by Dena Christy
“Who told you that Rebecca was in danger?” A calm came over Miranda, and her arms slipped down from off her hips to hang down at her side. She walked over to Evie and led her over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and pulled Evie down to sit beside her. “Who told you that she was in danger? Was it your father or did you hear it from someone else?”
“My father told me.” A sour feeling stirred in Evie’s stomach as she recalled how her father had broached the subject of Rebecca during their talk yesterday. He’d expressed such concern for her friend, a woman he didn’t know and at the time it had struck her as unusual.
“Did anyone else confirm it?”
“No.” Once she’d met with her father, she’d seen no one except Cynric, and Rebecca had been the farthest thing from his mind.
“Why would he do that? Think about the man that you’ve known for years, the man you ran from to be with Adam and tell me if he would voluntarily tell you about Rebecca’s troubles out of the goodness of his heart. Or do you think maybe he had an ulterior motive for telling you. He knew he could manipulate your love for your friends to his own ends.” Miranda gave her hand a squeeze, and while Evie could see that she’d allowed her father to manipulate her, it still changed nothing. She was still going with him.
“It doesn’t matter why he did it, he still saved her and I still have to hold up my end of things.” Why was she harping on this? Why couldn’t she let it go? It was going to be hard enough to say goodbye to her and go back to the life she’d fled years ago without analyzing every word her father had spoken to her in the meeting.
“He lied about all of it Evie, and you are still so wrapped up in your fear that you can’t see it. Let it go. You will never find your happiness until you let go of the fear that is holding you back.”
What fear? She could admit that she had been afraid of what Cynric made her feel, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t see through her father. She knew he was manipulative, but he couldn’t have lied about all of it, could he?
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about. My father manipulated me, I’ll admit that, but what did he lie about exactly. Rebecca is a felon, that’s why she was working with me. She went to Serena because she needed a place to hide.”
“I’m sure that Rebecca was with you because she was a felon, I don’t doubt that part of it. But you’ve only heard your father’s side of the negotiations. Do you want to hear the other side? Synn was at that table and he told me everything that was said. Do you want to hear the part that your father left out?”
Evie pulled her hand out of Miranda's and clasped it with her other one in her lap. She had a feeling that this was the most important moment of her life. She could turn away from the truth, she could tell Miranda to leave and her world would be safely intact. She could go live with her father, a life she hated but one that was achingly familiar. Or she could face up to just how blind she’d been, to how the fear of what Cynric made her feel allowed her to be fooled.
“Tell me.” Evie stared straight ahead as she braced herself for what Miranda was going to say.
“They asked that all of us go to Latroth. Me and Collette because we are mated to Synn and Ryce, so there was no question of us staying. They wanted you and Rebecca there too. Your father told them that they could take Rebecca since she was a felon and the sister of a traitor and wasn’t worth much. You were a different matter, and he would not agree to entertain the possibility unless you were given a choice in what you wanted, and he made them promise that they would abide by whatever decision you made.”
The magnitude what Madeline told her made her tremble. Her father had done nothing to save Rebecca because Rebecca had not needed saving. What her father had needed was a way to ensure that Evie would stay on this planet and make it look like it was a decision she’d come to on her own. That was why she was not to speak of their bargain, and that was why he’d kept her here, isolated in this room until after her decision had been made public.
She’d been such a fool, and she’d walked into the trap laid by her father willingly. Miranda was right, what she felt for Cynric scared her so much that she’d let her father manipulate her without question, to give herself a way to hide from what she felt. She made herself willfully blind to what her father was capable of so she could keep her heart safe. And now it was too late to go back, to tell Cynric the truth. That she loved him.
“What have I done? I pushed him away, I hurt him so much because I was scared. What he makes me feel frightens me to death, and now it’s too late.”
“It’s not too late. Cynric may be on his way back to Latroth, but you know where he’s going. We are going to leave in a few hours, and you can be on the ship with us. You can find him, tell him how you really feel.”
Could she really do that? Could she go with them, find him and tell him what she felt for him? Would he want to listen to her after all that she’d said to him yesterday? Her indecision must have shown on her face because Miranda took her hand and pulled her to her feet.
“If you don’t do this, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Go to him and tell him what you feel for him.”
She made it sound so easy, and perhaps in the end it was. He didn’t have the mark, but he’d wanted her to go with him, he wanted more time with her. Perhaps if he was given that time his feelings would grow to match her own. All she knew was that she couldn’t go live with her father. Miranda was right, if she didn’t go to Cynric she would regret it for the rest of her life.
“Let’s go.” Evie walked to the door and pulled it open. She and Miranda walked out into the hall.
“Evangeline, where do you think you are going?” Her father’s voice boomed behind her, and Evie turned and faced him. It was time to stand up to her father and do it in a way that left nothing open to interpretation. She was going to the man she loved, and she was going to do it openly, as she should have done it years ago when she’d fled with Adam.
“I’m leaving father, I’m going to Latroth to be with Cynric. I love him and I can’t go back to live with you. I hope that somewhere inside you that you can understand that I need to do this, but if you don’t, I’m doing it anyway.”
Her father’s eyes narrowed as they landed on Miranda, who stood with her arm through Evie’s. Evie knew how her father’s mind worked, and she was sure he was kicking himself for not posting a guard at her door until everyone who could tell her the truth was safely away.
“We have a bargain, Evangeline. If you leave, I’m afraid that I will have to rescind the help I extended to your friend Rebecca.” Even now he could not admit defeat. He was still trying to manipulate her. It made her sad that her father could not even once see that she knew what was best for her.
“You will do no such thing because you extended no help to her at all. Rebecca was going to Latroth before you proposed your bargain to me. We don’t have an agreement at all, and you are going to let me go. If you don’t, I’m sure the Latrothian’s will learn that I’m being held against my will, and will do everything to ensure that I’m on the ship. Are you willing to take the chance of all out war in order to get your way?”
Her father glared at her, and he could not even be gracious in his defeat. He curled his lip in a snarl of disgust and turned on his heel. He walked away from her, and Evie felt a small twinge of regret that her father’s personality prevented her from having the kind of relationship with him that would allow him to be happy that she’d found someone to love.
“Come on. Let’s get you to the man you love.” Miranda took her by the arm and Evie went with her down the hall, away from the man of her past and toward the man in her future. She only hoped that it was a future that Cynric still wanted, one spent with her.
Chapter Nineteen
Why had he left her? Why had he given up on her so easily?
Cynric was no closer to finding the answer than he’d been when the mark first appeared over a week ago. He’d sat here, alone in his room, not s
peaking to anyone, unable to eat, unable to do anything but think about her. He’d given up too easily on her, he could see that now. He’d held back from her, had hidden how he knew he felt about her, out of fear that the mark would not come. He’d fooled her and himself into thinking that she wasn’t the most important person in his life, so that when the mark appeared it was too late.
This couldn’t be the end. He couldn’t sit here, wallowing in his own self-pity. There had to be a way to get her back.
Cynric stood and strode for the door to his room. He was going to demand they turn the ship around. He didn’t want to go back to Latroth without her, and if they wouldn’t take him to her, he would take a shuttle and go himself. He couldn’t go on like this. Living without her was too painful, and he had to go to her and convince her that he loved her and needed her. He would tell her what he should have told her the last time he saw her. That for him, what was between them was more than a fleeting infatuation.
He pushed the panel on the side of the door, and it slid open with a whoosh. He stared through it, certain that the week of isolation had driven him mad. There she stood, the woman he’d spent the past week longing for, pining for. His mind was so desperate for her that it must have conjured her image out of the air to torment him. He took a step forward, certain that she would disappear like a wisp of fantasy as soon as he left his room.
“Cynric.” The apparition spoke, and he closed his eyes at what the sound of her voice did to him. Even if this was only a dream, it was one he didn't want to wake up from. Her voice called forth the love he had inside him and it curled around his heart. He had to get her back. This was a sign that he was on the right path that he needed to get to her and tell her how much he loved her.
He opened his eyes, and she was still standing there. Why wasn’t she disappearing when he knew that she was back on Nova Earth, far from him? Was he doomed to be haunted by her until he got her back?
“I know you must be angry with me for pushing you away, but won’t you speak to me?”
He stared at her as she took a step forward. The illusion would shatter as soon as she put the hand she was raising on him. It had to. This couldn’t be real. She could be here, only a breath’s distance away from him.
She put her hand on his chest, over his heart, and he could feel its warmth seeping through the fabric of his shirt.
“You’re real?” The disbelief in his heart echoed in his voice. She was real, and she was here. But how was it possible?
“Of course I’m real. There is so much I want to say to you, so much I want to explain.”
Explanations could wait. It had been days since he’d seen her, touched her and held her in his arms. The first thing he needed to do was get her out of this corridor and into his room. He didn't know if he could ever let her go now that she was here.
He scooped her up and spun around, hitting the panel by the door and it opened for him. He carried her into his room and set her on her feet. He cradled her face in his hands, gentling himself as he remembered the last time he’d kissed her. There had been so much pain in that kiss that he didn’t want to repeat it.
“Can I kiss you? Just for a moment, to assure myself that you’re real?”
She pressed her body against his and slid her arms around his neck. “Just one kiss, and then we have to talk.”
He dipped his head, leaning down until his mouth touched hers. The meeting of their mouths sent a spark of love through him that was so intense it nearly drove him to his knees. He tightened his arms around her as he deepened the kiss. He could sustain himself on kisses with her alone, but she was right. They needed to talk. There was so much he had to tell her, so much he had to explain. It was an encouraging sign that she was here, on the ship and on her way to his home. But he didn’t want to take anything for granted. He wanted to tell her everything that had been going through his head since the last time he saw her.
He pulled back from her and took a step back. The only way they could talk was if he wasn’t touching her. She was a distraction for him, and there would be time enough to make love once the words that needed to be said were spoken.
“Cynric, I’m sorry for what I said to you the last time we were together. I’d like to explain why if you will listen.” She looked up at him with such sadness in her topaz eyes that he almost told her that she didn’t need to explain anything. That her being here was explanation enough that she hadn’t meant what she said. But he could see that it was important for her to say what she needed to say, and he had a feeling that he needed to hear it.
Underneath the euphoria of seeing her again, there was a tiny remnant of the rejection he’d felt the last time he saw her. It needed to go, so that it would not flare to life as resentment down the road. He wanted everything that had gone on between them, both good and bad, out in the open so that they could start their new life together on fresh footing.
“Please, let’s sit over here and we’ll talk.” He took her by the hand and led her over to the seating area of his room. He took the chair he’d occupied for the better part of his week here, and she sat in the one next to it.
“I don’t know where to start.” She knotted her hands together and looked down at them in her lap. He took her hand back and cradled it in his.
“Start with why you’re here and go from there.” He gave her hand an encouraging squeeze and held it steadily.
“I’m here because I wasn’t truthful with you the last time I saw you. I was afraid of what you make me feel, and I allowed myself to be tricked into thinking that the only way I could save someone was by pushing you away. By making you think that I wanted to live my life on Nova Earth, apart from you. The truth is what I feel for you is so much stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before, and I can’t spend my life without you in it. I love you, and I realize that you don’t have the mark, so what you feel for me might not be as strong. I hope that by being together, in time you will grow to love me and the mark will appear.”
Cynric was humbled by her words. She’d come across space to tell him that she loved him, even when she believed that he did not return the feeling. He wished that the mark had not appeared, so that he could tell her that he loved her and not make it look like he was only saying so because he was safely assured that it was true. She was taking a leap of faith, and he had to make one with her.
“It’s my turn to apologize. My culture is so wrapped up in the mark appearing that it becomes everything. I’ve seen couples who couldn’t allow themselves to be happy because the mark hadn’t appeared. And when I was with you, when I felt myself growing closer to you, there was a part of me that held myself back because I was afraid that the mark would not appear. I’m sorry, that was wrong of me because it made you think that I could not share your feelings. It fed into the fear that you had of your love for me, and I see now that I deserved to hear what you had to say the last time we spoke. I’m going to be honest and tell you that the mark appeared after we parted.” Her eyes widened, and she leaned forward, a light of relief in her eyes.
He held up his hand, to stop her from speaking just yet. He took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. What he said next was so important to making her feel that although the mark was on his body, it wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t. He felt the same for her with the mark as he did without it. “It only confirms what I already knew deep down inside me. I’m so deeply in love with you that there is no end to it, and if I had to spend another moment apart from you, it would be the end of me. That’s what I felt inside the last time we talked, before the mark came. But like you with your fear, I let mine fool me into thinking that without the mark that what I felt for you couldn’t be love. I can tell you that it is love. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you every day just how much you mean to me so you never doubt again what I feel for you.”
“Oh Cynric, I love you so much.” A tear spilled down her cheek and she got up off her chair and sat down on his lap. He held her to him and buried h
is face in her hair. He didn’t know how he could have ever fooled himself into thinking that what he felt for her wasn’t a love that would last for the rest of his life. He was overjoyed that now he got to spend the rest of his life showing her. He pressed his lips to the top of her head, and she pulled back to look at him. “Can I see it?”
If the effect of her body on his lap was any indication, she would see a lot more than the mark very soon. He pulled away enough to pull his shirt off, and there it was. The mark that proclaimed him hers. She fitted her hand on it, and it matched perfectly.
“Miranda told me something else about this. She mentioned something about a mating ritual that bound her and Synn together. Is that something we can do?”
He wanted nothing more than to bind himself to her, but he had to be sure she was prepared for it.
“It is something we can do together. It means that I will be bound to you for the rest of my life. We will be connected to each other in a deeper way than we are now. You will be able to feel what I feel and it will be the same with me for you. It’s a big step, and not one I’m asking you to do to right this minute. I want you to be sure.”
He wanted to bind himself to her, but if the love she felt for him had scared her, perhaps knowing the depths of intimacy the binding would take them to would be too much for her right now. He could wait until she was ready.
“It sounds like this ritual is something sacred among your people. Is that right?”
“It is. It’s very intimate and private, and it happens only once.” That’s why he wanted her to be sure. Once they went through with it, there would be no undoing it.
“I want to bind myself with you, but I want to treat it with it’s due reverence. I want it to be special. Can we do it tonight? After we’ve both had time to reflect on what it will mean for both of us?”