by L. A. Fiore
“Hey?” Heather called.
He hadn’t even realized he was standing in the kitchen, his jacket on, staring at the table where in just a few hours he and his whole family would be crowded around enjoying the dishes prepared by Heather and his mother. God, Gage didn’t even think about whether or not him leaving his family would affect his parents. Probably not, because the last time he spoke to them was on Thanksgiving, and even at that, it was only a few words before his father engrossed himself in the football games on the television. Heather always held the contact with his parents, making the plans for Holidays and birthdays. Jesus, he didn’t think about that either, that he’d have to reach out to them, make the plans.
“Honey,” Heather called again.
This time, Gage lifted his eyes from the table to her. He took in the beige cable knit sweater she had on that she had just unwrapped an hour ago. On his way home from being with Tilly yesterday, he rushed through a department store buying gifts for his wife. Fuck. He was a real asshole. But it looked great on her, as most things did. He took her in, all of her. Fuck. She had that look in her eyes. The one that said she wouldn’t be anywhere but here. His heart began to crack into a million pieces, the sound echoing through his ears.
Gage swayed, the pain, guilt… all of it hitting him like a damn freight train.
Heather rushed, grabbing her husband’s arm, as he reached out for the table. “Gage, you okay?”
He shook his head, the dizziness shaking off. “Yeah,” he whispered.
She tilted her head, studying him. “Are you sure?”
He stood, his balance better. “Yeah, I’m good, honey.”
Heather laid a hand on his abs. “After the Holidays, I think I’m going to leave my job, make things right around here.” She gave Gage a small smile. “You deserve that.”
That sensation came flooding back, but he held his ground. This… this was what he wanted from her. To be here. To be present. She was going to give that to him. Now, of all times. As he looked down at her, he lifted a finger, grazing it along her cheek, he smiled, a part inside of him wanting what was right in front of him.
With all that was weighing on his mind, he still leaned down and kissed his wife on the forehead in answer because there wasn’t much he could say at the moment; his words were stuck. Heather smiled at her husband as their daughter walked into the kitchen, bundled and ready for her Christmas tradition with her father.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The temperatures had dropped, but the snow was holding off. The earlier storm had blanketed the area, but not enough to keep people inside, not enough to keep Tilly and Gage from driving an hour to spend time together.
Tilly and Gage strolled through Longwood Gardens hand in hand, the holiday lights twinkling around them while sipping on hot chocolate with a kick. It wasn’t her wool coat or even the hot chocolate that kept her warm, but feeling Gage’s hand around hers. Something so simple, but like it was with all things Gage, it was right...perfect.
“Did your family manage to eat both the ham and the turkey?” She asked, as they stopped by the fountains, the water surging with lights that flashed in time to the Christmas carols. Wide-eyed little kids staring in awe at the sight.
Gage looked down at Tilly, bundled in her coat, a red and black printed scarf, a knit hat to match. Her nose was pink, on her exhales you could see her breath. Gage smiled when she looked to the kids and grinned at the mom looking back at her. Gage didn’t answer her question, just spoke what was on his mind. “You’re beautiful.”
Her head turned at his words, looking at him to see the expression on his face, one she saw often when he looked at her...soft loving eyes. She studied him for a second, his broad shoulders in the brown leather jacket, his salt and peppered hair a bit more salted. She whispered, “So are you.”
Kids laughter caught Gage’s attention, his eyes drifting to them before coming back to Tilly. His voice was soft when he asked, “Do you want more kids?” There was no right or wrong answer to that question, just one that Gage had given thought as they reached closer to leaving their spouses and starting a life together.
Tilly wasn’t sure what emotion she felt more strongly at that question, love or want. She’d thought about it, children with Gage. It was one of those things she didn’t let herself dwell on because she didn’t want to be disappointed if he didn’t. “Having your kids? Yes, I want that.”
Gage’s smile started slow, but it reached his eyes right before he told her, “Then you’ll get that.” His head descended and he laid a kiss to her cold nose. “I love you,” he muttered, letting his lips linger there.
She held his hand tighter, moved up against him to feel his solid strength. Sometimes, it felt like a dream, one she’d wake up from. “Is it possible to be too happy?” She asked, staring up at him with love.
Gage lifted his head, looking into her shining hazel eyes and confessed, “The way we feel, I’m thinking there might be.” He chuckled. “Cause even I’m getting sick of us.” He tipped his lips up on one side and winked at her.
She looked at the fountains when the crowd did a collective inhale of awe, the light spray of water misting around them. She’d remember this moment. How happy she was, how right her life felt. How she’d found the man she needed even when she didn’t realize she did. Her voice was laced with pain, because before they could start their story, they had to end their old ones. “Have you thought about how we’re going to tell them?”
The lighthearted happiness left Gage’s body, replacing it with the ache at the thought of hurting everyone. He looked to the light show and spoke, “Scarlett is going skiing with Rachelle’s family at the end of the week, I’m going to tell Heather then. Sit her down and…” Gage stopped saying the words because the hurt was turning into a pain too intense.
Tilly studied Gage’s face, saw the pain and understood it. She squeezed his hand. “It doesn’t seem right to be so happy, knowing our happiness causes pain to others.” She felt her eyes burn, looked away and added, “I suppose to know true happiness, you have to know real pain too.” And it hurt. Breaking up a family, putting all those memories away, boxing them up and moving on. It sounded easy, but it was anything but.
Gage squeezed her hand back in comfort and asked, “What about you?” He kept his eyes to the fountain, didn’t want to see the pain he knew Tilly held behind her eyes.
Tilly had been thinking about that, had thought of little else. “I’m just going to sit him down and tell him. It’s funny because he’s been absent for so long, but lately, it’s like he’s a different man. Breaks my heart that he’s finally coming around, but…” She looked up at Gage and he brought his attention to her. She wanted him to see her resolve. “It’s too late. My heart belongs to another.”
He knew exactly what she was going through. He failed to tell her that Heather had been more present in their marriage than ever. For the past week, Scarlett had been home, spending the nights curled on the couch with her mom, either talking or watching a movie. And when Gage was there, he’d join them. Seeing that, pulled at Gage’s heart, because he would miss it. Miss watching his daughter grow into a woman with her mother by her side. He swallowed that admission down and whispered, “Me too.” The holiday cheer around them hadn’t helped the inside turmoil both were experiencing. Trying to pull them from their own thoughts, Gage asked, “Wanna grab lunch now?”
Her heart was heavy, the magnitude of what they were doing, the reality that once it was done, there would be no going back. When she smiled, though, it was genuine because it would hurt at first, just thinking about the impact on her kids, on Scarlet, the pain was unbearable, but they would figure it out. In the end, they would make it good for everyone. She wanted to say as much, but that was for tomorrow. Today, she wanted to focus on why they were willing to put everyone through the pain. The answer was simple. Love. She pressed into his side and
wiped the wet from her eyes. He was worth it. “Yeah, I could eat.”
It was after bowls of stew were consumed at the small cafe adjacent to the hotel. Gage held Tilly’s eyes as he rocked into her, slow steady thrusts inside her body. She lifted her hand from the grip she had on his bicep and cupped his cheek. He tilted his head, pressing into the silent comfort she was offering. With nothing more than heavy breathing, Gage and Tilly made love that afternoon. Hoping to ease the pain the other felt knowing what their actions were going to do to the ones they loved. It didn’t work, and for the first time in a long time, when they said goodbye, Tilly shed tears.
_______________
Gage exited his truck, the snow that started as a sprinkle was now heavy flakes, coating over the layers of snow on the ground. He jogged to the spot Tilly had just pulled into. Hands in his pockets, he bounced from one foot to the other, trying to shake the cold damp air from his bones. Tilly shut her car off, Gage removed a hand, rubbing his beanie covered head before opening the driver’s side door. “Sorry, baby, but I had to see you one more time before the shit hits the fan.”
She folded out of the car, bundled in her wool coat, a beige scarf wrapped around her neck, leather gloves on her hands, all finished with a hat tight on her head. She was shaking, both from the drive and from the reality that she needed to see him as much as he needed to see her. She said nothing, just stepped into him, her arms going around his waist. His scent blended with the leather of his coat. She inhaled deeply. “I needed this too.”
He held her tightly, leaned back, placed a firm kiss to cool lips and told her, “Get in my truck.” She stepped back, taking no time at all to obey, and started for his truck. Gage smacked her ass with a smile on his face. “Hurry woman.”
Her laugh rang out. The man was impatient. “I’m going.” She said, looking back at him with a grin.
Both in the truck, Gage didn’t waste time as he cranked the heat up. “Fuck,” He muttered, leaning forward to peek at the sky from the windshield. “This came in a fuck of a lot faster than they said.” He looked to Tilly who was rubbing her hands together. “Any troubles getting here?” He looked back out the windshield to the park they had first met in, the area covered in white.
“The roads were slick,” she said, turning in her seat to more fully look at him. There were snowflakes on his jacket and the ones clinging to his hat were melting. Every little detail she took in. She did whenever they were together, missing nothing and savoring everything. “So as much as I’d like to spend hours with you, I can’t. The roads aren’t going to be drivable if we stay too long.”
“I know,” he said as he backed out of the spot and started for the road. “Well just go down, grab a coffee and come back, okay?” He asked as he pulled up to the road and stopped.
Wipers going, but doing nothing as snow provided a constant coating on the windshield. The visibility next to nothing as the heavy white flakes caused a blanket in the air.
She touched his arm, wanting that connection. “Yes.” She breathed in excitement. “I hope they have the cinnamon caramel blend that they had last week.” She moved her hand off his arm and placed it on his thigh.
Gage looked to Tilly, saw the smile on her face, smiled back and told her, “I love you.”
Her grin was soft when she whispered, “I love you.”
Gage pulled out onto the road, never saw the truck coming from the opposite direction. The sound of tires screeching wailed before he felt the jolt of being hit. He pressed on the brake, jerking the wheel. But with the layer of ice coating the road, nothing helped as the truck spiraled out of control and across the intersection. A horn blared right before Tilly screamed.
Then it all went black.
_______________
Gage woke to the sound of beeping. His body jolted, eyes blinking quickly, but the bright light had him closing them. He went to sit up, but the aches caused him to fall back into the bed with a groan.
“Don’t move,” he heard a familiar voice say.
Opening his eyes, blinking the fuzz away, he saw Heather and Scarlett standing at the end of the hospital bed. His voice was thick and raspy when he said, “Tilly.”
Heather took a deep breath, her expression steady and hard, when she told him, “She’s fine, a few bumps and bruises is all.”
His eyes drifted to his daughter. Hers were directed to the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks, dropping to the linoleum floor at her feet. “Letty, come here,” Gage whispered.
Her head lifted, the pain behind her soft blue eyes hit him harder than the truck had. She slowly shook her head, disgust written all over her beautiful features, as she turned and walked from the room.
They knew.
Fuck.
His eyes quickly moved to Heather, the swift movement causing pain to shoot through his head. “Heather,” he said lowly.
Her eyes only moved from where their daughter had exited to glance at him before she said, “I have to get your doctor.” Then she left the room.
Jesus.
They knew.
The aches Gage’s body felt were suddenly replaced with a whole different kind of pain. Jesus, if his family knew. What about Tilly’s? Gage raised a hand and placed his face in it, closing his eyes. What in the fuck did they do?
_______________
It was the pounding in her head that woke Tilly. She tried to move, and a pain shot through her body. Recollection was slow to return, but when it did she jerked up, despite the pain. “Gage,” she called out, her eyes struggling to focus.
“He’s okay.”
She turned her head, causing another searing pain, to see Luke standing at her bedside. It was only then she felt her hand being held and slowly turned her head to see Ashley and Justin. Their eyes puffy, tears streaking down their cheeks. Ashley’s hold on her hand tightened. “You’re okay, Mom.”
The pain started to make itself known. The last thing she remembered was Gage telling her he loved her. The memory was slow to return, but then she recalled the blinding lights, the ear bleeding noise, the body rattling jarring from the collision. It was only then that it dawned.
They knew.
She looked into her daughter’s eyes, her son’s, before she turned to Luke. She could have handled anger, disgust, even rage, but it was the silent disappointment that nearly broke her, and far more effectively than the crash.
Tears filled her eyes, her words clogging in her throat, so many things she wanted to say, but couldn’t. It wasn’t how it was supposed to go, but even saying that. How was it supposed to go? How did you ease your loved ones into the news she and Gage had to share...that for months they had been sneaking around, creating another life together? She had always known what they were doing was wrong, on some level, but seeing the look on their faces, knowing it was masking the pain they felt, a pain that rivaled what she was feeling and not just physically, but deep down emotionally, there weren’t words. Sorry wasn’t even close to being enough.
Her tears rolled down her cheeks and soaked into her pillow. She closed her eyes because she couldn’t bear to see what she was doing to them. Her thoughts drifted to Gage, to his version of this hell, and her tears fell harder.
What the hell did they do?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
A man in a white lab coat walked into the room, a tablet in his one hand, a finger of the other gliding across the screen. “Well, good evening, Mr. Sutherland,” the doctor said when he lifted his eyes, looking at Gage.
Gage nodded and moved his eyes to the door when he heard it open. Heather. The stoic look on her face, the firm posture, neither had Gage ever seen on Heather.
“I’m telling you, the way they make vehicles nowadays is a lifesaver. Between your seatbelt and airbags, you only sustained a few bumps and bruises. How are you feeling?”
Gage rubbed his hands down his face,
his biceps screaming in pain when he did. “Achy and groggy.”
“The aches are from the obvious. The grogginess is the remnants of the sedative we gave you.”
“Sedative?” Gage questioned and reached for the cup of water. The coolness coating his scratchy throat.
“Yes.” The doctor looked back down at the tablet in his hand. “You were a little,” the doctor paused, bringing his eyes to Gage, and told him, “out of control when they brought you in.”
Gage shook his head. “I don’t remember.”
“No, it’s no surprise that you don’t. Most that have been in a car accident block out what happens after the first strike, it’s our brains way of protecting ourselves from the lingering thoughts of the tragedy.” The doctor looked back down and told him, “I’d like to keep you overnight, simply for observation.”
Gage nodded and asked, even knowing it would hurt Heather, “Tillian Forester, is she okay?” He wanted to see her. See for himself that she was as okay as he was. But asking about her he knew was doing enough damage to the sudden devastation at hand.
The doctor looked to his wife before returning to Gage. “I’m sorry, but I can’t disclose that information to you, Mr. Sutherland.”
“Jesus, she was the woman in the truck with me,” Gage spat out, not even thinking about his wife in the room.
The doctor lowered his head, but it was Heather who spoke, her words tight, “I told you, she’s fine.”
The doctor took a visible breath. “In most cases, yes, I would be able to relay minimal information on the parties that were with you, but her family has asked that I not share that with you.”