by Jenika Snow
“I think I want that, too.” She could have groaned in humiliation that she’d said she thought she wanted that, too. Of course she wanted that. Yeah, she really wanted him to kiss her.
They looked at each other for several more seconds, neither speaking, but their breathing increased gradually. She could see signs of his arousal for her in the way he held himself stiff and his big body coiled. Although he looked in control, his expression giving nothing away, his hands were bunched into tight fists, his lips slightly parted, and his gaze was trained on her mouth.
She could tell he was losing control, as well.
Freya wanted to be bold and take what she wanted, but of course she was afraid. But she wasn’t that teenager anymore, who didn’t see herself as having a meaningful future. She didn’t see herself as lost in a world that had no place for her.
So, finding that strength deep inside her, knowing that what she was about to do might be wrong to many people, Freya took what she wanted.
Leaning forward, she was a hairsbreadth away from Elijah’s mouth now. They kept hold of each other’s gazes, and then he reached out, wrapped his hand in her hair behind her head, and yanked her forward. Freya had to brace her hands on his chest from the force of him pulling her closer, but she loved that, loved that he wanted her so close.
He pressed his mouth to hers, and for a second, they stayed like that, neither moving, neither seeming to breathe. His pectoral muscles were so hard beneath her palms, so powerful. She curled her nails into his shirt, heard him hiss, but when she was about to pull her hands away, he groaned against her mouth.
“No, Freya. I like it. I like your hands on me,” he said against her mouth. And then he was kissing her harder, more thoroughly, as though he couldn’t get enough. He swept his tongue out and licked at her bottom lip before doing the same to her top. Over and over, he licked her sensually, slowly. She was wet, so damn wet between her thighs that shifting to relieve the arousal only made it worse.
“Elijah.” She breathed out his name, not knowing exactly why she’d done it, but loving that she had because he pulled her tighter to him. Their chests now touched, her breasts molded to his hardness. She opened her mouth for him, touched her tongue with his, and it was like fireworks exploded inside her, rendering her motionless.
She pulled him as close as she could, which was almost impossible, seeing as their bodies already touched. Freya took one of her hands and lifted it to the nape of his neck. Running her fingers up the back of his hair, she tightened her hold on the short strands. Elijah moved his hand down her back, gripped her ass, and did the same with his other hand.
Fireworks continued to explode inside her, lighting her up, making her wet, causing her to lose her mind.
He held the sounds in his hand, and with a strength she sensed in him from the very beginning, he hauled her off the cushion and onto his lap. She straddled him, one leg bent and pressed against the back of the couch, and the other hanging off it. He leaned back, clenching and unclenching his hands on her ass, and moaned.
“You’re so damn hot, so fucking sweet on my lips.” He seemed to moan the words out. “Touch me, Freya. Fucking hell, I need you to touch me.”
Every part of her body tingled after he said those words. Her pussy clenched, became wetter, and her nipples hardened. She pulled back, breaking their kiss, and looked up into his face. He looked so fierce right now. His dark hair brushed the top of his forehead, slightly disheveled from when she ran her hand through it and tugged on the strands.
Never had she been so bold or this sexual in her life. Although she’d never had this arousal burn inside her, pounding, fierce, angry almost.
Moving her hand down his chest while still holding her gaze with his, Freya trailed her fingers over his belt. At the first touch of her fingers over the hard, thick length of his erection, this slight sound left her. He was so big, his dick pushing against the material of his pants as if demanding to be free. She’d assumed he was big everywhere because of his overall size, but God, he felt monstrous between his legs, and she hadn’t even fully touched him yet.
“Elijah,” she breathed out. Freya blinked a few times as if it would clear her mind, then added a bit of pressure to his dick. She swore the damn thing jerked at her touch, and she couldn’t deny she wanted to be bolder, to just unzip his pants and pull it out.
But this felt like it was moving so fast, felt like she was losing control of herself.
“Elijah,” she said his name softly, fighting the urge to continue because she wanted to go slow. Still on his lap with her hand between their bodies, Freya forced herself to move off him.
“I’m sorry,” he said and turned from her, still sitting on the couch but with his body now facing the television. He ran a hand over his hair, messing up the strands even more. “That was going overboard. I shouldn’t have touched you … fuck, I shouldn’t have asked you to touch me like that.”
“Elijah.” She waited for a second after she said his name for him to turn to face her. When he was looking at her, she smiled. “I liked what we did, and I really didn’t want to stop.” She curled her nails into her palms as she thought about what they’d just done and felt her arousal grow again. “But I want to go slow. This is so very confusing to me, seeing as you used to be married to my stepmother and we lived together for years.”
“I know, Freya, and I understand, but I crossed a line right now with you.” He stood, suddenly seeming angry.
No, this wasn’t how she wanted this to go or how she hoped it would go. Standing as well, she reached out to him, but he moved away and walked toward the door.
“I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry.”
“Elijah, no apology is necessary. I liked what we did.”
He stopped and grabbed the handle to the front door. “I liked it, too, Freya, but I should know better.” He cursed under his breath. “I’ll call you later, sweetheart.” And with those parting words, he was gone.
She stood there, his endearment playing through her mind. The same endearment he’d called her all those years ago.
9
It had been several days since Elijah had gone to see Freya … since they’d shared that kiss. It was all she could think about. Even now, as she sat here alone in the silence, holding a glass of wine in her hand, she still felt his lips on hers.
She tried calling him, tried talking to him about everything, but every time she’d tried to get in touch, he’d either been busy or wouldn’t answer.
The fear of losing his friendship because of the kiss frightened her. She wanted him, wanted him more than she probably should, but that didn’t mean she would risk their friendship if she couldn’t be with him how she wanted.
Touching her lips, she felt them tingle, and closed her eyes and imagined herself on his lap again. God, his dick had been so hard, like a steel rod between them. She’d wanted so badly to unzip his pants and pull out his cock. But thinking and acting were two very different things. No way could she have been so bold, not when she thought kissing was rushing fast.
It’s not fast. It’s just that you’re not used to what’s going on.
This was true, and it wasn’t like she didn’t know Elijah. She supposed it was just the fact she had known him for years, and their relationship had been a little strange given their living situation.
Her cell vibrating beside her pulled her out of her thoughts and had her heart racing.
Maurice: Just seeing how you’re doing, and what’s new. I miss talking to you.
She smiled at that and replied.
Freya: I’m okay. Just dealing with Elijah avoiding me. He’s gone silent on me.
She’d spoken to Maurice briefly after she’d shared the kiss with Elijah, telling him her fears and how she wanted more.
Maurice: He’s either playing hard to get, or he wants you a hell of a lot and is just afraid of how things went.
She thought about that after she read his text. He’d seemed more upset than fri
ghtened after their kiss before he hightailed it out of her house. But she hadn’t been very forthcoming on why she’d wanted to stop either. Telling him it was going too fast and that she was confused were all true. She hadn’t hidden that fact, but she also hadn’t really talked to him about the almost taboo nature of what they did. She sent another text.
Freya: How are things with you? Work going good? How about things with Sarah?
Maurice: Work is okay, but my mom keeps getting on to me about going out more. I guess having Sarah at my house all the time so we can watch Dr. Who re-runs isn’t what my mom thinks is good date material.
Freya laughed.
Freya: She doesn’t know you very well then.
Maurice: Or Sarah for that matter, since it’s been Sarah’s idea to watch Dr. Who.
Freya laughed again.
Freya: You’re happy?
Maurice: I am.
Freya felt so glad that Maurice had found someone and was happy. He deserved that and more.
Maurice: What are you going to do?
She knew what Maurice was saying even though he was going at it in a roundabout way.
Freya: I think I’m going to just go to his office, talk to him, and hopefully not make a fool out of myself.
Maurice: You won’t make a fool out of yourself by being honest. Any guy would love to have you by his side, Freya. If things were different between us… if we felt differently for each other, I’d snatch you up and not let you out of my sight.
She smiled at his text and started to reply.
Freya: You’re such a good friend.
The cell vibrated almost instantly with his reply.
Maurice: Ditto. Listen, if you want to talk, I’m here. I love you and keep your chin up. Go for the gold.
She outright laughed at that text.
Freya: Talk to you later.
God, Maurice was such a good friend, and she was glad they could still be this close after what they’d done together.
After setting her phone down, she leaned back on the couch and brought her wineglass back to her mouth to take a long sip. Yes, she’d go speak with Elijah since he was clearly avoiding her.
She’d tell him she was confused about where things were going but not because she didn’t want him or cared what other people thought. No, she was confused because she’d never felt this kind of attraction before.
He was older than she was, and they had a history, but despite all of that, she was going to push everything aside and go after what she wanted. And what she wanted, who she wanted, was Elijah Westgate.
10
Elijah hadn’t been able to get Freya off his mind, not when the feel of her lips on his and the warmth and weight of her body on him were engrained in his head.
But he was pissed at himself more for how he’d just left—how he’d totally ignored how he felt and ran from her and what they’d done—even if it was probably the right thing to do.
He should have stayed and spoken to her about it. He should have told her how he felt and what he wanted. But Elijah had seen the confusion on her face after it all, the confusion because he’d rushed all of this.
He’d touched her, kissed her … Fucking hell, he’d told her to touch his cock, and she had. It had felt incredible, so damn incredible that he’d wanted nothing more than to strip her naked and fuck her right there. He wanted to claim her, her body, and tell her, demand from Freya that she was only his.
These feelings were so wild, so untamed, that they frightened him on a deep, primal level. But despite his fear or the unease that he was falling for this woman head first, not even caring that he was going to crash at the bottom and never recover, he knew that running wouldn’t keep him away.
He turned and stared out his office window, resting his elbows on top of his thighs. He’d picked up his phone to call her a dozen times since he’d left her house but ended up hanging up before he’d dialed her number. And what made him feel even more like a motherfucker was the fact she’d called, and he’d avoided her. But he thought he’d been doing the right thing by giving her space and time to adjust to what they’d done.
It had been fucking hard to stay away, especially since he wanted her so damn badly.
“Mr. Westgate, a Miss Dresden is here to see you.”
And then his heart just stopped in his chest at the sound of his receptionist saying Freya was here. Turning in his chair, he pressed down on the intercom.
“Send her in right away.” He stood, buttoned his suit jacket, and stared at the double doors of his office. She was here? She was really fucking here, and that made him feel like an even bigger asshole because she probably wouldn’t have shown up if he hadn’t avoided her.
A few seconds later, the doors opened, and Freya walked in. She held her bag, but looked around his office before she saw him standing there. After a moment, her gaze landed on his, and even from the distance, he saw her throat work and could practically feel her nerves. His receptionist shut the doors, sealing them in, but even having Freya right in front of him, he still couldn’t think of anything to say. But his mind kicked into gear when she took a step forward.
“I’m sorry, Freya.”
She stopped. “For what?” she asked genuinely.
He ran a hand through his hair, not caring that he was mussing the strands.
“For kissing me?” Freya asked softly.
“Never for kissing you,” Elijah said right away. He exhaled and sat down, not knowing where to begin, but figuring he might as well just let it all out. “Please, have a seat and we’ll talk.”
Freya moved to one of the chairs in front of his desk, and after a few moments, he finally spoke again. “I’m sorry if I rushed you, if me kissing you made you uncomfortable.”
“It didn’t,” she said instantly. “I wish you hadn’t run off and we could have talked about it. I wanted to explain that I didn’t want you to stop. It’s just that everything was confusing at that moment. I felt this wave of emotion, and it scared me a little, Elijah.”
“I shouldn’t have left like that, and I shouldn’t have avoided your calls.”
She looked at her hands in her lap and didn’t respond for a moment. When she finally lifted her head, he saw the truth and vulnerability in her face. “I want you, Elijah. I want you more than I should because of the history we have.”
“That was a long time ago.”
She nodded after he spoke. “But you were married to Meghan, my once stepmother.”
“I want you, Freya.” Leaning his forearms on the desk, he stared at her and hoped she could see the truth in his expression. He saw her throat work as she swallowed, saw her eyes widen a fraction, and he knew she could see all right. Pushing away from the desk, he stood and walked toward her. She tilted her head back to look up at him, her hands playing with the strap of her purse, her nerves clearly written on her face. He dropped to his haunches, took her hands in his, and gazed into her eyes.
“I know this all seems so fast, and it is, believe me. I didn’t expect to fall for a woman, even one I’ve known for years, just a week after she gets back into town.”
She licked her lips, her chest rising and falling a little harder and faster than normal.
“But I’m willing to go slow and take my time with you, with this, as long as you’re willing, Freya.”
She didn’t respond, didn’t even blink, but after several long, agonizing seconds, she finally inhaled and exhaled slowly.
“I’ll do whatever you want, Freya, as long as you think you can give this, us, a go,” he said, not wanting to beg. He didn’t want her to feel like he was pressuring her or putting her on the spot.
“I don’t know how things will go, but I know I’d like to spend more time with you and see where this takes us.”
He couldn’t help himself. Elijah leaned forward, cupped her face in his hands, and for one second didn’t do or say anything, just gave her a chance to stop him, if that was what she really wanted. She didn’t, so
he leaned in and kissed her. At first, he just pressed his lips to hers, but when she moaned softly and leaned into his mouth more, he stroked his tongue along her bottom lip. When she opened for him and sucked his tongue into her mouth, he was tempted to push all his shit off the desk and lay her on it to feast on her body.
“I want you, Elijah, but can we take this slow?”
He smiled against her mouth, needing the slowness as well. “Of course we can. This isn’t something I want to rush, Freya.”
“Good, because neither do I.”
He just hoped he didn’t fuck this up because he knew Freya was something really damn special.
11
It was odd to know several weeks had passed already, but Freya felt like she was still getting to know Elijah, even if she technically did already know him.
They’d spent time together at her home, and she showed him around, pointing out the things she’d changed, and the things she’d kept as memories of her mother and father. And then he’d taken her into the city, and they’d spent time at his place.
She was in wonder and awe at the scenes she’d see from the balcony and the sounds that rushed up to greet her from the city below. He had money, a lot of money, but he didn’t flaunt it just for the sake of showing people he was wealthy. He was discreet, respectful, and even while she spent time with him, he never showed off the things he had.
He was just a normal man, and she was just a normal woman, and when they were together, this electricity zinged between them. It was undeniable, that was for sure.
They’d already finished eating dinner and were currently sitting on her couch. She wasn’t interested in watching the bad zombie movie on the TV. He was looking over her movie collection, probably hating the current show or maybe he, too, needed to occupy himself with something.
He’d asked if she wanted to go to dinner, someplace fancy, out of town even, but she’d ended up making him something at her place. Freya was a very simple girl and didn’t need anything fancy, but of course she liked his apartment and the nice things he had. But that didn’t mean much when it came to someone she cared about. And she cared about Elijah very much. As the days passed, she was having stronger feelings for Elijah.