Mike had an orthodontist appointment after school and he was probably going to have to get braces. He had kind of weakly argued with his parents about it, because he really didn’t want to, but they had insisted he at least go to the appointment. He didn’t feel like he could argue any more than he did because they never found out about what had happened between him and Andrea and he felt like he should have told them. But if he had told them they would have probably grounded him or something, or even just telling them and having to talk about it would have been the worst punishment. So he didn’t argue because it was basically like he was grounding himself. Most days he still didn’t do anything and the funny thing was they were always saying to him he should get out more, see friends, what happened to all those friends, you made so many friends when we first moved here. And he had to make up excuses like they were busy or leave me alone.
But now Karen was going ballistic and she said she was okay but he had to had to be there and really not too many people in the world were saying he had to be anywhere except his stupid orthodontist, so he asked his mom if she could reschedule it and in the text she seemed okay with it but that was because he said he had a math group meeting which sounded like bullshit even to him.
“You, too?” Tim said. It was basically the first thing he had said to Jerry in weeks, but now they were both walking in the same direction at the same time and it was kind of like, well, whatever.
“Yeah,” Jerry said. “I got this text from --”
“Yeah, Karen,” Tim said. “If this is some Vinh shit --”
“-- Yeah, I don’t know, do they sometimes hang out?”
“Not hang out I don’t think,” Jerry said. “But she buys drugs off him. Remember at Halloween?”
“Oh, yeah!” Jerry said. He laughed. “Were you a pig or something?”
“No! Death Eater.”
“That’s right. Stupid costume.”
“I know, I even thought that.”
They kept walking. The mob that got out of school at the same time was thinning out.
“Hey, I’m sorry if stuff got weird,” Jerry said.
“Yeah, well,” Tim said. “Nothing we can do about it now.”
“I know, but I just wanted to say. Like, people should have had your back. Like, at that party?”
“No shit they should have.”
“Yeah.”
“What about you? You were -- what happened in the end with Sabrina? Did you -- you told me in the hospital --”
“Yeah, nothing basically has happened since then. She never texts back. She never posts anything.”
“Ghosted,” Tim said.
“I guess.”
“That’s what happens to exes.”
“I don’t think I was ever her not-ex,” Jerry said.
“Not a thing,” Tim said.
“Yeah, no,” Jerry agreed. He looked back. “Hey,” he said. “Maya and Rachel. Should we wait up?”
Tim looked back. “Fuckton of people we know,” he said.
Mike tried to decide if he should hurry up or slow down. Both choices were problematic. If he slowed down Maya would catch up to him, and if he sped up he’d be walking with Jerry and Tim, who he basically hadn’t talked to since kind of -- not exactly ditching, but ditching for a good reason -- him at the party. So basically Mike had to walk at an exact steady pace and try not to look like he was doing it.
Maya said to Rachel, “Slow down.”
“We’re crawling already,” Rachel said
“I just don’t want to catch him.”
“But bet you he’s just going the same place as we are.”
“Wait, why?”
“Because,” Rachel said, “It’s obvious. Who walks toward the busted tree after school?”
“A million people.”
“Yeah, but none of us.”
Maya thought about it, glanced back, then suddenly said, “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Don’t turn around.”
Rachel turned around and saw Andrea, walking toward them with some other girl that Rachel thought she knew.
“What the fuck, I said don’t turn around!” Maya said.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Rachel squealed quietly.
“What is she doing here?” Maya asked.
“Same thing we are?” Rachel said.
“What are we doing?”
“I don’t know. But I think we’re about to find out.”
“Is that Karen?”
Karen sat under the busted tree, shaking a little bit. Part of it was that she was shaking because her body was craving pot, she hadn’t had any in two weeks and it was still a huge problem. People said you couldn’t get addicted to pot. People were full of shit.
But the other reason that she was shaking was that after she had decided what to do she had just texted everybody, but she didn’t really have a plan exactly figured out and she could just tell everyone that, she would seem like a total idiot. Also, it sucked that she and Naeli weren’t talking, it would have been nice to have her here but whatever, nothing she could do about it right now. But Naeli could have helped out because Karen and Naeli were always like from the same point of view, on the outside of the popular girls and allowed to hang out with them, but not really part of it; but also tbh laughing at it all behind their backs kind of. Not that much, but just that Naeli and Karen got it that everyone took their drama waaaaaay too seriously, and it would have helped if she was here to mellow things out.
They all figured it out. Karen just sort of sat there, nodding hi to people. First Tim and Jerry showed up, then Mike, then Maya and Rachel, and right after them, Andrea and Monica. And then everyone felt stupid standing over her so they sat down, kind of gradually, first Jerry did, across from Karen, and then Rachel sat down on Karen’s left hand side, and Maya next to her, and then Andrea sort of looked at Monica, who smiled and sat down on the other side of Karen, and Andrea squeezed in between Monica and Karen. Mike shrugged and sat down between Monica and Jerry.
Tim was the only one standing.
Karen said, “Come on, Tim, have a seat, pull up some grass.”
“For what?” Tim asked.
“It’s just -- can we all maybe talk?” Karen asked.
“About what?”
“Just …” Karen struggled to find the words, but suddenly Rachel jumped in.
She said, “I think we’ve all kind of been having trouble getting along and this is kind of a way to talk about it? Is that right?”
“Yeah,” Karen said.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Tim said.
“I have things I want to say, or, um, I guess people have things they want to say to me,” Mike said, feeling his voice being shaky.
Tim looked at him. “Yeah, well, cool for you,” he said.
Nobody said anything for a long moment.
Monica said, “I know I’m not part of your guys’ group, but Andrea invited me and I hope that’s okay with you guys, that I’m here, let me know if not, and I have to say I think it’s a super important thing for people to talk things out.”
Tim looked at her, then at Jerry, who looked down.
“Sounds dumb,” Tim said. “I’m out.” And he took off, walking quickly away down the sidewalk, head down.
Everyone looked at Jerry, who said, “What? Oh, no, not me.”
“I’ll go,” Andrea suddenly said. They watched as she ran off and caught up with Tim. She talked to him for twenty seconds and he shrugged, then followed her back and sat down between Jerry and Maya.
“Thanks!” Monica said to Andrea.
“So I don’t exactly have an idea of how we start,” Karen said.
“This is like that part in Mean Girls --” Rachel said.
“Oh, I know!” Monica agreed, and the other girls sort of smiled, then looked away from each other. The guys looked confused, glancing upward, trying to remember what part of Mean Girls was being talked about.
Maya said, “We can go in a circle and everybody s
ay something.”
“I’m not saying anything,” Tim said.
“You have to say something,” Jerry said.
“I don’t have to do shit,” Tim said.
“I’ll go,” Maya said. She took a big breath, then said, “I think I’ve been really not very nice to you, Andrea, and I’m sorry.”
Andrea started crying, softly, just tears trickling down her face.
Mike looked at his shoes.
Rachel, sitting next to Maya, said, “I feel like a lot of what happened was my fault.”
“Your fault?” Maya said, surprised. “You’re the only one who --”
“Let her say it,” Karen said.
“It is, though!” Rachel said. “When we were at that party and I rushed you like it was this big deal, my mom was nagging me, and that got you into this big hurry, and--”
“Oh, come on,” Maya said. “I didn’t get into an accident because you were hurrying me. I got into an accident because …” she thought for a second.
“Because you drive like shit?” Tim said.
Maya half shrugged, half smiled. “Yeah, I guess.”
Everyone kind of nodded at that.
Jerry said, “I’ll go.” Everyone looked at him while he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. He played with his shoelace for a while, then said, “So, it’s kind of private, but I think you all basically know that I had a personal experience with someone who used to be part of this group.”
Everyone waited for him to go on, but he hesitated, leaving Monica to ask, “Sabrina, you mean?”
“Why is she here?” Tim demanded suddenly, looking at Monica.
Karen said, “She already said.”
“She’s with me,” Andrea said to Tim.
“No offense,” Tim said, “But I feel like this is supposed to be this thing about that stupid group we were all supposedly in, Q Squad or whatever, and if it’s supposed to be that, then people who weren’t even in it shouldn’t be part of it. No offense.”
“I don’t mind, I’m just trying to be helpful,” Monica said, but Maya, who had been watching her, could tell that was bullshit. She was obviously the girl no one ever invited to anything, Maya knew that, and here she was trying to be nice and getting yelled at for it.
“I vote she stays, Tim,” Maya said. “We’re not trying to be some exclusive club, we never were.”
“You kind of were, though?” Karen said.
Maya looked at her, surprised, as though she had forgotten that Karen was there.
Maya said “I thought --”
“We kind of were,” Andrea agreed.
“I never really thought about it,” Maya said, then her head dropped down.
“It’s okay,” Karen said. “It’s just -- you guys think I’m just this stoner girl who hangs out with Naeli and you get to have fun with us but you don’t take us that seriously. And you know what? I accept that. People are gonna think what they think.”
Nobody knew what to say to that. Karen wiped something from her eye.
After a minute Mike said, “Sorry,” to her, and Rachel said, “Yeah, sorry, Karen, that was not cool of us.”
“I’ll go,” Monica said, and grabbed her backpack.
“No!” Andrea said. “Stay!”
“It’s disrespectful, is what,” Tim said. “Jerry’s trying to talk about Sabrina and this chick --”
“Don’t call her that,” Rachel said.
“My name is Monica.”
“Look,” Mike said.
“The point is, sorry, whatever,” Tim said, “The point is that Sabrina and Jerry -- it’s private enough, him having to talk about it? With everybody here? She shouldn’t have to have everybody know her business.”
“I get that,” Rachel said. “I think you’re just trying to be respectful of Sabrina’s feelings.”
“Exactly!” Tim said.
“I get that,” Maya agreed.
“Yeah,” Jerry said, “But it’s not like she’s going to hear about it. I mean, right?”
“Shit, I was going to say that!” Karen said. “I was going to say right at the beginning that whatever we say here, stays here. That everyone should agree to that, like no telling other people, no posting anything. Does everyone agree to that?”
No one said no, so Karen just nodded.
“But that’s not the point,” Tim insisted. “Talking about someone behind their back is talking about someone behind their back, even if they don’t know you’re doing it. I should know, you guys talk about me behind my back all the time.”
“Your back!” Andrea blurted out. “Oh, my God. Do you have any idea -- I’m just -- I’m not even gonna say.”
“Yeah, I...” Mike said, and everyone looked at him, but he didn’t add anything.
Rachel said, “Look, Tim, I get that you’re trying to protect Sabrina, but I think she would be really, really glad we were all talking things out. Even if they’re hard things to talk about.”
“Yeah, but --”
“But also, we’re not here to talk about what exactly happened detail by detail. It’s more to clear the air, right?” She looked around. “Right?”
Karen and Maya nodded, and Monica said “Right!”
“It’s about respect,” Jerry said. “I completely get that, Tim. And that’s exactly the problem, is maybe people think that I didn’t respect her?”
No one said anything.
“Isn’t that what people think?” Jerry asked.
Maya said, “Look, I don’t know exactly what happened --”
“Exactly,” Jerry said.
“But I think -- I think she was in, you know, like how people say, a vulnerable place, or whatever. And it seems to me, to be totally honest with you, that you maybe … took advantage of that? And it sucks because then she moved and nobody’s heard from her or anything.”
“She’s had a hard life,” Andrea said.
“Who hasn’t,” Tim said.
“She was really sad,” Jerry said quietly.
“That night?” Rachel asked.
“All the time,” Jerry said.
“True,” Andrea said.
“It is true,” Jerry said. “I did take advantage of her.”
“Oh,” Mike said.
“You mean --?” Rachel asked.
“I mean, no, not like --” Jerry felt himself flushing, which rarely happened but he hated when it did. “Look, I didn’t force her to do anything, not at all, if that’s what you think I was saying. It was completely two people being consensual. God, I can’t believe I’m talking about it in front of all of you.”
“I said that,” Tim said.
“Just go on,” Karen said.
“It’s just -- you’re right, Rachel. I should have said it wasn’t a good time for it, because she was having a hard night -- like, you know, a really hard night. Basically I did say it wasn’t a good time. But I didn’t really insist.”
“Yeah, I bet not,” Tim said.
“Can you not?” Maya said. “He’s trying to be honest and --”
“Oh, come on,” Tim said. “He thought she was hot, she was down, they boned or whatever. How is that him being so evil?”
“It’s not that --” Karen started to say.
“Don’t be so crass,” Rachel said at the same time.
“It’s realistic,” Mike said, and didn’t look at Andrea.
“The stupid thing is,” Jerry said, getting louder than everyone else. “The stupid thing is,” he could feel himself flushing hard now, but he had decided to just get it out, maybe it was stupid to say it, but this felt like just a right time, and he said, “You guys think I was all into her and yeah she’s cute but what I figured out, only after, is that she’s not even who I’m more like into, and it’s you, Rachel, maybe?”
“Oh, my God!” Rachel said, and inhaled a huge breath, holding one hand to her chest.
Everyone else looked stunned.
Jerry wondered how ba
dly he had blown it. Rachel didn’t think, couldn’t think.
Tim said, “Well, that happened.”
“I know, can’t take that one back,” Mike said with a half laugh, but Tim gave him a look and Mike stopped talking.
“Maybe?” Andrea said.
“Well,” Rachel said, trying to look at Jerry but not feeling like she could, and staring at the ground instead. “That’s flattering, and I hope we can talk later about it in private.”
Everyone looked at Jerry. “Yeah, okay, that sounds … yeah, okay,” he said.
Karen said, “Not really what we’re here for, I guess?”
“Sorry,” Jerry said. “I mean, I’m really, really sorry. I should have just left Sabrina alone. No, well, not alone. Just.”
“You should have kept it in your pants?” Tim asked.
“Basically,” Jerry said.
“It’s all my fault,” Mike said. Everyone looked at him. He hadn’t said much of anything yet, and some of them had almost forgotten he was there.
“No, it’s not,” Andrea said.
“Yeah, it pretty much is and we all know it,” Mike said, and looked at Maya. He went on, “I guess the way it went was that obviously everyone here knows that I had a crush on Maya, that’s not some big secret, but then I guess I did the same thing you did, Jerry.”
“Let your body do the thinking,” Jerry said.
“Yeah, basically. And I’m really, really sorry. It was disrespectful to you, Maya, and I know it hurt you, and I’m sorry. And it was disrespectful to you, Andrea, and I’m sorry.”
“Oh, bullshit,” Andrea said.
“What?” Mike said.
“Your fault? Come on. We all know this is all my fault. It’s nice of you to try to cover for me, but I’m the bitch of this story and we all know it and if any of you try to say that I’m not, I’ll fucking walk right out of here like I’m Tim.”
“Ouch,” Tim said.
Andrea looked like she was going to start saying more, but then she started crying, hard, and she couldn’t seem to stop. Monica leaned over and put her arm around her. Andrea leaned into her and then cried harder for a long time. Maya and Rachel tried to figure out if they should go over there, and the guys all looked extremely uncomfortable.
“It's so fucking hard!” Andrea suddenly blurted out, wiping her face with the sleeve of her sweater. “Everyone thinks I'm this fucking murderer!”
“Nobody thinks that,” Rachel said.
“Yes they do! And they're fucking right!” Andrea sobbed a few times, then said, “Look, we all know what happened. Maya was my best friend in the world and I fucked it up because I was jealous, so petty, so, so fucking childish, I can't believe I wanted to mess with you, Maya, I would do anything to have people back to normal now but we can’t, we can’t, it isn't normal, it never was normal, it's never going to be normal and it's all my fault and I didn't know what to do, I can't believe I let myself get into that situation!” She finished with a whisper, “It's murdering a baby.”
“It's not murdering a baby,” Rachel said.
“Yeah it is,” Tim said. “It's exactly that.”
“Oh, my God, shut up!” Maya suddenly screamed at Tim. “Can't you see this is tearing her apart? God, I wish you had just walked away, like you wanted to, God, go, you're so mean.”
“I'm not being mean, I'm being honest,” Tim said, but he said it to the ground. “I thought the whole thing was just about people being honest with each other, you said that, Andrea, you told me if I came back I could say whatever I wanted as long as it was honest.”
“He's right,” Andrea said, with a huge, long sigh. “Both ways. He's right that I said that and he's right that it's murdering a baby.” She added quickly to Rachel and Maya, “I get that you want to be all political women's rights about it and everything, but you don't know. You don't even know. It wasn't your baby, no disrespect, but that's just as a fact.”
“Was it mine?” Mike asked quietly.
Andrea looked at him. She stared at him. He looked away.
“Are you joking? What the fuck kind of question is that?”
“Sorry,” Mike said.
“Andrea,” Monica said.
“No, I can’t believe this! What do you think I am? Do you think I --”
“I don’t know what to think!” Mike suddenly shouted. “How am I supposed to know? You never told me anything! You just -- used me, like I was your revenge against Maya, it’s so --” he broke off. Now he was crying, and no one knew what to do about it. The guys all looked at each other, not sure what to say, and the girls all looked back and forth between Maya and Andrea, who weren’t sure what to do. Finally Monica went over and gave Mike a hug, but he shook it off after a few seconds.
“Well, it’s fucking working, I hope you’re happy, Karen,” Tim said. “It’s working awesome.”
“It kind of is,” Rachel said. “Isn’t it? Isn’t it the point for people to be honest, even if it’s painful?”
“What are you so mad about?” Karen asked Tim.
Tim half laughed. “It’s like we’re not even talking about some of the points that I wanted to talk about, which is, like, whatever, it’s not that important, it’s just that now everyone’s upset, and if you thought before everyone was pissed off and wasn’t talking to anyone, you think now people are going to? You think Andrea and Maya and Mike are going to start being friends again?”
“I’m down,” Maya said.
“I’m down,” Mike said, smiling at Maya.
“I’m not down,” Andrea said. “But not because I’m mad at you guys. I’m mad at myself and I really, really messed up and it’s my responsibility, and I have to live with that.”
“But why do you have to live with that alone?” Maya asked.
“I’m not alone. I have Monica.”
Everyone looked at Monica.
“Monica, you’re fucking awesome,” Rachel said. “Can I just say that? I’m really, really sorry I haven’t gotten to know you better before, because you seem like the nicest person in the world.”
“She so is,” Maya said. “And super smart.”
“Stop,” Monica said.
“You are, though,” Andrea said.
“You’re way chiller than any of us,” Jerry said.
“Oh, my gosh, you guys,” Monica said. “It’s nice of you to say, but I’m just being nice and you guys are upset, but I think once you get back to being friends --”
“Oh, no, not even,” Andrea said. “Don’t start thinking that I’m going to be part of anything without you in it.”
Now Monica was crying, but happy tears.
She said, quietly, “It’s just … it’s been so long … I just … I always kind of hoped….”
Andrea put a hand on her shoulder and then played with her hair a bit, and everyone watched for a little while, feeling bad for what had happened but good for what was happening.
“I feel like if I don’t cry soon we’re not done,” Tim said.
“Yeah, when are we done?” Rachel asked Karen.
“How should I know?” Karen said. “What was your thing, Tim? The thing that pissed you off?”
“Oh, that?” Tim smirked. “Doesn’t matter. I was pissed off at Mike because he was a pussy at the party and didn’t have my back and at Jerry for not having my back, but I’m over it, and at all of you girls because no one ever even thinks to get into the kind of situation that Jerry got into with Sabrina or Andrea with Mike, no one thinks of getting into that with me, which is fine, it’s really, it’s just fine, it’s just so funny to me, I mean, I don’t need all the hassle of all the problems that come with it, obviously, I’m not saying that, but you all don’t get it. You’re all so worried about what people are going to say, it never occurred to you that some people wish people would talk about them, because no one ever does. And you don’t even want to know what that’s like.”
There was a long silence and everyone tried to not l
ook at Tim, or at each other. Each of the girls thought about how Tim had said that no one could ever imagine themselves making out with Tim and each of them thought that that was totally true, but totally sad. Mike thought about saying that it was worse to have people talk about you than not, but realized that wasn’t the kind of thing you could prove, and anyway that wasn’t the point.
“People do talk about you,” Karen finally said.
“Shut up,” Tim said, “I’m being serious.”
“So am I,” Karen said. “I’m being honest. People talk about you, actually a lot lately, and I don’t know if it’s what you want them to talk about, but they’re always saying that you were brave.”
“I said be serious,” Tim said.
“She’s totally right,” Monica said. “Everyone who talks about -- kind of about what happened to Andrea and everything that night? Everything we’ve been talking about? Everyone always says --”
“‘Well at least Tim had her back,’” Rachel put in.
“Exactly,” Monica said.
“That’s true,” Maya said.
“That’s bullshit,” Tim said. “People …”
“Are you kidding me?” Mike asked. “That’s all people ever say. That’s all they talk about, that you saved the fucking day and Mike was a pussy who didn’t stick around.”
“Also that Vinh got homicidal,” Jerry said.
“Fucking Vinh,” Karen said, thinking about the time he had tried to sell her mescaline, which was like, what the fuck do you think I am?
“Fucking Vinh,” Tim agreed. “That guy’s insane.”
“So you get to be the tough one,” Mike said to Tim.
“Well, then, I guess you get to be the cute one,” Tim said back.
Mike didn’t say anything to that.
“So, well, then, I guess I get to be the slut one,” Andrea said.
Monica half inhaled and started to say something, but Andrea put a hand on her arm. She said, “Look, I hate saying it, but that’s who people think I am. And until I change my shit, people are I guess right for thinking what they think.”
Rachel smiled at her and said, “I get to be the smart one who actually isn’t smarter, just maybe read more books.”
“Oh, fuck all that multiple intelligences shit,” Maya said. “You’re smart because you’re smarter than everyone, own it.”
“But I--”
“You’re the smart one,” Jerry agreed.
“Obvious,” Tim said. “That multiple intelligence shit is to make stupid people feel less bad for being stupid.”
Rachel almost corrected “less bad” to “worse” but realized that would have been the gravest error ever.
“Then I guess I’m the one nobody notices?” Monica asked. “Or maybe I was?”
“No, you’re the nice one,” Rachel said.
“No, it’s just that I haven’t had the opportunity, really, I haven’t so much been in situations where I could have been mean, and --”
“No,” Andrea said. “You’re the fucking nicest one ever. It’s who you are.”
Monica said, “Well, gee.”
“That fucking proves it,” Tim said. “Nobody says ‘gee.’”
“Well, I’m the stoner,” Karen said. “In recovery, sort of. Two weeks.”
“Really?” Maya said. “Good for you!”
“There go the fun parties,” Andrea said, but everyone could tell she was just messing.
“I think I’m just the ordinary guy who makes dumb mistakes,” Jerry said.
“Pretty much,” Tim said.
Maya said, “And I’m the bad driver who’s judgmental of her friends and mean to them and wishes she could change, but maybe she never will.”
That kind of killed the buzz for a long second, but then Andrea came over and hugged her, sort of knocking her over, and everyone kind of laughed at that, and it turned into her wrestling Rachel and Maya, so Tim also took Jerry down, just to remind him who the fuck he was dealing with but also for the fun of it, and Mike and Monica and Karen split an orange and threw the peels at the people wrestling, and it felt like something had changed, somehow.
Andrea
I can’t tell if Maya is mad at me or I’m mad at her but it’s all good. You can be mad at someone and still be their friend and we’ll figure it out after school, but first? Lunch.
The way it works at lunch at Kennedy is now that Tim and Monica are driving you haul ass out of there as soon as the bell rings, the main question being do you ride with Monica who is chill as fuck or with Tim who has a sick ride I think it’s called a Dodge Charger? Or risk your life with Malik or Dennis? Anyway you end up at the DQ either way, not that DQ next to school, fucking freshmen go there, God no, the other DQ which is next to BK and Starbucks and Urban Outfitters so people have choices.
Insta was blowing up because some 9th graders had done some stupid shit at some party, apparently they were smoking, oh no, but also somebody had gone braless and bounced out of her skimpy ass dress, guys all over the interwebs getting way too excited about some freshman boobs and calling her shit and other people defending her and people posting political shit that had nothing to do with it and others harshing on people for smoking pot and of course people defending it, and it was all so, like, oh God, these stupid children.
Mike was already looking at it when I walked into the DQ, I could totally tell just by the look on his face, he was sitting with Tim and Dennis and staring at his phone.
Mike said, “They never learn, do they.”
Maya, who was with him, said, “We’re so much better than them.”
“Because we’re older,” I said. “That makes us better.”
Jerry, who was sitting there eating a gross corn dog, who even eats a corn dog, said, “It’s not just that, we’re just better people.”
“That’s not true,” Monica said. She was sitting across from Jerry, with Rachel, which I was kind of psyched because she’d been hanging out maybe a little bit too much with me only? But then I was also kind of jelly of how suddenly everyone was her friend, a little bit?
“Sorry, babe,” I said to Monica, “But we’re definitely better than freshmen. They do all this stupid shit and we never made any mistakes.”
“Not one,” Tim said.
“Still don’t. That’s why we’re so dope,” Maya said. She had come in early I guess in her own car? No one likes to ride with her because she’s a suckass driver but no one likes to tell her, either, so it’s kind of weird.
Maya slorked at her chocolate shake and gave me that look that meant, we should talk after, and I was all, okay, thinking it not saying it but she knew. Even though I wasn’t really hungry I quickly got one of those peanut butter shakes they have, these gross but actually also kind of great? shakes, and then Jerry suddenly yelled out, “Woah!” in this hyper voice, and I had to hustle back.
“What’s up?” Tim asked, ready for action. Like he was going to kick someone’s ass over some text Jerry got. Tim needs to fucking chill. Although, one thing? At least his acne chilled out over the summer. He still has a ways to go, though. He has whatever it’s called before you have potential. Except, oh my God, I heard he and this Latina chick, I don’t remember her name, maybe hooked up or something? I mean, everybody’s gotta have somebody I guess? But come on, girl.
“You guys are not going to believe this,” Jerry said.
“What’s up?” Rachel asked, carrying her fries and standard chocolate shake back to the table to sit next to him. Like, on top of him, almost? It’s not like there’s a thing there with those two, but it’s not like there isn’t, either, does that make sense?
Jerry held his phone up, even though no one could really make out the screen except Rachel. But she immediately said, “Oh, my God!”
“What is it?” Monica asked.
“Oh, shit,” I said. “I know who it is.”
“Who?” Dennis asked.
“Andrea called it,” Jerry said, no
dding at me.
“Wait, who?” Malik asked.
Maya suddenly inhaled half her shake and even though she was half choking said, “Sabrina!”
“Yeah,” Jerry said. “She DM’d me.”
“Oh, my God!” Maya said. “What did she say? What’s going on?”
“Who’s Sabrina?” Dennis asked Malik.
“Chick who transferred. Nobody’s heard from her in months. It got really weird.”
Maya stared at him, kind of obviously mean, but he said, “What? I didn’t say she got really weird, just that it got weird -- like, all of it.”
“Also she did get really weird,” I said. “Love her though. What is she saying already, Jerry?”
“Okay, you ready?”
“No,” Maya and Rachel said together.
“Go for it,” Tim said. “I gotta get back for fifth, I have some quiz, I think?”
“Nobody gives a shit about your quiz, Tim,” Mike said.
“Well, nobody gives a shit about your --”
“Guys!” Rachel half shouted.
Jerry took a breath, then said, “Okay, it’s kind of long? ‘Dear Jerry, I’m so sorry I have not written to you before but to be honest I didn’t know what to say. I have moved as I guess you know to Oakmont and it’s nice here, I think things are improving for my mindset. I have a therapist and I take medication which I don’t want you thinking is weird, it just means that I’m feeling a lot better and understanding myself way better, and also I decided with my therapist that I wanted finally to say something back to you, and to everybody. I’m going to ask you to forward this to whoever you think it’s right for, but don’t worry about if you make a mistake, I’m not ashamed of having problems and trying to work on them and people knowing that. The first thing is, thank you for being a gentleman.”
At that point, Jerry started crying as he was reading and it was a little harder to understand him, but Rachel put a hand on his shoulder, massaging it, kind of a little bit too much if you ask me, but anyway, he kept reading. “Thank you for always trying to protect me. When we were together, no matter what anyone tells you, I can vouch that you never asked me to do anything I didn’t want to, and any consequences that were bad I am taking accountability about. Thank you. Thanks also to the girls in the Quad Squad. Biggest shout! I so, so, so loved being part of that squad! And I never got a chance to say goodbye, but that’s kind of how it went down, I made some mistakes and I wasn’t allowed on social media for a while and stuff like that but I kind of have been secretly stalking you guys for a little while now, not stalking obviously but hoping things were good for my old friends. I feel like now I can say that we were friends and mean it, even if before I might not have acted like it. And now I think, like it looks to me like you guys are awesome. Which I always knew. Rachel is the nicest person in the world and I love you so so so much Maya and Andrea, don’t ever fight again, it’s not worth it. You’re both so so so beautiful inside and out and I was so lucky to get to know you.”
At that point we of course both of us started crying and Maya came over and held my fingers which was kind of corny? But still, I liked it.
Tim started spinning his keys, which meant basically that he had to get back to class. Jerry looked at him and said, “I’ll read ahead a little” He scanned, then read out, “‘Tell Tim that even though he doesn’t think it, he has potential and one of these days an awesome girl is going to fall in love with him.’”
“CoughMaria,” Dennis said, and everyone kind of laughed.
Tim looked embarrassed and said, “Didn’t know they gave out fortune cookies at DQ.” Which got a laugh, although personally I had to think about it for a second.
Then he took off, saying to Jerry, “Shoot me a text if there’s anything else in there a brother needs to know.”
“You’re not a fucking brother!” Malik yelled after him, but Tim was halfway out the door and just flipped him off behind his back, through the closing door.
“What else does she say?” I asked Jerry.
He scrolled through and kind of blushed. “Um, nothing, just some personal stuff.”
“Okayyyy,” Maya said, laughing. Rachel didn’t seem to mind, so I laughed, too. Whatever. It was in the past.
“Then some more stuff about Oakmont, super boring,” Jerry said.
“Is that all?” Maya asked.
“Basically,” Jerry said. “Except the last thing she says is, ‘Quad Squad 4Eva!’”
“Fuck yeah!” I said.
“I’ll drink to that!” Rachel said, and she held up her chocolate shake, and Maya held up hers, too, and I held out my peanut butter shake and Jerry held up his gross half-eaten corn dog and we all toasted and shouted out “Quad Squad 4Eva! Quad Squad!”
And then these people started giving us dirty looks and we all kind of realized without saying it that we had to head back and these seniors were kind of waiting for our table so we vacated, although I did turn around for a second because there was this one guy there, this senior who I know from when I worked at the textbook room who is fucking hot, and I was trying to remember his name, but then Maya said, “Andrea, get yo ass out here!”
And Rachel said, “Quad Squad!”
And Jerry said, “Quad Squad 4Eva!” and I laughed and said, “Yeah, okay, Quad Squad 4Eva!” And then we hauled ass back to fucking Kennedy.
Quad Squad Page 36