Happy New You

by St John Brown, Brenda

  He tilts my chin with his knuckle. “You think I don’t understand? I understand all too well. I remember law school. I remember feeling like if I didn’t land the perfect internship, I wouldn’t be able to land a spot in the right firm, and my career would end up in the shitter. It was like my entire future was so tenuous, if I misstepped even once, I was screwed. That’s not the life I wanted.”

  “But it is the life I want. Well, not the worries and stress, but I really do love my job.”

  “I love mine too. But it’s not my entire life. If I want to take off for the weekend to go rock climbing or just hang out with my folks, I do. I want you to take off with me.”

  “God, you have no idea how much I want that,” I say. “An entire weekend off sounds like heaven.”

  Mateo’s eyes brighten. “So take this weekend off. We can go down the shore, or just hang out in the city doing nothing, or—”

  My frown stops him in his tracks. “I can’t. Not this weekend.”

  He exhales slowly, then nods. “Yeah, I had a feeling that’d be your answer.”

  “Does it help that I really want to?” I ask.

  He lets out a low chuckle. “Not sure. That might make it worse.”

  His smile is gentle and his calloused fingertips are just the right mix of rough and soft as he strokes along my jaw.

  “How are we gonna do this?” he asks.

  I brush my lips across his. “I’m going to start by asking Dani how the hell she manages to have a successful marriage, kick ass at work, and look amazeballs while doing it.”

  He laughs. “I’m pretty sure Dani is not of this realm. I’ve literally never seen her frazzled.”

  I snort. “That’s so true. But she still might have some words of wisdom to impart, even if she holds the fact that I asked over my head until the end of time.”

  “I don’t think Dani’s like that. From everything I know about her, she’s good people. You can trust her,” he says.

  I lean my head back. “Well, based on working closely with her these last couple months, she’s either the nicest, most supportive woman on the planet, or she’s the most epically conniving. The jury’s still out on that one.”

  “Conniving? Really? I think you’re being a bit paranoid.” He wraps his arm around me and buries his face in my neck. “I thought we were talking about us.”

  With his lips on my neck, kissing that spot he knows drives me absolutely crazy, I barely remember what words are, let alone what we were talking about.

  “Can we talk about us after?” I ask.

  He hums and nibbles. “After what, Allison?”

  My eyes roll back in my head at his use of my entire first name. “After you take me to bed, Mateo.”

  He takes me home, and luckily Seth and Hillary are nowhere in sight, because I’m not sure if either of us would have cared. Our clothes are scattered like crumbs on the way to his bedroom and when he sinks inside me, that line I love so much etched between his brows, I wonder why I can’t figure out how to fit him into my life more often.

  Our eyes hold as he comes deep inside me, his groan filling my chest. Or maybe that’s my heart, swelling to accommodate how I feel about this man, my friend, my biggest fan, my beautiful lover.

  Mateo collapses next to me, pulling my body against his. He traces lazy circles on my shoulder, and I’m not sure I’ve ever been this content.

  “I have some news,” he says after a while.

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “I have an investor.”

  It takes a moment for his words to sink in. To be precise, three circles of his finger on my shoulder, and then I’m up on my knees, my hands on my cheeks, tits bouncing.

  “Matty! How could you not lead with this? An investor for the gym?”

  He laughs, clearly entertained and delighted by my enthusiasm. “Yeah, Al, for my gym. My gym. It’s actually gonna happen.”

  I throw myself on him, squealing next to his ear. “I’m so happy for you! I’ll be your first member!”

  He swats my ass playfully, which only makes me squeal more. “Keep bouncing on me, and I’m gonna have to fuck you again.”

  “Is that supposed to deter me?”

  He nips at my neck. “No, not really. Keep bouncing.”

  I sit up, straddling him. “Tell me more. Who’s your investor?”

  He reaches up, rubbing my nipple with his thumb. “Funny thing about that... Remember that night you got drunk and I rescued you?”

  A shiver passes through me as I try to concentrate on his words rather than what he’s doing to my nipple. “Mmm...yes. Although I’d like to forget that.”

  “Well, that night I talked to Dani and she gave me her wife’s card.” He bucks his hips and his cock slides against my already sensitive clit. “I’ve been in touch with her for months, but I’ve been down this road before only to wind up with nothing, so I didn’t want to jinx it by mentioning it. But yeah, Dakota’s my investor.”

  “That’s…” My eyes roll back as he raises his hips again. “That’s incredible.”

  Even though I’m starting to lose my mind with the magic he’s performing between my thighs, I can’t help but wonder if his involvement with Dakota might be why he seems to have a soft spot for Dani. Nah, that’s just silly, Allison...

  Mateo takes control, lifting me up so he can drive into me for the second time tonight. Everything but his body in mine fades.

  “You’re incredible,” he says.

  I open my eyes to meet his and there really aren’t words, so I lean forward and kiss him until we’re both trembling and coming together for what seems like forever.

  We might still be working out our kinks everywhere else, but here, in bed, there’s no doubt we’re made for each other.

  22

  Allison

  August

  The sound of a baby crying, followed by the coos of the crowd, makes my cold lawyer heart melt a little. Just a teeny bit. Like a miniscule, unobtrusive itty-bitty amount.

  I have a nephew. I’m an aunt. It’s a hell of a thing and even though my sister and I don’t get along all the time, and my mother feels the need to compare the two of us whenever we’re together, I can’t help feeling a twinge of excitement for the new life being celebrated today. I’m allowed to feel slightly mushy.

  Then I look over at Mateo’s pale, horrified expression and I’m in full-on weak-kneed melting mode. The guy is effing terrified and it’s adorable.

  I can’t let this go.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  “That poor little guy,” he says gravely, as if the infant had just been told to walk the plank. “He had no idea what was coming.”

  I brush my hands down Matty’s lapels—hot damn, my man looks good in a suit—and face him as soberly as possible.

  “Babe, I think there’s something we need to talk about.”

  “What?” He tears his eyes away from the center table, his gaze focusing solely on me.

  It’s a little unnerving, knowing I’ve got his full attention and nothing in the world can take it away. I’m everything to him in this moment and in a million other moments. He lets me see that every day, in tiny and massive ways. It’s humbling and so fucking thrilling I can barely keep from smiling.

  But I hold back my grin for this all-important talk.

  “I can see you’re a little disturbed by what happened today.”

  “I just can’t imagine what that kid must be going through right now.”

  “Mateo.” His eyes flare. The reaction almost makes me stutter. The look is chill-inducing. Maybe I need to call him Mateo more often. In bed. Naked.

  “I need to ask you something.”

  “What?”

  “This is delicate.” I hum to myself, acting concerned. “How do I put this?”

  I rest my lips against his and quietly ask, “You know you’re circumcised, right?”

  He huffs, kissing me hard and fast, chuckling against my mouth. The vibration of sound tric
kles through my lips and sends chills down my spine.

  “Actually, I’m not sure. I may need you to check for me later.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And how would you like me to do that?” My voice is low and sultry, and we’re practically dancing with each other, our bodies reacting to one another’s every subtle movement.

  Who am I? Where has this wanton sex goddess come from?

  Not that I’m complaining. I’ll take confident, sex-goddess Allison instead of overworked, stressed-out Allison any day. Or year. Or second.

  God, I want more of this. More of Matty. My Matty.

  “Oh my God, Ali, I can’t believe you’re making out at my son’s bris.”

  Mateo and I look over at my sister, Miriam, her curly dark hair glossy and her petite body looking svelte despite having given birth barely a week ago. Another blessing in her favor, the metabolism of an athletic teenage boy. My metabolism is like a Russian babushka’s. I could eat nothing but borscht for a year and I’d still have those child-bearing hips Mom loves to point out.

  “Sorry, Miriam, we—”

  She grips my shoulder, shaking me playfully.

  “I’m just kidding. Make out all over the place. It will thrill Mom, which will get her off my back. She won’t stop fussing. I’m gonna take Benjamin upstairs to nurse. Hold down the fort.”

  “Wait. How are you feeling?” I wave around her general direction. “Everything okay?”

  Mateo and Miriam exchange similar glances before shaking their heads and looking back at me.

  “What?” I ask, wanting to be in on the joke.

  “Are you asking about my vagina?” Miriam elbows me, primed with a shit-eating grin.

  “No,” I gasp, glancing around to make sure the rabbi can’t hear us.

  “You are,” Matty agrees, getting me back for the circumcision comment. “You want to know if her vagina is intact.”

  “Don’t joke about my sister’s vagina.” I cover my ears and shut my eyes. “We are not having this conversation.”

  Matty gently takes my hands away from ears and replaces them with a kiss.

  “She only had a baby, Al. It’s completely beautiful and natural. I work with plenty of moms, before and after they’ve given birth. Women are strong as hell.”

  “Yeah, it’s a miracle.” Miriam rolls her eyes. “It’s not like my body was ripped apart after nine months of nausea and stress-eating and hours of labor pain—oh, wait. No. You’re right. Yes. Be equally concerned and in awe of me.”

  She takes a bow and her husband—the ever-pristine Stephen, who I’m nearly positive is a Stepford husband—hands Miriam a crying baby. Though now that he’s up close, his usual white-toothed smile seems a little put-on, and he looks pale. And sweaty.

  “Sweetheart, Benjamin is crying.”

  Miriam glares at her husband. “He’s a baby, Stephen. He does this. It’s something you’ll need to become acquainted with.”

  He looks down at the baby and then back up, his clear blue eyes no longer dazzling due to what I can only describe as panic-induced exhaustion. “For how long?”

  Miriam glances back at me and rolls her eyes again, mouthing, “Men.”

  I try not to laugh. Stephen’s a sweet guy, just adjusting to this massive change in their lives. But Miriam takes it in stride, adapting to motherhood as if she were born to do it.

  My heart flips.

  My little sister isn’t so little anymore.

  No weepy women here. Just stoic, hard-working lawyers with boyfriends who squeeze their hands when they see us overcome with that thing humans call emotions.

  Before Miriam leaves, she kisses Matty on the cheek. “Nice to see you again, Mateo. You be good to my sister.”

  “Always, Miriam. Mazel tov.”

  Stephen escorts Miriam upstairs and then it’s just the two of us, in a sea of my family’s friends.

  “Hey.” He rubs my arm, kisses my temple. “I see those glossy eyes. You okay?”

  I shrug, the words getting choked up in my throat. “I’m an aunt.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And my baby sister is a mom.”

  “A hell of a mom, looks like.”

  “And I’m—” I shake my head, looking away.

  “What?”

  My mind clicks into gear, activating something I’ve been thinking about for a while. All because of Matty. Because he values me and helps me see the value in myself.

  “I’ve been thinking about boundaries.”

  “Between us?”

  I swear his voice gets two octaves deeper. He may be all smiles and chiseled abs on the outside, but over the past few weeks I’ve discovered a proprietary streak in Matty. Especially after sweaty sessions at the gym. We’ll be back in one of our apartments, him throwing me against the wall of the shower, and thrusting into me, groaning and claiming me, and it is every bit as delicious as it sounds.

  “No. At my job. I never set any boundaries, which I think is the problem. I worked and worked and now I feel like I’m obligated to because that’s what they expect of me. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

  “But?” he asks perceptively, brushing a stray strand of hair away from my cheek.

  “But…I’m worried if I let up they’ll think I’m not pulling my weight. Anything less than the bar I’ve set won’t be good enough.”

  Matty smiles, frames my face with his large hands, and rests his forehead against mine. The connection practically quiets the room, the world centering on us alone.

  “If you keep working those crazy hours, prioritizing work—in an unhealthy way—then yeah, they’re going to expect that of you. But, Al, you won’t be any less if you take time for yourself. You could never be anyone but the ambitious smart-ass I know and—am crazy about.”

  Thinking he was going to say something else, my breath catches. He was totally going to say something else. Is that normal? That’s too soon. No. He was probably just choking on poppy seeds from the bagel, and—oh my God, shut up, Allison, and listen to your boyfriend giving you yet another amazing pep talk.

  “Make them see that you’re unstoppable, even without having to pull all those late nights. In fact, if you do it all while working a normal forty-hour work week, they’ll be so impressed they’ll have to name you partner for your sheer awesomeness.”

  I shake my head in amazement, tugging him close for a kiss. His lips are soft, his hands slowly stroking down my back calming and arousing all at once. Good Lord, if we weren’t in the middle of a crowded room with my relatives and neighbors and—

  “Allison! Everybody look at Allison making out with her boyfriend. My heart can’t take it.”

  And my mother. Right.

  “Mom…” I grumble, already sensing the burning in my cheeks.

  Tracy Gottlieb, mother of two daughters, leader of every PTA she ever joined, and community organizer, brings her dark brown teased hair and wire-framed glasses directly between Matty and me. Mom is nothing if not an expert in knowing exactly how to aggravate me.

  “Stop. It’s perfectly natural to show affection. We Gottliebs are a passionate brood.” She whispers to Matty conspiratorially, “When her father was alive he couldn’t keep his hands off me. We had to soundproof the bedroom once Allison started asking about the noise at night.”

  “Ma!” I cry, covering my ears.

  Second time today. I’d call it a record but with my family, it’s simply the norm.

  Usually I’d pout and suffer in silence, but this time I’m not alone. Like Miriam with Stephen, this time, I’ve got someone on my side.

  “It’s nice to see you, Mrs. Gottlieb,” Matty says, sweeping in to distract my mother with a wink in my direction.

  “Mateo Ramirez, it has been too long.” She gives him a big, smacking kiss on the cheek. “Allison, when are you bringing him over for dinner, hmm? I have to hear from your sister that you are two are finally dating. Finally. I swear, Matty, I thought sh
e was going to end up an old maid.”

  I turn to Matty. “This is a punishment, right? For crimes committed in a past life?”

  Mom gives me her patented scoff. “Don’t be so dramatic, Allison. I’m only looking out for you.”

  “She knows.” Matty puts an arm around me and squeezes. Tightly. He probably knows I’m one more subtle comment about my long-time singledom away from flipping out. “You’re an amazing woman, Mrs. Gottlieb. You’ve raised a beautiful, singularly magnificent person. She impresses and amazes me with her strength every day. I’m grateful. Having Allison in my life has made everything a lot clearer. A lot brighter.”

  With his words and a smile, the tension in my shoulders melts, and I’m a thousand feet tall.

  Because of my Matty.

  My Matty.

  23

  Mateo

  August

  Am I a bad person for taking pleasure in seeing my girlfriend go a little weak-kneed when I put on the charm? A tactic I frequently use for my Instagram followers. She rests her forehead on my shoulder, giving me the perfect access to kiss her sweet-smelling hair and wrap her up, protecting her from whatever she needs protecting from. Which, honestly, isn’t a lot. I wasn’t blowing smoke when I called Allison strong.

  She’s come so far in our workouts and crossing those resolutions off her list. It used to be that I was the one texting and calling and kicking her butt out of bed, but now she’s the one rising at the crack of dawn to go for a run.

  Whereas all I want to do is snuggle in bed. That’s right. I’m a proud snuggler. Hell, I wore a fucking onesie for this woman. I would do worse.

  “Mateo, you’re such a sweetheart.” Mrs. Gottlieb pats my cheek fondly, winking at me while Al continues to hug me as if I were her lifeline. I can almost believe it too.

  “You’re good for her. I can tell.”

  “And vice versa.”

  “Allison, stop smooshing your face in Mateo’s chest and stand up straight. Shoulders back.”