by Elena Monroe
I could taste the sour and the sweet of his favorite candy, Warheads.
My lips pursed as I felt the heat leave me cold when he walked away. There was a panic brewing inside of me as I stood in the door watching him walk to his car that was out of place in suburbia.
The panic felt like throw up, a lack of oxygen, the mounting pressure in my head to cry, but controlling every aspect of my outside so he wouldn’t be able to see that I didn’t want him to leave. I controlled my outside like he didn’t control every vessel of my heart.
His love had a thunder grip on that organ, and it wasn’t loosening up any time soon.
Clamping down my eyelids, I tried to pause everything, tried to imagine myself without him, and I felt my jaw tense in this uncomfortable way. I pushed him away over and over, trying to not need anyone but myself, only to come to the very real realization that I wasn’t as independent as I convinced myself that I was.
Slowly opening my eyes again, I watched Vic’s hands on the hood of his low Porsche drop down to his sides, punishing himself under the hard rain.
His eyes had been glued to me long before he opened the car door, giving me the opportunity I was wasting.
“Vic!” I didn’t even realize my heart screamed out for his without permission.
Still in only a long shirt, I ran after him, even though he had stopped to look at me already. The rain wasn’t covering up my plea no matter how hard it came down.
Standing in front of him, frozen and shaken all at the same time, I whispered, “Don’t go…”
Those weren’t the words. There were three words, eight letters, and they were crawling their way out.
Slamming his door shut, I could feel his frustration with me growing. We just managed to get dry, I just managed to get through dinner, and I just managed to kiss him with my tongue when it was supposed to be a goodbye.
“Why, Justice?” Closing in on me, he pinned me against his car, forcing my hand the way he did our whole relationship.
I choked out the words, with my lips trembling, “Because… I… I love you.”
Vic was a patient man. He waited this long to hear those words, so when his lips tangled with mine, I shouldn’t have been shocked that he was about to ruin me some more.
His hands cupped my face, and my hands slipped under his pullover trying to satisfy all of my urges at once.
He pulled away, only to whisper back, “I love you” in return. I twisted around between him and the car, feeling the weight of what I had just admitted starting to sink in. My ass pushed against his crotch, and I felt my shirt creep up the back of my legs.
His one hand smoothed against my hip under my shirt while his other hand forced me to look at him even in this position. Leaning into me, our bodies flush, his hands demanding, he groaned out his words, “You’re going to look at me.”
I was already out of breath, practically moaning just at his touch, when I twisted my face to my left to look at him.
“No more running away. No more pushing me away.” His lips nipped mine and made me realize that I didn’t even know when I was pushing people away. It was second nature.
Twisting back around, I helped him out of the now soaked pullover, tossing it in my driveway before our lips crashed together like the bad accident this could be.
I wouldn’t know unless I stopped to look at it.
In one motion, he moved down to me, picking me up and setting me on his hood before he slipped between my legs. His jeans were still undone, gaping open, and even tighter across his crotch.
His hands cupped my face, and he claimed my lips again, taking his time, making sure I wasn’t questioning where this fell on the sliding scale of sex and making love.
The tension in the air was enough to suffocate me between all of the mutual worshipping.
I could have lived in this moment forever.
The rain stuck to me like a bad dream, and I was in a kind of full body ache that felt as deep as my soul.
Why did it take me so long to admit how I felt?
I already felt whole in a way I gave up wanting a long time ago.
“I love you, Justice…” His out of breath words hit the side of my face as he worked to free himself between us.
“Vic…” My eyes kept fluttering shut, trying to regain some kind of composure. “...ruin me. I only want to be yours.”
That was the only kind of consent he wanted, my commitment, when I felt his hard ridge take every inch of me. There was no room for doubt.
Not that I had any left.
Pushing further into me, his hands pushed my soaked shirt up my thighs before he pulled me down to meet his hips. As his palms pressed onto the hood, my mouth fell open, not trying to hide any kind of moans.
His lips found my neck, covering every exposed inch in kisses, whispering those three words on repeat.
Vic’s pace almost came to a stop in a new kind of torture when I felt exactly how tightly I was wrapped around him. I could feel my clit pulsing for more.
“Say it again…” With his hand between us, I felt empty as he left me.
“I love you, Vicy.” I smiled for the first time in days, all in the name of seeing his eyebrows dip in that cute way they did.
Wrapping my legs around him, I forced him to fill me all over again. His thrusts left me breathless, and yet I wanted his love to suffocate me.
Nothing about this could be mistaken for purely sex. This was solidifying our futures tangled together, solidifying how much we wouldn’t stop claiming each other and how much our pasts weren’t coming between us anymore.
Right now, we weren’t products of trauma or fears; we were the perfect mix of victories and justice.
Peace.
VIC
Two Months Later
Justice was a bull in a china shop when it came to fitting into my life. She broke some stuff to make room, just like she did in my bank account by donating whatever she desired to whoever needed it most. She started replacing everything she could in my place with more ethical items instead, and she even had me adapting to a vegan diet after making me watch some pretty unpleasant documentaries. But, above all else, she was making it clear that she was untouchable as the newest edition to the Clave.
No one asked her to change, and if you did, you’d probably get a middle finger centimeters from your face, just so she knew you saw it.
Justice was comfortable in my life, but she still needed to break parts of it in her determination to keep some control.
She was protesting and volunteering full time now and even dragging my stepmommy with her most days.
Without even trying, she was healing me in ways I didn’t ask for, and she made it seem easy to get to know my father and stepmommy as myself, not as the machine I was raised to be. All of the things I had hated about them before, I saw now in this new marvel.
Everyone being genuine was all we needed to really see the truth in each other.
The Clave was still very much a necessary evil in my life. Professionally, I couldn’t walk away. I had a job to do, and being a different person now didn’t change how much I was aware of the bad things that were going to happen. At my hands, I could control the bad, monitor the bad, and measure just how much good I needed to put back into the world to make up for it.
It was an idealistic approach to my new life, but it was a risk I was willing to take.
The only change Justice had to endure was mandatory events, since she was now newly initiated. Blood oaths make it hard to just be an honorary member. You are all in or all out—no in-between.
I was standing in my band shirt, ripped black jeans, and my Converse that had become a staple of my daily life, even when I walked into work now. I wasn’t going to conform to anyone's ideas of who I should be anymore.
Take me or leave me.
I had everything I needed to stick to me, sticking like superglue.
“Justice, come on! We’re already late as fuck.” She was testing my nerves by taki
ng her sweet time getting ready for the brunch we had to go to.
Sauntering out of our bedroom like she wasn’t late at all, my eyes scanned her appearance—not because I would need her to conform either, but because her ability to not wear a bra and barely cover her nipples was making me a jealous man.
Cut off jean shorts, a top that was stuck to her curves and breasts in a way that could have been just stickers, and her usual boots… You know, just in case someone pisses her off, she can kick them where it would hurt. Just the typical day for Justice, no censoring in the slightest.
It was going to be the thorn in my side in a room full of a cult that didn't need to see what I claimed as mine.
I wasn’t into feeding anyone’s spank bank or imagination.
“Calm down! I’m here… All ready for my first Illuminati event!” The sarcasm in her voice was unhinged in a way that I knew if the opportunity presented itself she would trash everyone and everything until we all felt stupid.
I wasn’t against it.
Grabbing a cropped sweater off the hook, she looked over her shoulder at me with her eyes at half-mast, questioning me. The cropped sweater wasn’t much more fabric at the end of the day, but at least it would be another layer for eyes to penetrate. “In case you get cold? Shirt’s barely there, so you know, possibilities, options…”
We were going to a brunch that my parents hosted almost every few months to go over business, stats, and to force engagement as a member. It used to be something I looked forward to: flexing. Now it was just boring.
Justice was the breaking point for us four to realize that we were all stuck together, and we needed to get over it already. It was harder and harder for us to maintain our own separate lives, especially now that I considered Abigail to be one of my friends.
Since she and Grimm had their baby, Daisy, she was now officially part of the legacy and acting as a shield in keeping Abigail safe, so she could finally rejoin society. Justice was more than happy to see her freed. Any longer, and she was going to use my credit card to have Free Abigail shirts made.
Pulling up to my parents’ house, I saw the guys outside their cars, waiting for us. Now we refused to do anything Clave without each other. We had lives to protect now, and we knew that we were stronger together.
Barely parking, I jumped out of the car beelining it to Abigail, who was passing off Daisy to Grimm, getting ready to hug her best friend… me, not Justice.
Scooping her up into my arms, I immediately lodged into a full blown conversation about Daisy, our sunrise yoga, vegan recipes, and our shared Pinterest board. I had been in the honeymoon phase of my relationship with Justice, almost shutting out the world long enough to forget it existed. We had a lot of catching up to do.
“It’s cool… didn’t want to hug my best friend on her first day in the world… It’s cool. You keep doing you, Vicy.”
Khaos was sitting on his board, analyzing his phone too closely for someone who doesn’t take anything seriously, when all of our attention was split when he grunted out loud, “Damnit!”
Turning my attention to Khaos, I gave in, asking him what was wrong, “Now what happened? Run out of floaties for the pool?”
Justice slapped my arm for demeaning his priorities and happiness. Sometimes the old me still surfaces; it’s like the Loch Ness monster.
Watching her squat down in her shorts that were already too short, I saw the guys raise some eyebrows. Taking a few steps forward, I spun around, planting myself in front of her. “Nothing to see here.”
We were all invested now when he spoke, “It’s the footage from outside the jewelry store. It’s all fucked up, and I can’t tell who it is.”
Taking the phone from Justice’s hands, I looked at it myself, and I recognized the girl instantly with the beach hair, nose ring, and a single wing tattoo poking out from under all of her bracelets.
We only protest with her almost every weekend.
One of Justice’s few friends.
Arrives at our doorstep at 3 a.m. with new bruises that she refuses to explain and sleeps in our guestroom.
Justice started to speak, but I gave her a stare that made her mouth close again. Instead, I spoke up in her place: “You have a million watches and more money than God. Buy another one.” I had a newfound sense of loyalty to the people perpetuating my new persona, and I wasn’t going to let her mistakes haunt her the way ours did.
Abigail broke the tension, taking Daisy in her arms. “Vic, help me with Daisy’s diaper? I want to talk to you anyway.”
Tossing Khaos back his phone, I followed Abigail inside, showing her to the bathroom, and I realized she had never been here before. She had been in our lives, but never present like this.
“Did you do it yet?” She twisted on her heel, staring at me like a lunatic in need of one more chapter, even though she was already sleep deprived.
Patting my jean pocket, I felt for the ring that I kept in a small silk pouch. I carried it around every day, waiting for the right moment or a sign of her giving into the idea even more that this life we had together wasn’t disappearing anytime soon.
“Not yet. Did you plant the seed?”
We had been plotting and planning behind Justice’s back now, since the day we both said I love you in the rain. Abigail was breaking down the exterior, while I broke down any remaining walls inside her heart.
“I was gonna ask her today at brunch. Get her imagining the possibilities. Just make sure I’m sitting across from her.”
“You gonna change Daisy?”
“No, she’s asleep. You don’t wake a sleeping baby. Get your game face on,” she quipped, already leading me into battle. Let’s just hope I win.
Rubbing elbows quickly, I did all of the things I was expected to and that professionally my integrity wouldn’t allow me to ignore. Justice sat down with her legs pretzeled up on the chair, and I raced to pull out the chair across from her for Abigail. All the guys were taking inventory of my actions. They’d figure it out later, when she was about to be my wife.
I was practically eye fucking Bowen to take the damn seat next to Justice, when he rolled his eyes at me and huffed loudly.
“Shit, I think I’ll just sit at the end of the table with Grimm.”
Smooth. Real smooth.
If I was wearing my Clave mask, this would have gone my way. Stupid vulnerabilities.
“You don’t have to be a freak about it. We live together, so just sit down.” Justice was watching my every movement, and this was her first opportunity to make us feel stupid—well, me.
Sitting down in earshot, I listened to Abigail whisper loud enough for me to overhear, asking her about being married or a possible wedding.
Justice was mocking the traditionalism in me that wanted a big wedding when her normally raspy and full of don’t-fuck-with-me tones turned hoity-toity. She even had her nose in the air when she described a Paris wedding with touches of pink and grey. Hearing her talk about our future even in the way she was sent my romantic heart soaring.
Shooting up to my feet, I shouted, “Done!” without realizing I was talking out loud. Every pair of eyes stared back at me, while my dad was presenting the fiscal year over brunch. Having to cover my tracks at this point, with my hands on my hips, I said, “I’m just really excited to crush those numbers this year… You know… Go team! We’ve got this.”
Sinking back down, embarrassed by how eager I was, I caught her eyes boring into my soul. “Vic, can I talk to you privately?”
Khaos was making noises like the peanut gallery that he was: “You’re in trouble…”
Her hand pushed into my back, basically pushing me inside, like I was being a troublemaker. Once we were safely inside the kitchen, far enough from people overhearing, she fished her fingers into my pocket, where I kept the ring. She was maintaining eye contact the entire time as she grasped onto the ring inside of the pouch and slipped it on her finger.
My ring.
My moment.
This is what being with a girl like Justice is, and it always kept me on my toes. I had to battle ready at all times with a plan B ready to be my plan A.
“We’re engaged, see? Engaged. Now stop losing your damn mind in front of people before I get whacked for it, okay?”
Grinning from ear to ear, I was about to win, and she wouldn’t see it coming. Holding up her hand and forcing her to see the truth of this moment, she finally saw the ring.
Ethically sourced pink diamond in her mother’s vintage art deco ring setting.
Her fierceness fell away when her mouth stilled and her eyes began to water. She didn’t expect to see a piece of her mother hugging her finger. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her lips.
“Not so fast…” Dropping down to one knee, I took her hand in mine as she wicked away stray tears. “From the moment I met you, you’ve been my most challenging opponent, pushing me to be a better man… one that I can be proud of. I know we haven’t been together long, but in that time, we have overcome some of the toughest battles of our lives. I know, without a doubt, that you are the ally I want by my side for the rest of my life. You are the first person that has seen me without my mask, and you’ve accepted me for all that I am. I promise you that the way I feel for you will never change, my love for you will be unwavering, and I will continue to fight for you every day. I love you, Justice MacQuoid. Will you marry me?”
“Yes, a thousand times, yes!”
We didn’t even notice anyone else in the room until Khaos jumped down from the kitchen island whispering, “Really work the ring, girl. I’m getting close ups.”
Pushing his shoulder, he stumbled back, and I saw my parents holding each other close, smiling in our direction.
My dad was right: All of the victories I kept track of were made to be pointless when Justice finally said yes. I was winning only for myself now.
One Month Later…
Opera Garnier, Paris
Standing next to Grimm in his matte black suit, he was giving me the stink eye in front of all our family and friends for making him act as our officiant. Besides him, I was standing alone, refusing to have anyone else standing by me, except for the girl paused at the end of the aisle.