by Crowe, Liz
She knew she ought to come out from behind the desk, shake the gorgeous woman’s no doubt perfectly manicured hand. But something made her stay still.
“I’m Shannon Simon, a new agent. I was just, um, well, never mind.” The other woman’s gaze flickered up and down Sara’s equally well-dressed form, making her face heat up. “He told me he’d be back.” A sudden piercing realization hit Sara between the eyes. She sat back down, staking her claim as best she could.
“No. His family situation is…”
“I know.” The woman waved an indeed well-maintained hand. Sara bristled.
“Okay. Can I…” The girl cut her off again. Sara sensed her temper lurking around the corner but forced it back. She had no business knowing Jack’s status with his agents.
“No, no. I’ll give him a call. Thanks.” The woman stayed in the doorway. Jason appeared at her elbow.
“Sara, Jack’s on line one.” The woman raised an eyebrow as she put her hand on the phone.
“Well, Shannon, so nice to meet you. Please excuse me.”
“So you’re Sara.” The woman’s gaze took on a sharp edge Sara did not care for, not one bit.
Jason rolled his eyes and pulled the woman out of the room. Sara stared at the light on the phone. Warring emotions scrabbled for her attention. She blinked when Jason reappeared in the door.
“Line one, Sara.” She nodded and picked it up, closing her eyes at the sound of Jack’s voice from thousands of miles away, still with the power to bring her to her knees.
“Yes.” She kept her voice short, busying herself by scrabbling around in his super neat files. Finding nothing related to the case she sighed.
“You okay?” The deep growl of his voice made her shiver. She tried to remind herself what he was going through right now. But she let the jealous light blind her instead.
“No. I’m not. Where’s the file?”
“Jason has the particulars. Notes are on my computer. Password is K-A-T-E” Sara flinched and shoved down the urge to snap at him. He’d been through so much. Maybe she’d overreacted.
No, she hadn’t. She knew a predatory look in another woman’s eyes when she saw it.
“Fine.”
“Okay then. You’ll be fine. Karen is on her last legs, professionally. But there’s no way she slipped like that. I have the proof.”
“That’s great.” She sat and let the silence get uncomfortable.
“What’s wrong Sara? I don’t have time for bullshit. You have no idea what I’m dealing with right now.” Sara heard his niece’s voice in the background, shouting at her brother. Jack sighed. “Christ. This is such a mess. I…I wish had brought you with me. I could use…”
“Who the hell is Shannon?” His silence spoke volumes. “Never mind. None of my business. But did you check her ID? Just to be safe?”
“She’s a new agent.”
“I gathered that. What else is she Jack?”
“That would fall under the ‘none of your business’ category.”
“I guess, except for the fact that you and I are supposed to be working through our issues. You know, so we might be together?”
“Honey, hang on, Uncle Jack is on the phone. Go find your mom for me, will ya?”
“Mommy won’t get out of bed Uncle Jack. Can you come?”
“Okay, Hang on I’m coming.” Sara steeled herself.
“Sara, listen, I met Shannon at…well, at the club, you know, downtown? We got to talking, ah, afterward. She’d just set a sales record at her pharma company. I talked her into changing careers.”
“I get it. She’s your reason for needing more time to sort things out, isn’t she?” Sara hated the sound of her voice, the intense feeling of raw, painful jealousy surging through her soul. “How long have you been going back to that club? The one you refuse to take me too?”
She could picture him, running his long fingers through his hair, like he did whenever he got stressed. “Yes, okay. Yes. She is, but that’s just part of it. You aren’t sure either. That whole scene with the collar was for my benefit not yours. That’s why I turned it down. You had a weak moment and thought you needed to prove something.”
“No, Jack, I didn’t. And I’m glad you said no. Proves what I’ve believed for the last eight years. You don’t love me. You love Katie, I get that. But you won’t ever truly love me.”
“Believe what you want, Sara. Shannon has potential. I won’t kid you. She’s sharp, smart, an incredible salesperson, a hell of a lot like a particular woman I met at the door of an empty condo– after she’d been fucked by a nearly married man.”
“You’re an asshole, Jack Gordon.”
“Yeah. Maybe. But one thing Shannon isn’t – is you. You’re just too damn stubborn to let me love you. So I’m moving on. Something I think I recall you telling me to do.” He paused. Sara wanted to fill in the empty space with something, anything.
“Listen, I have to go. My family needs me.”
“I’ll tell Shannon you said hi.”
“Don’t be childish.” His voice stayed low, making her scalp tingle. “I mean it. Don’t assume you know what my issues are. You will never fully understand me.”
“Huh, ya think? Thanks for reminding me.” She sighed, hating herself for haranguing him at this particular moment. But damn it, the reality of this …. this Shannon person made her new life goal that much more out of reach. She lowered her voice. “I’m sorry, Jack. I know this is really tough for you. Hang in there. If you me to…well, anyways, good luck. Jason and I will handle the hearing. Bye.”
She hung up, tears running down her face. Jason stuck his head around the corner, sympathy in his eyes.
“Okay, I’ll see you downtown at noon?”
She nodded, wiped her eyes and turned on the computer. Jack’s Google chat icon flared to life as the screen booted up. He’d left it on and must be using it from Germany. She frowned. They usually talked by phone, or exchanged texts. Who would he be…she swallowed hard when she saw the little green button next to the name “Shannon” light up.
“Don’t read it. Don’t read it. You are asking for trouble you don’t want,” the voice in her head chided her.
As she watched, Shannon’s words appeared on the small chat screen. “Hey. Hope you’re ok. I finally met Sara. She seems nice. Call me if you need to talk. I’m here, like we talked about. Let me be the emotional support you need.”
She seemed…nice?
The yell felt ripped from her soul. Her hand landed on the nearest thing, Jack’s heavy business card holder and she flung it across the room, hitting an expensive, framed watercolor, sending them both crashing to the floor.
“Fucking asshole!” She jumped when Jack’s secretary appeared, took one look at Sara’s face, Jack’s monitor, and the mess on the floor and walked out. She sat, chest heaving, unable to focus.
Furious with him, but really more with herself for being such a difficult bitch. Did she honestly thing she deserved anything else at this stage of the game?
The G-chat beep pierced her fog of misery.
Jack, with an answer.
“Thanks. I still don’t know where I’m at, you know. But I do know I’ve enjoyed getting to know you --- inside and out.”
The asinine little devil-horned emoticon made her ears buzz. A headache pounded her temples. She turned away from the screen before she saw anymore. It was none of her business anyway.
Dear God, what have I done? I pushed him away, that’s what. Straight into that woman’s arms.
She looked up when Jason snapped the computer screen off. He leaned on Jack’s desk and studied her.
“He loves you, you know.”
“He’s got a funny way of showing it.”
“You won’t meet him halfway Sara.”
“I did. And he rejected me.”
“He told me about that.” Sara rolled her eyes. Did she have no secrets? “You sort of blindsided him with it and he knee-jerk reacted. He wanted to take it
back, trust me.”
“Then why didn’t he?”
“Because he’s as bad as you are, dear.” Jason patted her knee. “You two will either end up together, or involved in some kind of mutual homicide. I have the office pool on it. Odds are on homicide…you know, since…” He jerked his head to the hallway as Shannon breezed by. Sara flipped him off, and stood.
“Can you find the damn files?”
“Sure thing.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dear God I hate soccer.
Sara sat, shivering under an umbrella on a late May afternoon as rain pelted down and the small forms of her daughter and teammates sloshed through mud. “Really, playing under these conditions should be against some sort of safety law,” she muttered under her breath.
“Oh Sara, don’t be so negative.” One of the soccer moms laughed. Sara frowned at her, but let her face soften into a smile. The woman had been the only team mom who had truly been nice to her. Not that she cared. She caught the eye of the coach, blushed, and looked away.
“Who’s the new eye candy over there?” She leaned in to ask her new friend. “Seriously Lila, did we get a new coach or something?” The guy was quite the vision, Tall, dark skinned with long black hair currently tied back, his fit body hard to disguise under team colored shorts and a warm up jacket.
It had been a long, lonely year since Jack returned from Germany, sister and family in tow. She was pissed-off at herself, but still stuck in her death spiral of “trust him/don’t trust him.”
Sara had paid her respects to Maureen as soon as Jack felt she was ready for visitors. The poor woman had been vacant-eyed, lost looking and clung to her brother as if for dear life. Jack had found them a house, gotten the kids settled and in school, and, it seemed, deepened his dalliance with Shannon into a “relationship.” He’d been brutally honest with her about that. Something she sometimes wished he wouldn’t do.
But she’d asked for it, hadn’t she?
Sara stayed aloof. She had to, or risk losing her mind. She’d taken over a lot of the soccer duties, against her will, but knew Katie loved it and had determined to step up and be a better parent. The yawning void labeled “Jack” ached like a sore tooth, every day.
They’d passed so close, so many times but always managed to miss a real partnership, so she’d resigned herself to a life without him. Let Shannon have him. She’d already experienced his full self – they’d met at that stupid club that he never took her to – Sara was certain they must share some kind of deeper connection anyway.
Rat bastard.
She sighed and let herself admire the hot coach from a distance.
“He’s the DOC,” Lila said, breaking her reverie.
“Jargon alert. What the hell does that mean?”
“Director of Coaching. Kind of the boss of coaches. He’s taking over our team, apparently.”
“Oh.” Sara bit her lip and crossed her legs. She’d gone out on a few dates, shared a few awkward, intimate moments on one or two of them, but she didn’t really have the energy for it. She’d lost not just one, but two amazing men thanks to her own annoying obstinacy. She’d shut Jack and Craig out, and finally, they got her message loud and clear. So she sat alone most nights, staring out the window, pondering her squandered opportunities.
The crowd murmured, the women noticeably primping as the sun finally broke through the grey overcast. Sara put her umbrella down, and saw the reason for the commotion. Jack strode across the grass, impressive as always in his dark blue suit, expensive shoes and mega-watt smile. She observed him and the crowd’s reaction and grumbled to herself. He shook hands, hugged women, and stood behind her, hands on her shoulders. His lips brushed her ear.
“How’s she doing?”
“Fine.” She moved her shoulders so he’d get the hint. He did. Once the game finished, Katie ran over and jumped into his arms. Sara stood, a little apart from the adoring Jack Gordon crowd. She startled when a hand touched her arm.
“Oh, um sorry.” She sidestepped the dark handsome man who stood too close all of a sudden. “Hi.” She blushed and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
“You are Katie’s mom, no?” He closed the miniscule gap between them.
“Uh, yes. I am. And you are…”
He, stuck his hand out. “Sorry. I’m Mateo. Mateo Alonso at your service.”
“Huh, really?” She blushed again at her own boldness. He grinned, and she suddenly had a burning need to let his hair loose and run her fingers through it. She glanced over his shoulder and caught Jack’s bright blue stare. She gave him a look she hoped relayed a “what?” message and refocused on the adorable, exotic young man.
Jack had no real reason to be unhappy. He had a job he loved, more than enough money in the bank, the respect of his peers, a beautiful girl he considered his daughter and as much time with her as he wanted.
Plus, as an added bonus, there was a ready, willing, and able submissive in his life and his bed. She was full-on into the lifestyle, something he’d considered himself finished with. But he had to admit, he was enjoying their time together, if on a superficial way. It was as if he were play-acting with her, with pleasant results, mind you. Marking time with her as the Dom she seemed to need.
Because part of him would never give up on the possibility of being with Sara.
Ever.
When he got a load of the smarmy, dark-haired, way-too-young-for-her coach blatantly flirting with Sara not two yards away, his vision darkened and he had to clench the hand not holding onto Katie into a tight fist. It righted him, the pain in his hand. Reminded him he had zero say in Sara’s life anymore.
They’d managed to misunderstand and miscommunicate themselves into some kind of bizarre, loveless, co-parenting arrangement that he, for one, despised even though, he reminded himself once more, he had no reason to be unhappy.
Right.
He ignored her all the way to the car, letting Kate’s babbling recital of her two goals fill his head. A hand on his shoulder stopped the process across the grass. He arranged his face into neutral and turned, knowing who stood there as if she’d announced herself already.
Sara Jane Thornton – the woman who’d haunted his dreams, his whole life really, for nearly a decade. Beautiful, talented, sexy, killer manager, and the most frustrating female in the known universe, stood there, appraising him like he was a zoo exhibit. He returned her glare.
Kate tugged his sleeve. “Uncle Jack, can we do Washtenaw Dairy? Since we won? Like you said?” He smiled down at her. Evidence of the gorgeous woman she would someday be already glowed from her like a beacon, with her deep green eyes and sharp, distinctive features, a brain and smart mouth to match. He grinned and crouched down to meet her gaze.
“A promise is a promise.” He rose, trying to ignore the deep freeze coming from the woman who was the girl’s mother. “Joining us Sara?” He put a hand in his pocket, tried to calm the visceral fury at the sight of the soccer coach tool still watching her ass.
“Sure. Why not? Meet you there.” She waved at the coach, and smiled sweetly at him before climbing into her car without another word. Jack ground his teeth, shot what he hoped was a withering glare at the guy, who merely raised a hand before turning away.
By the time he pulled alongside the Ann Arbor institution that was Washtenaw Dairy, he’d calmed somewhat, forcing visions of Shannon through his brain, trying to remind himself he was in a place he liked with her.
It didn’t work. He smacked the steering wheel then jumped when Kate spoke.
“Uncle Jack? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, princess. Nothing at all. Let’s go ruin our dinner together.” He climbed out.
He ate his ice cream, barely hearing anything anyone said, his entire focus on Sara, her lips, her hair—the little quirks he remembered, like biting her lip, rubbing the back of her neck. She seemed nervous too, which eased his anxiety, in a sick way.
That was them, in a nutshell. Wanting one thin
g. Acting like they didn’t. Screwing around—at least in his case—elsewhere to find relief. Why shouldn’t she do the same.
He had to shut his eyes to hold down the tidal wave of fury at the thought of her…with…anyone else but him.
Jesus, Gordon. This is the twenty-first century. Stop thinking on a cave-man level.
“Huh?” He looked down at Kate. Anger marred her face.
“Uncle Jack, aren’t you listening?”
“No, sorry I wasn’t.” He grinned and pulled the girl onto his lap, loving her warmth and the unconditional love that poured off her in waves.
“I said I wanna spend the night at Ella’s. She said Aunt Mo would take us ice skating later.” Jack kissed her hair. Kate had grown close to his sister and her kids in the past year. He was pleasantly surprised how well they all fit together.
“Sure thing. Want me to drop you there now?”
She sighed and snuggled into his neck. He gripped her tighter, sudden emotion making his chest ache. Sara watched them, keeping silent.
“That’s perfect really. I have a date tonight anyway,” he said, acting to type, fulfilling his role in this stupid charade, being the dickhead. He closed his eyes again, hating himself.
“Shannon again? She makes good pancakes. You guys save me some tomorrow, okay?” Katie said.
Sara rolled her eyes and sipped the last of her milkshake. Jack tried not to smirk. “No, Shannon and I are taking a little break.” He startled himself with this. But suddenly it was exactly what he wanted to say, what he wanted Sara to hear. Sara narrowed her eyes at him.
“Okay. Good. You should take Mommy on a date. She never goes out.” Kate jumped down and started kicking her soccer ball around the sidewalk. Jack stared at Sara who avoided his eyes.
“That’s sort of the idea.” He kept his voice low.
She scoffed and tossed her cup into a nearby bin.
“No thanks, I um, already have a date tonight.”
He raised an eyebrow, every inner alarm he had clanging around in his brain, bringing a headache that pounded his temples.
“Really?”
“Really. That such a surprise?”