by E. L. Todd
“Baby.”
When I felt like he was about to explode, I slowed down—way down.
He moaned. “Don’t be mean.”
“I want you to last longer.”
“Well, that’s fucking impossible. Your mouth feels as good as your pussy—shit, it’s better.” He grabbed my neck and slid his fingers in my hair. He started to rock his hips gently, thrusting himself into my mouth. He was totally out of control and desperate to find his release. “Let me come. Please, baby.”
I moved faster and gave him everything I had.
“Yeah—thank you. God, thank you.” He squeezed the back of my neck when he came into my mouth. It was so much but I swallowed it as quickly as possible before I choked. He was shaking. “Yeah. That—yeah.” When he was finished, he lay down on the bed and covered his face, regaining his breath.
I crawled on his waist and straddled his hips. “You like that?”
“Stupid question.”
I laughed.
He removed his hands and looked at me. “That’s the best head I’ve ever gotten, baby.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Well, it’s the truth.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re in love me.”
“I don’t think so. You’re just an excellent cock sucker.” He moaned. “Now I just want to go back to sleep.”
“I’m glad I could make you feel as good as I feel.”
“There’s no comparison.”
“I’m glad you liked it.”
“I love it, baby.”
“Well, now I’ll reward your good behavior with a treat.”
He smiled. “Dammit, now you have power.”
“Oh yeah.”
“Now it’s your turn.”
“My turn?”
“Oh yeah.”
He pulled me to the bed then kneeled on the floor. I felt the excitement course through me. He kissed me there once but the contact had been brief. He pulled down my pants and underwear then nudged me to the edge of the bed.
Ethan separated my legs then inserted his tongue within me.
“Ethan.” I gripped his hair as soon as I felt his tongue.
He kissed me gently then circled my clit with his tongue. It sent a surge of pleasure within me and I already felt the approach of an orgasm. With Ethan, it never took long. I felt like I was always about to explode at any moment. He pulled his tongue away then inserted it within me. He rubbed my clit with his fingertips and that unleashed the explosion.
I pulled his hair. “Ethan, oh god. Ethan.” I closed my eyes as I enjoyed every second of the pleasure that combusted like a stick of dynamite. My body was on fire. He continued to lick me until the heat in my lower stomach dissipated. I felt myself tighten then stretch afterwards. I was throbbing with such an intense pleasure it was borderline pain. I was blissful.
I was breathing heavily by the time he was done. “Oh, Ethan.”
He pulled away and wiped his lips. “You like that?”
“Uh-huh.”
He laughed. “You’re lucky I’m not an asshole like you, teasing you when you’re on the verge of coming.”
“Don’t ever do that to me.”
“I can’t promise anything.”
I sat up and kissed him. “That was—wow.”
He smiled. “I love that you’re so inexperienced. This is fun.”
“Yeah.”
“Who knew I would fall in love with a virgin?”
I shrugged. “Opposites attract.”
“Apparently,” he said. “Now let’s get ready for the day. I want to go out to lunch and get some ice cream before we go out tonight.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“It’s what couples do.”
“Yeah. We’re a couple.”
“A couple that is madly in love.”
I felt my eyes water. “I’m so lucky. I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”
“The wait is over. And you’ll never have to wait again.”
“I still don’t understand why you picked me.”
“I don’t either.”
“Really?”
“But that’s a good thing. Since my love for you is unconditional, it can never change. There’s nothing you can do to change the way I feel. My love is innate—forever.”
“Forever is a long time.”
He stared at me. “Not really.”
19
We went to a small café and ate our lunch then went to an ice cream parlor in the square. We both got small cones and walked hand in hand down the street. The sidewalk was crowded on that beautiful Saturday but I was oblivious to all of it. It was just me and Ethan.
I finished my ice cream cone before he did.
He smiled at me. “I like that you eat like a normal person.”
“Well, I’m going to get fat someday.”
“When you’re pregnant—but that’s it.”
The idea of being pregnant made my heart squeeze. I never considered having kids before. I was still focusing on actually finding a serious boyfriend. Now that I had one, I guess I had to think about it. After being with Elisa’s kids, I knew I wanted one of my own. And I would love to have Ethan as the father.
He finished his ice cream then wrapped his arm around me. It almost felt odd that we were strolling down the street like a couple. I’d never done that before. Ethan kissed me on the head as we walked. “Sadie, I want to ask you something.” His tone was serious. I didn’t like the sound of that.
“Yeah?”
“Tell me what happened with your ex-boyfriend, the one you mentioned before. Why didn’t it work out?”
The last thing I wanted to talk about was that jackass, Mark. “We just—grew apart.”
Ethan saw right through that. “Why won’t you tell me?”
“Why does it matter? Who cares about my ex? I don’t talk to him or ever think about him.”
He sighed. “It just sounded like it ended badly.”
“No.”
“Sadie, I want to understand you better than anyone. How do you expect me to do that when I don’t know about something that hurt you so much?”
“My parents’ divorce was a hardship but you never ask about that.”
“Because I already understand your pain. I’ve seen you talk to your dad and your mom. I’m not in the dark in that respect.”
I said nothing.
“It bothers me more that you won’t tell me. It frightens me. At least tell me why you won’t.”
I sighed. “Ethan, just drop it.”
His stared at me with fear in his eyes. “Now you’re just scaring me. What happened? Did he do something to you?”
I couldn’t tell him the truth. Ethan would explode in anger then threaten to kill everyone and everything. “Ethan—”
“Tell me.”
“It’s just going to hurt you.”
He said nothing for a long time, just staring into my eyes. I saw the storm brewing in his look. “Does Jared know?”
“No.”
“Then you need to tell me.”
I stepped away from him and started walking back to the apartment. He reached me and held my hand. “I don’t want to live in the past, Ethan. It doesn’t matter anymore. Now I’m happy. I’ve moved on.”
He said nothing as we walked up the street. I could tell by his shaking hand that he was nervous—afraid. When we reached my building and stood in the elevator, Ethan just stared me. He said nothing as we moved up the floors. He was silently begging me. When the doors opened, I bolted from the elevator. I grabbed my keys then got the door opened.
When we were inside, Ethan looked at me. “Please.”
“No!”
“I’m not asking you anymore,” he snapped. “You will tell me.”
“Why? What does it matter, Ethan?”
“Because if that fucker hurt you, I’m going to kill him.” His eyes lit up in flames.
“Nothing you do now will change what happened t
o me. Let it go.”
He stepped toward me. “So, he did hurt you?”
“I—I didn’t say that.”
He grabbed both of my arms. “If something happened to me—something that broke my heart—wouldn’t you want to know about it?”
“Not if you didn’t want me to.”
“Tell me.”
“No.”
He picked me up then dropped me on the couch. He pinned my hands above my head then put his weight on my legs. The look in his eyes would frighten anyone, but I wasn’t scared. I knew Ethan wouldn’t hurt me even though I had never seen him act like that.
“I’m not releasing you until you tell me.”
I knew that was a lie. If I really wanted him to let me go, he would. Ethan was a crazy asshole, a control freak, but he definitely wasn’t abusive. “Ethan—”
“I’m not fucking kidding!”
I sighed. “You aren’t going to let this go, are you?”
“What do you think?”
“Release me.”
Ethan pulled his hands away then moved off me. I sat up and fixed my hair. He stared at me, waiting for me to speak.
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
“Everything.”
“Ethan, this is going to upset you.”
“I need to know,” he whispered.
“Well, I dated Mark in college for a while. He was sweet and caring. He was the first person to tell me I was beautiful. He made me feel special. I liked him.” I paused for a moment. “After eight months, we started fooling around. We kissed and he would finger me. He always had a temper but I never questioned it. It seemed like he was always mad at everything but me, like I was the only person that understood him.” Ethan took a deep breath as he listened to me. He knew where this was going. “Anyway, he wanted to have sex but I wasn’t ready. When I refused, he got angry and lashed out at me. He hit me and tried to hold me down. Luckily, I was able to run and barricade myself in a room. I told him if he left and didn’t bother me again, I wouldn’t call the cops. He left and never spoke to me again.”
Ethan covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath. He seemed so calm about the whole thing. I was shocked. When he pulled his hands away, I saw the anger in his eyes. His jaw was clenched tight. He started to rub his hands together like he was about to punch something. I waited for him to speak but he never said a word.
He rose from the couch then marched toward the door.
“Ethan?”
He didn’t say anything. He left the apartment and slammed the door behind him. I could only imagine how angry he must have been. He probably had to leave because he knew he was going to explode. I didn’t know if I was happy to see him go. I wondered if he would come back. I thought about calling him but decided that wasn’t a good idea. He would return when he was ready.
Koku jumped in my lap and we watched television for a few hours. I wasn’t sure if we were still going out that night. I had a feeling we weren’t. Ethan was obviously too pissed off to have a good time.
When I heard the knock on the door, Koku and I both flinched. I rose from the couch and opened the door. When I looked at Ethan, he didn’t meet my gaze. After a moment of standing there, he walked inside. I shut the door and looked at him, waiting for him to say something.
Ethan ran his fingers through his hair then looked at me. He seemed so depressed and forlorn. I wished I hadn’t told him. It was obvious that it was killing him. He stepped toward me and gently pressed me against the wall. He placed both of his hands on either side of me, boxing me in. I couldn’t move away.
He stared into my eyes. “I would never hurt you, Sadie.”
My eyes softened. “I know, Ethan.”
“I mean it. You never have to be scared of me. I would never touch you against your will, or ever even think about hitting you—ever.”
“Honey, I know.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I had to make sure you understood that. I admit that I get angry sometimes and have a bad temper, but I would never hit any girl even if she did deserve it.”
“You’re telling me what I already know.”
He took a deep breath. “Okay.” He pulled me to his arms and held me close. I felt safe in his embrace. I knew nothing would ever hurt me. He kissed me on the forehead and continued to hold me like he would never let go.
“Ethan, I’m okay.”
He pulled away and looked at me. The deadly look was back. “What’s his name and where does he live?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Don’t play games with me, Sadie. You’re going to tell me.”
“I—I don’t know.”
“Don’t you fucking lie to me.” He pressed his face against mine and glared at me. His arms dangled from his sides, but his muscles were flexed for battle. “I’m not going to tell you.”
“Yes, you will. Why the fuck are you protecting him?”
“Because this is stupid! What good is it going to do? It would be different if he was trying to talk to me or be with me, but he isn’t. I haven’t spoken to him in years. I’m not even sure where he lives.”
“Does he live in the city?”
“I—I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Now tell me the fucker’s last name.”
“Drop it.”
“I’ll just ask Jared, then.”
My eyes widened in fear. “You better not!”
“You aren’t giving me a choice.”
“If you tell him, I swear—”
“Swear what?” he snapped. “What are you going to do?”
“No sex.”
“Don’t make me laugh, Sadie. You wanted to fuck me on our second date, begged me to take your virginity. You can’t pull that shit on me. I will fuck you when I feel like it.”
I knew he had a point. I couldn’t resist him. “Ethan, please don’t involve my brother. It would break his heart. Please.”
“Then tell me.”
“I just want to move on from this. All you’re doing is causing me pain, opening up doors that were sealed and shut.”
He glared at me. “Sadie, you better fucking tell me.”
“I love you.”
“Tell me.”
I turned away from him, hiding my tears. It was too much. I didn’t want to relive this. I was happy with Ethan. Everything in the past was irrelevant—forgotten. “I want you to leave. Get out.”
Ethan was quiet for a moment. “What?”
“I said leave! I don’t want you here. All you’re doing is hurting me. Go away!”
Ethan fell silent. After a moment, he came behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I wiped my tears away and refused to look at him.
“Baby, I’m so sorry.”
I sniffed.
“I’ll drop it.”
I said nothing.
He turned me around then kissed the tears from my eyes. Feeling his lips on my skin calmed me. I liked it when Ethan was gentle like that. I enjoyed his caveman behavior—most of the time—but it could be too much sometimes. I knew Ethan loved me and just wanted to protect me from everything, but this was too painful. I wanted to forget about what happened.
“Baby, I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“Please stop crying. I—I can’t stand to see it. It’s even worse knowing that I’m responsible for it.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and stilled the falling tears.
“I love you so much. I—I just can’t stand the idea of someone hurting the most important thing in my life. It kills me, Sadie. I can’t help it.”
“I know. I love you too.”
“I’m sorry that I can be too possessive and controlling. I’m sorry that I’m too protective of you. But I have to protect you from everything. It will never change—I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Ethan. I like that you protect me.”
“You do?”
“When you aren’t being a crazy asshole, I d
o.”
He smiled. “Well, that goes hand in hand.”
He sighed. “So you aren’t mad at me?”
“I’m never mad at you.”
He laughed. “It seems like it sometimes.”
“That’s when you’re being a crazy asshole.”
“I’ll try to control it.”
“Ethan?”
“Baby?”
“I never want to speak about this again.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Okay.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“But if he ever bothers you again, that’s a different story.”
“He won’t.”
“I hope for the sake of his family members, his friends, his girlfriend, whoever, that’s the case.”
I understood the threat in his voice. He meant it.
20
“You look nice,” Ethan said as he appraised my dark blue dress.
“Thanks,” I said as my cheeks blushed. I felt awkward in it. It was short and only had one strap. My hair was curled at the ends and cascaded over my shoulders. I tried to make myself look beautiful, but I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right or if it just looked like I was trying too hard.
I looked at his blue shirt. “We match.”
He glanced at his clothes. “I guess we do.”
“Is that okay?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t it be, baby?”
“Your brothers won’t make fun of you?”
He laughed. “Sadie, they aren’t going to look at me once. Their eyes will be glued to your beautiful legs and luscious ass.”
I blushed a darker shade of red.
He stared at me. “I don’t get it.”
“What?”
“How do you not understand how beautiful you are? Haven’t guys been hitting on you your whole life?”
“Um, no.”
“I really doubt that. You’re probably just too humble to notice it.”
I shrugged.
“How long has Alex had feelings for you?”
“I don’t know. They just started.”
“Wrong. He’s liked you forever. He finally grew a pair when I came into the picture. Fucking coward.”
I stared at him. “Can we leave the temper at home?”
“Fine.” He opened the front door and let me walk through.