Nellie stares at me like I’ve had a brain transplant, even more so when I step forward and put my arms around her. She stiffens up at first, but then she lets out this happy sigh and curls her arms around me right back.
“It’s okay, baby,” she soothes, stroking my hair back. “I’ll help you through this.”
I almost laugh at that, but it wouldn’t be right. Mom, it’s not you that’s holding me right now. I’m the one holding you. I’ve got you, Nellie. Even if you did me wrong in the past, I have your back. I will always have your back.
We separate after a moment, and I excuse myself, slipping past Sin and down the stairs. Grainger is waiting on the sofa; Crown is out front; Beast is prowling the perimeter. I decide that I’m most likely to get some space in the backyard, heading out the door only to find Cat sitting on a chair beside the pool.
My heart stops.
He turns back to look at me and our eyes meet with a clash of struggle and pain. I feel myself falter, my palms sweat, my head swim.
Cat returns his attention to the pool, and I wonder if he’s thinking about Posey. I know I always do, when I come out here.
“Sit down,” he commands me, his voice a dark song that I dare not defy. I’ll dance to the tune of it, or bad things will happen to me. At least, I’ve always thought that. It’s been true in so many ways. He’s hit me on more occasions that I can count. He’s done horrible things to me in the name of love and protection, but yet, here I find myself walking forward to take a seat on the chair beside him.
I mimic his pose, looking out at the surface of the pool.
“I’m worried about Nellie,” I tell him, because it’s a relatively safe subject. As fucked-up as my father is, as ruthless as he can be, I know that he loves his wife.
He snorts at me.
“Since when have you ever given a fuck about your mother?” he asks me, getting out a pack of cigarettes and lighting up. He offers the pack to me, but I just stare at it before lifting my gaze up to his face. “What? You’re a married woman now, so you’ve become a saint? You’re not fooling anyone, Gidget.” He looks back at the pool as he tucks the pack into his pocket again, using his other hand to pull the cig from between his lips. Gray smoke billows out to join the stink of wildfire. “You’re a monster. Just like me. Always have been, always will be.”
I decide not to respond to that. Nellie will tell Cat about the baby eventually if I don’t. Even if she doesn’t, it’ll be obvious at some point anyway.
“If Nellie learns about Gaz,” I start, and Cat reacts so suddenly that I don’t have time to respond to the threat. He grabs me by the arm and yanks me up, his cigarette tumbling down to the pavement. He turns me toward him and shakes me so hard that my teeth clack together painfully.
“She will never hear about Gaz. You understand me, girl?” Cat snarls, turning and slamming me into the wall of the house. One of his hands finds my throat just as the back door opens and Cade stalks out like he’s on a SWAT mission, weapon trained on his president.
“Get your hands off of her,” he growls out, the hands holding his gun steady and strong, despite the fact that he’s still recovering from his injuries.
“You too, huh?” Cat asks, squeezing just hard enough that it hurts, but not enough to actually cut off my air supply. He turns back to me, and I glare at him in defiance. My father clucks his tongue as he studies me. I can tell he’s already decided to let me go, even before Beast appears over the top of the stone wall that surrounds the pool area, leaping down on silent feet and moving toward us so quickly that I worry he’ll have his president’s neck snapped before he can think better of that decision.
My father releases me, and I suck in a huge breath, putting my hand on the wall to steady myself.
Cat scowls at Beast as he passes him, and then Sin and Crown both are outside, and we’re all together for the first time since my father found out.
“Wait,” I say as Cat continues walking away. Sin grabs my arm as I pass, but I yank out of his grip, determined to make Cat talk to me at least once. Just one open, honest conversation between us, and I can die happy. That’s all I ask. “If you just stop walking and let me talk, maybe you’d understand!”
I scream this last part at him, but although he pauses and turns back to me, I can see that he isn’t open to conversation of any kind. Not now. Maybe not ever.
“Don’t think that this is over,” Cat tells me, and his voice is a warning meant for more than just my ears. “Once this mafia shit is buried deep where it belongs …” He trails off with a dangerous laugh. “We’ll all be having that talk you want so badly. But I wouldn’t be eager for it if I were you, Gidge.”
“It’s Gidget,” I snap, and Cat raises his arm like he’s about to hit me. He doesn’t, but I’m not sure if it’s because of the officers surrounding us, ready to kill their own president if necessary. Or if it’s because my father and I have an impossible connection, one that I’ve felt my whole life but never understood. “Cat!” I grab his arm and he throws me off so hard that I stumble and end up slipping backwards into the pool.
Water goes up my nose, but I bounce back quick, fingers curling around the edge of the pool and dragging myself up. Strong arms yank me the rest of the way, and I find myself in Sin’s embrace, soaking wet and looking over to see Beast with his hand around my father’s throat.
“Do it,” Cat tells his enforcer. “Show me your true colors, Catcher.”
“Beast, don’t,” I warn him, and his blue eyes snap over to me. “I’m okay. Don’t hurt him.”
Cat laughs as he shoves his enforcer’s arm away and continues on toward the gate that leads to the front yard, disappearing out of it and letting it slam behind him.
I push away from Sin and, in a fit of rage, I grab one of the chairs and chuck it into the swimming pool with a scream of frustration. The men keep their distance from me for a moment as I pace the edge of the pool and reach up to shake my fingers through my wet hair.
I don’t know what I expected out of Cat, what I keep expecting. But I know without a doubt that I’m at least stupid enough to try one more time. One more, that’s it. And then … I don’t know.
I just don’t fucking know.
“Gidge,” Sin whispers, drawing my attention back to him. I look over to see the four of them watching me. He offers me up a pool towel that he must’ve gotten from the piece of furniture near the back door. I take it in a shaking hand and wrap it around myself.
“I think at this point,” Crown offers up from behind me, “it’s best if you don’t go near Cat at all.”
He’s right. I know he’s right. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Grainger sets a pile of folded black clothes, a pair of bolt cutters, and a flashlight on the table in front of Grey.
“Alright,” Cade says, putting his palms down flat on the table and looking Grey dead in the face. “That’s it. Time for you to go.”
Grey stares at the items as I look over at Grainger, trying to interpret this seemingly sudden move.
He stands up straight, a frown carved onto that handsome face, and glances over at me.
“What? Don’t fucking look at me like that. We’re running out of time here. You think Cat won’t sweep this compound just to be sure we’re not screwing around up here?” The look he gives me begs me to make the jump, to figure this out.
But I already have.
I already know.
One thing that hit me when I was standing in my bedroom with Nellie is this: I am a selfish fucking asshole.
Cat’s grace—however it is that I managed to get it—does not extend to his officers. If he catches them with Grey in this house, he will kill each and every single one of them. Getting Grey Wolfe off this compound without implicating any of my men is imperative. I might be protected by some fucked-up version of fatherly love, but Sin, Crown, Beast, and Grainger are not.
“What’s the plan?” I ask, and Grainger narrows his eyes at me like he expect
ed an argument instead of a simple question. “How do we get Grey out of here without getting caught?”
I’m sitting in my usual spot at the table with Grey across from me. It was just us when I came in here, but we weren’t talking, just sipping coffee together like old times. It’s dark outside, but I enjoy a nightly cup of coffee just as much as a morning one (don’t tell the boys that it’s my second mug of the day).
Yesterday was fucking hard on me.
I had no idea how I’d feel, moving my shit from that horrible house up here. On the one hand, there was joy which, knowing myself the way I do, I didn’t trust it. Joy isn’t something that’s blessed to a person like me without the universe wrenching something away in return.
Then, of course, there was my moment with Nellie. With Cat. That was the flip side of my fragile joy: Nellie’s pain and loneliness … and Cat’s hatred. I’m leaving my parents alone in a big, empty house that’s stained with blood.
I’m the only child of theirs that managed to escape.
I exhale and set my mug down heavily on the surface of the table.
“The plan is this: Mafia Brat dresses himself in those clothes, takes that flashlight, those bolt cutters, and a prayer, and he heads for the fence on the southern side of the compound.” Grainger turns back to Grey, but he isn’t looking at my asshole lover. Instead, he’s watching me.
“I’m assuming we know the guard rotation?” I ask, but Grainger shakes his head.
“Nope. You think Cat wants any of us in charge of that shit right now?” Cade grits his teeth and looks away like he’s ashamed of himself. Maybe he is? We haven’t really talked about it because Cade Grainger isn’t a guy who’s big on feelings but losing his president’s trust can’t be an easy pill to swallow.
Sin appears in the doorway, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans.
“We might not know exact details, but I can take a guess. If I were Cat, I’d have men combing the woods in groups. That means less chance of getting caught, but a higher likelihood of death if you are caught.” He turns to look at Grey and finally, Grey breaks his unrelenting stare to glance up at Sin.
“When am I leaving?” Grey asks, his voice mild enough that if I didn’t know him as well as I did, I might think he was completely unperturbed by the plan.
“Now.” Grainger points at the pile before sliding his phone from his pocket to check the time. I still feel like he’s overdoing it, that he should be in bed resting, but you try telling this motherfucker to lie down and take it easy.
“I’ll go with him,” I say, because if I’m caught wandering around on the compound, so what? But the looks I get from both Sin and Grainger tell me that this is going to be a fight.
“No, you damn well will not,” Grainger tells me, looking me over with a bit of a scowl.
I rise to my feet, ready to make a stand, but then Grey speaks up, breaking the tension.
“It’s probably best if you don’t,” he says with a long sigh. He takes the pile in front of him and gathers it into his arms. “You didn’t go to all that trouble to save my life only to die now.”
Grey takes off, careful to keep a wide berth around both Grainger and Sin before he disappears into the downstairs bathroom to change.
“So if he says it, then it’s sure thing?” Grainger asks dryly, shaking his head. “You’re the most infuriating fucking baby mama.”
I narrow my eyes on him.
“Did I say sure thing? He shouldn’t be out there alone. If I go with him and we run into someone, I can create a distraction so that Grey can escape. There are a million reasons I could be out there by myself that aren’t immediately suspicious.”
“The answer is no,” Cade snaps as Sin offers up a more sympathetic but no more agreeable look.
“He’s right, you know. Cat gave you a pass once. He won’t do it again. He certainly won’t do it if he finds out you’ve been harboring his enemy’s heir on the compound. Don’t test fate, Gidge.”
My initial response is to fight back, just like I always do. Instead, I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, pushing aside that white-hot rage while I think this through. If I’m caught out there, I can probably distract whoever we come across long enough for Grey to get away. But what happens if I’m caught red-handed? I’m dragged in front of my father and executed?
It’s a distinct possibility.
In the past, I’ve played hard and fast with my own life. Because it was just mine and nobody else’s. Now that I’ve committed to these men, I feel like I have … gag … responsibilities. If I get caught, not only is there the chance it could come back on them, but I’m not sure how they’d all fare after losing me.
In the end, I decide that they’re right and open my eyes.
“Really?” Grainger asks, moving over to grab my face in his hand so that he can peer down at me through narrowed eyes. “You’re not freaking out?”
“I am capable of character growth, you know,” I retort, reaching up to grab his wrist so that I can shove his hand away. He squeezes his fingers even tighter on my chin and resists the movement.
“Well, fuck.” He lets go suddenly, but he’s still watching me, like he expects me to sneak out anyway. It’s absolutely something I’d have done in the past, but if I didn’t learn any kind of lesson when Carol Briggs died then I’d be a moron. There was a reason I was told not to leave the house that day. In the end, Cat was right.
That’s not an easy thing for me to admit.
We wait in silence for Grey to come out of the bathroom. Before he does, the front door opens and both Crown and Beast return from their shifts looking exhausted.
“Wife,” Beast greets, and then he’s grabbing me in his strong arms and kissing me with a hard, possessiveness that makes Grainger turn away with a curse. Sin leans back against the wall to watch, but Crown … He’s waiting, too, but for something else entirely.
As soon as Beast releases me, he’s reaching out a hand and grabbing mine. He pulls me against him and puts his arms around me as my heart thunders wildly. And then, with the taste of Beast still lingering on my lips, he kisses me, too. Like he’s my husband just as much as Beast is.
Oh. This is nice. I like this.
I could get used to this. As long as the men do their best to get along, I can handle some jealousy and posturing, some alpha male displays of possessiveness. Actually, it turns me on.
Crown pulls back and looks down at me, his eyes flicking up to Beast’s, as if he’s testing the other man, seeing if he’ll actually stick to his word.
“Welcome home, Vice Prez,” I quip, and the asshole almost smiles at me. But then, this is Crown, so he’s a bit of a hard-ass. He can be playful if he wants; I’ve seen it. It’s hard-won though, something I’ll have to chip away at.
When Crown releases me, I glance back over at Beast, but he looks the way he always does, contemplative and dark, like he’s planning sex and violence both inside that pretty head of his.
“What’s going on?” Crown asks, and I realize that this is a Sin/Grainger thing, and not an all-the-boys sort of deal.
“We’re sending Grey on his way,” Grainger announces, looking over at his vice president. “I have a bad feeling, Crown. If I were Cat, I would sweep this compound, and I sure as hell wouldn’t tell you, me, or anybody else. We need this kid gone—now.”
Crown contemplates that before looking down at me.
“What do you think?” he asks, which thrills me to no end. He said before that he believed in me. That’s a big thing, coming from a man like this who rarely gives praise of any kind. When he does, it’s as real as it gets.
“If Grainger thinks this is best, then I agree,” I say, even though I’m already missing Grey. I liked having him here. If I could keep him and Reba, I would. We could all live in this yellow farmhouse like one, big extended happy family. But that’s not how life works, and we don’t always get everything we want.
It’s time for Grey to go.
Soon enou
gh, it’ll be time for Reba to go, too.
It’ll be, and these men, and … eventually, a baby? Oh my God. What have I committed myself to doing here? I must be crazy. It’s not too late to change your mind, I tell myself, but I know that I won’t. What did Beast say that Cat was referring to me as? New blood? Yeah, we need some of that around here. We need a celebration, a birth instead of yet another fucking funeral. Although Gaz won’t ever get a funeral, will he? I think, and somehow, that makes me sad as hell.
Grey steps out of the bathroom, dressed head to toe in a black sweater, cargo pants, and boots. They must be Sin’s. He’s the closest in size to Grey.
He’s got the bolt cutters hanging from his right hand, the flashlight tucked in his pocket.
“I suppose it’d be too much if I asked for a gun?”
“Not happening,” Crown agrees as Grey approaches me, and my throat gets tight, my heart beating wildly in fear. If he dies out there tonight … then I’ll have set this entire thing into motion for nothing.
That, and I’ll lose that part of myself that I gave to Grey the day that I chose his life over mine.
“Gidge,” he says, and I can feel all four of the men stiffen up at the sound of their enemy using my nickname. He steps close to me and sets the bolt cutters down on one of the bottom steps. When Grey reaches out to put his palms on either side of my face, I let him, lifting my own hands up to press them over his.
Grainger makes a sound that’s awfully close to a growl, and I can feel four sets of eyes locked onto this interaction. They hate this. They don’t understand it. But they don’t have to.
“Grey,” I repeat, remembering that last night we spent together in his bed, cuddled up for comfort in a world that offered none, that raised us both in the image of shadows, and then punished us for embracing them. We were all each other had for those few months, just me and the mafia brat.
“No matter what happens after I leave here, I want you to know this.” He’s breathing hard, and he closes those heather gray eyes of his, like this is almost too much, like it’d be so much easier to just walk out the front door without a goodbye. “You changed me.”
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