by Lily White
Despite everything Lennon had done for me, I was still afraid that the bottom would drop out. It wasn’t easy for me to trust that the next day wouldn’t bring heartache.
What if the rumors were true?
What if he was playing me while playing Jillian as well?
What if I wasn’t the only student he was breaking the rules for while telling us both that we had a chance at a future in music?
Why did he disappear this morning without an explanation as to where he was going?
It was stupid of me to be jealous about Jillian. It wasn’t like Lennon and I had said we were in a committed relationship. But, even without saying it, why would he bring me to live at his house? Why would he pay for my father to be in a home? If those weren’t signs of a man committing to a woman, I wasn’t sure what would be.
Then again, how could I even ask for a commitment when in a few shorts weeks, I hoped to be leaving for Hastings, while he returned to his usual life?
My fingers stopped moving over the keys and I laughed. The truth was I didn’t even know where he lived when he wasn’t in town teaching.
“That was beautiful,” a deep voice said from behind me, my body jumping in place to learn that Lennon had been standing in the doorway for who knew how long.
Spinning over the bench, my eyes widened immediately, my body pushing to my feet to rush across the room and gently touch his hands, his face, the injuries that hadn’t been there this morning when he left.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
Focusing on the injuries to his hands, I gasped. “Lennon-“
“They’re fine,” he promised, reaching to grasp my chin and tilt my face up to his. “A little swollen and sore, but nothing is broken.”
“Are you going to tell me how this happened?”
He grimaced, but still his beautiful eyes held mine. “You’re not going to like it.”
The answer came to me without him having to say another word. “Ben. Oh my God, was he waiting for you somewhere? Did he-“
“Hey,” he said, snapping me out of the flurry of panicked questions. “We had a run-in at the cemetery. Today is the anniversary of Emaline’s death.”
That explained his mood last night and this morning.
“I could have warned you that Ben goes to her grave every year. If you had reminded me, I could have told you he would show up there eventually.”
Hating to ask the question when I knew how much Lennon disliked my brother, I still couldn’t stay silent. For as much of an asshole Ben could be, I loved him.
“Is Ben okay?”
“A little bloody and knocked around, but he’ll live.”
Focusing on his hands, I studied the broken skin over his knuckles, worried when I noticed the swelling that would prevent him from being able to play. I knew the pain of that swelling, remembered it from when Lennon had slammed my hand against the ground when we first met.
Thankful that this happened after his performance, I still needed to take care of him in some way, needed to wash away the evidence that there was a dividing line between Lennon and my family, a part of me fracturing over the choice of loyalty.
Ben had given up so much and practically raised me to ensure I wouldn’t fall victim to the misfortune of our parents.
But Lennon, a man who had no ties to me beyond the fact I was his student, was doing everything in his power to push me along into a wonderful career. He was doing everything he could to make sure I would find a life in music.
Choosing one over the other was impossible.
While one had been the man to watch over me in my past, the other was raising me up to step proudly into the future.
There was no possible way I could make a choice, and yet I feared that if I didn’t, I would lose them both.
“You need to get into a shower. Then we need to ice your hand. You won’t be able to play if we don’t tend to these injuries.”
His stormy eyes danced with unspoken thoughts, the lines of his face harsh, sharper due to the pain that was obviously drowning him. “It’s not me who needs to play, Amelia.”
He wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t matter. Lennon had done so much to help me – to take care of me – that I needed to take care of him in return.
“Come on. We’re cleaning off the blood and dirt.”
Allowing me to drag him along, Lennon followed me upstairs and into his room. I practically shoved him into the bathroom before reaching to help him strip off his clothes. Bruises bloomed over his chest and ribs, my heart aching each time I discovered a new injury.
“Who looks worse?” I asked.
His lips tipped up at the corners, a feral glimmer in his eye that answered the question before he spoke a word. “Your brother. But that’s probably because I attacked him first.”
Sighing, I bit back the immediate reaction I had, the need to defend Ben at all costs. “Why?”
Our eyes locked and Lennon reached up to brush a finger down my cheek. “Because I thought he was the reason my sister killed herself.”
The admission surprised me.
Emaline’s death had destroyed Ben. He disappeared for a few days after we’d heard the news, his life spiraling down for a full year after it happened. I wasn’t sure he ever recovered.
A confession rolled over Lennon’s lips that tore my heart from my chest.
“She was everything to me. Emaline practically raised me when my parents were so focused on her they forgot I existed. Every dime my parents made went to her musical training. She was their hope for a future. Their first born. A girl they sheltered while I was left to run the streets. And even though I should have hated her for being the star child in our house, I loved Emaline for her refusal to forget about me right along with my parents. She was meant to be what I eventually became. But she threw it all away. I couldn’t protect her as fiercely as she protected me.”
Muscles rigid over his shoulders, Lennon closed his eyes, the tension in his jaw making mine hurt in sympathy. The memory of Emaline had shattered this man as thoroughly as it shattered my brother, and I was caught in the middle, trapped in Emaline’s shadow.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my palms lightly cupping his cheeks, the muscle in his jaw jumping against my touch.
He blew out a breath. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” His eyes flicked open. “And according to what your brother had to say, neither does he.”
Anger rolled behind his eyes that frightened me. My voice was barely a whisper. “Is that a bad thing?”
His lips kicked up into a caustic grin. “Yes. If I don’t have him to blame and hate, I’m left to hate my sister for what she did, or myself for my failure to save her.”
Shaking my head, I fought the tears that pricked my eyes. So much pain was pouring out of Lennon that it washed over me to sink beneath my skin. “You can’t blame yourself.”
A huff blew out from his lips. “I’ve blamed myself for ten years, Amelia. There’s no stopping me now.”
Such a weight this man carried. I knew then that the storm I’d always seen behind his eyes was a remnant of his heartbreaking past.
“You should get in the shower.”
Not knowing what else to say, I stepped around Lennon while he kicked off his shoes and his pants. Turning on the shower, I gathered my thoughts and focused on the water and steam pouring out of the multiple heads. Everything in this house was far too fancy for a girl like me, but it fit Lennon perfectly.
I moved aside. “All right, get in. I want all the dirt and blood gone.”
Rather than doing as I asked and walking into the glass enclosure, Lennon backed me against a wall, his large body caging me in place with his arms braced on either side of my head.
“Aren’t you going to join me?”
I was still exhausted from the previous night in his bed, but there was something about his deep, dark voice that called to me. It was then that I understood I would never be able to resist this man. Losing him at the end of
the summer was going to break me into so many pieces I wasn’t sure I’d know how to put myself back together.
All I had on was one of his tshirts and a pair of sleep shorts, so it didn’t take much to strip away my clothes, his eyes roaming hungrily over my body as I did so. A shiver coursed up my spine to be openly admired.
Lennon was determined to break me of my modesty and shyness, but I didn’t think there would ever come a day where I didn’t tremble to know he had me locked in his observant gaze.
Despite the blood and dirt, Lennon was still sexy as hell. I had to admit the dark stains on his skin fit him somehow, revealed the feral nature that I knew lingered inside him. He made me breathless without even trying, just his presence enough to still me in place - to make me want to behave.
I thought he would kiss me without bothering to wash those stains away, but instead he pushed away from the wall, took my hand and pulled me into the heat and steam of the large shower. Multiple heads sprayed down on both of us, and I reached up to help clean the dirt from his skin, my eyes fascinated to watch it trail down his face and body until gone.
He didn’t move to stop me, a storm in his eyes brewing as I examined his wounds, my fingers moving over every bruise and cut, my heart hurting for every injury.
Neither Lennon nor Ben deserved the beating, a truth I’m not sure that Lennon knew.
While wiping away a smudge of muck from Lennon’s cheek, I admitted on a whisper, “He loved her, you know. More than I think you understand.”
That storm inside him rolled and darkened, the ocean of his eyes breaking with violent whitecaps. I knew the mention of his sister would drive him to a place where I wasn’t sure I could ever reach him, but he needed to know the truth.
Careful to keep my voice soft, I locked my eyes with his despite how much I wanted to look away.
“When we found out what she did, Ben left for a few days. He came back and he wasn’t the same person. He was angry – so angry that I worried he would break beneath the pressure of it. The brother I knew wasn’t there anymore, and although the years have helped smooth some of the sharp edges, he’s like you when her name is mentioned. He breaks inside and anybody who looks at him knows it. Just like when I look at you after Emaline is brought up, I see that you’re fracturing apart.”
I wasn’t sure what I expected him to say in response, or if he would respond at all. Knowing I was risking myself to discuss the subject, I struggled to breathe, my hair plastered to my back from the water, my hands shaking to continue touching him with the hope of maintaining the connection we had.
Lennon’s lips parted just slightly, his eyes locked to mine as water ran in rivulets down his skin. The silence between us was killing me. When he finally moved, I flinched in surprise.
He wasn’t interested in talking.
Instead, he spun me around and pressed me up against the cool tiles of the shower wall, his body like a furnace behind me. His hand brushed my hair aside as his lips found my neck and trailed down as if to chase the water that poured over my skin.
The hard length of his erection pushed against my ass, his chest like steel against my back. I trembled as his hands softly grazed up the sides of my body, his fingers exploring my skin as he reached to take a possessive hold of my breasts.
Lennon’s teeth locked down at the juncture of my neck and shoulder. I stilled in place, my breath beating heavy, liquid heat pooling between my thighs in response to the threat of his dark mood.
I knew in that moment not to question him or complain. He needed me. Needed my submission. Needed my obedience. Needed my silent permission for him to take everything I could give.
It didn’t matter how dangerous his mood was, I would trust him to take care of me while he took what he wanted.
It was odd to think that, in so short a time, this man had become everything I needed in my life.
He was my heart.
He owned my soul.
He was a dark melody that was in perfect harmony with mine. Each note intended to sing together. Each chord a matched beat in our pulse.
Lennon was the music that whispered within the chaos of my thoughts, a melody that shone as the brightest of lights, directing me and welcoming me home.
Curling his fist into my hair, he pulled my head back, his teeth nipping a trail up my neck, his other hand sliding down to lock over my hip and pull it toward him.
His palm curved over the cheek of my ass, his thumb brushing down the crease to push between and hover over the tight hole, taunting me, taming me, owning me.
I would give him anything he wanted.
I would take his pain.
I would become the comfort he needed to move past the monsters inside him.
Lennon must have somehow known my thoughts, a low growl vibrating in his chest when I didn’t complain or move away from the position of his thumb.
Mouth against my ear, he whispered, “You’ll let me do anything I want, won’t you? Even if it hurts you. Even if you’re scared. I’m not sure what that says about you, Amelia.”
His teeth nipped my ear, the tip of his thumb entering my ass as a tease. “I can feel you trembling.”
Hell, just the sound of his voice was making me tremble more. I didn’t know where Lennon’s mind was at that moment, but I liked what I heard, craved him to take me over without giving a damn whether I was terrified of what he could do.
“Do you want this, Amelia?”
My lips parted on an answer that never came, the breath in my lungs caught, my heart beating so erratically I thought I would pass out and slump to the shower floor. Maybe it was the steam, or maybe it was the dizzying heat of the man who had me trapped.
Whatever it was, I was addicted to it, unable to think straight, uncaring what he did as long as he kept doing it.
Lennon pulled his hand away from my ass and turned me around, his storm blue eyes capturing mine and pinning me in place.
His lips kicked up at the corners, a devilish grin that promised every imaginable sin known to man.
Pressing his forehead against mine, he kissed the tip of my nose and whispered, “I think I want to taste you first.”
Dropping to his knees, Lennon wrapped his arms behind my legs and lifted me up. I cried out in surprise, my knees hooking over his shoulders as he stood up, my back braced against the shower wall.
He gave me no warning except to say, “Reach up and hold on to the shower head.”
Holy shit…
My arms shook as I reached above my head to do as he’d told me, my fingers wrapping over the bar of the head at the same time his mouth covered my pussy, his tongue flicking in an out of my body, tasting me and driving me to an orgasm that I feared would send us both tumbling down onto the ground. Sucking my clit between his lips, his swirled his tongue over the sensitive nub, tormenting it without concern that I was begging him to stop.
I couldn’t take the intensity of his mouth, my body shuddering, my fingers wrapping tighter over the bar of the showerhead for fear I would knock Lennon off balance and he’d drop me onto my ass.
I should have known better, his strength so much more than mine.
When the first wave of pleasure tore through me, my legs clamped down on his shoulders as he licked and sucked, the sensual torture driving the orgasm so hard that I feared it would never stop.
My arms strained so much that I worried I would pull the damn showerhead out of the wall, but then the climax eased, his mouth moving slower before he lowered me down, my legs like putty as Lennon caged me against the wall again, a smirk tugging at his lips to see how he affected me.
“You scared me,” I said on a breathless laugh, “I thought for sure you would drop me.”
His eyes flashed with heat, his erection so thick and hard against my stomach that there was no forgetting he still hadn’t taken everything.
Leaning down, he teased my mouth with his. “And if I did drop you?”
Another nervous chuckle floated over my lips. �
��Then it would have been worth it.”
Lennon grinned, but then lifted me again before I knew what he was doing. Directing my legs around his waist, he braced my back against the shower wall and thrust inside me without worry that we weren’t using a condom.
Normally so careful, he must have been lost in the passionate heat not to worry about that small detail, but then again, I wasn’t worried either.
Feeling him move inside me had short-circuited my ability to think. But then again, he always had the effect on me.
I didn’t know who this person was that locked his eyes with mine while driving into me over and over, but if I had the choice of loving both his sides, light and dark, or never knowing him at all, I would happily brave the shadows if it was his music I was following.
His voice was a dark caress against my ear, his words forcing heat through every inch of my body. “Do you have any idea what you do to me, little girl? Your body hugs my cock like it never wants to let go. I can feel every inch of you, can barely keep from hurting you with how hard I want to fuck you until you beg me to stop.”
Lennon’s hips slammed between my legs, his cock filling me, driving so deep that I was helpless but to grip my hands on his shoulders and enjoy the ride. My back slid against the stone wall, my eyes clenching shut as he continued taunting me with such dirty words that I was blushing to hear them.
“You like being fucked, don’t you? Such a smart-mouthed tease in the classroom and such an irresistible slut when I get you alone.”
Another orgasm took me over at the deep growl of his voice. Never would I have ever believed hearing someone call me a slut would have turned me on, but something about the words on his lips made me wild inside. My inner muscles gripped him, undulating as waves of pleasure rolled through my body one after another. He chuckled against my ear, the sound dark and dirty because he knew I was losing control.
“That’s right, Amelia. Let it out, beautiful girl.”
And I did, my entire body caught within the storm of pleasure, stars bursting behind my eyelids for how tightly they were clenched shut.