“Don’t be afraid, sweet Jane,” he said softly. “Your time is almost here, Jane of the Air.”
I think I muttered something, but my voice was hollow and empty. It didn’t carry through the cold night. “There is no need to be cold and alone. Come walk with me and I will show you the home you never had as a child.” His voice was soft and soothing.
I pulled farther back into my corner. He was all smiles and soft words, but something in his eyes made my shaking even worse. He reached out for me and I screamed, and my screams carried with me into the morning. I sat up screaming. It was a beautiful day and the sunlight poured in through my window. I could hear the birds singing outside. It was warm and I was safe, but I could not stop my heart from racing and I couldn’t help but feel that the horned man was still standing beside me, watching me.
Finally, my heart calmed and I fell back into my bed. I slept without dreams.
Chapter 22
“Nothing really known can continue to be acutely fascinating.”
~ H.P. Lovecraft
I SLEPT IN TOO LATE and missed breakfast. The night before seemed like a haze and my head hurt in a way that I imagined someone who had stayed up late drinking might feel. I skulked out of bed. It was almost noon. It was a good thing I didn’t have any classes that day. Three days weekends were my solace. Still though, I couldn’t afford to fall behind in my studying. This haunted house thing was certainly interfering with my school work. I moved the books of letters, I had made, to the large desk. I was careful to put them in the desk drawer, away from the sunlight, to keep them safe. The sad tale they told lingered in my memory. In the shadow of that memory, was my fight with Helen and her reaction to the ghost. I phoned Helen, but she didn’t answer her phone. I texted her and got in the shower. By the time I was out of the shower she still hadn’t texted me back. I put on an old t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts and went outside.
I walked out into the gardens. I wasn’t sure where I was going. I just wandered amongst the roses. A gentle breeze cut through the late summer heat carrying with it the scent of flowers and fresh cut grass. The last green of a dying summer was giving way to fall and soon the flowers would fade. I phoned Helen, again, but only the wind answered. A robin landed on the branch of a tree above me. It was a beautiful day. The leaves rustled in the breeze, singing a pastoral song. I turned into the breeze and walked back towards Thornfield. The day’s beauty was lost to me. I had to find my friend. I would take my car and waste gas money if I had to.
I was so lost in my own thoughts, that Edward took me completely by surprise. He always seemed to be taking me by surprise. It was like I had forgotten I wasn’t alone in Thornfield Hall.
“I hope you weren’t wandering off,” he said. “You’re supposed to escort my grandmother to my party tonight.”
I had forgotten about the party. “I have to go into town to find my friend,” I protested. “I can’t help you tonight.”
“You made a commitment to me and to your job.” Edward seemed so cold. He almost seemed like a different guy.
I offered Edward a weak smile and nodded. “Of course. I apologize.”
“I’ll expect you both in the ballroom at five.”
Edward walked back toward Thornfield. I didn’t have time to go to town to Helen’s place. I had to get myself and Miss Adele ready for the evening. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t imagine anything more loathsome than spending my evening at a party. I wanted to find Helen and tell her I was sorry for bringing her into something that terrified her so much. I wanted to apologize for not being more understanding, but the more I phoned and texted Helen, the more I knew she would never answer. Something had happened last night and I didn’t really understand what it was.
The nurse had already dressed Miss Adele for the party by the time I arrived. I helped the nurse feed her some soup and give Miss Adele her medication. Adele was particularly coherent. I was grateful for that, at least. The old lady smiled as I walked her down the long hall to the ballroom. She hummed to herself. Right before we came to the ballroom, she turned and looked at me. She ran her hand through my long hair and looked at me so intently, I thought she must be looking through me.
“I’m so sorry, my dear,” she said. “You are more haunted than even my grandson.”
“What?” I asked
“Be careful,” she said. “I have never seen spirits as devoted or as hellish as yours.” She started humming, again, and then she opened the door to the ballroom and walked in. I followed behind her. I wanted to ask her what she’d meant, but I was overwhelmed by the room we walked into. The sound of music was dizzying and I wanted to cover my ears. I had never liked loud noises.
It was dazzling. It was like something from The Great Gatsby. The extra staff that Edward had hired had worked wonders. The room was filled with bistro tables and chairs; the kind you see at a French restaurant. Loveseats had been strategically placed in more shadowy corners of the large ballroom so guests could have private places to talk. A long buffet table was against one wall and overloaded with various appetizers and finger foods. And a fully stocked bar, with three bartenders, was tending to a long line-up of thirsty party goers. The raised dance floor glimmered with disco balls and was crowded with couples dancing and gyrating to throbbing electronic tunes that were ever-changing and mixed by two DJs in the corner in a glass booth. Servers spun around the room at a dizzying speed, carrying trays of champagne and hors-d’oeuvres. Laughter and loud chatter mingled with the music. Some of the guests seemed drunk or like they were acting high. I never drank or used drugs, so I had no idea what they might be doing, but a haze of smoke hung in the room that made me feel lightheaded.
I was blinded by the noise and overwhelmed by the crowd. I had spent too much of my day hiding in the roses at the back of the estate. I hadn’t seen the party coming and I wasn’t prepared. Thornfield had come to life while I wept in the dark. I found myself longing for the ghosts and demons. I liked them better than the people that surrounded me in an almost manic kaleidoscope of noise and color. I wanted to run. I wanted to return to the roses but I assumed Edward would fire me if I ran and I knew Ms. Adele needed me.
The girls were wearing short, sparkly dresses that clung to their perfect figures. The guys were dressed in designer shirts and dress pants that showed off their athletic physiques. They all looked like celebrity reality TV stars. I looked down at the simple black dress and doc martins I was wearing. I had never felt more out of place. The black dress, aside from my white dress, which was kind of ruined from me falling in the dirt that night when I literally crashed into Edward, was the only good dress I owned. I’d found it at a little consignment shop back home. At the time, I was thrilled with the find. It was a simple cut with a square neck, sheer long sleeves and the hem fell just above my knees. It fit me perfectly, which was surprising because I always had trouble finding clothes that fit my long, narrow frame. I’d left my hair down, except for two braids on either side of my head that I’d clipped back with a black barrette. It was my favorite hairstyle, aside from the usual long braid I wore every day, and basically the quickest and easiest for me to do. But compared to the other girls at the party, I felt like a wren.
I slipped my arm through Miss Adele’s and guided her to a sofa in the back of the room. I just wanted to hide and I sensed that it might be best for Miss Adele to hide, too. I tried my best to stay hidden in the smoke, but the constantly swirling lights made me dizzy and made it impossible to hide in a shadowy corner. I wanted to throw up. The music and light were too much for me and it would be too much for a frail old woman, too. Miss Adele and I sat down and she put her hand in mine. We watched the beautiful people move about the room like golden butterflies.
Edward stood in the center of the room. He was like the dark nexus of this glowing world. Girls stood around him, giggling and flirting. They were all so pretty. There were so many of them. Blondes, brune
ttes, red-heads, dressed in outfits that showed off their work-out toned bodies. One of the girls stood out from the others. Her long blond hair splashed over her shoulders like a golden halo, and her laughter rose above the music like it was the dominant force in the room. She only had eyes for Edward. She took his hand and led him off the dance floor and he followed like he was entranced. Seeing him with her made me light-headed. They looked perfect together. Her smile lit up the room and all eyes were on her, but he still didn’t smile. He looked at her with his intense blue eyes, but, oddly, there was no smile on his face. I wondered why. Did he feel uncomfortable? Or maybe he didn’t want to show his emotions in front of the party-goers? I couldn’t help but remember the times he smiled at me. Did he actually, truly like me, or was it all a just a game that a rich and bored young man indulged in until his stunning girlfriend showed up?
Miss Adele looked at me. Her eyes were filled with tears. She looked very sad. And, inside, I felt the same way, too. It seemed like I had done my duty. We had sat at the party for as long as we could, but it was time to leave. Miss Adele was exhausted. I could see it in the way she slumped her shoulders. Edward hadn’t even come up to us to say hello. Miss Adele was too old for this party, and I think I was, too.
I helped Miss Adele up and walked her back toward the door. We had almost made our escape when I felt Edward’s hand on my shoulder. I stopped and both Miss Adele and I turned to face him. I looked up at him. The beautiful blonde was on his arm. Her hand was in his and her other hand was on his chest. She leaned up against him the way Miss Adele was leaning on me for strength. Her pale blue eyes were so light, they seemed like ice. Her skin was golden and smooth.
“Blanche,” Edward said to the girl on his arm. “This is my grandmother Adele Rochester. Grandmother, this is Blanche. I think she’ll be next.”
Miss Adele released my arm and walked toward the beautiful blonde. Miss Adele stood up straight and studied the girl. Adele seemed like a different woman. She seemed alert and studied Blanche as she would a prized pig.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” the girl gushed to Miss Adele. She giggled after she said the words. Blanche was so drunk she could barely stand.
Miss Adele studied the girl for a very long time. The music played on and the dancing continued. The world moved around us, but Miss Adele continued to stare at the golden blonde. The girl’s smile faded and the giggle left her. She inched closer to Edward and wrapped her arms tightly around him. After what seemed like an eternity, Miss Adele nodded to Edward.
“Come, my dear,” she said to me. “Time for bed.”
Edward nodded back at his grandmother and didn’t bother even sparing me a glance. Of course he wouldn’t. Why would he? He had a gorgeous girl clinging to him. And I was just Plain Jane and only an employee in his household. Blanche was probably the daughter of some rich CEO or a well-connected Senator.
I took Miss Adele down the long hall toward her bedroom. The nurse had left for the night, so I helped Miss Adele get into her nightgown. I took off her wig and brushed her baby-fine gray hair. I helped her take her medication and I cleaned her dentures. Finally, I tucked her into bed. Miss Adele lay in her bed looking like someone at death’s door. She seemed so tired.
“Did you enjoy the party?” I asked as Miss Adele drifted off to sleep.
“I hate parties,” she said. “Edward hates parties, too. It is a shame he is a prisoner of this world. I would have loved to see him with a girl like you.”
Her eyes shut and she drifted off to sleep. The valium I had given her per the nurse’s instructions had wrapped her in its cocoon. I should have sat with her for a while, but I was tired, too. I felt my fatigue from the night before weighing heavily on me. The smoke at the party had left me disoriented and half-asleep. I hadn’t slept much at all that week, but despite all of this I wasn’t ready for bed. The music from the party floated up to my room. I called Helen again, but she still wasn’t answering. I thought of reading the remaining letters, but the thought of Liliana drifting further and further into madness was too depressing for me. So, I wandered down to the library to find something to read. I wandered the stacks like I was a ghost myself. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to read. Images of Edward and Blanche filled my mind and made it hard for me to focus. I’d pick up one book, get distracted, and move to the next. I couldn’t find interest in anything.
“Did you like the party?” Edward took me completely by surprise, again. He always took me by surprise. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“How do you keep sneaking up on me like that!” I exclaimed.
“It isn’t hard. You always seem to be lost in thought, or with your nose in a book.” He smiled and bent over and handed the book to me. As I took it from him, his hand brushed mine. The sensation sent goosebumps up and down my arm. I backed away from him.
“Parties aren’t really my thing,” I responded.
“But this was only the second party you’ve been to,” he said with a quirk of his lips.
“Well, that’s two not-so-great experiences, so I can safely say that I’m not a party person.” I shrugged.
“You’re reading, For Whom the Bell Tolls?”
“I was thinking about it. I’m not sure,” I answered.
Edward took a step toward me. “I love Hemingway.”
“He’s not my favorite.” I glanced down at the book. “I read The Old Man and the Sea, but I didn’t like it that much.”
“You should read this.” He pointed to the book in my hand. “It is much better. I think you’d like it.”
I looked at the book again. I tried to avoid Edward’s piercing stare. I could still see him, in my mind, with his hand linked to Blanche’s. They were clearly an ‘it’ couple. He was hers and she was his. I could still hear her laughter, dancing across the room like music. She was so pretty. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to be with her. She was everything I wasn’t.
I nodded. “I’ll give it a try.”
“You should come back to the party with me.”
“No!” I exclaimed. I shook my head. “I can’t do that. I’m not dressed right.” I glanced down at the black leggings and t-shirt I had slipped on after I tended to Miss Adele. “And you need to be with all your friends.”
“They’re not my friends.” His voice was cold and hard.
“They came all this way to a party at your house.”
“When you’re as rich as I am people follow you even if they despise you.”
“Why bring them here if you hate them so much?” I asked.
“Because I wanted my grandmother to meet Blanche, and women like her are most comfortable traveling in packs.”
I nodded as if I understood, but I didn’t.
“We’ll be leaving tomorrow,” he said. “I have to get back to school, anyway. I was doing a directed study, but I have to check in with my advisor.”
“I hope you have a good trip.” I didn’t even know he’d been in a directed study. I thought he had simply taken time off school or was starting next semester. I tried to swallow my emotion. I looked up and met his eyes. I clutched the book against my chest. I didn’t want him to leave. He looked at me with his piercing blue eyes. Why did he always have to look at me like that? My lips trembled and I tried so hard not to cry. Is this how Liliana had felt when she said goodbye to Richard, only to never see him again?
Blanche sauntered into the room. She was wearing a tiny, gold bikini. She looked as out of place in the library as a polar bear in the Serengeti. She was still wearing sky-high heels and, in the bikini, she looked like a supermodel. She stumbled a little. She was clearly drunk or high. It didn’t matter. She was so pretty she would have made Barbie feel insecure. Her figure and her skin were flawless. She wasn’t marred by tattoos or scars. She giggled when she saw Edward and me standing together.
“What are you doing in here with the maid?” she
asked.
“She’s not the maid,” Edward corrected her
“Whatever.” Blanche giggled, again. I felt like I was back in high school. “She’s just some dumpy servant girl. Don’t you want to come join me in the hot tub?” Her voice became throaty. Her words were filled with innuendo. There was no mistaking what she was really offering him. He didn’t even look at her. He just kept staring at me.
“Should I come say goodbye before I leave tomorrow?” he asked.
I looked down. I didn’t want him to see the tears in my eyes. “Whatever you want,” I whispered.
Blanche put her arms around Edward. She pressed herself up against him and pulled him to the door. She kissed his neck and whispered something in his ear.
He left with her and I was alone, once again, still clutching the copy of For Whom the Bell Tolls.
Chapter 23
Something like fear chilled me as I sat there in the small hours alone- I say alone, for one who sits by a sleeper is indeed alone; perhaps more alone than he can realize.
~ H.P. Lovecraft
SLEEP ELUDED ME THAT NIGHT. I couldn’t get Edward out of my head, so I put Liliana into it. The last few letters were more like the ravings of a madwoman than letters to her long-lost beloved. They were barely legible and covered in filth. They were hardly letters at all. They looked like something you might see scrawled on the walls of a mental hospital, in some terrible horror movie.
Beloved,
I am with you now. Do you feel me, I wonder? Does some part of your heart feel my heart beating inside you? Can you smell my hair even as you lie with your new bride? She is pretty and so young, too young. I doubt she has had her cycle for more than two moons. No matter. I envy her. She is so pure and so perfect. Her skin is white and her eyes are blue. I will take her eyes, my love. I will take them and use them to fashion a new bride for you; and your family and that bride will be called Hell; and she will follow you and all of your children until the end of time. I have already begun the ritual. My horned king, my sweet, dark lord tells me how to fashion Death from Mandrake root and the blood of the baby growing inside of me. I won’t take much. I will take just enough blood to kill your bride. She will be dead soon and a new bride will come for you and she will kill you…
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