by Z Brewer
Keeping my ears perked to potential movement behind or ahead of me, I trudged forward through the snow and cold, ascending higher and higher until my lungs were tight from the thin air. The sun had begun its descent, but I couldn't bring myself to focus on the absolute harrowing danger of that. With darkness would come further confusion. My ability to navigate would be drastically lessened, and there would be no way to detect Graplars in the dark. Not that I'd seen any wandering in the wilds recently, apart from those near Darrek’s stronghold. But all of these things were hidden quietly in the back of my mind as I climbed the mountainside, tucked gingerly under the blanket of my illness. After some time, I could no longer feel the cold, and it was a miracle that I managed to locate the cave's entrance and get inside at all. I set the pot on the cave floor and laid down, squeezing my eyes closed against the swirling colors all around me. I didn't trust my fevered brain. Maybe I wasn't lying on the floor of the cave. Maybe I was simply slumped over in a snow bank. Maybe I was dying.
Still lying on the floor, I finished off most of the stew, knowing that it would cure me. It would stop my fever. It would help me live through this. And no one else had done it. I’d saved myself. If I could just get enough of the herb into my system.
I laid there for some time, and after time had passed, a lot or a little--I couldn't be sure--my cheek began to feel...differently. The sensation in it was one that I deemed familiar, but still couldn't identify. Then I realized that what I was feeling was warmth against my cheek, against the entire right side of my body. I was being held by strong arms, lifted and carried out of the cave. Outside, it was much darker than it had been when I'd entered.
"It will be alright, Kaya. I've got you now," a voice whispered to me. Gage. It had to be Gage. He’d followed me after all. Even though I hadn’t wanted him to. But I was glad he was here now. It couldn’t be Trayton. The image of Trayton had been nothing more than a fevered dream.
Trusting Gage through the fever, I relaxed into him, pressing my face against his chest. I was safe now. I was going to be okay.
The next few sensations that I could recall before waking came in a blur. A moist cloth touching my forehead. A hot spoon, full of stew, burning my tongue. A caring kiss on my cheek. They might have all been false, but they felt so real to me. They anchored me in a way that I very much needed them to. Those experiences gave me a link outside of my illness, inspiring hope that it would soon end.
But the darkness was hot and unending. I felt like I was falling—tumbling through the air, with no ground in sight. I wondered if I was dying.
Chapter 17
A sound woke me, but I didn't open my eyes. It sounded like orders being shouted across a camp. I was no longer lying on a cave floor, but on a cot, and covered with blankets. Furrowing my brow, I wondered exactly where I was. When I opened my eyes, slowly, I saw that I was inside a tent of some sort. The flap door opened and in stepped Trayton. He looked breathless and terrified. A small cut drew a crimson line above his left eye. I blinked, wondering if my fever was still twisting my vision, but I felt differently than I had before--stronger, more within my own senses. It occurred to me that it hadn't been one of King Darrek's elite soldiers I'd encountered at all, but Trayton. He was still wearing the same uniform. But why would Gage bring me here? And where was Gage, anyway?
Trayton's eyes widened at the sight of me awake. He took a breath and fell beside me, brushing my hair from my eyes. "Kaya...oh, Kaya, you're alright. Thank the stars, you're alright."
For the moment, all the anger and resentment was gone, and I was thrilled to just be in Trayton's company again. "Trayton, what are you doing here, dressed like that? And sharing a camp with Darrek's soldiers?"
"I haven't changed loyalties, if that's what you're worried about." The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk, and he slid his hand down, cupping my hand in his as he looked into my eyes. "I couldn't tell you. I was sworn to secrecy before I left. I'm on a mission with strict orders from the Zettai council. I can't give you details, but I have to ask why you're here. You should be at Shadow Academy, where it's safe. Not out here, looking for me."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that looking for him was only a small part of my goals leading me away from the Academy. It wouldn't have made a difference to tell him that anyway. It only would have hurt him. So I simply smiled sheepishly, and wondered what I was doing here, in this tent, on this mountainside, in this life. "You healed me. Kind of funny, that twist of fate. I never pictured you as a Healer."
He grew quiet, but his belied something of a darker nature that I did not yet know. I furrowed my brow. “What happened?”
"I kept you as warm and dry as I could, even forced broth down your throat. One filled with herbs I thought you needed in order to break your fever. But…" The look in his eyes was one of concern, as if what he was about to share with me were impossible to believe.
“But what, Trayton?”
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed me, closing his eyes, inhaling the scent of my skin as if it might be the last time he would ever have the chance to do so. When at last he pulled away, he met my eyes. The cut on his head remained. In a breathy whisper, he said, “You died, Kaya.”
Confusion filled me. Died? That was impossible. I was lying here, talking to him, as alive as ever. His hand was warm against my skin. “What are you talking about?”
“Your heart stopped beating. Your breath left you. You died.” Tears welled in his eyes, but only one managed to escape and roll down his cheek. “I…I felt it. Before anyone could tell me, I felt the string of our binding snap between us.”
“What are you saying? We’re not…Bound?”
He lifted my hand to his head and pressed my fingers to the cut above his eye. The skin remained split. Trayton didn’t heal at my touch.
In shock, I drew my hand back quickly and gasped. Neither of us spoke for several minutes. I was still desperately trying to comprehend what this meant. I had died, somehow. And then miraculously returned to life. Did that really mean I wasn’t Bound to Trayton? Did it mean that I was no longer Soulbound to Darius?
"There is one thing I have to ask you." A light flicked across his eyes, and I knew that I was in trouble, but I wasn't exactly sure why. He took a breath, as if preparing himself for my response, and said, "Who, precisely, is Gage?"
My voice caught in my throat. I had no idea what I might have said or done in my fevered state. Had I referred to Trayton as Gage? Had I spoken of Gage in any way that might be embarrassing to me? What on Tril could I have said?
"Gage?" I blinked and looked around the tent, as if trying to get my bearings again, when all I was really doing was trying to buy myself some time. Trayton had only ever been the jealous type when it came to Darius, but I wasn't at all certain that he'd be pleased with the notion of some handsome stranger and I travelling together and developing a friendship that bordered on flirtatious. I didn't want to lie to Trayton, but I also didn't want to further grow the tension that had been between us the last time we saw one another. "Oh, Gage. He's...a friend. He helped me take down a Graplar once."
I was being secretive, and everything about the expression on Trayton's face said that he knew that I was withholding information, but he wasn't about to push the issue. Suddenly, I was grateful that I was sick. If I'd been well, I was certain that arrows would be slung from both sides. Needing a change of subject, I said, "Are you going to tell me what you're doing out here, camping amongst the elite?"
Trayton shook his head. "They're not Darrek's men. We're all Barrons. We're just dressed as Darrek's guards, moving like them, using their equipment. It's the only way we can get close to Darrek. If we become those who protect him. Or seem to become them, at any rate."
He wouldn't tell me exactly why they were posing as Darrek's guards, and I knew better than to waste my time asking. I was curious about one other thing, though. "Isn't it dangerous to be out here without your Healers? I mean, you've only mentioned Barrons."
Trayton furrowed his brow. "The Healers were all killed. There was a raid of our camp several nights ago, on the outer rim, and none of them survived. That's when we killed Darrek's men and took their uniforms. I must confess, I took great pleasure in the deed."
The idea that Darrek's guards were targeting Healers, that his Graplars were being trained to do the same, sickened me. If the king wanted a fight, why not have an honest one? Why work toward such an unfair advantage? The answer was obvious, and lay in the ashes of Wood's Cross and Kingsland--King Darrek was evil to the core. "Nothing wrong with that, Trayton. Who were the Healers?”
“Zane’s Healer, Acron. And Susanne, Thomas’s Healer. The rest you don’t know. But it was…terrible.” The look in his eyes was haunted.
“How are the other Barrons and Healers fairing?"
His voice cracked slightly when he first spoke, a tribute to his empathy for his troupe. "A handful had been Soulbound, so they're struggling to stay focused. But the rest are fine. Heartbroken over the loss of their Healers, but able to function."
"And you?" I reached out then and touched his Trace gently with my fingertips. Small goose bumps dotted his neck as I did so. "How are you doing without me here?"
He traced his finger along my hand and up my arm, until it rested lightly on my jaw. When he smiled, his entire body relaxed, as if everything that he'd done up until this moment on the battlefield were worth this experience alone. It made the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end to see that look in his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was but a whisper. "I've regretted leaving you behind the moment I stepped outside the South gate."
He bent down then and gently brushed his lips against mine. I tilted my head up, wanting more, and he gave in, pressing his mouth to mine until every inch of me was warm. When he finally pulled away, he said, "You're sure Gage is no one I need to be concerned about?"
"He's just a friend. I swear." As if in protest of that statement, my mind chose that precise moment to conjure up the image of Gage's bare muscular back in the moonlight. I blinked it away from my thoughts, but it was hard going. Gage was attractive, yes. And charming. And kind. But he was also a liar and a betrayer. Besides, none of Gage’s positive qualities meant that Trayton had anything at all to be concerned about.
He sat back and pursed his lips before meeting my eyes once again. "At some point, we need to discuss the situation with Darius. Not now. But soon."
I shook my head. "There is no situation with Darius."
"You know what I mean." I did. But I wasn't about to let the conversation go on without him saying so. It's not like we could avoid the word forever. Finally, he said, "You're...Soulbound...to him."
I swallowed hard. It was difficult enough to know that fact. It was far more difficult to hear confirmation of it coming from my Bound Barron's lips. "We don’t know that. If my death….whatever that was…changed things between you and I, who says it didn’t change things between Darius and I?"
He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, his eyes flicking about the tent, as if the corners of the temporary room might hold the answers he was looking for. "I’ve seen the way you look at him, Kaya. It…complicates things. I have questions."
"I may not have answers." I wished it could be different. I wished that I could explain everything to Trayton and that we could be transported back to that hidden room above the library, staring up through the glass ceiling at the stars, oblivious to the world around us. But it couldn't be that way now. It might not ever be that way again.
Trayton sighed with a heaviness that made it sound like he'd been holding it in for quite some time. "Who does? Who has the answers?"
Our eyes locked then. We both knew who had the answers we sought. And neither of us, I would have bet my katana, were looking forward to getting those answers out of him.
At the same moment, we spoke his name aloud. "Darius."
Unwilling to rest any longer, I pushed myself into a sitting position, relieved when my head didn't swim. After a moment to be certain that the effects of the fever really had passed, I stood. Trayton visibly fought the urge to help me, and I appreciated that greatly. Looking around the tent, I noticed my cloak, now dry, lying over the back of a small wooden stool. My satchel, also dry now, lay on the bare ground beside it. "Where's my katana?"
Surveying the tent, I couldn't locate it. A heavy feeling filled my stomach then, and I looked back at Trayton. "Trayton, where is my weapon? I need it."
Trayton stiffened, and I knew that this conversation was about to sour. "You don't need it now. You're surrounded by a group of armed Barrons, Kaya."
The corner of my mouth twitched. It was all I could do not to lose my cool and scream at him. But if I did that, I'd never see my sword again--that much I knew. "Armed Barrons who couldn’t protect the other Healers that had been camped with them.”
The corner of Trayton’s mouth twitched. I’d poked him. But I’d done so honestly.
“And what should I use to protect myself once I leave your camp, exactly?"
"Leave our ca--" He shook his head, his eyebrows drawing together in irritation. Just a moment ago, we had been kissing. "Kaya, you can't leave. We have to escort you back to Shadow Academy."
"The fak you do." My heart was racing. There was no way I was going back to the Academy, to Quill, to extra duties and the threat of the Zettai council. How could he expect me to go back when everything in my life was propelling me forward? Everything, that is, but him.
Suddenly, Trayton seemed larger. His shoulders appeared more broad. His tone was deep, almost fatherly. He took a step toward me and I resisted the urge to bolt out of the tent. "It's not safe out here."
Silently, I gauged the distance from where I was standing to my belongings, sans my weapon. Six feet. No more. "I've done alright on my own."
Trayton gripped my shoulders, his face reddening as he raised his voice. "You nearly died from a fever!"
Stomping on his toes, I managed to loosen his grip on me and hurry to my satchel, where I quickly dug inside, knowing exactly what I was looking for. As I held the dagger out at Trayton, I screamed, "Where is my fakking katana?!"
Trayton's eyes widened. He put his hands up in front of him in shock. I had absolutely zero intentions of hurting Trayton, but I had to show him that I meant business. I wanted to leave their camp, to find out why the Graplars were invading the lowlands, and I wanted to do so without the help of anyone associated with the Zettai Council and their beloved Protocol. Nothing he could do was going to prevent me from doing so. Not even, for instance, hiding my katana from me.
His eyes dropped to the cot that I had been resting on. Glancing quickly, I spied the pommel sticking out from beneath it, but just barely. I crouched, still pointing the dagger at him, and gathered up my sword. When I stood again, his eyes reflected a sternness that I was immediately not fond of.
"What are you doing, Kaya? You can't leave. I ordered the rest of the team to keep you with us, to keep you safe, until we can return you to the Academy."
The dagger didn't waver in my hand. "I'm not going back to Shadow Academy, Trayton. I have too many important things to do. Maybe I'll go back when I'm finished, but not now. Not yet."
"So what do you think? That you're going to just stroll casually out of a camp full of Barrons?" The way he was talking sounded like the way a parent might speak to their unruly child. But I wasn't his child, his ward, or even someone he was responsible for. I was responsible for me. Like no one else.
"Of course not." Which brought up the question of what I was planning to do. Because, truth be told, I hadn't really thought that far into the future. I just wanted my katana back, for fak's sake.
"They'll stop you. If I don't stop you first." The look in his eyes said that he meant what he was saying. Trayton intended to stop me from leaving this camp, and Barrons were quite used to getting their way.
I looked at him pointedly, and then returned my dagger to my satchel, keepin
g my katana in my hands. Not as a threat, but as a warning. As my plan unfolded inside my mind, I wrapped the strap of the saya tightly around both the saya and the pommel, so that the blade wouldn't slip out. Then I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what it was that I was about to do--that I had to do, in order to escape this camp. "I'm leaving. And no one is going to stop me."
"Will you kill simply to escape? Because that's what it will take, Kaya. Once orders are given, Barrons will comply no matter the cost. Are you ready to take lives just to follow some whim?"
"It's not a whim." Was Trayton saying that he was willing to take my life in order to stop me? I gripped the katana in my hands, hoping I knew what I was doing as well as I thought I did. My heart beat once. Twice.. "And I don't have to take lives to follow it."
He barely had time to blink before I brought my saya up, slamming it against his jaw. His head flew back, but before he could recover, I brought my blunt weapon up and over, hitting him hard behind the left ear. Trayton’s eyes rolled back into his head and he crumpled to the ground, unconscious. I couldn’t help but think that if it had been Darius, I’d be the one lying on the ground in a heap.
Whispering apologies that I wasn’t certain I owed to Trayton, I unwrapped his scarf from around his neck and placed it around mine. After tucking my cloak inside my satchel, I stole Trayton’s cloak as well—not wanting to leave him without supplies, but wanting to camouflage myself as well as I could. Wrapping myself in the soft fabric, I bent down and kissed Trayton’s forehead.
I wasn’t sure why I did it. Truth be told, he was acting like a total dek. But I felt the need bubble up inside of me, like a simple kiss would make everything alright again, even though I knew that that was probably the most nonsensical thought that I had ever had.