by Crowe, Liz
“Really, I’d think he would be the one advocating for it. He’s always been so great with Katie.”
“Yeah, he wants a biological child using a surrogate.”
“Ah. Complicated.”
“Yeah. But, in an even more bizarre twist, Rob told me he thought they should take it even one more step. Find a woman to share their lives.”
“I understand you can get those on the internet.” His voice was serious. She looked up at his twinkling brown eyes and her heart did a little dance in her chest.
She punched his shoulder. “Be nice.”
He laughed and pulled her into an embrace. “It’s so good to see you. To see her. She’s amazing. You’ve…you and Jack…have done a great job.”
Sara sucked in a deep breath, keeping her nose buried in his shirtfront. “Thanks. But it’s likely more him than me.”
She looked up at him, keeping her hands clasped behind his waist. The eyes of the patio were on them, she knew but she didn’t care. He touched her cheek.
“I asked Suzanne to marry me yesterday.” Sara blinked, released him and ran her hand up her suddenly chilled arm.
“Oh. Well, double congratulations.”
She tried to force down the irrational jealousy that poked her consciousness.
I let him go. Can’t blame him for moving on.
But with Suzanne? She closed her eyes.
“She said no.” Her eyes flew open. She tried to gauge his state of mind but his face stayed neutral. “Told me I had to get you out of my system first. Said she wouldn’t play understudy.” He sighed and Sara realized how tired he looked.
“I’ve managed to screw up your life too? Wow. I’m on a roll.”
Rob and Blake interrupted before he had a chance to respond, walking up and taking over the conversation with Craig. “Excuse me,” she stepped back, “I need to…” she let the words fade as she escaped, already questioning her decision about tonight.
Chapter Eighteen
“Dear Lord. I feel like I’ve been beaten up by a biker gang,” Jack groaned from the living room. All the guests had finally dispersed, and Katie was passed out in her bed. Sara puttered around in the kitchen, nervous energy making her heart fluttery. Visions of Craig, images of his face when he saw how Katie had changed and seemed to be morphing into a blend of him and her, and his words, “She said no,” clanged around in her brain.
“Hey, bring me some alcohol.” His deep voice made her smile. She poured them each a glass of wine, pictured the small flat box she had tucked into the side table drawer. It calmed her.
The long conversations she’d had with Julie about that woman’s decision to bind herself to Evan this way first, before they married, had made a huge impact. Sara hoped she could convince Jack she meant this. They had an awful lot of bullshit behind them. And she wasn’t a hundred percent sure that wearing some kind of an expensive necklace made the sort of statement that mattered to him anymore. But she was willing to give it a shot.
She wandered back into the living room. She’d really turned this space into her oasis. Clean, neutral walls, mostly cream and brown furnishings; she’d discovered that sitting there soothed her with its simplicity. Jack sat on her soft white rug, legs sprawled out, head leaning back against the couch. He still managed to be breathtaking, even with a sprinkling of grey in his thick hair.
She joined him, curling her legs under her. They clinked glasses.
“Nice party, Sara. Well done.”
“You’d think it would be easy to impress a bunch of seven-year-olds. I assure you it is not.” She laughed and sipped, keeping her eyes averted, still wondering if this whole scenario she’d cooked up would be a huge mistake.
He kept an arm draped around her shoulder, traced circles on her bare shoulder with a finger while he sipped. “Good to see Craig. Seems he’s gonna be a more permanent fixture around here…again.”
“Yeah.” She wondered how her life could get so complicated just as she’d finally decided what she wanted.
Jack. She wanted Jack.
She had to do it before she backed out. She couldn’t let some silly passing memory about Craig convince her otherwise. She’d waited long enough. She knew what she wanted.
Jaw set, she stood.
“Where ya going?” He tugged her down, pressed her back onto the thick rug. She looked up at him. He had his arms on either side of her and leaned down, brushing his lips against hers. “Stay,” he whispered.
“Okay but I have…” He cut her off with a kiss so fierce, so intense it made her dizzy. His tongue swept into her mouth, lips firm against hers. He intoxicated her and brought her release all at once. She put her feet on the floor, needing to feel something solid, something to assure herself she hadn’t floated away on a cloud of desire from the mere touch of his mouth on hers. She broke away.
“Wow. What was that for? Not that I’m complaining.”
He grinned, making his eyes sparkle, which sent her insides into their usual, Jack-induced meltdown. He ran a finger down her face. The look in his eyes alarmed her – it contained regret, and very little hope.
She propped up on her elbows. “What? Really, Jack, why did you do that? We haven’t touched each other in nearly two years. Why now?”
“Because you needed it.”
She made a frustrated sound and looked away from him. He pushed her back onto the rug again in one swift movement and pinned her hands over her head. She struggled against him. Her earlier resolve had vanished. Confusion flooded her brain. But her body thrummed, recognizing and loving his power over her.
“I did not.”
“You did too.”
“Not.”
“Too. Look at me Sara.”
She turned her face to his, eager, and yet nervous about how easy this all was tonight.
He possessed her mouth once more, ran a hand down her breast, flicked her nipple while keeping her wrists still under his grasp. She shifted, wrapped a leg around his waist. His need pressed against her body and she arched into it, her world once again a swirl of dark emotion – a darkness she let herself own.
His hand slipped inside her shorts, reached her sex, pressed against it. Sara sighed neck as her long-neglected body fielded its first true release since…well, since the last time she’d been with him. He pressed fingers high into her, making her bite down on a squeal of pleasure. “May I? Please?”
He stopped, still as a stone, lips hovering over hers. His tongue flicked out, touched her lips. “Yes.” The one simple word, whispered deep in his throat, made her ears go quiet, shut out all sensation but his lips and fingers.
“That’s it baby. Give it to me. All of it. “He kept up the monologue, anchoring her as his fingers stoked her over and over making her quiver, moan, want more.
“Give me your heart Sara, please.” He nuzzled her neck. “I’ll take care of it for you I promise.” She gasped.
“Really? Could be tough, considering you’re still fully dressed.” She grinned at him as he jumped up and stripped out of his jeans and polo shirt in two seconds flat. He tugged her shorts down and off, yanked her shirt up and off, freeing her breasts with one flick of his fingers to her bra.
He was over her in a heartbeat, reaching over her head and threading his long fingers through her, kissing her until she saw stars. With a shift of his hips, he entered her body and soul with one decisive movement.
Wrapping both legs around his waist she held him still, looked in his eyes as he moved his hips, reaching up high. She tightened all her muscles.
“Kiss me, Jack,” she whispered.
He did, giving her what she needed. Then tilted his hips, gasping into her lips as he shuddered with his own release. She sighed, stretched beneath him, traced his lips with her tongue.
“You’ll take care of my heart, eh?”
He groaned, slipped out of her and collapsed on the rug beside her.
“I will. Although I guess you can call me the goddamned ten-second man, sorr
y. Jesus.” He ran a shaking hand over his face. She grinned and went up on an elbow. “You know how to make a man pent up.”
“I didn’t do that. You did. You can’t tell me there isn’t a line of women at your door willing to take your edge off.” She stood, tugged her shorts back on and grabbed her wine. “Whatever, I’m kidding. I have something for you actually. In my room. Give me a sec.” She pulled the large, flat velvet box from the drawer and arranged herself on the bed. Unsure how exactly to present it, she on the edge of her bed, holding it in her lap.
She heard him get a drink of water, then climb the steps. The gasp when she opened the box sounded serious. He took the few steps to her bed and shut it, fast, tossing it to the floor.
“No, Sara, that’s not what we’re about.” He kissed her, hard. When he released her, he plucked the box from the floor, opened it and pulled the thin platinum choker from it, turning it in his hands. She swallowed hard.
“I thought, I mean…I wanted to make a statement you know, about…us.”
“I know. I get it. I did the same thing about eight years ago, at a large sales meeting?” She looked away. “But this, while appreciated, is simply not necessary. I don’t want you this way.”
She stood, anger quickly replacing nervousness. “How exactly do you want me?”
“As an equal both in the bedroom and out. I don’t want there to be any confusion whatsoever about that.”
“But…this isn’t about equality, right? It’s about trust. I’m trying to tell you Jack, I trust you. Trust you enough to wear this so the whole world knows.” A whimper from upstairs made them both look up. Sara sighed as he kissed her nose.
“It’s too much, too soon. Kinda like that first time I proposed, okay? We need to get our heads around all of this. You and me both.” He made for the door now that the sounds materialized into a coherent cry for Uncle Jack.
“But…” She followed him out and stood at the steps, listening as he soothed Katie, got her a drink of water and shut the door behind him. He took a seat on the bottom stair, tugged her down alongside him.
“Can I be totally honest?”
She nodded and leaned against his shoulder.
“That first time. I…I wasn’t ready for marriage. I was making a statement, forcing you into something neither of us was prepared for. You figured it out and most likely saved us from an expensive divorce.” She started to protest but he put a finger over her mouth. “I’ve done a shitload of soul searching on this. As hard as it is for me to admit, and as much as I love you, I think we need more time.”
She watched, incredulous, as the man who’d begged her to marry him repeatedly, started for the front door after she’d offered him what she thought was something even deeper.
The door shut and she was alone, yet again. She sat, trying to process it, trying to will away the kneejerk reaction that resembled anger. He had a point. She turned his words over in her head, trying to find solace, or hope. She wanted nothing more than a life with him and was finally ready to admit it. She thought she’d done the right thing. But he’d…he’d rejected her.
She gasped and covered her mouth as the truth of this moment bowled her over. Now, she knew how he felt all those times he’d asked her to marry him and she’d blown him off, casual and breezy. Now she got it.
The crystal vase made a very satisfying crash against the wall. The water and ruined flowers soaked the drywall, but didn’t stop the pounding in her head repeating the words “as much as I love you” over and over again.
Julie answered right away. “How did it go?” Sara could hear the girls fussing in the background.
“Not well.”
“What? Hang on a sec. Evan! Can you please…thanks. Now, seriously Sara, what did he say?”
“He doesn’t want it. He wants a partnership. Says I’m not ready for that step. Shit I don’t know anymore. Maybe it isn’t meant to be.” The thought of that made her nearly choke on unhappiness.
Jack sat in his car, forehead pressed to his steering wheel for a solid five minutes, trying to catch his breath. He sat up, gripped the steering wheel and touched the phone icon, grinding out “Call Evan” clearly enough for the device to obey.
“Yo, what’s up?” His friend’s voice soothed him. Sounds of babbling in the background made him smile.
“Hey. I just needed somebody to tell me I did the right thing just now.”
“Hang on a second.” He could hear Evan talking to his wife, her sounds of agreement and more baby noises while he left the room.
“Sorry,” he mumbled when Evan returned.
“Dude, I needed a break, no worries. I’m hiding in my man cave as we speak, holding a double scotch and fondling a cigar. Spill it.”
“She tried to…she had a…a collar. I flipped out.” He put his head back against the wheel, his brain spinning.
“Jesus. Why? I mean. You’ve said yourself that’s not the sort of relationship you want with her.”
“I know, but I have to ask you – why do you think so? It’s what I want, ultimately, with or without the actual jewelry. Why did I tell her no? Jesus.”
“Because it’s not right. Not yet, anyway. Although sometimes I wonder about you guys. You’ll be sixty years old before you both give in and acknowledge what everybody around you already does.”
“Except for her father of course. And that damn kid who could have…”
Evan cut him off. “Stop it. You’re doing the right thing Jack. Stay strong. Now, I gotta get back to my estrogen Rockettes before Julie runs screaming into the night.”
“Thanks man. And tell Julie if she needs a real man, my door is always open.”
“Yeah, as if she’d take your sorry ass after having my magnificence.”
“Oh, well, I guess I’ll let her tell you.”
“Fuck you Gordon.”
“Julie? Anytime. Talk soon.”
Chapter Nineteen
Sara let the warm breeze still kicking up over Lake Michigan soothe her rattled psyche. The perfect quiet moment allowed her to reflect and hone in on why she still ached for Jack even though she still saw him nearly every day, talked to him most nights, and exchanged Katie regularly. She knew why – it wasn’t enough. She wanted more but she’d blown it. Waited too long. Too little too late.
At the end of September rolled around and Blake hosted a family get together out at the cabin he and Rob had purchased up North, and Sara had never looked forward to it more. Her parents stayed at their own place two houses down the beach, but met them for lunch and dinner every day. She’d nearly missed the whole thing thanks to a lawsuit that another brokerage had threatened her office with, but Jack had convinced her to get away. He’d said he’d be up for a day himself.
Katie splashed in the cool water of the lake. Rob stood and watched, then kicked her obnoxious pink soccer ball up and down the beach with her while Blake made their evening meal. Craig was due to arrive tonight and Sara couldn’t sort out how she felt about that.
She’d stopped by Suzanne’s bar once hoping to clear the air, but the woman had been too busy to talk, or unwilling to engage with her, one or the other. Whatever hold she still had over Craig, or whatever feelings he still had for her, they had to get past it. Craig deserved happiness.
A cold bottle pressed to her bare shoulder, making her jump. Craig smiled down at her and handed her one, dropping into the chair next to her with a groan. “Christ, I’m shattered.”
“I’m sure. You thought real estate was stressful?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I do love it though, I won’t kid you.”
“Uncle Craig!” Katie came running up and fell onto his lap.
“Katie!” Sara tried to pull her off. “Don’t get him all wet and sandy.”
“I don’t care,” he declared, burying his nose in her hair. She sat up and filled him in on every aspect of her life in about ten minutes, talking a hundred miles a minute as usual.
Sara shut it out and sipped her beer, watch
ing Rob kick the soccer ball around. Katie leapt up and joined him, ducking between his long legs to steal the ball and dribble it down the beach. Craig sighed and stretched out on the lounge chair.
“I heard you tried to talk to Suzanne.”
She continued to ponder the lake. “Yes.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say. “Are you guys, um…?”
“No. I took her at her word. I’ve been working like mad, picking up extra shifts as the low man on the practice totem pole. I’m not worth more than collapsing on the couch after.” He took a drink of his beer. “But I would, if she’d let me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why? It’s not your fault. It’s mine. C’mon, Blake told me to bring you guys up for dinner.” He hauled her to her feet.
* * *
Craig held her hand later, again, as they walked down the beach. It felt natural, but friendly, and it comforted her in its familiarity. When they spoke, it was of innocuous things. His chest ached with longing—but for whom, he simply wasn’t sure anymore. Finally he stopped, pulled her close.
“I missed you so much.” He ran a finger down her face.
She smiled and touched his cheek.
“Go to Suzanne, Craig. Tell her you love her. I know you do. You both deserve happiness.” He stuck his hands in his shorts pockets and looked at her. The ache remained, but for someone else.
“You’re right. I…I should go.”
“Tonight.” Her eyes glistened in the waning light of the late summer day. “Don’t wait another minute.” She bit her lip.
“I do love you Sara. You know that.”
She shook her head. “No. You don’t. Stop saying it. You love the idea of me. You always did. But the woman you do love is waiting for you. Make it worth her while. I know you can.” She touched his lips. “I release you.”
He grinned, ran his hand through his hair and took off running back up the beach. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and dashed off a quick text.
“I’m coming home tonight. Be ready for me.” By the time he’d reached the cabin he had his answer.