional exhaustion wrapped itself around her features.
“I’m sorry.”
She took my hand and placed it over her heart covering mine with hers and said something I’ll never forget.
“You’ll always be in here.”
31
Before I knew it, it was 11pm, and I was rubbing my freezing hands together waiting for Cooper’s flight to arrive.
Harry had called for the first time ever to tell me he had to fly to Sydney for an urgent consult and didn’t know if he’d get to see me before he flew out to Samoa. I wanted to say, ‘How dare you think of getting on a plane and flying away from me? Stop being so flaming ridiculous and honourable and generous, and get that sexy tattooed behind into my bed, quick smart.’
What I actually said was, “I understand. I love you and if I don’t see you before you leave for Samoa, have an amazing time saving lives.”
For the next month, I’d have to be content with my shoebox of memories and my annoying new flatmate.
When the first passengers from Cooper’s flight started filing through the arrival door, a giddiness rose inside me. His long-awaited presence would see me through.
I peeked through the glass dividers. When I spotted him approaching the door with his rucksack slung over his shoulder, I couldn’t hold myself back. I ran past the barrier and threw myself at him. “You’re finally here.”
“You’re stronger than I remember,” he laughed, pushing me off so he could put his bag down then wrapping me up in another hug.
“How are you?” he asked when we’d had our fill.
“I’m good. You’re looking skinny, bro.” I squeezed his shoulders and upper arms. “Are they not feeding you over there?”
“I’ve been busy.” He narrowed his eyes. “You’re comparing me to someone.”
“No, I’m not.” I dropped my hands and picked up his bag, which was so darn heavy, I dropped it.
“I’ll get it.” He reached down and threw it over his shoulder as if it weighed nothing. “I may be skinny, but I’m strong.”
I laughed. “Impressive.”
“And about the other thing, you are. You have a little bit of something going on – it’s written all over your face.”
I clenched my teeth to keep from giving myself away.
“You’re silence speaks volumes. I’ll find out your dirty little secrets.”
“There’s nothing dirty about my secrets.”
“If you say so. Now, where to? I’m famished.” He took off with giant strides.
I took a series of rapid steps to keep up and redirected him towards the car park.
“Will I get to meet him?” he asked as we settled in the car.
“No,” I answered.
“Why not? Is there something wrong with him? Or me? Hang on, sis … are you embarrassed by me? Do I stink or something?” He leant down to take a good whiff.
“A little bit, yeah. And your dress sense could do with some work.”
“True that. High fashion’s not really a big deal where I live.”
“Nor should it be. You’re perfect, Coop. He flew to Sydney today and I might not get to see him before he heads away again. If I do, I’m not wasting the few precious hours I may or may not get with him on you asking him a million questions about his intentions, or his work, or – heaven forbid – enticing him to Kenya to come work with you saving the world.”
“I wouldn’t dare.”
“You would too,” I challenged.
“Yeah, maybe … but I’d be hoping you’d come too.”
“Not really much need for a psychologist with a limited life expectancy, now is there?” I said, pulling onto the motorway. He didn’t brave a smart retort.
“So, he’s a doctor?” he asked when the silence developed an uncomfortable edge.
“That he is.” I focused on the road, instead of the dangerous direction of his line of questioning.
“An oncologist?”
“No. He’s a surgeon.”
“What kind?”
“I’m not telling.”
Cooper laughed.
“Does he work with women predominantly?”
“No.”
“Children?”
“Stop it.”
“Okay, so he’s a paeds surgeon of some kind.” His interest peaked.
“Cooper – stop! I’m not telling you anything about him,” I warned.
“What? I was just engaging in conversation.”
“No, you weren’t, and you know it. You were trying to work out how much use he could be in Kenya. You’ve been here less than an hour, and you’ve already made me mad.”
“I wasn’t, Ave. I was just playing.”
“Don’t lie. Now you’re definitely not meeting him.”
“Why not? I’ll be good.”
“Because he’s the kind of guy who would do it.”
“Do what?”
“Move to bloody Kenya to save the world.” And I’d be left with no one.
“Is that right?” Cooper leant back in his seat and looked out the window.
“Stop plotting, Cooper. I’m serious. Stop trying to be a hero for a minute, and just be my brother. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” I accused, and I damn well meant it.
“You mad at me, Riri?” he asked, pouting.
I wasn’t swayed by his manipulative use of my childhood nickname. “Damn straight! Now shut up.”
And he did, thank God. All the way home.
32
On Sunday, I left Cooper to catch up with some old friends and drove out to the airport to spend some alone time with Harry before he left for Samoa. One of his workmates had delivered all his gear to the airport earlier so he didn't have to rush around like a maniac, which I was grateful for.
“Hey.” I walked into his open arms and inhaled. “I’ve missed you.”
“You too, babe.” He raised my chin and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “Coffee?”
“Yes, please.”
He motioned to the steaming mug on the table. I sat down and tucked my cold fingers around it.
“Is your brother parking?” he asked.
“No.”
“What’s the story? Didn’t he want to meet me? Or are you keeping me a secret?” he asked.
I smiled, kicked off my heels and tucked my feet between his calves, craving his touch. “No story.”
Harry narrowed his eyes knowingly.
“He did want to meet you, and while I won’t confirm whether I was planning on keeping you a secret or not, he does know I have a little something going on with a sexy paediatric surgeon.” I moved my feet upwards until he trapped them between his knees.
“You said all that?”
“He dragged the ‘paeds surgeon’ part out of me – under duress – and I omitted the sexy part, but I’m pretty sure he worked that out when he told me off for comparing his skinny butt to someone else.”
“You didn’t?” His face broke into a full grin.
“Not intentionally, but I c
an’t hide anything from him. Twin power.”
“He’s your twin?” His eyes flew wide.
“Mm-hmm.”
“Well, I have to meet him now.” He raised the cup to his lips.
“It’s not happening.”
“Why not?”
“Have you forgotten that in an hour or so, you’re leaving for a month, and he’ll be back in Kenya before you return?”
“And the real reason?” he probed, proving Cooper wasn’t the only male in my life who could see right through me.
I tapped the side of my nose as my father used to.
“Looks like I might have to stalk him on social media.”
“My hippy brother doesn’t believe in it, so good luck there.”
He shook his head. “Alright then, I’ll let you have your little secret, but next time I’m going to take things into my own hands. You’ve been warned.”
We spent the next half hour in whispers, cuddled up on one of the lounge couches, until Harry made a comment that made my heart clench in protest.
“So, you could have twins then?”
My eyes betrayed my shock. Was he so lost in the fantasy that he honestly thought that was possible?
“No.” I tried to gather up all the words I needed to say to him. “I mean, yes, it’s normally possible, but not in my case. Not anymore.”
Harry’s brow furrowed before he pressed his lips to my cheek and whispered a heartfelt apology.
“It’s okay.”
“Did you want to be a mother?” He asked cautiously, tucking me under his arm.
I slid my legs up beside me and leant against his chest, listening to the comforting sound of his heart. “More than anything in the world.”
On the drive home, I was overcome with grief – for my diagnosis, for Harry’s departure, for the future babies we could have had, and for this fantasy life I was living that I knew was about to come crashing down around me.
By the time I arrived home, I was in such a state I walked straight past Cooper without a word and collapsed on my bed.
He appeared in the doorway seconds later, then – without invitation – lay on the bed facing me and grasped my hands between us, like he used to when we were kids.
“You okay, sis?”
The tears trailing across my nose and soaking my pillow answered him.
“You wanna talk about it?” he whispered.
I closed my eyes and squeezed my lips together, a feeble attempt to regain some sense of control.
“You want me to go?”
I shook my head.
Cooper lowered our hands and wrapped both arms around me, pulling me in tight. “I’ve got you, sis. You’re not alone in this.”
And despite the sadness, I felt it deep in my bones.
I’m safe.
33
Annie’s voice rang out as soon as I stepped onto the ward with Cooper at my side. “Oh my gosh! Is this Prince Charming?”
The rest of the crazy crew followed suit with their swooning before I had a chance to set them straight.
“Prince Charming?” Cooper grabbed my arm dramatically. “Is that what you’ve been calling me?”
“No, I …” I protested. “This is not—”
Cooper didn’t let me finish my sentence, being the pain in my arse he was, and fed the crazy with his antics. “No hang on … I want to hear this. What else has she been saying about me?”
“What the hell did I bring you for?”
The ladies called me on my rudeness before launching into a collective bullet-pointed download of my wild weekend with Harry. When Sammie alluded to wild thermal spa sex – something I’d intentionally omitted from the retelling – I threw my hand up in her direction, my expression one of horror and extreme embarrassment.
Unfazed, my stupid brother fed the flame with turpentine.
“What? When was this?” He painted his face with shock. Damn! Someone give this man an Oscar.
“Avery, what are they talking about? Is there someone else?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, you stupid oaf!” I slapped him on the arm as gasps erupted around the room.
The gleam in his eye made me want to punch him. This side of him had got me into a world of trouble when we were kids. Unfortunately, I was the only one in the room who saw it.
“Stop it! Now look what you've done. Everyone in here thinks I’m a two-timing hussy.”
“Who’s a two-timing hussy?” Thomas asked as he entered the space. “This sounds like a conversation I might want to be a part of.”
I dropped into my chair and shook my head.
“Well, hello there, Avery's man friend.”
Cooper laughed, then reached out to shake his hand. “You must be Thomas. Avery’s told me all about you.”
“Well, that means I’m on the back foot.” He grabbed a spare seat and placed it next to mine, motioning for Cooper to sit. “All I know about you is you’re somehow connected to this two-timing hussy.”
And then I lost it. “Seriously, Thomas! You too?”
“Don’t blame me, Hollywood. I’m the innocent party here.”
“You …” I pointed at him, “… are far from innocent.”
He gasped and held his hand to his heart.
“And this is Cooper,” I said, determined to set the record straight. “He’s my—”
“Yes. Hi everyone, I’m Cooper, and I’ve loved this gorgeous creature for what seems like my whole life.” He raised my hand to his lips.
I ripped it away and gave him a death stare to rival Darth Vader himself. He ignored me, continuing with his charade.
“And now, look … she’s mad because these lovely ladies made an assumption, obviously based on ... my good looks and irresistible charm, that I was the one she was having …” He turned towards Sammie. “How’d you put it, young lady in the corner?”
Sammie played along, “Hot thermal spa se—”
“Stop it, Cooper! Oh my god!” I couldn’t believe he was taking it this far, here of all places.
“Avery Bishop, let the man speak, will you? And sit still for goodness sake, woman.” Thomas winked as if he knew a good actor when he saw one.
I relaxed a little and let him put the line in. Girls gone wild, chemo edition, was in full swing.
“As I was saying ... it was a shock, to say the least, to hear my girl here, was …” He raised his hand to his mouth for a second to hide a smile, then continued. “… had another man in her life. I mean, I always knew it was a possibility, with me having been away so long, but that's all over now that I’m back, isn’t it, Ave?” His eyes flitted to mine, then he looked at each of the ladies, one by one. These women, whom I’d come to love, were rendered speechless by his shenanigans.
“Well damn, Avery,” Sammie blurted out.
The heartfelt apology on Annie’s face snapped me out of it.
“You’re so stupid, Cooper!” I said as only a sister could.
When Tracey spoke up in his defence, I raised my hand to halt her mid-sentence. Then I reached over and smacked Cooper hard with my free arm. “This idiot – who I’ve also loved my whole life – is my twin brother, and a self-proclaimed Oscar-winning actor as you’ve just witnessed.”
The room filled with relief and raucous applause as Cooper stood up to bow to his fans.
“Sit down, Brad Pitt wannabe,” I muttered, tugging on his shirt.
“Oh, thank God,” Annie said, crying with laughter. “I thought I’d really ruined it there for you, Hollywood.”
“You’re fine, Annie. But let's keep our wild antics on the down low when we bring visitors.”
Cooper laughed heartily, drawing the ladies’ attention again, especially Sammie’s.
“He’s married, Sammie,” I announced without even looking over. Cooper waved his wedding-banded hand around as evidence.
“Of course he is,” she retorted.
I smiled, remembering my first conversation with Dr Franklin. She was a younger version
of me, that girl.
“What’s with the ‘Hollywood’?” Cooper asked.
This time, Tracey answered. “Oh, this girl likes to rock on into chemo looking like a glammed-up movie star when the rest of us are wearing trackies, hoodies and feeling like death warmed up.”
Cooper reached over to take my hand. “You ladies don’t look like death warmed up at all, and I don’t see a pair of trackies in sight.”
“That’s ’cause your sister’s a good influence,” Sammie offered before leaning back and sliding her headphones on.
After some murmured agreement, the rest of the session was spent in whispers or silent communication across the row.
Despite our overly dramatic entry, there was something different about the room this week. It was as if they all knew a storm was coming. Mine.
It arrived a few hours later and stayed raging in and around me for the next seven days. Sally had my appointments pushed, including Abi and Joanne. Knowing Abi’s life wasn’t at risk anymore meant I could focus on the one that was.
I was too far gone in my pit of misery to notice when Sally moved in. Cooper’s presence and strength was my only saving grace. When the heaviness and nausea finally lifted, I was able to keep small amounts of food down and move around the house without support.
I felt lighter, weaker, drained of everything except gratitude that Harry wasn’t around to see me like this. Sally told me he’d been calling, but I didn’t have the will or energy to care.
“How’s the lioness?” Cooper asked, lowering me to a park bench. It was the first time I’d felt able to leave the safe confines of my house since the storm hit.
“Wounded.”
Cooper nodded. He didn’t try to give me a pep talk, or a rundown of how fierce or courageous she was. He just held me, because he knew me, and he knew his presence was more powerful than his words.
The next two weeks blurred into one torturous game of survival. When I felt like I could breathe again, I found myself back in Dr Privit’s office waiting for blood test results to tell me whether I had to endure another bag of poison or whether I had a reprieve.
I wanted to fight. I wanted to roar. I wanted to … but I secretly prayed that my results showed I wasn’t strong enough. I wanted another weekend where I could eat, where I could laugh – I wanted to hear Harry’s voice.
Then She Roars Page 16