I clench my jaw and tear my eyes away from his before turning on my heel back to Nic. “Please, Nic.”
His hand snakes out and grips my wrist tightly. He pulls me into him. “Come the fuck home with me,” he orders, using that tone that I’ve never been able to deny, the one he uses on his Black Widows, the one that demands respect.
I pull back, everything breaking inside of me. “I’m sorry,” I say, tears beginning to well in my eyes. “I can’t.”
Nic watches me as I silently step back into Colton’s chest. Betrayal fills him and I watch as he starts putting together the pieces of a puzzle that I don't even think exists anymore. “I see how it is,” he murmurs.
“No, Nic. It’s not.”
He shakes his head and just like that, he turns and walks away, taking my crew with him and leaving me an absolute mess.
Colton stays right at my back until the last of the boys disappear from the ballroom then scoffs and walks away as though my heartbreak is some kind of joke.
I watch him go but the anger builds within me and I find myself racing after him, intent on … I don’t know what. Making a difference? Having a say? Putting him in his damn place? It’s lost on me. All I know is that this bullshit isn’t over until I say it is.
No one makes me choose between my boys and my future like that apart from me. How dare he force that on me. He knows how much they mean to me. Hell, I’m not even scheduled to work at this party. If anything, I should be free to enjoy my day with my boys the way I see fit.
As if knowing that I’m coming for him, Colton slips out through the back door and keeps on walking until he steps through to a private room, one that I’ve never been in before, and to be honest, I’m too fucking pissed to even look around to figure out where I am.
Colton closes the door behind me, locking it as I pass. “What the hell was that?” I demand, stepping back into him and slamming my hand against his strong chest as the emotions begin to overwhelm me.
“They’re fucking trash and they were causing a scene. They never should have shown up here and you know that. They don’t belong.”
“Neither do I yet for some fucked up reason that I can’t understand, you’re keeping me around.”
“You’re free to go anytime you want, Jade. I’m not fucking keeping you here.”
“Please,” I scoff. “As if you would have allowed me to walk out that fucking door.”
His jaw clenches and his eyes bore into mine. He doesn’t respond, but he doesn't need to. We both know it's true even though neither of us can fully understand it.
“So that’s how it’s going to be?” I question with tears in my eyes. “You’re going to keep hurting me, pushing me away and hoping that it can make you feel something inside your dead soul?”
His jaw tightens and I step into him, raising my chin as I rest my hand against his chest and feel his racing heart beneath, unsure why after everything he’s put me through, that I'm still here begging for more.
My voice lowers to a whisper as I take him in and realize that he’s a fucking mess. He’s lost and confused and desperately holding on to our fucked up relationship the only way he knows how—by hurting me. “You’re going to break me, Colton,” I say, hating the traitorous tear that rolls down my cheek. “Each time you push me away, it hurts a little more and every time you hurt me, you keep chipping away at the little parts I have left of myself, but I see you. I feel your pain. You’re confused and hurting and you don’t have a fucking clue what you’re doing.”
“Don’t,” he warns, realizing I’m climbing the invisible wall that’s been erected between us.
I shake my head, refusing to be pushed back down. “It’s okay,” I tell him. “Hurt me, Colton. Hurt me as much as you fucking need because in the end, I’m not going anywhere. You can’t push me away. Not anymore. I get it, I’m your outlet now. I’m the only person who can make you feel something. So, it’s okay. When you need to scream, you scream at me. When you hurt, you hurt me. I can take it. Right till the fucking end, right until you finally realize how fucking amazing you are.”
His eyes blaze and within a moment, his lips come crashing down on mine as his hand twines around the back of my neck, holding me to him and refusing to let go.
I cling onto him, melting into his touch and allowing him to take whatever the hell he needs.
His kiss is forceful, needy, and desperate, but so is mine.
His hands slide down my body until they’re curling around my ass. He lifts me and slams me against the closed door, keeping me pinned with his hard body. Everything screams within me, my heart, my brain, my fucking pulse. I need his touch more than I need my next breath.
Colton’s tongue sweeps into my mouth and my body instantly responds. My arms wrap around him, pulling him impossibly closer.
I’m fucking falling and I’m falling hard. I can’t allow it to happen but at the same time, I’ve never wanted anything more.
He pulls back ever so slightly and meets my eyes. The emotions staring back at me are raw and crazed. He’s confused, angry, and has no fucking idea what the hell is going on between us. One minute he wants to hate me, and the next he can’t resist my touch.
“It’s okay,” I murmur again, my voice so low that he may not even be able to hear me.
Colton presses back into me, keeping me pinned against the door and drops his head into the crook of my neck. My arms curl back around him and that’s exactly where we stay, holding each other until he finally pulls away and steadies me on my feet.
Without a word, he reaches around me and opens the door. Colton walks out and just like that, he’s gone, leaving me a mess of emotions, completely dazed and confused.
Chapter 9
I sit at the table within the ballroom, watching the projector screen as it flicks through images of Charles with his family vacationing in the Bahamas, at the Eiffel tower, in Rome, and everywhere this beautiful world has to offer.
A buffet-style dinner has just finished being served and I look around the room. It’s well past 9 pm and I haven't heard from the boys or Colton since his little stunt at the start of the party. I don’t even know if they’re still hanging around. Nic isn’t one to wear his heart on his sleeve. He's too proud and he would have shut down the second they walked out of here, but this is me. Surely, he would have stuck around to sort shit out, right?
Fuck. I really screwed this up. No, Colton really screwed it up. I should have called his bluff and told him to fuck off but he would have pushed back harder and there’s only so far Nic can be pushed. It wouldn’t have ended well, and either way would have broken me.
I look down at my phone on the table and spin it for the billionth time.
To call him or not to call him? That’s the question.
I let out a heavy sigh and Milo looks over at me. “It’s not just going to magically ring,” he tells me after having watched me for the past two hours sulking. “If you want to fix this, then you need to make a move. I know this is all on Colton, but to them, you’re the one who chose. You have to make it right because right now, they’re all hurting.”
“I don’t think you understand just how hard that’s going to be. We’re not the type to sit and talk out our feelings. It’s just not the way things are between us. We’re the ‘rub some dirt on it’ type of people.”
“I don’t think rubbing dirt on it is going to fix it this time. Besides, you know what’s going through Nic’s head right now?” I look up at him, not wanting the answer but there’s no stopping Milo when he has something to say. “Right now, that boy of yours is picturing Colton’s hands all over your body and that sweet ass of yours taking his cock deep, just like the way you used to take his.”
Fuck. No.
My bottom lip pouts out and I realize that he’s right. I have to make a move and I have to do it now before I lose them. Those boys are all I have in this world, apart from Milo, of course. I have a feeling this guy is going to stick to me like glue until our d
ying days.
I let out a heavy sigh and grab my phone, wondering how I’m going to play this before aiming my guilt trip at the weakest link, the one who’s going to cave the easiest. I know he can’t resist my puppy dog eyes, and he’s the one who is going to cave like a little bitch.
Ocean – Please tell me you guys don’t hate me?
There’s a short pause before my phone lights up in my hands.
Sebastian – We’re in the pool house. Come out and we can talk.
Oh, shit. No cheesy emojis or comments about still fucking me anyway. This is bad.
I push up from the table and look down at Milo. “I’m out. This will probably take a while.”
“Take your time, babe. I’ll text if I’m leaving. We can chill tomorrow after school.”
I give him a warm smile before bending down and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. I make my way out of the ballroom and cut through the mansion to the back door. I pass through the main kitchen and down into the living area when I find Colton sitting alone in the dark. He leans forward on his knees, his head dropped into his hands.
My heart breaks. I want to run to him, crash into him, and tell him that while the pain may never go away, it gets easier. But if I stop to be with him now, I’ll never get back what I had with those boys and I can’t lose that. They’re too important to me.
Colton raises his head and he watches as I cut through the living room and out the door.
My heart races, desperately begging me to go back to him, but I won’t dare. I have to make this right with Nic and the boys. They’re my support system and without them, I’m nothing.
As I walk out past the pool, the door of the pool house opens and Nic walks out, his eyes focused heavily on mine. Elijah, Kairo, and Sebastian follow him out and all four of them stare as they slowly make their way toward me.
The walk to meet them in the middle is torture. The looks on their faces are awful.
Nic looks like he’s about ready to tear me apart while also somehow looking like a little puppy that’s just been pushed aside. Sebastian is weary. He knows how much I love them and is more nervous about how Nic is going to react. He knows I’m heading for a verbal smackdown and he hates it.
Eli, my sweet Elijah. He just looks hurt. Never in his wildest dreams would he think that I would have stayed inside that ballroom with Colton, and I see in his eyes the way he’s questioning my loyalty. Kairo though, he just looks pissed. He’s not a grudge holder. Out of all of them, Kai is probably the easiest to get along with. He’s so simple. All black and white, no grey areas. He’ll tell me I fucked up and then we’ll move on.
I finally meet them by the edge of the pool and my gaze never moves from Nic’s.
I prepare to start groveling.
He stands before me, waiting for an explanation and I see in his eyes that he’s ready to blow. Had I been anyone else, I would have already been forgotten. He’d already be back in Breakers Flats with the boys, looking for a replacement or forgetting the bullshit with a good time.
His eyes bore into mine and as I try to reach for him, he flinches away, absolutely gutting me. “Please, Nic. Don’t hate me,” I beg. “I swear, it’s not what you think.”
His expression is cold, deadly, lethal. It fucking sucks. “Are you fucking him?”
I shake my head. “No, I … I haven’t fucked him.”
“Yet,” he grunts, reading my unspoken thoughts.
“Nic, please. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. Colton and I … we have a connection. I can’t even explain it but it’s so not what you’re thinking.”
He scoffs. “Please, tell me what it is you think I’m thinking.”
“Nic.”
“Please,” he says, sweeping his hand in front of him in a gesture for me to continue. Eli groans as Sebastian scrunches his face, knowing damn well that when Nic throws down a comment like that, I’m not about to hold back. Kai doesn’t respond though, just continues staring, probably wanting to hear what it is that I have to say.
“You asked for it, Nic,” I grumble, letting out a frustrated sigh but not once tearing my hard glare from his, hoping that somehow he’ll understand where the hell he went wrong.. “You think I’m whoring myself out to him like I’m that fucking low. You think I’m getting extra benefits by fucking the boss to get myself ahead in life but what’s more, you think he’s taking something from you, something that is no longer yours to take because when it comes to Dominic Garcia, everything is about him. Who gives a shit about what I think? Who cares that I actually have a connection with the guy? Who fucking cares that every time I’m around him my heart beats a million miles per minute? No. None of that fucking matters because Nic has his fucking panties in a twist.”
Sebastian takes a big step back and sucks in a sharp breath as Eli grumbles under his breath. “Ah, fuck. She went there.”
Kairo just continues to stare.
“Yeah, I fucking went there,” I snap, “because right now I’m being punished for choosing between the four guys who should have my back and the guy who I might have something real with.”
“REAL?” Nic demands, stepping closer. “That’s not fucking real. What we had was real. The guy is a fucking loser. He treats you like shit. He’ll never love you. You’re a convenient fuck to him. Some poor bitch who’ll keep her mouth shut.”
My hand slaps hard across his face. “Jealousy isn’t pretty on you Nic. Fucking pull your shit together. Stop hating on me for wanting to move on. You fucked us up. You slept with another woman. What we had wasn’t real. You were the one fucking the poor girl for convenience. Tell me, Nic. Was it nice not having to go out to find some random slut to fuck each night knowing you could just fuck me instead?”
“Don’t you try to tell me what the fuck I was feeling.”
“Then stop doing the same bullshit to me. I have something real with Colton. I don’t even understand it yet but when I tell the four guys who are supposed to love and support me through any decisions I make, whether they think I’m fucking up or not, they should have my back just as I would have theirs.”
Sebastian breaks. “Come on, O. You know I got your back. I just … we don’t trust him. He treated you like shit from the second you walked in here. He will never have your back like the way we have it.”
“Oh, really?” I question. “That’s what you really think?”
“That’s what we fucking know,” Nic says.
I shake my head, stepping right up to Nic and putting myself in front of him. “You don’t know shit, Nic. You haven’t been here. You don’t walk in my shoes. Your possessive asshole act is starting to get old.”
Eli subtly steps in between us and stands as awkwardly as possible, knowing if Nic wants to get to me, his ass will get laid out.
“This place has changed you,” Nic says.
“No,” I tell him. “This place is just offering me more than what Breakers Flats can. This place isn’t what’s holding me back.”
Kairo's voice comes from the back of the group, raw and filled with emotion. “So, that’s what you think? That we’re holding you back?”
I let out a sigh and meet his eyes. He looks broken and it kills me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look at me that way in all the years that I’ve known him. I walk away from Nic until I’m placed right in front of Kai. I take his hands and look up into his eyes. “Never, Kai. You boys mean the absolute world to me and at the moment, I’m trying to work out how to make room for all these new people coming into my life. I don’t even understand what this thing is between me and Colton, but to me, it feels real, and I guess … I guess I just want to know that if I decide to do something about it that you guys aren’t going to try to kill him.”
Kai shakes his head. “That’s not my call to make.”
I turn back to the guys and avoid Nic’s stare. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t. For so long, it’s been just us. No friends …”
Nic lets out a sigh and something bre
aks within him. “Just family,” he murmurs, finishing off the words that I know mean the absolute world to him, the same words that are tattooed on his skin as a permanent reminder of his deepest belief.
I walk back over to him and take a breath filled with relief as he allows me to take his hand. “Please don’t hate me,” I beg with a whisper. “I’m not choosing him over you. I’m just opening myself up to more.”
Nic holds my eyes, and waiting for his response has my anxiety skyrocketing until he finally pulls me into his chest. “Alright,” he finally says. “I’ll back off but if he fucking hurts you …”
“I know,” I whisper, not needing him to finish his sentence.
“This doesn’t change the fact that you’re my girl, O. It just means that I’m going to have to try a little harder.”
“You know that I love you guys.”
“I know,” he murmurs.
“And despite making a scene with his sisters and Kai trying to smuggle Charles’ Rolex, you were kicked out because Colton is jealous of our relationship, not because you guys are Black Widows.”
“Trust me,” he says with a scoff. “That’s not fucking lost on me.”
“So, you forgive me?”
He’s quiet for a minute before pulling back and gently taking my chin. He gives me a warm smile. “Mostly. I’m at 80%. I’m still pissed, but calm enough that I’m not about to go in there and whoop your boy into next week.”
“He’s not my boy.”
“He will be though. No one could resist your charm, O. If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll pull you in and never let you go.”
The corner of my lips lift into a small smile, knowing how damn hard that would have been for Nic to say. “Thank you,” I whisper, keeping our moment private from the three stooges who haven’t dared to look away.
“Come on now,” Sebastian says, creeping up behind me and drawing me into his arms. “Share the love.”
I wrap myself around him and bury my face into his chest, desperately needing this moment to know that my boys are all good. I squish my face into his chest and breathe him in. I fucking love Sebastian. I don’t know where I’d be without him. He’s my best friend. He just gets me in a way that no one else does, though I’d never dare utter those words out loud. These boys can’t handle themselves when they’re jealous and tonight is a perfect example of that.
Cocky F*ck: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rejects Paradise Book 2) Page 9